Saturday, March 24, 2012

Descent into Madness, pt. 1

Data has decided a poker game between himself, Stephen Hawking, Isaac Newton, and Albert Einstein would be interesting. Once again, I'd like to point out that Data has emotions - he just doesn't have human emotions. In this case, he finds this entertaining in the andriod sense.

That's the real Stephen Hawking, by the way.

When great minds collide.

And just so you know, Stephen Hawking kicks butt at poker. So don't mess with him.

Puh-puh-puh poker face.

Red alert.

No, seriously.


So this scary-looking ship has just attacked Ohniaka III, a planet we've never heard of before and never will again, again. To be fair, it is a scary-looking ship.
What.... is that?
It also doesn't respond to hails. Riker takes an away team and beams down to the station on Ohniaka III, because that's what he does best. But everyone's dead. Looks like a science facility, maybe? They start searching for survivors, which doesn't look promising.

And then Data opens a door, and there is a Borg behind it.

These days, when you say the word "Borg" in a post-TNG context, that only means pain and agony and some nausea. But this was June of 1993 and the Borg were still scary then, you have to remember this.

What's interesting, though, is that the Borg are not ignoring them like normal. They actually attack. They killed the station crew, they didn't just assimilate them. They go on the offensive and they actually seem kind of angry.

Based on the picture of the ship, I did not see
that coming.
So, presumably, that scary-looking thing in orbit was their ship, which was not a cube.


And something seems to have riled it, because, well,

Awwww... shabanga.

So Will, Data, and Worf are in this fight with the Borg on the planet. And the Borg do not fight like normal Borg. They don't adapt, for starters. They're also faster and more agressive.

But here's the really interesting part.

Riker kills one, and another one goes, "You have killed Torsus. I will make you suffer." Torsus? I?

Uh oh.

Data kills one of the Borg and the other Borg recognize him, and beam away.

"You won't like me when I'm angry."

The Borg ship just up and vanishes.

Hey, look, it's the upsidey-down pyramid ship!
It's just like a wrinkle in time.

"What happened," says Riker?
"I got angry," says Data.

Data reacts got his cell phone bill with trans-galactic
roaming charges.

Understandably, this is upsetting news to everyone, especially when you drag Hugh into it, because in that case, it would sorta kinda be their fault that the Borg have gone completely psycho.

Picard searches for the off-ramp to avoid the plot 
potholes coming up ahead.

Meanwhile, Data and Geordi have a cute heart-to-heart in which they try to decide if Data got angry or if he just had a power surge.
Gerodi tries to explain anger without using other emotions.
Sadly, this is not a humorous caption. Rather, this
is what actually happens in the episode.

Admiral Nechayev, who remember as that cranky lady who had the bright idea to put Jellico in command, comes on board and rips Picard a new one. She is NOT HAPPY with the Hugh situation, and who can blame her, although, to be fair we don't actually know that Hugh is the cause. Yet.

Some-bo-dy's in trooouble.

Data has decided that he is a "bad person" because he can only feel "negative emotions". Deanna uses her 90s psychobabble powers to persuade him that this is not the case, because no emotions are really bad, it's how you act on them.

I do so miss the 90s.

Data puzzles over which emotions are good and 
which are bad. Sadly, this is a serious caption as well.

There is a colony under attack. Or not. Someone forgot to read the instructions on their sensors. Also serious.
In space, no one can hear you cry wolf.

Picard retreats to his ready room to watch the security video of Hugh and beat himself up inside, because that's the responsible, mature thing to do.
Picard worries that he may have chosen poorly.

Data, meanwhile, is trying to piss himself off. You notice a definite lack of success:

Not angry.

They finally do find the Borg, and they are conveniently the closest ship again. It's so obvious that it's written into the script that we're supposed to notice this.

The Borg are using some kind of energy matrix to get around, which we will later learn is a transwarp conduit.
This is unfortunate, because all through Voyager 
we'll wish we'd never heard the words "Borg" 
in conjunction with "Transwarp Conduit".


They follow the Borg into a conduit and on the other side the Borg beam a couple of soldiers onto the bridge, presumably as a distraction while they run away.

A big fight ensuses.
The Borg almost seem like they're trying to get caught or something.

And one of the Borg is left alive at the end. They take him to the brig, where he wakes and reveals that he is a giant jerk. First he lists ways to kill them all, and then Picard makes a really stupid move and leaves the prisoner alone with Data.

So we know Data isn't doing so great with Borg lately. Maybe don't leave him alone with one? Or at least watch from the camera down the hall?

Alas, no.

My friend Tim: Don't let her out! Don't let her out!
Data learns the meaning of the term "crisis of conscience."

So Data liberates the Borg prisoner and they leave the ship together.

They have no choice but to follow them and do so, through another conduit and to....
Oh, boy, it's the last act of the last season finale!
Go, Enterprise go!

Google Galaxy, version 5300.

A planet. Riker and Worf will beam down to have a look, since sensors, predictably, don't work that well here. Why do they even bother having sensors?

For once, decisions are made in the command center,
not the observation lounge.

So they get to the planet, and that's when Riker makes his fantastically dumb move:

Yes, Riker, stick your head into a confined space
with an emotionally unstable machine that just 
choked someone to death. Good job.

Luckily for Riker, Data isn't in there. I don't even have a word for the magnitude of how dumb that is.

So Picard, meanwhile, has decided to beam everyone down to this planet to search for Data.

I get there's no sensors.

I get that you need to find Data.

But for crying out loud, maybe take a picture of the planet with really good resolution, scan it into the computer, and see if it can see any buildings first!

And the whole crew, practically? Really?

Picard, having just been taken to task for a questionable
command decision, decides to make another 
questionable command decision.

So he decides to beam down too, and search for Data himself.

Ship needs a captain.

According to Starfleet reguations, the person in command
of a starship is always referred to as "Captain" regardless
of rank. Ergo, we will be referring to Beverly as "Captain Crusher".
If she fails as a Captain, she can always move on to a career
with the WWE.

Neither Riker nor Worf objects to this.

You know how Riker doesn't let the Captain beam
into dangerous situations?

Nor does anyone, when they find a structure that they probably could have seen looking out the window, call for backup before storming the castle.

Go, go Power Rangers!
Sorry, guys, wrong turn. I thought this was the headquarters
of the Illuminati? Anyone seen Tom Hanks?
So, that's how that ends I guess. This can't possibly 
get any worse, right?
Maybe for him.
At least we found Data!

I'd say that sums everything up rather nicely.

1 comment:

  1. What you say about Data having emotions makes sense.