Saturday, May 10, 2014

Ten Minute Trek: Finding Our Footing

The Andorian Incident
ENT Season 1, Episode 7

Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
and Fred Dekker
Roxann Dawson

First Aired Oct 31, 2001
Mission Date Unknown


Jeffrey Combs as Commander Shran 
Steven Dennis as Tholos 
Bruce French as Vulcan Elder 
Jamie McShane as Tactical Crewman 
Jeff Ricketts as Keval 
Richard Tanner as Vulcan Initiate

So they'd just sighted an Andorian reflection in the monestery. Who wants to bet they'll go get Security. 

Not me either.

Archer gestures with his thumb at a screen where the Andorian is hiding. They knock it over, bis fight ensues, and then three more Andorians jump out. With guns. Faboo.

All those who saw that coming?

Act Two

They're locked in a room with a bunch of monks. Someone who sounds suspiciously like DS9's Weyoun goes right up to the head monk and asks why he didn't tell them there was a Vulcan "aboard" presumably Enterprise.

The Vulcan says he didn't know, because it is an Earth vessel. "Earth? What is that?" demands NotWeyoun.

"It's where we're from," Archer tells him. "It's our homeworld."

"Why did you come here? Answer me, Pinkskin!" Pinkskin! Cute.

Archer tells him the truth. NotWeyoun accuses him of lying. He seems to think they're bringing surveillance equipment because they have T'Pol. Archer points out that T'Pol is his science officer. "So you'll admit you're working with the Vulcans?"

This is not going to end well.

Archer asks what NotWeyoun is doing there and takes a gun butt to the stomach. Trip backs Archer's story. Not sure what the point of that is. NotWeyoun says they're just proving what he already knew - "this is more than a sanctuary."

T'Pol identifies the Andorians as Andorians, "known for their suspicious and volatile nature." Some Vulcan elaborates that relations are tense between Andorians and Vulcans and always have been. This did not appear to be the case in Journey to Babel, but that's so far down my list of complaints about the way Vulcans are depicted at this point it's hardly worth mentioning.

T'Pol further elaborates by saying that the Andorians resent the Vulcans' logic and technology and believe that the Vulcans want to invade their homeworld. There is, apparently, a treaty, but some Andorians just want conquest. The monks claim that the Andorians think there's spy equipment in the monastery, but they swear up and down that there isn't. They claim the Andorians have been there before and left within a day, but that Enterprise is making them suspicious. 

Meanwhile, back on the Bridge, Malcolm has detected the alien ship and is arguing with Hoshi. He claims that it should be standard procedure to scan for aliens before going to an alien planet.

He has a point.

You know what else should be standard procedure?

The Captain, First Officer, and Third in Command not going on the same away mission to the same planet before scanning for said alien life.

My husband points out that at least by TNG they had the scanning part down.

Malcolm is not happy about the other ship on the surface or the fact that the landing party hasn't checked in yet. You know what else is a good idea? Having rules about how often you'll check in when you're on an alien planet. You'd think, in a situation where you have ages to overthink your first mission, someone might make some overly cautious rules while overplanning.

Apparently not.

Hoshi says he might be overreacting, that they're probably just observing some meditation.

Some people find getting beat up very meditative.

"Where's the sensor array!?"

Denial. Question. Denial. Question.

Questions about T'Pol. Archer tells the story of how he got her. The Andorians don't like the story. And that's when Enterprise tries to call. Maybe they should have a silent mode on the communicators, or vibrate or something. NotWeyoun answers and tells Malcolm - who really wants to blow something up - that Archer is a prisoner. NotWeyoun says that if Enterprise tries to do anything, he'll kill the hostages. Malcolm tries to call Tucker and T'Pol. NotWeyoun smashes the communicators. Malcolm puts Shuttlepod Two on standby and looks up "Andorians" in the Vulcan database.


So apparently, while they weren't making up protocols for away missions, they also weren't reading up on alien species.

The search continues for spy equipment. One of the Andorians has the idea to cut off some monk heads to get Archer to talk. Lovely.

Meanwhile, T'Pol and one of the monks discuss the smell of humans. The Andorians return Archer and the monks reiterate that there is nothing to find in the monastery. Trip says possibly the stupidest thing in the whole episode, "You'd think they could find whatever it is they're lookin' for wit' those antennas of theirs."

Sigh, sigh, and sigh again.

Archer also tells them about the conversation between NotWeyoun and Malcolm. He and Trip are sure Malcolm will come down with a landing party. The head monk says there is a transmitter in the catacombs, and that there are hidden passages where they keep their sacred relics and honored dead. He is afraid that if the Andorians discover these passages they will damage these priceless cultural whatevers. And then he opens a hidden passage in the wall. Trip says it best, I think:

"For people without emotion, you sure have a flair for the dramatic."


Friday, May 9, 2014

Ten Minute Trek: Hey, It's Weyoun! I missed that guy!

The Andorian Incident
ENT Season 1, Episode 7

Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
and Fred Dekker
Roxann Dawson

First Aired Oct 31, 2001
Mission Date Unknown


Jeffrey Combs as Commander Shran 
Steven Dennis as Tholos 
Bruce French as Vulcan Elder 
Jamie McShane as Tactical Crewman 
Jeff Ricketts as Keval 
Richard Tanner as Vulcan Initiate

It's the first season of Enterprise, and that rarely ends well for me. I'm just going to say that in advance.

So there's this pretty pretty building.

And in this building are some Vulcans.

I give them props for the robes they're wearing. Very Star Trek III and IV. A few bangs on the door - and boom! Andorians!

We haven't seen them since...




They look different this time, but not too much. This bodes well. Too bad it took 42 seconds to get to the teaser. Plenty of time to ruin it.

Horrid Theme Song

Act One

Enterprise is Enterprising. Trip is complaining that they have star charts from the Vulcans and that's taking all the fun out of literally going where no man has gone before. I am sitting here thinking "What a whiny little dork!" Let's name all the things wrong with this statement, shall we?

  1. First of all, as Archer points out, humans haven't been to these places.
  2. Humans and Vulcans, as demonstrated, do not share the same priorities about exploration. Therefore, Trip should not assume that the Vulcans' star charts are charting all the things a human would chart.
  3. They need to make sure the ship is functional while they're still reasonably close to Earth before they get too far out for  a rescue mission.
  4. They have to get past the close-by stuff to get to the far-away stuff. That's just how it works.
Archer points out that the Vulcans' charts were missing the protostar they saw just last week. T'Pol arrives and Archer asks about an outpost on a planet they are approaching. She calls it P'Jem, a Vulcan spiritual retreat. Archer asks if they can visit the place, and T'Pol points out that it's for, you know, meditating, and they might not want visitors. Archer decides to bust in on them anyway.


T'Pol complains to Phlox, who is, of course, relentlessly enthusiastic about the visit. Let me remind the reader that this is Season One. This is before "Kir'Shara," but after the nightmare that was the Voyager finale. This is when the viewers' faith is hanging by a thread. This is not the time to keep casting Vulcans as the enemy. It's a mistake that won't be rectified for a long time.


T'Pol and Phlox discuss how the visit could be awkward. Phlox steals some celery from her and tells her how awkward he feels with Humans, and then reminds her of the whole IDIC thing, an amulet that Spock wore for like, 2 minutes in one episode of Season Three of TOS because Gene Roddenberry wanted to market them through his Lincoln Enterprises company. Phlox tells her to celebrate differences and reminds her that they're there to make contact with other civilizations and that this is an extention of their mission.

It's still not very nice.

T'Pol briefs Trip and Archer on protocols for visiting - she tells them basically not to bug anyone meditating and not to speak unless spoken to. And to be quiet and not to touch anything except the "stone of J'Ka" when they leave, and how to handle that. "I thought Starfleet training was tough," Archer mutters to Trip. "Whiner," says my husband, watching with me.

No kidding.

When they get to the monastery, there is a big hole in the door. T'Pol points out that the temple is 3,000 years old and they shouldn't expect it to look perfect. IT'S A GIANT HOLE IN THE DOOR. IT LETS IN THE WEATHER. HOW IS THIS NOT SUSPICIOUS?

She pulls on the enormous bellpull to let them know they have visitors. The door opens, and they look around. There is a monk standing there, staring at them. He doesn't speak. T'Pol approaches and he tells her they have arrived at the time of Kohlinar, and they have to leave. T'Pol asks for the J'Ka stone for her distinguished guests - I guess so they'll have something to write home about? She's so nice. In her catsuit. The Vulcan dude leaves. T'Pol looks impassive. "Is something wrong?" asks Archer.

"This is the main atrium. There should be more than one member of order present."

Admiral Akbar is yelling from the next fandom over, "It's a trap!"

"And the icon in that shrine is perched at an odd angle."

Why yes. Yes it is.

"Oddly perched, huh?" asks Trip. "We'd better notify Starfleet Command."

I refer you to the list of things that never happen in Star Trek. Specifically, number 2.

"That's not all, Captain. The Vulcan elder seems agitated."

He's a practitioner of Kohlinar. "The purging of all emotion."


When you're finding continuity errors with The Motionless Picture, that is not a good day.

Naturally, Archer decides now is the time for a personal story and tells us a tale of his very first visit to a monastery. This gives him the opportunity to gesticulate, which gets Trip moving to the other side of the room. I mean, you could just get back on the shuttle, call the ship, get a security team. You have a security guy that is just dying to blow something up. 

Archer comments on the size of the monastery. T'Pol seems to have caught on and says that it could take days to explore the site while they all move around the room. There is some smashed pottery on the floor, which Trip points out. The monk implies that people seeking Kohlinar sometimes smash things. Uh huh. He brings out the stone of J'Ka as promised and speaks Vulcan. Archer asks what that means, and they are told it is the traditional greeting. Archer asks if that is good luck. Trip tells him he's thinking of the blarney stone, or patting the Buddha's belly.

And that's when Archer sees the face of an Andorian in the reflection of some pottery.

Break until tomorrow.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Ten minute Trek: Miri - wrap-up

McCoy shoots himself with what turns out not to be poison, Kirk almost gets taken out by a ten-year-old, and they warp away, still not discussing the fact that they were on another Earth.

The End.

Look at my LEGS! (Miri)

"Back on the ship, I used to try to get you to look at my legs. Captain, look at my legs!"
-Yeoman Rand

Okay, let's get this out of the way: lady, your skirt is like, two inches long. Everyone sees the legs. We see all the legs. Uhura's, too. Legs, check.

They say Star Trek did good things for women, but that must be the Janeway years, because here, women are vain, selfish, creatures with completely ludicrous hair.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Ten minute Trek: Miri, the color purple, and playground antics

Here's a thought.

When you're on a planet full of potentially malicious children and someone starts chanting "nyah nyah-nah nah nah" maybe don't follow the sound?

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Ten Minute Trek: Miri

Okay, let's get something straight.

"Prolongnation" is not a word.

Maybe, though, on the other Earth we never hear about again, it is.

That is all.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Ten Minute Trek: Miri

Okay, so let's talk about plot holes the size of Jupiter. You know, I've always said the problem with Voyager is that there was a tendency to lead with something that could be a whole plot by itself, and then follow that up with an entirely different plot or five.

Voyager may not be as far out of the Trek tradition as we think it is.

Remember this?

This isn't a trip to Earth. It's the teaser for "Miri". It just leads with them finding another Earth out of the blue for no reason and then really mentioning it again.


Thursday, April 18, 2013

We're sick with Ick

Only Andrew, really. We got one of those inhalers for him that is supposed to make your asthma less symptomy. I think it's working - usually if he was sick, he'd be totally incapacitated with a cough because it would trigger an asthma meltdown (my terminology, not officialdom's terminology, just FYI).

He's sick.

But he's not wheezing. He's not puffing on his inhaler. He's sick, but he's not THAT sick.

I love it.

You are Kidding, right?

Shades of Grey
TNG #148
Season 2, Episode 22
Aired 7/17/89
Stardate 42976.1
Guest Starring Diana Muldaur, Colm Meaney
Directed by Robert Bowman
Story by Maurice Hurley
Teleplay by Maurice Hurley, Richard Manning, and Hans Beimler

1. Surface

2. Transporter Room

Let's spend entirely too much time talking about beaming down.
3. Transporter Room
Ooh, yeah, that helps.

4. Surface
Is Geordi practicing his yoga or something?

5. Sickbay
Oh no! My leg is numb!

Act One - Log
Captain's Log, Stardate 42976.1. During a geological survey on Surata IV, Commander Riker has become infected by an unidentified microbe.
1. Sickbay
This is extremely serious. You can tell by my not smiling.

2. Transporter Room
Good grief, more time in the Transporter Room? Did someone lose a bet or something?

3. Surface
Look at this big scary plant!

4. Transporter Room
Wait... Is Geordi the one carrying the stinger without any kind of container when Data is standing right there?

Act Two
1. Pulaski's office

2. Sickbay
Buck up, Number One!

3. Pulaski's office
Some flashback scenes might move this plot forward.


Because the best thing to do for a sick person is to call them on the fact that they're pretending to be brave.


5. Sickbay
Oh, for crying out loud! All we need is to hear "We must save him!" again.

Because all we need is needles in our brain!

6. Planet Hell Set

7. Sickbay
I have a feeling I know where this is going...

Act Three
1. Sickbay
In the eighties, chest hair was in.

2. Holodeck

3. Ten Forward

4. Deanna's office

5. Sickbay
Please, do NOT yell, "You must save him!" Don't do it...

6. Edo World

7. Holodeck

8. Sickbay
He's dreaming about another woman? Ooh, interesting...

9. Holodeck
Absolutely, let's drag this on as long as possible.

10. Angel One - Beata's room

11. Will's Quarters
Oh, knock it off, Riker, she's got three husbands now!

12. Sickbay
Illicit imagery is never the answer, although this hardly qualifies.
And it certainly doesn't meet Riker's definition.

Although, if you recall, this does.

Act Four
1. Sickbay
A new plan? To drag this plot out even further than it already was! By George, I think I've got it!

2. Argus III
Yes, by all means, do let us bring this up as often as possible.
Actually, I'm pretty sure this episode saved the show, which saved the franchise, but still.

3. Deanna's Quarters
"You must save him!" Are you kidding me?
Good episode. Not Marina's finest scene, although, to be fair, the dialog was not all that could be hoped for and the subject matter was rather heavy.

4. Sickbay
It seems to be working.
This is the last act, right?

5. Klingon Ship
Let's fight some Klingons!

6. Guest Quarters
Let's bring this up a lot too. Good grief.

7. Sickbay
"If I'd known that I was going to have to spend an entire episode looking this grim, I would have made them put me in the credits."

Act Five
This is the last attempt we can make...
to save this episode.

2.Guest Quarters

3.Planet Hell
Fun with Ferengi.

4.Argus III
Fun with oil slicks.

Fun with needles.

Fun with autodestruct sequences.

7.Tarellian Freighter
Fun with exploding ships.

I will not laugh at the thin script. I will not laugh at the thin script.

9.A bunch of stuff

Oh, hey, I get to be happy for my last two seconds on screen!
Because forced humor fixes everything.