Saturday, August 20, 2011


TNG: The Neutral Zone

They found an ancient Earth capsule floating around. They're just waiting on Picard and Data wants to go check it out 'cause, why not.

So he and Worf do.
They beam in anddatas all minimal oxygen atmosphere and I'm like, you don't check before you beam Worf in? Anyway there's an old disk drive computer and a bunch of dead bodies... skeketal bodies... empty stasis chambers... and one woman.


There are also two men. The containers are not for stasis. Data tells will the people are frozen and they will bring them back but Picard is back and Will's like, whatvever, just get back, I don't care, which I think he'll regret later and then they have biger fish to fry because Federation outposts are vanishing along the Romulan Neutral Zone. There's been no contact with the Romulans for 50 years. The Federation will send one ship - the Enterprise - to check it out.

Beverly calls Picard to tell him about the people in the capsule being thawed and saved. Picard does his WTF dance. Cryonics. They're alive now! Picard calls Data.

Data said he couldn't leave the people on the capsule, it seemed right to bring them back. So they bring in security in the form of Worf... and awaken the woman. Who sees worf and faints. Go women power!

Data found some info about them in the capsule's computer and they wake them all again. We've got the woman, the financier, and the musician. Picard has Will take over with them and tells him to "keep them out of my way".

Will tells them its 2364. He, Data, and Beverly explain what's going on. The woman didn't even know she was going to be frozen. Data bonds with the musician. The financier wants a copy of the wall street journal. The woman is just confused.

Deanna gives a briefing on the psychology of the Romulans, saying they won't initiate conflict, they'll wait on Picard.

Data shows Sonny, the musician, how to work the replicator. There is no TV. Sonny is sad. Will gets called by Picard so now they know how to use a communicator and they all want to meet Picard. "Keep them out of my way."


Six hours out from the Neutral Zone, they theorize about what's going on with the Romulans. And then Offenhouse (the financier) calls Picard - he figured out how to use the commpanel. And then he compares the Enterprise to the QE2. So Picard walks down there and reams Offenhouse out. Offenhouse tries to convince Picard of his importance and says he has to call his lawyer, and Picard tells him there is no more. Accumulation of things and control of destiny is an illusion and so on. Picard tells Troi to come in. Offenhouse even apologzes. So Picard leaves and tells Deanna to get those people under control.

Deanna goes to see Clare (the woman). Clare wants to know what happened to her kids - so they go looking in the records.

Sonny wants drugs but Beverly won't give them to her so he asks for Data, the positronic pimp.

They find Claire's kids and she asks to be alone.

Data goes to see Sonny. Sonny wants a guitar. Data gets called to the bridge as they approach the Neutral Zone, forcing Sonny to ask what the Neutral Zone is... so data briefly explains. Idiot.


They find that "some great force just scooped it off the planet". Those outposts are not good places to be.

Offenhouse wants to get involved in the prblem with the Romulans. No one else does.

More missing outposts. They go to yellow alert.

It does not omprove Offenhouse's mood. He gets to the turbolift and gets the computer to tell him Picard is on the bridge and take him there...

The Romulans may be decloaking... Offenhouse arrives on the bridge. They order him off but the Romulans decloak in all their warbirdy glory.


They stop dragging Offenhouse away because its sooo cool I guess. Worf doesn't even want to talk to then but Picard does... the Romulans also have missing outposts on their side. Offenhouse says the Romulans don't know ether and Picard says he's right. They agree to share info on this and only this. Romulans are back.

They leave.

Deanna finds a current photo of one of Clare's descendants. They will send the people to earth to learn this century.

That is all.

Crossing the Barrier

Deep Space Nine: Crossover

There is a line.

We do not cross it.

You do not use TOS material.

Certainly, there are exceptions. "Sarek," although I think that may be about the availability of the actor. "Trials and Tribble-ations," obviously. But rarely did any later Trek take something beloved of TOS and make it their own.

Until "Crossover." Any future attempts failed ("I'm a Doctor, not a doorstop? Criminy!)

Legalese stuff out of the way first.

Crossover, DS9, Season 2.23, #443. Written by Michael Piller and Peter Allan Fields. Directed by David Livingston. This was before the Ron Moore years, when he still worked on TNG. Somebody had to, I guess. Preproduction on Voyager would have been underway by then.

Julian still talks too much. He manages to piss Kira off - not the first time. With breathing techniques and meditation. Good times. Julian is glad they're finally talking to each other and not fighting, burying the hatchet. He calls her Nerys and makes her call him Julian. She's going to kill him, I think, if they don't make it home soon. They're heading to the wormhole, lucky for Julian. He asks her out to dinner, she says no. They leave warp and the field won't collapse all the way so they go into the wormhole weirdly with technobabble and there's a flash but they make it through... and the station's gone. Noooo station. And when they find it, it's by Bajor. And there's a Klingon ship that suddenly appears and when the captain sees Kira he starts wigging out and says he'll escort her back to the station like he's afraid of her.

When they get there, Garak is in a uniform and he doesn't know Julian... and there's another Kira!

Something very strange is happening.


So we're in the mirror universe. I mean, duh, right? How else would Kira be wearing leather? It's not like she would normally be caught dead in leather. Especially the headband. I doubt this one meditates. Anyway, Garak says they're on Terok Nor, the center of authority for the Bajoran Alliance. They don't know the wormhole, BTW. LeatherKira won't let them leave, and Garak refers to Julian as "Terran!". LeatherKira orders Julian "taken below" to work.

They get to the Promenade which is just a big slave pit. There is a slave there who decided to try to stow away and Nerys sends him to the mines. Garak wants to interrogate him, so Nerys says okay but don't kill him.

Miles is there too. He's in charge of fixing things. Odo is in charge of keeping order. Rule 14 is no jokes. Julian is a Terran without a designation - and Odo slaps him around for it a little bit. This is ScaryOdo. ScaryOdo puts Julian to work.

LeatherKira takes Kira to OopsOps. Coming up with these names is fun. LeatherKira asks Kira her name, she says "Kira Nerys." "That makes two of us!"

They figure out pretty quickly that this is a different universe. Kira doesn't know Kirk - on LeatherKira's side Kirk is one of the most famous names in their history. She knows all about "Mirror, Mirror." Spock rose to commander in chief of the Empire and the Alliance rose up against him and took over, enslaving the Terrans. The Alliance is a "coming-together" of the Klingons and the Cardassians. Bajor was under Terran rule until the Empire collapsed and Bajor petitioned to enter the Alliance. LeatherKira has no intention of sending Kira and Julian back. The rule is that if anyone came over, they would be killed. LeatherKira says she has no taste for violence and doesn't want to do that.

Kira asks to learn from LeatherKira. LeatherKira wants to kill Julian, but Kira manages to talk her out of doing that through manipulating... herself. LeatherKira gets Kira some quarters... actually, she says "find this attractive young woman some quarters..." hmmm....


Kira comes to visit ScaryOdo and Julian. She asks Julian about Kirk and he knows exactly what's up. Julian wants to ask the other Miles for help. I don't know what name I'll be using for him.

Kira goes to Quark's. I don't have a name for him either. Kira goes to Quark and asks for a favor of a Transporter for a few hours. Quark is willing to help... for the ability to send people across to her side. Garak shows up and screams for Quark, to take him to be executed for helping Terrans escape from the station... I don't think I'll be needing a name for Quark as they drag him away.

Ben comes in then and starts pouring drinks on the house. Well, now I need a name for him.

Julian approaches OtherMiles. Really need a better name for him. He tells Miles he's Chief of Operations of the station and pours on some flattery. Miles refuses to help him. And then ScaryOdo tells WimpMiles (ah, found it!) that CrazyBen wants him in the bar.

CrazyBen is all over Kira. Creepy. LeatherKira has him under her thumb - he's her pirate. CrazyBen calls WimpMiles "Smiley" and WimpMiles really doesn't like him that much. CrazyBen tells WimpMiles to go fix his engine and WimpMiles just takes it. LeatherKira summons CrazyBen. Laughter ensues.

So CrazyBen and LeatherKira are having creepy fun time in LeatherKira's quarters when LeatherKira summons Kira. CrazyBen stomps out to check his ship when Kira gets there and when LeatherKira says, "Benjamin! Did I hurt your feelings?" he actually replies, "I never had any to hurt, Intendant."

Wowza. Whipped him good. I mean like, full-on whipped by Indiana Jones whipped.

Moving on.

The Intendant AKA LeatherKira is in her bath. LeatherKira says they can't use a transporter to get home. She wants to know why it is that Kira asked Quark for a transporter and not her wonderful self. "Don't you trust me?" and all that.

Kira, smartly, responds with "I'm a little afraid of you."

"I don't want your fear... all I want is your love.... if you can't love me... don't be in a hurry to go. I'm glad you're here..." Almost kisses her too.

Garak brings Quark in from interrogation. Kira asks him who would do labor for the Alliance without the Terrans and orders Quark executed. She's planned a party! What shall they wear!

Garak is in Kira's quarters when she gets back, carrying a dress. "I do admire a well-tailored gown," he tells her. Heeee! He tells Kira that LeatherKira is in love with her. Creeeeeepy. Ewwwwwwww. She'll never let Kira leave. Garak wants Kira to betray LeatherKira so he can be promoted. He wants Kira to take LeatherKira's place as Intendant. He is going to kill LeatherKira the next day, then in a few weeks Nerys can step down and go explore her pagh and he will take over. And if she declines, Julian dies.

Uh oh.


So Nerys goes to Julian and tells him to be careful. They have to leave now, and she's trying to get help.

ScaryOdo was watching.

Kira goes to CrazySisko and asks for help. CrazySisko refuses to give her the runabout because LeatherKira will "have my head... or something else." Garak has been trying to kill LeatherKira the whole time and CrazyBen thinks Garak's plot is hilarious. CrazyBen is indifferent and Kira tries to get him to help her but they just end up with some fun fun mutual hatred.

Kira goes to the party. Garak is charmed by her pretty pretty "well-tailored' dress. There are Klingons there and one of them gets in a fight with one of CrazyBen's crew. CrazyBen goes to stab him and then the Klingon backs off, leaving CrazyBen to fight off the Klingon. LeatherKira arrives and tells the music to start.

ScaryOdo finds Julian taking a break when a leak starts in the mine. Julian grabs a gun and shoots ScaryOdo, who explodes. Don't need his name anymore either then


Julian crawls into a Jeffries Tube when he runs across WimpyMiles. He asks WimpyMiles for help and convinces him that if he helps, he'll be alive again... and WimpyMiles says he'll help if he can come with... so Julian agrees. They get to the docking ring when they're captured by the Klingons.

The Klingons bring Julian and WimpyMiles to LeatherKira. LeatherKira says he has a lot to learn... she is furious that he killed ScaryOdo. Actually she is very admiring of ScaryOdo. Hmmmm. She goes on a self-centered rant and says it's her reward for treating Terrans with any respect - no one can stop her, she's determined to kill Julian slowly in public view. So then she asks WimpyMiles what he was thinking, and he says that Julian is a doctor, and there's a Miles there who is Chief of Operations, and it gave him hope and he wanted that life. He wanted to go with Julian because "whatever it's like there has to be better than this. There has to be something better than this." Garak is about to lead them out when CrazyBen actually does help them and they manage to run away. CrazyBen and WimpMiles go to start a rebellion and Nerys and Julian just get to go home.

The End.