Thursday, December 27, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
In the early days of TOS, there was a great debate about salt shakers. Someone bought the most futuristic shakers they could find, only the one they used needed to be recognizable as a salt shaker. So the salt shakers became McCoy's medical instruments.
Today, watching Entersuck, I noticed Archer waving this little wand over his food. And then I realized, he's putting salt on it!
Now first of all, Archer likes a high sodium content on his eggs. Second, that thing is not remotely recognizable as a salt shaker.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I know a lot of people won't be happy that I'm doing this.
Sadly, I don't care.
I want everyone to know, though, that it wasn't easy for me.
My history with Enterprise began on the day Enterprise began in 2001. I was excited, a little scared, and very very happy that Star Trek was continuing.
By the credits, I was in tears. I never watched an episode of the original run again.
I've seen it, of course, but not because I particularly wanted to. After it was over, I watched a few of the DVDs from Netflix. I sat through Connor and Dominic at the Vegas con, and I even watched the Anthony Montgomery segment (boring, FYI) but I never took the time to enjoy Enterprise.
I don't intend this entry to be a laundry list of complaints aimed at Brannon Braga's head, but I do want to rewatch Broken Bow and give Enterprise another chance - this time the whole show, with a lot of preconceptions and having read all the transcripts. I don't expect to be pleased, but I do expect to be more levelheaded than I was at eighteen.
Without further ado...
I think, at the time, we weren't ready to take a lot on faith. Production wise, it would have been better for the Klingon in the cornfield to be a TOS Klingon, and let the fans breathe a sigh of relief. I also think that introducing the Suliban at this stage was a very risky move, and the fans were not ready to accept risk like that after Voyager.
And the theme song was a mistake. First, the song part. And also the title of the show - no Star Trek. That was a mistake. Because while the fans have "faith of the heart", we also have the strength to walk away when we are displeased - unlike, apparently, Rick Berman.
So, yeah, the first four minutes were a disappointment. Even the opening lines, and the spacedock aren't enough to counteract what has been done by the first four minutes.
The depiction of the Vulcans is also very disappointing. They were supposed to FIX our problems, not help to cause them. And there are Klingon cultural inconsistencies that date back to the first season of TNG. That's more than a decade. The transporter looks better than Kirk's did - more futuristic. There's Brannon's little philosophy come to life.
And having Porthos around doesn't seem that great an idea. T'Pol's such a bitch that I can't imagine she came from the same planet as the same people who saved humanity in First Contact. Good movie.
They got James Cromwell to reprise Cochrane and coin the phrases that are known in the openings of TOS and TNG. That still doesn't make up for what seemed so frighteningly wrong with this show.
Again, I feel that including the Suliban this early in the game is a bad idea, because if it's not working (which it isn't), there won't be any more chances.
Which, for Brannon Braga and Rick Berman, there aren't, of course.
I keep trying to think if Spock or Tuvok ever ate with their hands. Not to mention Vorik or Sarek.
The controls look NOTHING like the ones on TOS. More like TNG with physical things to manipulate. URGH! Ugly and inconsistent. Also the fact that they are so different from TOS aliens is disturbing to me, because this is, you know PRE-TOS. It should be kinda like TOS, but with starting-up difficulties. Maybe some actual relationships instead of Archer just kissing every girl he meets. Instead? Decon rub-downs and sexual tension between just about everyone and T'Pol, despite the fact that she's a bitch. And no one has sexual tension with Hoshi because she can't do much more than scream.
I'm trying to see the good.
Now, what I would have liked to see was T'Pol going onto the Bridge and coming over to Archer's side. But they don't show that! Apparently the crew wanders around in BoxerBriefs, BTW. But the viewscreen is way more advanced than TOS's also.
But I love that they don't have shields yet. Or a tractor beam. Or phasers. These things are good. They make me happy. But the pre-tricorders should be a lot bigger - like a laptop. Hoshi's earpiece is too non-metallic - especially after Nog had the same thing Uhura used to use when the comn went out in DS9.
Since Klingons are so cold-sensitive, there is a big hole when they show Kronos to be such a cold-looking place. Of course, I never liked that whole "Klingons hate cold" bit anyway. And then the bit with the info-storing DNA.
Well, screw you too, Braga.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
And then it all goes to hell, because Caleb is waaaay more annoying than Glory ever was.
The dream Xander has about the two girls that want to have a threesome with him is hilarious.
Faith and Willow are back from L.A. and find the girl - Shannon - who was stabbed by Caleb. Faith goes after Buffy to say hi, and finds Spike chasing some girl through a cemetery, so she steps in to help. Only Spike's not evil and the "girl" is a vamp. And then they meet Buffy and everything gets straightened out and Faith kills the vamp so everyone's happy.
They take Faith back to the house and show her off. Spike fills her in on the source of the tension.
Caleb hangs out with the First for a while. God, he's boring. He does reveal that he blew up the council.
Andrew briefs the girls on Faith - mistaking the vulcanologist for an acutal Vulcan.
Principal Wood fires Buffy to give her more time to prepare for the First.
Faith and Spike smoke together in the basement and figure out they've met before. She kinda hits on Spike. Anyway, the girl from the beginning wakes up and Buffy goes to talk to her.
The girl tells her story and they get a picture of the burn Caleb left on her neck. And then she gives the message "I have something of yours."
So Buffy decides to take the girls on a little outing.
Caleb and the First play kinky games. Really.
Buffy fights her friends about her plan, but in the end she leaves Giles and Willow behind to protect the girls who don't know what they're doing. She and Faith go find a Bringer to follow and Buffy admits that she's glad Faith is there. They talk about Angel.
Xander gives the girls a pep talk about how great Buffy is and off they go to fight Caleb. They end up in the basement of this Vineyard and then they run into Bringers - and Caleb. Xander's team comes in to help and lots of slashing later Molly's dead, Rona's hurt, and...
Xander's lost an eye.
Because he trusted Buffy. He trusted her with his life and his world. And now he should have died - but he didn't. He just lost an eye.
Satan is a little man.
Robin Wood is one twisted little educational administrator. All that time on the Hellmouth I guess.
This was one of the last few really good moments of Buffy, when they just kind of let loose and wrapped up loose ends. Giles betrays his role as a father, though, which makes me kind of shaky about him.
Everything's terrible! Total catastrophe! Have you seen the new library? There's not a book to be seen!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Buffy rocks, 'kay? Even though, you know, lately she hasn't. But then we have this ep, that reminds us of why she rocks, exactly. Andrew's amazing, and Buffy's amazing, and so is everyone else.
If you're running to catch the bus naked, that's a dream. Army of vicious vampire creatures, that's a vision. Also, I was awake.
A bus to where?
-Buffy and Principal Wood
Saturday, December 1, 2007
This is the first Tom/B'Elanna scene where he shows any kind of interest. He's jealous because of "Freddy Bristow" (I'm counting the crew memebers, people) and asks her out. She turns him down. Still, it's a moment.
The Doctor also begins his sordid career as an opera singer here. The holodeck even programs him with a toupee.
It's like singing with a computer!
-The Doctor's holographic opera singing partner
And just when you thought all was lost, there was light.
Great acting, somewhat of the original mission of Star Trek - social commmentary - acheived, Star Trek returns from it's illness. It's not cured, and it's not permanent, but for that moment, we remember what it is we loved.
We can escape! If! We! Work! Together!
-Harry Kim (a la William Shatner)
Well, they're good and orientated now. Sawyer, Michael, and Jin are prisoners of the Others. Locke convinces Jack to push the button labeled "Execute" without knowing what he's executing, and Desmond quietly runs away. Won't we ever get any answers?
Wherein canon is violated left right and center.
Wherein Sulu is used as a tool of the idiotic masses.
Wherein the end of good Star Trek is nigh.
And what do they call those blocks Tuvok's playing with? A Katheera? Why do they persist in making this crap up all the time?
Structure. Logic. Function. Control. A structure cannot stand without function. Logic is the essence of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control.
I really thought that was it for Michael and Jin and Sawyer, but nooooo. Turns out the Others also kidnapped Jin. I know they wanted Walt, but why on Earth would they want Jin? Walt's psychic. What's weird about Jin?
Yeah, something's odd here. You know what else is odd? Spending an entire episode rehashing the plot of the last episode.
We finally get to see the baby again. She's cooing. BTW what's her name? (I mean, I know what it is, but at this point she is nameless). Wouldn't it be good to give the kid a name? You know, like "Naomi"?
For the record, I thought this episode was lame in my twelves and thirteens. Now I KNOW it is.
The scene where they start the fire with the hair is pretty funny though. And Tom's pretty good. Wrapping up the Suder stuff - good idea.
And the revelation - Vulcan Institute of Defensive Arts? Vulcan Institute of Defensive Arts? Where they teach "archery science"?
It's amazing the entire crew didn't get redshirted. There's a fucking dragon in that cave. And why doesn't Janeway's hair fall out of it's ponytail? Samantha Wildman doesn't hold that baby like anyone who's ever held a baby would for long periods of time (your arms get tired).
Why did Suder have to bust into Engineering if the Doctor (trapped in Sickbay) was suppossed to be able to deactivate the phasers? That doesn't make sense. And what exactly killed Seska?
I'm a doctor, not a counterinsurgent!
Jack and Locke are gonna need to have it out one of these days.
What confuses me most is how can anyone possibly keep up with the plot twists? Answer: JJ Abrams. That concerns me, because eventually you run low on things to twist. Then what do you do? Answer: Your show flops.
So Jack's pep-talky "friend" that he met once is down the hatch. Good to know. And what's the brilliant light that occasionally shines out of it? And why write Quarantine on the INSIDE of the hatch? Huh? Huh?
Friday, November 30, 2007
This is one of those eps I remember very well from my childhood, mostly because of Picard's big moral dilemma. It scared me to see Picard lose confidence in himself. Even so, my focus was on Rasmussen, but unlike every other member of the audience, I really thought he must have a good reason to take that stuff - turns out he's just evil. Here's one kid who really took the lessons of Star Trek to heart I guess.
Other than that moral dilemma for one act, there's not a lot to this ep. The crew almost gets hoodwinked but manages to catch the guy at the last possible minute because he was too efficient a thief. Why do we even bother to let these people have jobs? Sometimes they are dumb.
We are being hailed, but... Captain, they are requesting you to move over.
Mr. Worf, inform them that the Enterprise will not be going anywhere.
Not the ship, sir - you.
-Worf and Picard (who is really dumb sometimes)
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Darker doesn't mean you turn the lights down, you idiots! And where did they get all those people in Ten-Forward. And why can Data identify anger (in Descent) but not hatred? And why bother to kill Robert and Rene? And don't you wish it had been Spock and McCoy, not Scotty and Chekov? Too bad they wrote a sucky script that Nimoy wouldn't touch. And Data remembering a joke we certainly don't remember. Why not something we do remember? Huh? Huh?
Rick Berman, despite denial, knows why this movie sucks. They finished TNG while in pre-production for this movie with a huge, expensive finale. They were prepping Voyager. They were making DS9. Can you say "biting off more than you can chew" can you say "lesson learned in Star Trek: TMP?" I can. I know that lesson. That lesson is:
If you wait ten years to make a Star Trek movie after the show ends, no one cares how crappy it is. Also, you have time to make it, you know, better and stuff.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Trek geek co-writers Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci have laced the script with multiple Trek references.
Yeah, I guess it was funny in First Contact. But we can't just expect them to not do a rehash of that nightmare from Voyager. You know what I mean. The constant "I'm a Doctor, not a ____"
Great. One, right around the time of De Kelley's death, is cool. Forty billion is not.
Anyway, trekmovie.com said it, and they're usually pretty accurate, and that scares me anew. Good job!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Federation Colonistss along
the Cardassian border have
Calling themselves "The Maquis,"
they continue to fight the
Some consider them heroes,
but to the governments of
the Federation and Cardassia,
they are outlaws.
We didn't really see much of this, now did we. Did anyone expect this to have any bearing at all on the show? Or did they all know it was just. The. Teaser.
You know what would have been cooler? If Evek's ship would have come along for the ride. But nooooo. Too edgy. Don't want to follow the path of DS9. That would be wrong.
And thus began a series that went to so many wrong places...
Children have to grow up.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
And Quinto looks damn good in those ears.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Next summer's gonna suck, movie-wise. Stock up on your DVDS, kiddies.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
That's blowing all this continuity debate to kingdom come, seriously. I mean, there's not a fan alive who doesn't know Kirk's father's name - and not a fan alive who wouldn't like to see something about him.
Well, now we will.
'Cause he's in the movie, baby!
Friday, November 9, 2007
And to replace Jane Wyatt?
Well, she doesn't suck. She did really well in Little Women...a dozen years ago. And since then? She shoplifts.
Maybe this is her great comeback.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
It's been a DS9-heavy day, hasn't it?
In another week I'll be into netflixing Voyager, and then Enterprise (grumble)
But I digress. Civil Defense is possibly one of the most frightening eps of DS9 because it shows you just how out of control their station is.
Quark and Odo getting locked in the security office, btw, is priceless.
Dukat... if you are seeing this recording, it means you tried to abandon your post while the station's self-destruct sequence was engaged. That will not be permitted. You have lost control of Terok Nor, disgracing yourself and Cardassia. Your attempt to escape is no doubt a final act of cowardice. All fail-safes have been eliminated. Your personal access codes have been rescinded. The destruct sequence can no longer be halted. All you can do now is contemplate the depth of your disgrace... and try to die like a Cardassian.
-recording of Legate Kell
Buffy and Xander spend an entire day chasing Willow around while she tries to kill Warren. Big damn failiure.
I came to Buffy late in life and I didn't know who this Tara was when I first saw it. Wacky.
Oh my God.
Willow - no... What did you do?
-Xander, Buffy, and Willow
As an aside, Tomalak was also the one-armed man in the movie of "The Fugitive".
We have a second survivor from your one man craft.
This is Cirroc Lofton's chance to shine - and for once, he gets to take advantage of it. Good on him.
The removal of caffeine from beverages has plagued restauranteurs for centuries! You can't expect me to cure it over night."
"I'm not paying for that! I want to get her off caffeine, not poison her."
"So much for Quarktajino."
- Quark, O'Brien, and Odo
Julian has way too much fun spying on Miles and Nerys in this ep. I have way too much fun rediscovering all these little things.
It's also a wonderful example of DS9's tradition of having fun after Serious Business. You know, some Serious Stuff (like the last three or so eps) happens and all of a sudden they just bust out and have some fun. Or some Klingon sex. Whatever.
I am a fool.
You're in love - which I suppose is the same thing.
-Worf and Jadzia
When the 100th episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine came out, I was very excited.
In fact, I taped it.
I watched it every day for weeks, and then my mom accidentally erased my tape. I was devastated. And this is the first time I've seen it since.
And since that time, there has never been a true hundredth episode of Star Trek.
We will both keep the predators away.
-Worf, to Miles
This was the first time since the end of the Federation/Klingon peace treaty that things don't seem royally screwed up in galactic politics. For just that brief moment, they had it back.
The scene between Nana and Sid where she blames him for the baby is hilarious, because of course the baby really is his fault. Poor Kirayoshi - a plot device to cover for the fact that Nana and Sid were screwing behind the scenes.
This is when Dukat gets back to being an ass. I always wanted to like Dukat - and then he was just evil. Too bad.
That's one de-pressed ex-changeling.
-Quark, talking about Odo
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Saturday, November 3, 2007
To be fair, no one seems to be able to die on this island so maybe Boone will be fine. I hope so. He's kinda hot.
Few people know that Kirsten Dunst had her TV debut on Star Trek. This performance made me a Dunst fan forever - for some reason I just like her. Always have. Ever since Hedril.
I also see this as the beginning of the end of TNG - the season seven tradition of wrapping up errant plot points and characters as well as having a "one last". This is "one last" Lwaxana episode, and a chance to wrap up Lwaxana - and for those who dislike her character to feel for her.
Star Trek has always symbolized parts of my life, and TNG was my childhood - this was the beginning of the end of that. This is when I began to grow up.
Inside your mother, there is a ... dark place.
Friday, November 2, 2007
So there goes assumptions made in two books I can think of.
Oh, and BTW, it would be nice if maybe instead of ignoring the books, you were to kind of back up some fan favorites. Huh? Huh?
Thursday, November 1, 2007
"I did not play with toys."
"I was never a boy."
This is also the beginning of all the Leah Brahms stuff, not to mention poor Christie. And you know, to this day, I can barely watch the stuff on the holodeck without cringing. Talk about horrible dialog!
The rest of it's really good too. That sucks.
I just realized how much Geordi slips up on the holodeck. "Give me an opponent capable of defeating Data." "Show me which ones."
Computer, do you have any, you know, personality on file for Dr. Brahms?
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I guess the plot twists were cool, but the Tremors Brothers (which is who I was watching it for in the first place because one of them is Chris Pine) really disturbed me and I didn't enjoy that bit at all. The FBI agent doing that thing I shouldn't tell you about (spoilers and all that) in the end really threw me, and the big surprise was something I figured out about fifteen minutes in.
It just sucked sucked sucked.
I did like the trashy hit women though. They had a certain energy that is often missing from the standard cinematic hit man.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Not that it's not cool. I'd like to take this moment to harp on the lack of respect we're paying the people who friggin invented the special effects needed to do this ep - whose work is now being basically deleted by computer.
BTW, I'll get remastered as soon as I buy the complete TNG set, okay?
"Sir – may I offer my condolences on the death of your friend; it is most... regrettable."
"It's regrettable that he died for nothing."
- Spock and Kirk
Now stumbling back into the Dominon plot - what are we doing sending runabouts alone through the wormhole? Seems like the dictionary definition of crappy idea to me. And Garan'Agar proves that despite the lack of addiction to White, the Jem'Hadar will never be the great thinkers of the galaxy, which makes me wonder just what exactly Julian thinks he's doing.
So, what you're saying is you whish Keiko... was a man.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
This has one of my favorite scenes in it, where the whole crew gets together for dinner in Sisko's quarters. Odo learns to cook, Bashir hates beets, Kira calls Odo cute, everyone gets a lecture about cajun cooking and probably at some point baseball.
I just love it.
But then the rest of the ep happens and one burning question pervades my conciousness:
Where the crap is Verad?
There's all this stuff in here about Dax's eighth host. Verad? Gone. Still, I know he only had Dax for a few hours or so, but...
Ninth. Ninth host.
You just look so...cute.
watching Odo cooking
Also, JJ Abrams strikes again.
I'm shocked by how many things I enjoyed as a little kid have JJ Abrams involvement. This time he wrote the thing. It makes it all a little easier to know that he's repsonsible for many of my fond cinematic memories - too bad he's not writing XI.
I only own season 4.
And that sucks.
Give me some time, I'm working on it. I just graduated, for cripes sake!
Seriously, though, I'd love to cover Voyager and even *sob* Enterprise but I just can't stop paying rent and buy it all right now.
Being a nerd is a demanding passion, one that can eat away at you. Beware: you may not be able to leave.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
I remember idolizing Shatner as a child. My parents would joke about him all the time and I just couldn't stand it. They never understood how much it bothered me. As I got older, I was able to understand that Shatner is an egomaniacal freak of nature and that he's self-important and that he's not that smart and probably not easy to get along with. I also began to understand that Captain Kirk, himself, isn't exactly going to be winning a Nobel Prize for Brilliance anytime soon. But still, Kirk is a hero for nothing more than stupid bravery and sheer dumb luck and Shatner is to be honored for bringing Kirk to us.
And so I'd like to request a moment of virtual silence for Shatner's Kirk, who we will probably never get to see again. Forty years was not enough - and keep writing your damn books. Just because they're all the same doesn't mean we'll stop reading. After all, you're William Shatner!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Yay on me.
Oh, and I cleaned my room, went to the gym, and did laundry. And I need to clean the bathroom in the worst way.
Sometimes it bites to be a nerd.
Friday, October 12, 2007
the less I fear.
the better I feel.
the happier I am.
the more I know.
the more I have to fear.
I dunno, it just seems to run in cycles with me. Sometimes I'm thrilled about the movie, and sometimes I just want it to go away. I admit it - like Kirk and Spock, I am afraid of change. I have grown inflexible, and I may have outlived my usefulness.
So why kill him?
I don't understand the mentality of the insane. Or the sane, for that matter.
"I am not less perfect than Lore. I am not less perfect than Lore."
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
The very dark side.
There's the side of Kirk you don't want to see. And Spock, and Sulu, and Chekov. We don't really see Uhura or Scotty or McCoy being evil.
Scary, isn't it?
But what's scarier is the people on Heroes. Sometimes they're good and sometimes they're shooting Simone and breaking into people's houses. And sometimes George Takei is handing over other peoples children to that guy who plays Claire's dad and OMFG, what is going on here? Because now everyone's all interconnected.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
I remember confusion. Unending confusion. Rene Auberjoinois was awesome as always. Confusion, confusion, confusion. Wondering - how? Because nothing seemed quite right.
But I never did like Nechayev.
I remember knowing, too, that something was rotten in the state of Camazotz - or Founderworld. Whatever, I'm not picky. The point is, they were creepy. They were NOT RIGHT and I could tell. And I was right.
It was a profound experience, knowing and being correct and predicting. I was twelve years old, and I hadn't ever made a correct prediction. But this - this I knew.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Worf's parents visit, Wesley has an up-close encounter with his dad's holographic image (Wil Wheaton has apologized for this one, by the way).
The big thing is Picard recovering from his Borg experience. And let me tell you, boy am I glad that they didn't decide that Picard destroying half the fleet was cause for everyone just going back out to space with no emotional consequences.
Aupres de ma blonde
Qu'il fait bon, fait bon, fait bon
Aupres de ma blonde
Qu'il fait bon, fait bon
Au...dum da-da blonde
Qu'il bo-bo fait bon..
-Jean-Luc and Robert Picard
Some aliens that make no sense kidnap Picard. Will can't get to Picard, but Deanna thinks it's not exactly a fight to the death.
Deanna and Data learn to communicate with the aliens - sort of. Meanwhile, Picard really does, but the alien captain has to die to get it done.
His arms wide...why? Because he's holding them apart?
-Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Changelings are always misguided, is the only thing I have to say.
That, and the alien probe that Nomad joined with must have been really, really, advanced.
Somehow, a teeny tiny probe managed to destroy four billion people in a teeny tiny amount of time. Of course, Kirk gets stuck dealing with the probe. Luckily, the probe thinks Kirk is it's father (kind of the reverse of Star Wars). The probe is on a mission to sterilize all life that is imperfect. Kirk proves to the probe that it, itself, is imperfect - but not until after Scotty's had to be resuscitated and Uhura has to relearn everything she ever knew.
That's problematical, sir.
See, it is a word!
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Everyone gets drunk. Every time I watch this episode, I think of The Naked Time, the episode based on this one they made for TNG. Let's just say it was less than stellar.
That's a pun, FYI.
That said, this is actually a good episode, highly amusing in many ways, and yet with very serious components as well. Also, I think Kevin Riley is pretty hilarious.
I'll protect you, fair maiden!
-Sulu and Uhura
Friday, September 28, 2007
Personally, the man makes the worst decisions about which movie to do ever. I think that maybe he could be the barometer here. If he decides to not, we'll know it's good.
Twenty years ago, I was barely four. I didn't understand the concept of a spinoff, or that there were two seperate Star Trek shows. I remember watching "The Way to Eden" before TNG one night and thinking Picard was dead because Dr. Sevrin had about the same amount of hair, so that must be the same guy.
I couldn't know, then, that TNG would be with me for the rest of my life. I was, after all, just a nerd in training, not the real thing yet.
I really really hope this doesn't turn him off to Star Trek. People are scary.
So, who else wants to do Burbank in place of Vegas now?
Oh, can't you just see those poodle people naming a poodle Spock just for him?
BTW, here is that link.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Odo gets framed for murder in a very clever way, igniting the first of a lot of anti-changeling sentiment.
He's innocent. Move on.
I suggest that you allow yourself to feel comfortable with your discomfort.
Some guy's grandmother dies in the 1800s, and then she comes back to life and rises out of her coffin and tries to kill him. Wonderful. Apparently it's not the first time, judging by the funeral director's reaction.
The woman walks out into the snow with glowy lights around her head. Points from at least stealing from something quality like Buffy and not something lame like Enterprise.
The TARDIS isn't working that well, so they end up in 1860.
The funeral director guy gets chewed out by his servant for not doing what he should have in the first place and getting help for the, you know, walking dead people.
Rose and the Doctor get dressed and go out to see Christmas in 1860.
Just to make things more disturbing, Gwyneth, the servant girl, is psychic. She is able to find the old lady going to see "the great man" from London. Turns out Charles Dickens is in town.
Charles Dickens is depressed about his lack of attachment.
The Doctor calls Rose beautiful, which is sweet. They go out and poke around Christmas 1860, which I assume is good times.
The undertaker and Gwyneth track the dead lady to a convention hall or whatever.
The Doctor got the year wrong. It's 1859.
Charles Dickens, reciting A Christmas Carol, is disturbed to see the dead lady glowing again. She rises from her seat, screaming, and of course the Doctor and Rose run to the rescue. Gwyneth and the undertaker run in too, and these glowy phantom things fly all over the room. The Doctor runs in to help, and Rose goes after the undertaker. Sadly, the undertaker chloroforms Rose and the Doctor comes out just in time to see her taken away. He gets Charles Dickens to give them a ride on his carriage.
The undertaker and Gwyneth take Rose and lock her up. Rose wakes up with the corpse.
Charles Dickens and the Doctor arrive and see the phantoms flying around. The grandson of the dead woman wakes up, and the two corpses start trying to kill Rose, because of course she's locked up with them. The Doctor manages to keep Rose from being killed by zombies. It turns out they're not so much zombies as they are disembodied aliens.
The undertaker explains that the house is haunted, which the Doctor calls a rift. Charles Dickens starts wandering around, which I personally wouldn't do, but I guess he's closed minded, much like Samuel Clemmens in Time's Arrow. The Doctor catches him looking for wires with which to animate the corpse. Eventually he comes around and we can all get back to our fun lives.
Rose bonds with Gwyneth, who has a crush on the butcher's apprentice guy. Then Gwyneth refers to Rose's dead dad. Oh, yeah - because she's psychic. She can read Rose's mind. The Doctor hears that part of the conversation, and realizes that she's the key to the rift. So they're gonna have a seance.
Charles Dickens refuses to participate until they talk him into it. The gas creatures swarm in and Gwyneth manages to talk to them. They are called the Gelth, and they need to get home. Or they need to come through so they can posess all the dead bodies.
Charles Dickens believes now, at least.
They end up in the morgue, where the Gelth turn out to be evil. They kill the undertaker and take his body. They decide to kill the rest of them. In fact, they're gonna kill all the humans.
Yeah, great plan, Doctor.
Charles Dickens figures out that the Gelth are allergic to gas lights, so he runs back and turns up the gas in the house. Gwyneth can hold them there forever - but only by sacrificing herself. She lights a match and the whole place goes up.
Turns out Gwyneth was already dead.
Charles Dickens goes back to London, very excited. But he'll die before he has time to write about it.
Perhaps I've thought of everything I'll ever think
Garak approaches Julian to be his spy contact person and we have to deal with what Bajor was like before the Federation stepped in. Good times.
It's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak.
-Elim Garak, Obsidian Order Papa-spy
The Doctor gives Rose a choice - backwards or forwards in time. 100 years later - no, 10,000 years, no, wait - 5 billion years. This is the day the sun expands and the world ends.
Well, at least humans haven't all killed themselves in that time.
Aliens are coming to watch the spectacle. They almost get thrown out, but the Doctor has a psychic paper and the blue host decides it's an invitation. The Doctor flirts with a tree. And then they bring out the last human - who is like, the thinnest human possible. Skin stretched in a frame. She is eyeballs and a mouth. Creepy. You can see through her.
These black robe types give everyone a sphere. The tree chick tries to find out the Doctor's species and then says "it's impossible". I'm guessing that's not good.
Rose, meanwhile, watches the end of the world. Is it any wonder she's a little upset. She realizes she has no idea who the Doctor is while talking to a blue skinned alien. The blue skinned alien crawls into a jeffries tube and has an encounter with a spider thing. Or two. Billion. Scream.
The black robed aliens' silver balls may be responsible. They hatch little spider things. Hmmm...
Rose is sitting around playing with hers. She speaks to the plant the tree lady gave her when her little silver ball hatches. Yikes.
The Doctor gets his phone booth valet parked. Then he finds Rose sitting alone. She's trying to deal with the aliens. And then the Doctor won't even tell her who he is. They have a small fight about it. She gets over it. The Doctor rigs her phone so she can phone home.
The station shakes. The blue host guy finds the spider guys but one kills him before he can do anything about it.
They return to the party, and the Doctor and his tree girlfriend go check out why the station shook.
Rose goes to talk to the last human - Cassandra, who used to be a little boy. Cassandra is the last "pure" human - the others interbred with aliens. Rose gets mad and stomps out and the black robed aliens watch.
The tree tells the Doctor she knows where he's from. She says it's remarkable he exists and how sorry she is. He sheds a single tear.
They emerge in the room from Star Trek: Nemesis where Riker and the Viceroy had that big fight.
Rose gets mugged and dragged away by the black robed aliens.
Doctor and the tree discover that there's sabotage. Good on them, everyone else has known for ten minutes.
Cassandra turns on a "traditional ballad" for the end of the world - Britney Spears.
Rose wakes up in a room where the sun filter is descending. Not good.
The Doctor saves her just in time, and the tree tells eveyone what's up. The figure out that the robey types set them. Oh, no, those are just more robots. Turns out it was Cassandra. Just when you think she's won - well, she kind of wins. In the sense of turning off the forcefields and teleporting away.
Of course, the switch is on the other side of a huge fan. Doctor's about to run through it as a hopeless cause when the tree saves him by slowing down the fans at the cost of her own life - she calls him Time Lord, by the way. Anyway, it's about to be very bad for everyone and then the tree dies, which doesn't help. But the Doctor somehow gets through the fan and raises the shield just in time for Earth to blow up spectacularly.
The Doctor brings Cassandra back... and she dries out and dies. Which is gross.
The guests all leave. Rose stays to watch the debris of the Earth. The Doctor takes her away, back to her own century. And then he tells her his own planet is gone - before it's time. He says there was a war, and they lost. His people are the Time Lords and he is the only survivor.
She takes him out for chips, which I think are fries.
It's inside my brain?
Well, in a good way.
-Rose and The Doctor
Sisko and the crew go to the Gamma Quadrant to contact the Founders, a task that defies solving.
Maybe not their best plan. In fact, they get blowed up in Starfleet's finest warship.
On the flip side, Odo finally finds his people -
End of episdoe.
-A female changeling
Harry wakes up on Earth. He's never been on Voyager. And he really really wants to get back. It's possible that Harry is not that bright and doesn't know about Species 8472.
Why does everyone say "relax" when they're about to do something terrible?
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The groundwork for my personal favorite Star Trek series. Very very complex plot - but who cares? Possibly the best Star Trek pilot ever, this is.
Also, the first time Gene Roddenberry didn't invent Star Trek.
They've left the Bajorans without a means of being self-sustaining. The relief efforts we've been coordinating are barely adequate. I...I've come to know the Bajorans. I'm a strong proponent of their entry into the Federation.
Is it going to happen?
-Jean-Luc Picard and Benjamin Sisko
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Turns out Apollo was an alien. Good to know.
"He disappeared again! Like the cat in that Russian story..."
"Don't you mean the English story – the Cheshire cat?"
"Cheshire? No, sir; Minsk, perhaps..."
"All right, all right, all right..."
- Kirk and Chekov
Kirk kills his best friend. Despite what we think we know about this episode, a lot of it is conjecture. Like the idea that they just started their mission. they didn't.
Captain's Log, stardate 1313.8: add to official losses Doctor Elizabeth Dehner - be it noted she gave her life in performance of her duty; Lieutenant Commander Gary Mitchell, same notation.
I want his service record to end that way; he didn't ask for what happened to him.
I felt for him, too.
I believe there's some hope for you after all, Mr. Spock.
-James Kirk and Spock
Data's head gets blown off but it's okay. Picard almost gets blown up. Samuel Clemens writes a few more books. And this is one of the episodes that I remember as marking a moment of change in my life, so yay on me.
Young lady, I come from a time when men achieve power and wealth by standing on the backs of the poor! Where prejudice and intolerance are commonplace! And power is an end unto itself! And you're telling me, that isn't how it is anymore?
Hmmm... Maybe it's worth giving up cigars for, after all.
-Samuel Clemens and Deanna Troi
Friday, September 21, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
banning of Star Trek
Jar Jar has a talk show
Musical episode of Angel
What's Star Trek?
Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?
Tribbles from the mirror universe
The last one was just announced by the guy making the new Star Trek MMORPG. You can read the whole artilce if you want, but really... tribbles from the mirror universe, I ask you.
There is a truly ridiculous moment in Buffy: The Vampire Slayer wherein Riley Finn performs surgery on his own central nervous system. He recovers very well. This episode contains the impossible: a more ridiculous moment.
Spock talks Dr. McCoy through the re-connecting of his own brain.
"I knew it, I should never have done it!"
"I never should have reconnected his mouth."
"Well, we took the risk."'
- McCoy and Kirk
When the Romulans send a team into Federation Space that then crashes their spy plane, Picard comes to rescue them. Sadly, Geordi gets trapped on a planet with one of them while Worf refuses to donate ribosomes to save the other's life. In the end, Picard is forced to trust a Romulan commander not to fire as he saves Geordi and Subcenturion Bachra.
I never lie when I've got sand in my shoes.
Star Trek: Voyager: Elogium
Kes begins eating everything in sight. Turns out she's ready to have kids - biologically, at least, but not emotionally. Luckily, she'll have another chance. Also, Chakotay and Janeway have more sexual innuendo, because we needed that.
"Good work Commander. In the future, if I have any questions about mating behavior, I'll know where to go."
- Captain Janeway
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Kirk gets wedged into a duel to the death with Spock. Never mind the circumstances of that - no one but the Vulcans are supposed to know. Anyway, Kirk forgets to check exactly what the duel is to, so of course he gets his ass kicked and dies.
No, wait. McCoy gave him something to simulate death and now he's all better!
This episode is the starting point for a fair amount of Trek fanfic, all of the Kirk/Spock variety.
"It has to do with... biology... Vulcan biology."
"You mean, the biology of Vulcans...?
-Spock and Kirk
Monday, September 17, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Data and Lore try to take over the world. Oh, wait... that was Pinky and the Brain. I meant the Federation. Luckily, instead of taking any of the redshirts hunting for them prisoner, they take Picard, Geordi, and Deanna prisoner, so of course their captives immediately find a way to reboot Data's ethical program and have him fight Lore's control. Data kills Lore and gets his emotion chip back, which he puts in Geordi's care for the forseeable future.
-Data and Lore, as Data kills his brother
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Some kid's mom dies, giving Wes the opportunity to confront his issues with Picard. Also, the aliens whose fault it is decide they want to replace the kid's mom, and they spend the whole ep dealing with grief in the 24th century. Actually, an interesting discussion, because Gene Roddenberry said you don't grieve. Personally, speaking as someone who has done my share of grieving, I hope humans never stop.
The Doctor goes onto the holodeck and a kenoplasmic radiation surge disrupts his memory core. He experiences an elaborate delusion and is eventually saved by the crew. Only we see the whole thing from his point of view, where his delusion of Reg Barclay of all people convinces himself that he's a human being. Wasn't this a Barclay ep called "Ship in a Bottle"?
On an interesting side note, Reg Barclay was responsible for testing Doc's interpersonal skills. So you assign someone who has no interpersonal skills to test the interpersonal skills on a hologram that shouldn't need any - but really really does need them? Interesting choice.
"Computer, delete Paris."
- The Doctor
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
This one provides more detail.
What some would see as a minor contribution to the franchise is what I think Star Trek is all about. They had people - not established in Hollywood, sometimes - who wrote stuff and we had no idea who they were. Many never returned to write for Star Trek again.
Denny Flinn participated in the first use of email to write a screenplay. In fact, he and Nicholas Meyer may have been the first non-software types to use email at all. This is the kind of forward thinking that makes Star Trek. Because of that act, however small, email became more commonplace. I signed up for my gmail account. I got this blog.
Partly due to Denny Flinn. Not to mention his contributions to Star Trek. Unlike Konor and Rosenthal, this was the co-writer of one of the greatest movies of all time. The fact that he could take these heroes and depict them as flawed without losing any of their hero-ness continues to amaze me. And just for now, let's pretend that none of that is due to Nick Meyer. Denny deserves no less.
Monday, September 10, 2007
I don't call Seven by her name in these notes. No Seven of Nine, not even Annika Hansen. Nope, she is known as the Plot Contrivance or the Walking Tit depending on how I'm feeling at that moment. Later episodes, she gets a name.
It's not that I have anything against the actress, but I have a biggie against the character. Brannon and his great ideas, man. Hey, let's have this "borg character" we're planning on be played by this hot actress I'm boffing!
'Cause no one's gonna see through that!
Also, I'm mad at the episode itself, which is when Jeri officially takes Jennifer Lien's job. Poor Jennifer, who never even got to be called "Special Guest Star". For which I have more of a blanket blame. Damn you, UPN, Paramount, Rick Berman, Brannon Braga, Kenneth Biller, Jeri Ryan, and the fans who hated Kes!
But even leaving that aside, Shatner will always be Kirk to me - the First Captain. That will never change. And had it been Jeffrey Hunter or Jack Lord, Star Trek wouldn't have been Star Trek. I mean, come on! Hunter didn't even survive to the first movie!
Shatner's still kicking.
I say this now because Shatner's out. We all knew this, of course. There was no way he could be in the new movie - they killed Kirk more than ten years ago. He's dead and gone and we have mourned him but he is kaput, okay? They wanted Shatner in XI, fine, but it was NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. He's gone. He's just... gone.... okay?
And now they're finally calling it. Ten years later and they're telling us the truth. Kirk's Shatner is gone. He will not be coming back. Even Shatner admitted it yesterday. So that's that.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
I secretly love this episode. Kirk's moronity is in full swing and McCoy answers to "Plum". Spock and Uhura have a great conversation that establishes Vulcan's lack of a moon but fails to mention what really must be a sister planet or something. And just for the record...
I know why it was fir-rst!
Star Trek: Amok Time... Remastered
Spock almost got married. Kirk died. It was my first experience with Remastered, and nothing was that different. They've redone the theme music and the exteriors were all CGI, but it was nothing special.
It aired on NBC, I believe, at about 8 at night. If anyone can tell me the exact time, I would appreciate it. It was a network show, something two of the five later incarnations were lucky enough to avoid, and of the several episodes completed, the network, for some gawdaful reason, chose to air "The Man Trap". What exactly "The Man Trap" has to redeem itself, I'm not sure, but they chose to air it and we had to sit through it.
I guess we should be amazed people watched the next week, never mind forty years later.
Actually, I do know what it was. It was De Kelley. I just figured that out. It's a Dr. McCoy show, and De Kelley was already on the famous side because of all those Westerns. They wanted to show a familiar face the audiences would already know and use the shock value of "the bad guy" being on the side of good. Like a less dramatic version of Vader throwing the Emperor into the Death Star's core.
Anyway, many good things came from this one act on this day, such as:
the space shuttle Enterprise
The Animated Adventures
my cat's name
hundreds of books
parts of Spaceballs
Just for example. Also, personally - I can't imagine what else I would have done with the last 24 years of my life. (I'm 24, FYI.)
Live long and Prosper, Star Trek, and may we see another 41 years.
Friday, September 7, 2007
First of all, it sounds like a terrible movie, or at least like it could be a terrible movie. Sometimes I really hate that they're doing the movie at all. I recently told someone that if Gene Roddenberry came back from the dead to do this movie, I'd still have some doubts. I'm scared and I'm not gonna hide it. Moriarty basically describes an accidental time warp (thankfully not to the late 21st Century) and Romulans doing... something... like killing Kirk or blowing up Vulcan.
Moriarty describes a terrifying world in which the "Universe 2" versions of the characters can be played with to JJ's heart's content. So they're gonna make it more complicated, because we need that. Wow. Never mind that whoever came up with this has a shaky definition of temporal mechanics, but how exactly do they plan on reintegrating the timelines because they have to reintegrate, otherwise the future never happened and Kirk never took command of the Enterprise... so how would we ever get back to what's supposed to be...
Moriarty uses the example of the original captain of the Enterprise - who do we know it to be? Who does JJ Abrams say it's gonna be in his universe? But then I realized something.
It. Is. Conjecture.
He presents it as fact, or at least rumor, but it is nothing more than a guess. What that guess is based on I don't know, but it is a guess. Moriarty doesn't know what's gonna happen - all he knows is that the movie is coming, and he knows one way it might turn out. He makes several guesses that are either in conflict or else planned for several different movies - otherwise, you couldn't fit it into two hours.
Which says two things. First, that JJ had better get cracking on his script writing. Second, that all guessing is pointless. While Moriarty may have gotten his digits on some real notes, an early draft of the script, or even an interview, the truth is that we can't know what's coming. So now there are two choices. We can hide our heads in the sand or we can do what Moriarty has begun for us: analyze what we can get our hands on, test our reactions to whatever comes our way, and pray.
One destroyed planet with two people who happen to have survived, a warship that sometimes protects them and sometimes destroys them, and Deanna Troi gets a really annoying song stuck in her head. Somehow Picard pieces all this together. I think his intelligence doesn't really get it's due. Of course, how could it with Boy Genuis Wesley Crusher around?
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
What a way to end the second season of one of the amazing moments in telelvision history.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Did you ever look back and wish you could not do that dumb thing you just did? Well, I have. And now, you can read all about it!
Geordi has built a model sailing ship, despite not knowing what a "stunsel" is in Generations. Using his Reading Rainbow voice, he decides that he and Data should go do a Sherlock Holmes program because of that episode in Season One where Data tried to give them all lung cancer with his Holmesian pipe. They do so, and Data, somewhat predictably, solves the puzzle in three seconds, ruining the "fun". Geordi, however, does not understand that this is inevitable and gets upset.
They end up moping in Ten Forward without anyone noticing that Data is wearing a bathrobe, and Pulaski overhears. This is when she's still in full bitch mode, prompting Geordi to bet her that Data really could solve a mystery. We know he can. She knows he can't? Who will win? Let me remind you that this is Star Trek, not Veronica Mars. The audience always wins and Pulaski inevitably comes out looking like an idiot when she's a bitch. Anyway, they all trapise back to the holodeck, because no one learned their lesson in 11001001 and they don't know that the holodeck is a very bad place to go yet. Will could have told them, but he's not invited because Pulaski doesn't want to confuse him with his dad.
Anyway, that attempt fails, but Geordi's not done pushing Data into stuff so he decides to have the computer create an opponent capable of defeating Data, which apparently the computer can do, even though it takes so much power that they notice on the Bridge. Sadly, no one knows yet that a power surge in the holodeck means that you grab a security team and run down there and shut the thing off. Too bad, that. Professor Moriarty notices Geordi doing this and learns to summon the arch. Oops. I guess a minor power surge is all you need to program a possibly sentient life-form. Cool. Should make things a little easier for Lal, not to mention Bruce Maddox. Moriarty kidnaps Pulaski, and Data and Geordi give chase. By the time they find her, Moriarty is capable of sketching the Enterprise.
Turns out it's all Geordi's fault, because he got so competitive that he forgot that Data's really smart, and we don't want a computer smarter than Data. It also hilights Geordi's lack of faith in Data's reasoning ability - why else would he question Data so much as they chase Moriarty's thugs around? Anyway, Picard goes in to reason with Moriarty, who, depsite being a criminal mastermind, is fairly reasonable. Huh. He lets them shut him off and they go on their merry way.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Deanna suddenly is having a baby. It's growing really fast. The new doctor can't seem to decide if Deanna's a human or a Betazoid, but otherwise she seems all right for now.
Also, they're beaming a bunch of terrible plauges onboard, because this is the smart way to transport them. Not leave the massive saucer section with the women and children but just take them all along as you move the virulent plasma plague samples across the galaxy.
Anyway, Deanna has the baby and he keeps growing and developing too quickly.
Suddenly, the samples begin to grow! Oh no! We're all gonna die, because there's this radiation that's making them grow...
Then the kid says he's putting everyone in danger and I guess wills himself to death. Deanna, understandably, freaks out. Doc Pulaski tries to save him, but he dies and turns into a little little energy ball and floats over to Deanna. They talk telepathically for a while and then she's feeling much better about it, I guess 'cause he's still alive and all. The plasma plague stops growing.
Wes, meanwhile, decides he'd rather stay on a ship with Picard on it than live with his mother. What's up there? I'm thinking abuse.
They randomly find a trail of rust in space and follow it to a still-functioning farm pickup full of what Janeway recognizes as horse manure. I guess she would recognize it, wouldn't she? She dishes it out all the time. Plus, she eats Neelix's cooking. Anyway, Tom causes a mild panic by turning the truck on, which is funny, but... hasn't it spent the last four hundred years floating in space? So, the gas should be gone, right?
I feel a headache coming on.
Anyway, they pick up a radio signal on the truck's radio that they weren't even paying attention to because it was radio not subspace radio. Things sure have changed since "The Cage", when we could see radio waves... Okay, I'm just gonna leave that alone. So they follow it to this planet, where they find this plane. Despite being on a relatively earth-like planet, the plane has NOT rusted - but the truck in total vacuum did. Sigh.
Chakotay, in his one contribution to the show, finds the radio signal and shuts it off. This is important, because someone is watching him. Spooky music. Someone helmeted a la Darth Vader.
Janeway, meanwhile, who goes on away missions (unlike Picard) finds eight people buried in an underground vault - including the stasised Amelia Earhart. Um.
They figure out how to wake them up, and do so. Sadly, Amelia Earhart's navigator is a jerk, and he decides to hold everyone hostage. Janeway sucks up to Amelia Earhart, who can't possibly be that dumb that she doesn't realize that she's being sucked up to, and they end up leaving the cave and walking right into Chakotay being pinned down by enemy fire. Janeway circles around and stuns a Masked Man only to find out that they are - gasp - human! They're surprised to find Janeway is human too.
Ummm... couldn't they see the Voyager crew's faces? Since they're, you know not wearing masks? Anyway, the other humans are angry because Janeway went in their sacred vault thing and turned off their sacred radio signal in the Plane that Didn't Rust. Damn you, Janeway. Janeway explains that they revived the people in the sacred vault, which none of the people on the planet bothered to do, and btw, that plane should be a pile of ferrous oxide. The man offers to take them on a tour of their fabulous cities.
Those cities must be fantabulous because Janeway and Chakotay are very impressed, but we never see them. Instead, the Masked Men offer to let the crew stay on the planet with them. Janeway tells anyone who wants to stay to be in the cargo bay at a certain time. We experience a certain suspense as people debate the issue, but no one stays. Janeway looks touched. They take off and leave the 37s to hang out with their descendants.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Everything is working in reverse. Sarah April's dead flower regenerates itself. Everything works in reverse, in fact. They're even de-aging. Hey, wasn't that the final episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation?
They even fly backwards. They have to find a way to get back to their universe. They find some people who age backwards. Hey, wasn't that an episode of Star Trek: Voyager? Anyway, together they figure out a plan to get back. Everyone starts de-aging and forgets how to use their consoles which is mildly amusing. April uses the Transporter solution from "Unnatural Selection" to make everyone grow up again.
And that was the end of Animated Star Trek.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Creepy Bald Man lost his shoe in the crash. Now he sits on the beach, looking creepy.
The dog barks and the monster is coming again. They're not in a good place. Rumble rumble... something's in the plane! Houston, we have... well, it's eyes glow. Big dog things. Wild Boars, it turns out, according to Creepy Bald Man. They're gonna have to burn the bodies.
They're out of food. Luckily, Mr. Locke can hunt. In fact, he checked his hunting knifes. Freaky deaky.
Locke is a colnel in something. Creepier and creepier. What the hell is his deal?
I'm getting a little caught up in this, aren't I?
Rose is sitting on the beach, refusing to talk.
Shannon and Charlie decide to go fishing.
Kate and Michael bond rigt before Michael is gored by a wild boar. Well, I guess they found it. Locke has a flashback to explain his walkabouts in the Australian outback to his jerkish boss. Amusingly, Locke's first name is John. John goes off to hunt the boar, leaving teeny tiny Kate to drag Michael back to camp.
Charlie has recruited Hurley to the fishing project.The whole thing is kind of ridiculous.
Claire finds an envelope with Saiyid's name on it. It's full of pictures of some woman.
Rose finally starts talking.
John Locke had a relationship with a phone sex girl named Helen who refused to go to Australia with him. Lonely old man.
Kate climbs a tree to attach the triangulating antenna Sayid made so they could find the source of the distress signal. The monster comes along while she's up there. Or maybe just Locke being hunted by a boar. No, Locke hears the boars being eaten by the monster. Which comes out and I think he sees it... but we don't see it. Probably not good for Locke.
Kate finally gets Michael into camp. Charlie caught a fish and Shannon and her brother get in a fight.
Rose seems to think her husband is still alive. Jack sees a man in a suit on a hill who then vanishes.
Kate promises to Sayid that they'll keep trying to escape. Then she tells Jack that Locke is dead. Jack sees the man again. He follows him into the woods - to Locke, dragging a boar.
They read a list of names of everyone in the plane - everything they know about them. Charlie continues to sneak his drugs. Jack sits alone. Michael asks Locke about the monster, but he says he didn't get a look. Locke has some kind of condition that kept him from the walkabout. He's in a weelchair. But now he's walking around the beach. But when he woke up after the crash, he could walk. No wonder he's been in shock.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Some probe was spying on them, but really obviously and very traceable. So Kirk and his band of animated miscreants trace it back to a really huge ship. In fact, it's a ceramic vessel. Points for creativity there. Then they run into what Scotty calls "a wall of clay". Lol. Q's force field surrounds them, and a giant uterus attacks them. Points for disturbing images.
Suddenly, the giant uterus turns into a giant snake. More disturbing images points! The conveniently named Mr. Walking Bear at the helm recognizes the ship because he's a Comanche. The ship is the Mayan/Aztec god Kukulakan. Good thing he's around, isn't it.
Suddenly, Walking Bear vanishes, and so do Scotty and McCoy. Kirk has enough time to get mad before he, too, vanishes.
Hey, wasn't this episode "Who Mourns for Adonais?"
Kukulakan shows off to his captives for a while. In fact, he builds a pyramid.
Spock and Uhura begin sniping at each other.
Kirk manages to show off his ignorance of the Aztecs (despite his knowledge of the exact details of one day at the O.K. Corral). They manage to contradict themselves several times while figuring out that they need to explore the city that has now been built which may or may not contain a signaling device. Kirk starts shouting off the top of a pyramid, which is kind of funny to watch, and Kukulkan appears to them. They have a confrontation wherein I really just want to hear Kirk say "what does Kukulkan need with a Starship?"
Kukulkan takes them to his zoo. Kirk, somewhat idiotically, tries to convince Kukulkan of the validity of the Prime Directive. Interesting tactic. Next, they try to convince Kukulkan how wonderful they are, and in the end he blames them because his "dream is ending". Not their best moment.
Spock manages to break through the Q field (wouldn't Kukulkan notice that?). Kukulkan, naturally, decides to retaliate. Kirk and McCoy free the fiercest of Kukulkan's creatures. The one with the 2,000 volt charge. Because that's smart. Spock disables the central power source and Kirk and McCoy tranquilize the giant electric eel cat thing, which lies down to lick it's paws. Kukulkan finally allows Kirk to get a word in edgewise. Kirk makes a long-winded speech about how we don't need gods anymore. Hey, wasn't this "Who Mourns for Adonais?"
They are returned to the ship. Obligatory banter ensues.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
The hiking group comes back and tells everyone they need to start working on survival. Kate walks up to Jack and tells him that they can't send out a signal and why. And then she neglects to tell him who she is. And he doesn't tell her he knows. Probably smart. She has a gun, now.
Hurley tries to get Jack to confront Kate, of course, but he won't. The creepy hick whose name I forgot acts like a jerk as always. The jerky Korean guy insults his... whatever some more. Charlie hits on the pregnant chick.
Kate goes to see the Marshall. She has a flashback to leaving the farm. The Marshall wakes up and tries to kill her. Jack comes in and saves her. The guy's dying, and Kate wants Jack to kill him, but he refuses, and tells her he saw her mug shot.
The farmer drove her to the train station, and someone followed them. Ray, the farmer, knew that she was - something. He wanted to collect the reward.
Meanwhile, Walt tells his dad that Mr. Locke (creepy bald man) told him a miracle happened to him. Michael promises to go get the dog back as soon as it stops raining. It stops raining. So he goes looking in the forest for the dog (named Vincent. Sigh) but something chases him - straight into bathing Korean woman.
Charlie approaches Mr. Locke as the Marshal screams in pain. Creepy Hick tries to bond with Kate, but since he's, you know, creepy, she lets it go. The Marshal asks to talk to Kate. Flashback to her arrest in Australia, which involved the farmer being injured in a crash. Kate saved his life.
The Marshal asks Kate to kill him. Kate gives the Creepy Hick the gun and lets him do it. Only the Creepy Hick didn't kill him right. The death is now going to take hours. So Jack - I guess he smothered him, or something.
The Bald Man made a whistle. He blows it and out comes the dog, so Baldy goes to Michael so Michael can return the dog to Walt. Kate comes to Jack to tell him what she did, but he says it doesn't matter. They all have a clean slate - Tabula Rasa. Hey, isnt' that the episode title?
The Koreans finally have a gesture of affection between them - even if she's asleap at the time. Sayid and the creepy hick play ball. Walt gets his dog back. What're they planning to feed it, I wonder? And the Bald Man watches. He's scary. And so is this music.
Those were the days. God, Bill Pullman looks really young, Jeff Goldbloom looks like Ian Malcom and not... creepy old guy, and it's still okay for aliens to be the bad guys (these days they'd probably just have the aliens help us defeat the terrorists).
And then we have Will Smith...drooling...drooling...
Yeah, it's a classic. Meant to go down in history as the best pyrotechnics show this side of Mars. Whichever side of Mars we're on right now.
Monday, August 20, 2007
-The child Saavik, to a baby
The Pandora Principle
by Carolyn Clowes
Also, there was a polar bear loose on the island and in a shocking twist, Kate is the prisoner everyone is looking for.
Some of it's lost on me, I admit.
Some of it isn't, and I'm getting more comfortable with the command line. Very important.
I have friends who won't watch it because it champions evolution, but personally I don't think that's the point of the story, and I think they're overlooking something even more important when people say that - this is a scientific perspective against tampering with nature. No one notices that. The evolution part is really unimportant to the story.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Man. Forest. Suit. Blood. Dog. I'm guessing ow.
Oh, and ooh, alcohol. Nice attempt at subtle. I'm guessing you've seen it, of course. Basically, there was this plane crash, which was all very bad, and tons of people are stranded on this desert island in the middle of the ocean which doesn't sound fun. Also, the jet engines keep whirring despite being detached from the plane. Doesn't make tons of sense. Also they are not hiding the blood. I'm not sure this is appropriate for prime time viewing. There's tons of people, so we're probably not talking serious ensemble show.
It's still weird to see him. Executive Producer: J.J. Abrams is slapped all over everything I watch these days. Directed By J. J. Abrams. Produced. Written. Pretty soon it'll be Guest Starring Zachary Quinto. Because that's what needs to be done.
This is a very weird island. And when they show the crash... God, it's the most roomy plane in existence. And how did that many people survive a crash like that, anyway? There's not nearly enough dead people. Realistically. I know, this is sci-fi. And what's with the dog? Let me guess - it's the invisible monster's master!
I'm trying not to be intrigued, but I am. I'm also fatigued, and more than a little peeved because the pilot just got et. As in eaten, but more fun to say. And I'm beginning to see why this man can do Star Trek. The shocking beginning, the randomness, and creating a world that is totally unlike our own - in this case right here on Earth. Right now, for the first time since this all started, I really believe that J.J. can do this thing.
And then with the sexual tension and does anyone remember the first season of Enterprsie, because I'm having a flashback to Broken Bow with the sexy decon scene right now.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Someone on MySpace named "the official star trek convention" has just posted a bulletin that says Russell Crowe is going to be the next Star Trek Villain. Didn't we learn anything from Tom Hardy? Star Trek needs no villians. Remember "All Good Things"? Spatial anomaly. We need spatial anomalies.
Also that Tom Cruise is doing a cameo. Well, I guess it could be worse. Kirk isn't a cameo. Maybe he'll just fade into the background like poor Wil Wheaton did in Nemesis.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
But you know what? It's kind of one of those things that just won't die. I actually made my boss a shirt that says "Not a Herbert." Oh, so cool.
Also, it explains a lot about Star Trek V, doesn't it?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Also, I started watching Animated Trek for the first time yesterday. Results were not impressive.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Marc Alaimo, Andy Robinson, and Casey Biggs were also wonderful. My question didn't stand a chance, but that's okay. They were friendly and amusing, and Casey did his death scene again, collapsing into Andy's arms and damaging Andy's mike. Andy talked about doing Dirty Harry and they said there are no plans for a movie, dammit. Casey said we'll still be there in fifty years. He thinks Trek is eternal. Pretty cool. Nana and Rene came onstage briefly to give them each a hug and say hi.
I took an interlude at this point, because I knew what was coming and I didn't want to miss out. I went to see Wil Wheaton and got him to pose for a photo. He was wonderful, very warm and funny, when I told him what I was going to do, and he even thanked me for doing it.
So, as for what I was going to do, here we go. First, some clarification on the title. My life, of course, revolves around Star Trek. I have tried and failed to change this and eventually I decided that Star Trek is the medium in which I work. I'm stuck with it and it's stuck with me. So if Star Trek is my life, what is Brannon Braga?
Because he was here today.
I considered missing that part of the show, but I just couldn't. I had to know. I considered several questions, among them, "If I asked nicely would you fall on your head and drown in your own barf?" and "How do you sleep at night?" but I settled for "What would you change?"
Simple question, really. He had to know it was coming.
To be fair, I should add that Brannon didn't ruin my life singlehandedly. He had help. I have divided the responsibility between him, Rick Berman, the studio/network, and various random factors that can impact a show, and decided that he was precisely one-quarter of the problem which means he owes me one-quarter of an apology. His lame answer to my question was not one quarter of an apology, but what preceeded it was like, three sixteenths. He said, "I know some of you are here because you're very upset, or you want answers."
He said that because he knows we have a right to them. Not because he was willing to provide.
I'm ten minutes from Avery Brooks/Cirroc Lofton/Penny Jerald, so this post will be updated later.
Okay, it's later.
So then he turns to the left and says, "I'm going to start with this angry-looking young woman here." Drat. I'd tried so hard to hide my fury. Not easy. I was shaking with rage. I've never shaken with rage before.
"Mr. Braga," I asked in what I think was a very calm and reasonable voice considering who I was speaking to, "I just wanted to know that in all your long history with Star Trek is there anything that, looking back now, you wish that you had done, hadn't done, or done differently?"
I wasn't really expecting any kind of apology or statement of wrongdoing, but I so badly wanted him to say, "I'm really sorry for Seven of Nine dressed like she was, I'm sorry for Enterprise being so crappy, I'm sorry for this, I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for All Good Things, I'm sorry for These Are The Voyages, I'm sorry sorry sorry."
Instead he said, "No."
Actually, it was longer than that. But it could be boiled down to "No." It was more like, "Well, I guess I thought we had some great epsiodes we thought were crap and some crappy episodes we thought were great and so I can't go back and say I wish I'd done this or that because I don't know what would happen."
I'd like to stop and analyze that answer for a minute.
So what he's saying is that in fifteen years he never regretted a script, a decision, an episode? This can't have been an unexpected question. There has to have been a moment where he said, "You know, maybe not my best idea." I'll give him some. Gladly.
Okay, I'd better get off this now. If you want to know I'll give you a few dozen.
Two questions later he said he regretted how the final episode turned out. Lie number one, I guess, is buried somewhere in between those two answers. And you know, if he had thought about my question, he wouldn't have had to think very far because that was the last Trek we ever saw.
Then he said he was involved, in a more supervisory way, with Season 4, which just makes me think he must have been lying to me because he followed that up with a variation on "Gosh, I could have been doing that!" Season 4: Enterprise finally living up to its potential when no one was left to watch. And then he said that the cast hated These are the Voyages also, so why did we have to have it? Maybe, you know, if you're realizing that Enterprise does better without you, and you've noticed that reactions to things you do tend to be the exact opposite of what you thought, and the whole cast hates the script, you might, I don't know, not write the thing yourself?
Okay, I'm breathing, I'm calm, I'm stable, I'm not going to kill anyone.
On to the issues raised in Rick Berman's book, which I already blogged about, but simply stated - Rick seems to think that it's all UPN's fault. The network wanted this, the network wanted that, we were just powerless, blah, blah, blah.
Leaving the issues raised by that little beauty aside for the moment (trust me, they will be addressed) I would like to talk about Brannon's response when this topic was raised (and express my love to the person who raised it).
"The studio wasn't involved. They stayed out of it. They got involved when we had a controversial script." That's paraphrased, by the way.
Why do I doubt that? The lying sack of--
Okay, moving on! Really, we'll just
"But," said the fan who asked the question, "didn't you say on the Enterprise DVD's that the studio was involved with the decision making?"
Can I marry this guy? Is he available? Because right then I would have married him in a second. What's his name? Anyone know?
Lie number two. And this time it's on the record in a million homes across America.
"Star Trek was about looking forward, and the studio preferred the 29th century." So they pitched the prequel and the studio didn't like that, so then he said, "Well, I have this temporal cold war idea for a series, let's just throw that in there!"
Explains a lot, doesn't it?
My dad arrived at this time and started asking me a question, I glanced over at him and he jumped back about five feet. I think my glare may have actually scalded his skin.
The topic had moved on to Trip's death. Wanna know why Trip died? Because he was Brannon's favorite character. Read into that one all you want, I don't really feel like psychoanalysing Brannon Freaking Braga right now. Actually, he'd always wanted to do a story with a lot of emotional impact (like a well-loved character dying for no reason? This is not the first season of TNG and Connor is not Denise Crosby you lying sack of--- okay, I'm over it). Okay, so he'd always wanted to do a story with more emotional impact, but he was never allowed to.
Never allowed to? By who? The studio? The network? I thought they weren't involved. At this point I actually heard myself growl. Not just a grunt, but we're talking full-on Worf. Dad jumped a little bit and edged slightly away.
Why did he go to Voyager and not DS9? Well, thank heaven for small favors. Actually, Michael Piller asked him along, which is all kinds of disturbing. He referred to Michael as the Late, Great Michael Piller, by the way, for which I give him kudos even if he was just trying to score points. Anyway, he wanted to see NextGen through and then it was a natural transition to Voyager. So, yay. He didn't wreck DS9.
And then the topic of the anachoronisms in Enterprise was raised, and thankfully he didn't say that we should get a life or any variation thereof because I might have escalated to a full Klingon roar. Instead I contented myself with scribbling furiously in my notebook the words, "Contrary to opinions we payed attention to continuity." He continued to the Vulcan stuff, about the changes in Vulcan culture. He tried to soothe us with the words "Cultures evolve. That was 100 years before Kirk!"
Vulcans live for 200 years you idiot.
Lie number three. Some attention to continuity.
I know that cultures change between lifetimes. Biology and the ability to mind-meld (physical ability which T'Pol did not posess) do not. By the time Tuvok was born, mind-melds were universal on Vulcan. Everyone could do it and it was accepted in the culture. The words "mind-meld community college" were spoken, but luckily my dad was trying to ask me a question right then and I wasn't paying attention. I just caught the phrase.
Lucky for Brannon, that is. And for me, because I'm pretty sure they'd throw me out if I punched a guest.
And all of a sudden, it's all UPN's fault. They hurt Voyager. They hurt Enterprise. Hey, didn't you just say they weren't involved at all?
I started seeing red spots.
And then they vanished when he said, "I am not mentally capable." Of course, that's taken out of context. I couldn't hear the context because of the red spots and the buzzing in my ears, but I plan to misuse that quote for the rest of my life.
He said that if the show had looked like it was before classic Trek, it would have looked cheesy. "It's probably a little more important to make the show look cool," he said. I wonder if he's seen Star Wars Episode III. Because that was brilliant.
By this point I was shaking with rage. I sat through Larry Nemecek, still quaking. Mom got there and asked how it went and I couldn't say anything. Dad said, "I could see smoke coming out of her ears."
I hope Brannon Braga got scalded.
I'm shaking with anger again. I'll finish my post when I'm not.