Thursday, December 27, 2007

Why I hate Alias

I hate how complex situations are usually solved in one little ep. Vaughn's sick with the most evil disease imaginable! Oh, look, cured next week.


Saturday, December 15, 2007



In the early days of TOS, there was a great debate about salt shakers. Someone bought the most futuristic shakers they could find, only the one they used needed to be recognizable as a salt shaker. So the salt shakers became McCoy's medical instruments.

Today, watching Entersuck, I noticed Archer waving this little wand over his food. And then I realized, he's putting salt on it!

Now first of all, Archer likes a high sodium content on his eggs. Second, that thing is not remotely recognizable as a salt shaker.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Broken Bow


I know a lot of people won't be happy that I'm doing this.

Sadly, I don't care.

I want everyone to know, though, that it wasn't easy for me.

My history with Enterprise began on the day Enterprise began in 2001. I was excited, a little scared, and very very happy that Star Trek was continuing.

By the credits, I was in tears. I never watched an episode of the original run again.

I've seen it, of course, but not because I particularly wanted to. After it was over, I watched a few of the DVDs from Netflix. I sat through Connor and Dominic at the Vegas con, and I even watched the Anthony Montgomery segment (boring, FYI) but I never took the time to enjoy Enterprise.

I don't intend this entry to be a laundry list of complaints aimed at Brannon Braga's head, but I do want to rewatch Broken Bow and give Enterprise another chance - this time the whole show, with a lot of preconceptions and having read all the transcripts. I don't expect to be pleased, but I do expect to be more levelheaded than I was at eighteen.

Without further ado...

I think, at the time, we weren't ready to take a lot on faith. Production wise, it would have been better for the Klingon in the cornfield to be a TOS Klingon, and let the fans breathe a sigh of relief. I also think that introducing the Suliban at this stage was a very risky move, and the fans were not ready to accept risk like that after Voyager.

And the theme song was a mistake. First, the song part. And also the title of the show - no Star Trek. That was a mistake. Because while the fans have "faith of the heart", we also have the strength to walk away when we are displeased - unlike, apparently, Rick Berman.

So, yeah, the first four minutes were a disappointment. Even the opening lines, and the spacedock aren't enough to counteract what has been done by the first four minutes.

The depiction of the Vulcans is also very disappointing. They were supposed to FIX our problems, not help to cause them. And there are Klingon cultural inconsistencies that date back to the first season of TNG. That's more than a decade. The transporter looks better than Kirk's did - more futuristic. There's Brannon's little philosophy come to life.

And having Porthos around doesn't seem that great an idea. T'Pol's such a bitch that I can't imagine she came from the same planet as the same people who saved humanity in First Contact. Good movie.

They got James Cromwell to reprise Cochrane and coin the phrases that are known in the openings of TOS and TNG. That still doesn't make up for what seemed so frighteningly wrong with this show.

Again, I feel that including the Suliban this early in the game is a bad idea, because if it's not working (which it isn't), there won't be any more chances.

Which, for Brannon Braga and Rick Berman, there aren't, of course.

I keep trying to think if Spock or Tuvok ever ate with their hands. Not to mention Vorik or Sarek.

The controls look NOTHING like the ones on TOS. More like TNG with physical things to manipulate. URGH! Ugly and inconsistent. Also the fact that they are so different from TOS aliens is disturbing to me, because this is, you know PRE-TOS. It should be kinda like TOS, but with starting-up difficulties. Maybe some actual relationships instead of Archer just kissing every girl he meets. Instead? Decon rub-downs and sexual tension between just about everyone and T'Pol, despite the fact that she's a bitch. And no one has sexual tension with Hoshi because she can't do much more than scream.

I'm trying to see the good.


Now, what I would have liked to see was T'Pol going onto the Bridge and coming over to Archer's side. But they don't show that! Apparently the crew wanders around in BoxerBriefs, BTW. But the viewscreen is way more advanced than TOS's also.

But I love that they don't have shields yet. Or a tractor beam. Or phasers. These things are good. They make me happy. But the pre-tricorders should be a lot bigger - like a laptop. Hoshi's earpiece is too non-metallic - especially after Nog had the same thing Uhura used to use when the comn went out in DS9.

Since Klingons are so cold-sensitive, there is a big hole when they show Kronos to be such a cold-looking place. Of course, I never liked that whole "Klingons hate cold" bit anyway. And then the bit with the info-storing DNA.

Well, screw you too, Braga.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Dirty Girls

Buffy: The Vampire Slayer

And then it all goes to hell, because Caleb is waaaay more annoying than Glory ever was.

The dream Xander has about the two girls that want to have a threesome with him is hilarious.

Faith and Willow are back from L.A. and find the girl - Shannon - who was stabbed by Caleb. Faith goes after Buffy to say hi, and finds Spike chasing some girl through a cemetery, so she steps in to help. Only Spike's not evil and the "girl" is a vamp. And then they meet Buffy and everything gets straightened out and Faith kills the vamp so everyone's happy.

They take Faith back to the house and show her off. Spike fills her in on the source of the tension.

Caleb hangs out with the First for a while. God, he's boring. He does reveal that he blew up the council.

Andrew briefs the girls on Faith - mistaking the vulcanologist for an acutal Vulcan.

Principal Wood fires Buffy to give her more time to prepare for the First.

Faith and Spike smoke together in the basement and figure out they've met before. She kinda hits on Spike. Anyway, the girl from the beginning wakes up and Buffy goes to talk to her.

The girl tells her story and they get a picture of the burn Caleb left on her neck. And then she gives the message "I have something of yours."

So Buffy decides to take the girls on a little outing.

Caleb and the First play kinky games. Really.

Buffy fights her friends about her plan, but in the end she leaves Giles and Willow behind to protect the girls who don't know what they're doing. She and Faith go find a Bringer to follow and Buffy admits that she's glad Faith is there. They talk about Angel.

Xander gives the girls a pep talk about how great Buffy is and off they go to fight Caleb. They end up in the basement of this Vineyard and then they run into Bringers - and Caleb. Xander's team comes in to help and lots of slashing later Molly's dead, Rona's hurt, and...

Xander's lost an eye.

Because he trusted Buffy. He trusted her with his life and his world. And now he should have died - but he didn't. He just lost an eye.

Satan is a little man.



Star Trek: Voyager

Janeway finally figures out that her actions in "Caretaker" were not a good idea. Which, duh.

Perhaps you could teach a course at Starfleet Academy: Satan's Robot: An Historical Overview.

-The Doctor

Lies My Parents Told Me

Buffy: The Vampire Slayer

Robin Wood is one twisted little educational administrator. All that time on the Hellmouth I guess.

This was one of the last few really good moments of Buffy, when they just kind of let loose and wrapped up loose ends. Giles betrays his role as a father, though, which makes me kind of shaky about him.

Everything's terrible! Total catastrophe! Have you seen the new library? There's not a book to be seen!


Plato's Stepchildren

Star Trek



Well, we did have TV's first interracial kiss.

And that's about it.

Alexander, you talk too much.

- Philana
A precursor to "Shut up, Wesley!"

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


Buffy: The Vampire Slayer

Buffy rocks, 'kay? Even though, you know, lately she hasn't. But then we have this ep, that reminds us of why she rocks, exactly. Andrew's amazing, and Buffy's amazing, and so is everyone else.

If you're running to catch the bus naked, that's a dream. Army of vicious vampire creatures, that's a vision. Also, I was awake.

A bus to where?

-Buffy and Principal Wood

Final MIssion

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Wesley's leaving? What! No! I can't live without Wesley!

Hey, I was seven.

Oh, I envy you, Wesley Crusher.

-Jean-Luc Picard

Saturday, December 1, 2007

The Swarm

Star Trek: Voyager

This is the first Tom/B'Elanna scene where he shows any kind of interest. He's jealous because of "Freddy Bristow" (I'm counting the crew memebers, people) and asks her out. She turns him down. Still, it's a moment.

The Doctor also begins his sordid career as an opera singer here. The holodeck even programs him with a toupee.

It's like singing with a computer!

-The Doctor's holographic opera singing partner

Everybody Hates Hugo


So the food just gives everyone one night of happiness. Charlie finally gets some peanut butter for Claire, Kate gets a shower, Michael and crew find Bernard, and Sun buries the bottle of messages that washed up onshore in the forest.

The Chute

Star Trek: Voyager

And just when you thought all was lost, there was light.

Great acting, somewhat of the original mission of Star Trek - social commmentary - acheived, Star Trek returns from it's illness. It's not cured, and it's not permanent, but for that moment, we remember what it is we loved.

We can escape! If! We! Work! Together!

-Harry Kim (a la William Shatner)



Well, they're good and orientated now. Sawyer, Michael, and Jin are prisoners of the Others. Locke convinces Jack to push the button labeled "Execute" without knowing what he's executing, and Desmond quietly runs away. Won't we ever get any answers?


Star Trek: Voyager

Wherein canon is violated left right and center.

Wherein Sulu is used as a tool of the idiotic masses.

Wherein the end of good Star Trek is nigh.

And what do they call those blocks Tuvok's playing with? A Katheera? Why do they persist in making this crap up all the time?

Structure. Logic. Function. Control. A structure cannot stand without function. Logic is the essence of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control.




I really thought that was it for Michael and Jin and Sawyer, but nooooo. Turns out the Others also kidnapped Jin. I know they wanted Walt, but why on Earth would they want Jin? Walt's psychic. What's weird about Jin?

Yeah, something's odd here. You know what else is odd? Spending an entire episode rehashing the plot of the last episode.

Basics II

Star Trek: Voyager

We finally get to see the baby again. She's cooing. BTW what's her name? (I mean, I know what it is, but at this point she is nameless). Wouldn't it be good to give the kid a name? You know, like "Naomi"?

For the record, I thought this episode was lame in my twelves and thirteens. Now I KNOW it is.

The scene where they start the fire with the hair is pretty funny though. And Tom's pretty good. Wrapping up the Suder stuff - good idea.

And the revelation - Vulcan Institute of Defensive Arts? Vulcan Institute of Defensive Arts? Where they teach "archery science"?

It's amazing the entire crew didn't get redshirted. There's a fucking dragon in that cave. And why doesn't Janeway's hair fall out of it's ponytail? Samantha Wildman doesn't hold that baby like anyone who's ever held a baby would for long periods of time (your arms get tired).

Why did Suder have to bust into Engineering if the Doctor (trapped in Sickbay) was suppossed to be able to deactivate the phasers? That doesn't make sense. And what exactly killed Seska?


I'm a doctor, not a counterinsurgent!


Man of Science, Man of Faith


Jack and Locke are gonna need to have it out one of these days.

What confuses me most is how can anyone possibly keep up with the plot twists? Answer: JJ Abrams. That concerns me, because eventually you run low on things to twist. Then what do you do? Answer: Your show flops.

So Jack's pep-talky "friend" that he met once is down the hatch. Good to know. And what's the brilliant light that occasionally shines out of it? And why write Quarantine on the INSIDE of the hatch? Huh? Huh?