Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Movie Posters

Kung Fu Panda 2: No.
Adjustment Bureau: sure, why not?
Hood to Coast: No.
Red riding Hood: Director of Twilight? Way to sabotage your own movie, genuises.
Cars 2: I'll take my nephew.
Thor: of course I'll read it first.
Unknown: unknown to me, but I love liam neeson.
Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Why do you torture me so?
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Oh for the love of God why?

Gold Key 5

1. They picked something up on the TV SPACE SCANNER. There is also a reference to intergalactic travel again, AND there is the added bonus of the sheer audacity of these complete quacks trying to expand on Trek lingo. And that's just the first frame on the first page. I've read this so much that the phrases 'space eyes' and 'ceruise course' don't make me want to throw up.

However, their shock at finding planets…in the galaxy? Yeah, now I have a problem as should any reasonable person who attended fifth grade. Their grasp on the implications of being able to travel between galaxies in context of speed is similarly shaky (it doesn't take five days to travel a billion km, people), not to mention that once again I seem to be fighting a battle about shock waves in space.

End of page one. On to page two, wherein Kirk decides that since the OPERATOR can't raise anyone on the SOS FREQUENCY the planets must be lifeless and they can safely blow one up. Spock calculates one is several galaxy milles closer to them *sigh* and they fly in for the kill with flames shooting out of their nacelles since otherwise they would have to outrun a shockwave in a vacuum in a craft capable of faster than light travel. For some reason, Kirk doubts the accuracy of his TV SPACE SCANNER and beams down a landing party. None of them are wearing red but I think they should be. They beam down without filter masks but bother to scan once they get there. and then they get zapped by some bulidings, which is the most Star Trekkian thing to happen thus far.
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the golden problem

"We believe it best to let your civilization die out"? Did they even try to watch the show?
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Saturday, December 18, 2010

A Thought

"Just because we can do a thing, it does not necessarily follow that we must do that thing."

President Ra-Ghoretti, Star Trek VI

Star Trek could stand to learn from itself.

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Arsenal of the Shampoo Bottles

We open with a quick briefing on the citizens of Minos, and on how the captain of the Drake, and also that Riker was offered command of the Drake, which will be important in many future times - inculding Nemesis. They get hailed by an automated recording and decide to go down and make sure that whatever killed the people on the planet isn't still on the planet.

Good idea. Really, top-notch decision making. Why not try scanning for power systems, maybe a clever robot or two? See if it reacts to them. If not, send Data. Why not? If it doesn't react to robots, it probably won't react to him either.

They do send Data. Along with Will and Tasha. Dramatic music plays and Picard looks worried. That's television, folks.

Anyway, they do beam down, and they realize in about two seconds that communications are being monitored. They find pieces of the Drake or what might be pieces of the Drake. They also find that the entire planet is overgrown - including demonstration models. Then the Bridge calls to report an energy buildup nearby, and suddenly Riker's friend Paul Rice from the Drake. But then they call Riker and tell him there are no life signs nearby. So he tells the guy that his mother sent him to look for him and that his ship is the Lollipop. Eventually Riker calls "Rice" on being a fake and gets frozen in stasis by a shampoo bottle glued to a L'Eggs egg. No, really, that's what it is.

So Picard decides he and Beverly need to beam down. Right now! Because that's a good idea. And leaves Geordi in charge. Because that's also a good idea. Bloody hell. Take Geordi with you. It's a force field. Meanwhile, Data has figured out what the hell happened but has to cut Riker out of the whatever with a phaser. And of course, there's energy readings, which mean there's another shampoo bottle headed their way, and this time it's shooting. Everyone starts running around and Picard and Crusher fall down a hole.

So let's recap. So far Crusher nor Picard has had anything to do but stand there, and now they're down a hole.

Anyway, Data and Yar destroy the shampoo bottle but their communicators don't work and they can't find Picard or Crusher because they're down a hole, Beverly has a broken arm and their communicators don't work, of course. Picard splints the arm but unlike Data and Yar can't even make a really stupid guess as to why the communicators aren't working. Beverly helpfully tells him, "I must keep concious."

Data wakes Riker up and Riker is fine, but they still haven't found the Captain. Geordi goes to beam them up but the shileds come on automatically and the ship gets attacked by a freaking shampoo bottle and the Chief Engineer of the Week calls to find out if they're breaking orbit because he has to know right now.

The CEOTW comes to the Bridge and demands that Geordi turn over command to him, which Geordi refuses to do. They pick up the object but, it vanishes and guess what can fire while cloaked! Geordi and CEOTW continue to hash it out and Geordi eventually orders him back to Engineering. Why the hell didn't they just start out with a Chief Engineer? For crying out loud.

Will, Data, and Tasha are under attack. Again. They destory it again. But it's harder this time, they all have to fire at it. It's adapted. Anyone else reminded of the Borg? Also they're all firing at it and my fiance yells, "Don't cross the beams!" Geek. They have 12 minutes until the next one comes along and yet another 20 minutes of show. Huh.

Picard and Bev are stuck underground. She just now is telling him that she has another wound on her leg that is still bleeding and they need a clotting agent. But Beverly recognizes some roots, which I, for the sake of my own sanity, have decided came there via interstellar commerce seeing as she grew up on a colony, not on Minos. Picard runs away to look for a way out, which what's he gonna do? Carry her? Leave her? Big sissy, he jsut doesn't want to deal with being alone with her.

The ship is under serious attack and Geordi calls CEOTW to the Bridge. Dun dun dunnnnnnn!

Geordi runs away and gives Logan command of the saucer section so he can go back and fight the flying shampoo bottle. Logan, BTW, is the artist formerly known as CEOTW. He takes some younger officers and tells them to go to the battle bridge, then goes to hide in the ready room for a minute, when Deanna comes in to counsel him. It's sweet, and I love the scene. Geordi is worried they'll get "blasted out of the sky" by the shampoo bottle. Deanna tells him he should be proud of how he's doing and that he should give some encouragement to his underlings.

They separate the saucer for the second time out of four. That could have happened more.

Picard can't find an exit from the cave and Beverly tells him if he finds an exit he should go. They do some sharing and Picard learns she was part of some colony that had some big disaster. Then he finds a viewscreen and is able to pull up the sales dude again. The projection tells Picard it's a demonstration.

Kirk would have blown the freaking thing up.

Data finds Picard and Beverly in the hole and decides to jump in, which he does. He scans Beverly and gives Picard a dramatic look.

Geordi gives the noobs a pep talk and then they jump in.

Another shampoo bottle is launched and Tasha and Will are in deep shit - and under attack.

And then Beverly yells, "Why don't you just shut it off!" So Picard decides to buy it and the whole thing just shuts down. Except for the Enterprise, which must have been out of signal range or something because they are still under attack, which is okay because they decide to fly into the atmosphere and hope it follows them, which it does and Geordi blows it out of the sky. Bye bye shampoo bottle. They lower shields in the atmosphere and beam everyone back.

Picard tells Geordi he's still in command until they get the saucer back. Fun times for Geordi, but Picard probably just wanted a shower before he had to go back to work.

The next episode they filmed was "Skin of Evil".

Friday, December 10, 2010

Gold Key 3

I think my favorite part was when they saved the day with a simple AMINO ACID. I checked. That chemical formula doesnt exist. And who actually thinks the amino acids would be a bitty molocule two letters long?
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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

How William Shatner ruined Everything

I was watching "How William Shatner Changed The World" today - the title says it all - and I was struck by how the script portrays the difference between DS9 and TNG. Basically, the ide is that DS9 on failed because of their negative take on technology and the utopian future.

A few counterarguments.

First, Roddenberry's "utopia" as concieved in classic trek is far from paradise for many Trekkies. Yes, we have eliminated poverty, disease, and war, but we still have criminals running amok, ecological disasters - and more planets to put them on - and it seems that every probe we put into space has woken up and now wants to kill us. Also, we have deadbeat dads - McCoy - and prejudice against aliens, we see evidence that religion - something that even science suggests we need - is taboo, and the Federation doesn't like to let people go, so they can't just leave and do their own thing.

Second problem : the assertion that TNG showed technology as benign, or helpful. Holodeck, anyone? TNG is a seven-year cautionary tale.

Third : DS9 is dark, you're right. But that doesn't make it contrary to the vision. Yes, it took us to an uncomfortable place, with the war and the religion. DS9 may be my favorite just because that utopian ideal is sustained throughout, but it is very clear that it is still a goal - the writers, without Gene, were free to admit they hadn't reached it yet.

Shatner's treatment of Voyager and Enterprise is so laughable I'm too tired to deal with it, except to say i's more of the same. Implying that Star Trek is dead, that Voyager and DS9 were faliures (I'll grant him Enterprise), and pretending Gene accomplished what he set out to do - it's silly.

But really not surprising in the slightest.
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Friday, December 3, 2010

Watching Fringe

Favorite word of the day: frankenrhino.
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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

On the fringes of sanity

One of my favorite things about Fringe is the way it moves. It's seamless, like a freaking river, which is something I don't normally say, not being prone to metaphorical thinking in any sense. But it does, and even Literal Me can see it.
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Friday, November 12, 2010

Expect the World to End any second

The LHC is blowing up stuff and making mini big bangs. Our days are numbered! The end is nigh! Just read the crazy captain's signs in Voyager's "Future's End, pt. 1" Never thought that would be useful.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Is Shatner Gay?

I know he's not, but I got your attention, didn't I?

Anyway, lately he's been all over Jimmy Kimmel, who I only really know as they guy everyone thinks my friend Chrissy Kimmel is related to, but anyway. Last time they were dancing a waltz (Shatner leading, of course) and now they're declaring "National Unfriend Day"


National UnFriend Day Announcement Featuring William Shatner

November 17 is National UnFriend Day! Celebrate!

Kimmel says Shatner's a fond acquaintance, but is he? IS HE? Lol.

Monday, November 8, 2010

First promotional "Image" of some kind - this is for Real, SPOILERS UP THE WAZOO, OR AT LEAST AS CLOSE AS YOU CAN GET TWO YEARS BEFORE THE MOVIE COMES OUT, HOW BAD DO YOU THINK IT COULD BE ANYWAY? THEY AREN'T EVEN FILMING YET. HECK, THEY DON'T HAVE A COMPLETE SCRIPT, SO JUST CHILL, OKAY!

Well, anyway, someone leaked this picture. No one knows what it's from, where it is, or really much of anything other than it's not really from J.J. More likely it's merchandising of some kind.

That said, it makes it a little more real, and we all got cool new wallpaper.

Unstoppable

Chris Pine's new movie sounds awe-some! And he's in it with Den-zel! Yay yay yay!

And everyone's still talking about Star Trek in the interviews that are supposed to be about Unstoppable.

You can see the video here.

Also, he told Access Hollywood the leather pants were photoshop.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Thoughts on Wrongs Darker than Death or Night

It seems to me that it's a rather bold thing to insert - that Dukat was involved with Kira's mom. On the other hand, it does explain why he was always so interested in Kira... although when he was trying to pick her up, that was a little sick and wrong. Although does it really make him worse that Richard Gere's character in Autumn in New York?

Kira's response is also intriguing - she goes straight to Sisko and demands an orb trip. Really? Does she think she should get special priviliges just because she's the friend of the Emissary? Even though up until that one trip on the Defiant she wasn't even really that?

Nana's scenes with Sid are always fun during this time - they were married then. And it's nice to see a return of Old Crabby Kira. I missed her. She was fun.

When she goes to Sisko for help, and begs him for help, she's begging as the Emissary. It's interesting, usually they have a work relationship - she doesn't address him in that way. Kind of fun.

The interest Dukat takes in Meru is very in character - he heals her scar, takes an interest, just like always. He's repeating himself - just like always. Sigh.

Basically, Dukat's just a big perverted jerk.

technophobia

I know this is odd but i'm something of a luddite. Who runs linux. But still. For the first time ever i got a phone and paid money for it - very odd.

But dissapointing, even though I'd done research and everything. That cheap phone did not live up to expectations.

I replaced it. With a freaking Epic. This is an odd feeling. I,m used to the cheapest computer, the simplest fix.

Feels good though.
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On Shatner's Dancing, Quinto's Play, and that Damn Luke Freaking Skywalker

Okay, so if you go on Youtube, you can see William Shatner dance with Jimmy Kimmel if you care about such things. If you go to the New York Times, you can read what should be a review of a play speculate on Zach Quinto's sexual orientation, since he's all, you know, pro-gay-rights and stuff. LeVar Burton is the new Kevin Bacon. Some stuff from Doug Drexler because it's not his fault.  Yes, that is Apollo from "Who Mourns..." getting killed. There's some news about Avacrap if you care about that (from what I hear it's Fern Gully with blue people. Fern Gully is about as cool as The Land Before Time, which was pretty cool. Ask yourself this - do you give a flying rat's patootie about The Land Before Time 2-5million?). Super 8 got a date, so that's good if you care about what JJ's up to when he's not up to Star Trek, and Chris Pine might be playing The Flash, in addition to Jack Ryan (turns out Ben Affleck didn't kill him after all. Good to know.) and Kirk. Wow. Chris Pine is living the fanboy dream. George Lucas has regrown his brain and is denying there will be more Star Wars movies.

That's some of what's gone on this week.

Today at work, the guy sittting next to me said, "Aren't Star Trek and Star Wars the same thing?" I knew I had the right job when the entire room exploded.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Testing

123
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Monday, October 25, 2010

And here we go again

Now that they're writing again, the game is afoot and the guessing begins. Literally, the first actual plot rumor - not just, hey we're gonna have a plot someday but an actual rumor about something that is actually going to happen was posted at Trekmovie today. There's spoilers if you click the link.

Personally, I hope Gary Mitchell isn't bad in this incarnation, not just in the next movie, but at all. It would be nice to see something good come out of this, but the stuff we wished hadn't happened to Kirk - Gary and David dying, for example - maybe this time around he gets to have those things?

Just a thought.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The point needed to be made

I'm posting this here because of the Trek ref, but the point needed to be made.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Just wanted you to know:

Star Trek 2 has a story. Not Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan, mind you, although that was a good movie. I mean the Star Trek 2, the one that will be keeping me up nights soon.

Finally, a Kirk who doesn't think we need to get a life.

Chris Pine's career is really taking off. I bet Shatner's jealous. I mean, he lived in a car after Trek, and here's the guy who replaced him about to be the next Jack Ryan! Bill Shatner never got  to be Jack Ryan!

It's not Chris's fault - he's just a guy. A guy who could stand to do some damn conventions, but a guy nonetheless. I"m not sure what he's trying to prove by wearing leather pants, though.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Stupid stasis episodes!

A few thoughts about "One"

Calling it a mutara-class nebula does not a good episdoe make.

I miss Jeri Taylor.

Seven of Nine is fun. More fun than we give her credit for.

I'm sure Matt Jeffries loved having shafts named after him?

It's amazing the computer worked at all by the time they got home.

David Wu's Klingons

I was time travelling this morning, and I rewatched David Wu's infamous "Klingons in the white house" speech.

Wow, just wow.

"They're Vulcans, but not really Vulcans, they're really Klingons, but not really Klingons because they've never been in battle."

Oh dear Lord, he makes us look like nutsy people.



I was also re-reading the stuff from 2006, rumoring a new Star Trek movie maybe produced by J.J. Abrams. We sure have come a long way since then, haven't we? Let's recap:

Someone else was president.

Enterprise had just been cancelled.

Nemesis was the last Star Trek movie.

The Countdown comic hadn't come out yet.

No one had heard of Star Trek Online.

Majel Barrett and Bob Justman were alive.

Bruce Greenwood was cool for being JFK, not Pike.

Pike was someone we didn't care about that much.

They hadn't tried to launch Doohan's ashes yet.

There was only one X-Files movie.

Just to name a few.

Finally, some SANITY

How many people did a cute little "What the hell?" when Uhura started kissing Spock in the turbolift last year? Only the ones who didn't know their Classic Trek! Let me let you people in on a little secret, again, because I'm sick of explaining this every month - she is all over him in the first, say, eight episodes.

But you don't have to take my word for it.

Now will everyone please believe me?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Warning: Cursing.

Enterprise Sucks! More Specifically, "The Council"

Nothing but love for Manny Coto. Talk about making the best of a bad situation.

Now for the death of a series: Season 3, the cancer that ate our show alive. Or something like that.

Don't get me wrong: I love my show. I love it a lot. But the fact remains, that the whole Xindi arc is Star Trek in a peripheral sort of way, but most of the individual episodes don't count. Roddenberry was very clear: There are four types of Star Trek episodes.

1. Police Action - the whole Xindi arc qualifies, but individual episodes often don't. Police action is when the ship is assigned to go somewhere and it encounters a planet that needs help in some way, like a cop on patrol finds a problem. They fix the problem. The end. Only in "The Council", they're not on routine patrol, they don't fix anything, and they don't find a problem either.

2. Character with a problem - more specifically defined as a one-time seen crew member on the ship, expanded to include semi-regular characters (Barclay) who may or may not be assigned to the ship (Lwaxana Troi). Yeah, in "The Council", Trip has a problem but he's part of the regualar cast - this doesn't qualify.

3. Copying Earth's history - expanded to include future history (things that happened for Star Trek but not for us, yet) even if you count Time Travel, "The Council" still doesn't count.

4. Alien Aliens - pretty self explanatory. Aliens that are so weird they defy our sense of normality. Includes gas creatures, different moralities, and Ian Troi. Does not include the Xindi council, since none of them are that strange to us. I suppose they could include the Sphere builders though - except they don't really let us see enough of them to tell.

Friday, October 8, 2010

How to be Mean: A Deep Space Nine Story

My favorite thing about "Progress" is not just what it shows us about ourselves, but all the ways in which it heralds things to come - in DS9, there are no easy answers.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Emergence: AKA "Oh, crap, we have to write a whole 'nother ep to fill the last season?!?!?!"

Data is continuing his study of Shakespeare.

He's gotten good.

Again, I say, Season 7 is all about reminding us of all the things we're gonna miss. Picard is coaching him, too, which is extra awesome since Patrick got Knighted earlier this year. That was cool. He explains how Shakespeare enjoyed mixing opposites.

And that's when the steam engine comes through.

And they're on the tracks and have to jump into the ditch, because, once again, the command "Computer, End Program" does not work.

Yeah.

I will say this: so far, the train is new. That Holodeck's a frigging deathtrap.

Credits.

When they leave the holodeck, Picard is injured and the train was the Orient Express. Picard gets to ask the very interesting question: "I know about the Orient Express, but what was it doing on Prospero's Island?"

Good question. Technobabble ensues and they shut down the holodecks while Picard goes to Sickbay to get patched up and flirt with Beverly. We're gonna miss their flirting, right? I know I do.

They're looking for colony sites after weathering a Technobabble storm. I have a feeling the Technobabble storm is going to be important someday. Someday is today, when the ship randomly moves into warp. Warp 7.3, and no one knows why. They're polluting subspace! Suddenly they drop out of warp, right when they were about to shut down the core. Again, no one knows why.

Geordi and Data look into it, and we're gonna miss their crazy theories. They find that the ship was about to be randomly destroyed by some Technobabble they can't detect when they went to warp for no reason. Now, wait a minute. If it's deadly and they can detect it, why aren't the sensors set up to-

Never mind. Series is almost over, you know.

Anyway, none of the crew saw it, but it's in the sensor log, and if they had stayed where they were for another two seconds, they would have blown up.

Commercial.

Georid and Data crawl into a Jeffires Tube. *sob*, last Jeffries Tube! (I think. I don't remember them in Preemptive Strike or All Good Things) Anyway, Data says maybe the sensors triggered a safety device, and then the ship moved, but wouldn't the Chief Engineer and Science Officer know about that? Whatever. Geordi says there's no direct link between the two systems. They open a panel and there's a direct link between the systems that shouldn't be there, and it's protecting itself with a forcefield.

They find a lot more of the "nodes". It turns out the Technobabble storm made them somehow and that they can't really control the ship very well with them in there. They can't get rid of them easily. They intersect in the holodeck, so they decide to go into the holodeck and look around.

The holodeck is on, and several programs are on at once. Data, Will, and Worf wind up on the Orient Express with a knight making paper dolls, a couple of cowboys, and a bunch of people doing a puzzle - a puzzle that looks like the nodes.

The conductor comes in and asks for tickets, which of course they don't have. When they go to turn off the power he gets... snippy. The engineer comes in and tells him to leave them alone, then gets shot by a gangster from Chicago.

At the same time, Geordi's console blows out.

The conductor pulls a bell rope....

And then they go to warp again, and they can't get out of warp this time.

The gangster takes a golden brick from the body of the engineer, and the conductor insists they leave. Data realizes the safeties are off, so they leave.

For now.

Data has realized the ship is alive. Sigh. Riker pretends he's shocked, but for all of us who saw "Conspiracy," we know that the computer is not only intelligent, it can get bored.

Commercial.

Data calls it a "neural matrix", and says it is an "emergent property". Basically the computer woke up. He also recognized this with the "exocomps" for the record. The holodeck is the computer's imagination. Troi wants to go have a look.

Worf and Data go with her. Now a flapper is trying to give the knight something to drink. Deanna has a poke around, with Worf trying to help her. The gangster is playing cards with someone who's tied up. He tells Troi he's taking the brick to "Keystone city". "It's where everything begins." They follow him through the city when he gets off, and Data tries to get at the Holodeck's power grid. Troi follows the gangster and Worf follows her, because they were dating then. A car tries to run Data down, but he ducks, then goes back to work in the middle of the street.

The gangster goes to a wall with an empty space. "What are you doing here?" asks Troi. "Laying the foundation." Yeah, whatever the hell that means. He puts the brick in the wall and now it looks like any other brick.

Suddenly the cargo bay depressurized, and the transporter is running in there.

Something on the floor is glowing that looks a lot like the nodes. Geordi gets a rare close-up with dramatic music.

Commercial.

Data, meanwhile, encountered a minor difficulty and is currently holding the car that's trying to run him down by the fender. LOL. I don't think we even knew what LOL meant when this came out. LOL. He depolarizes the power grid...

The replicator and transporters are making the thing in the cargo bay, and then there's a slight incident where the ship starts shaking like there's no tomorrow, they almost lose structural integrity, and Troi gets clobbered by falling bricks. Worf gets to be protective.

Geordi and Data decide to get together and compare notes.

Deanna thinks the computer is building something - the something in the cargo bay, perchance? The characters represent systems in the ship, and they can't reason with a weapons system. And it's like a baby. She wants to try some more, despite getting clobbered by bricks. Picard tells her not to hinder.

This time they bring tickets. The conductor says the engine is running out and Worf gets to shovel coal. One of the characters says there is a resturant where they're going (Vertiform City) where you can eat all you want anytime. Huh.

Worf starts shoveling coal, and warp power gets back to normal. They're heading to a white dwarf star. The ship uses a tractor beam to collect vertion particles from the star, and send them into cargo bay 5. It makes the object grow faster, and it starts generating it's own energy. Then it stops absorbing, because the star has run out of particles.

The conductor slams on the brakes.

Commercial.

The ship is mostly offline. The object was about to become it's own lifeform when they ran out of vertion particles. Systems are back online and they start moving again.

The train is now going to New Vertiform City.

They head for another white dwarf, but at the cost of life support. They have to find a new source of particles and Data has to get control of the train. The characters on the train don't like it.

Geordi has a plan to make the particles, that's fine, but the train people are not having it. They finally let Data back to the engine room, and he tells them he knows a shorter route. Lol, Data negotiating with the computer's subconcious. He slows the train to impulse and they blow up a modified torpedo which creates the particles they need. The cargo bay thing grows up, the nodes deactivate, and they realize the whole point of the nodes was to reproduce in the cargo bay.

The thing grows up and flies away.

The train people celebrate, then vanish.

Data invites Picard to watch him play in The Tempest - Miranda's first encounter with humans. And then he asks Picard why he let the object form, and Picard says it came from them, the crew, and that if they've been honorable then the sum of those experiences would be honorable as well.

In closing I have to say that this is one of Season 7's few episodes that does not wrap up the last six years, and as such is one of my faves. It also would have been neat had they found this instead of B4, not that I really mind.

And one other thing - How often have we thought some day that computer would wake up? Really? And then it does. Good job.

A friend forwarded this to me and I just had to send it on.

WHY PARENTS DRINK



A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished

to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he

saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to

"Dad."With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope with trembling

hands and read the letter.



Dear Dad:



It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope

with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew

you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight

motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is 25 years older than I am.

But it's not only the passion... Dad, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we

will be very happy. She owns a traile r in the woods and has a stack of

firewood for the whole winter! We share a dream of having many more

children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't

really

hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live

nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science

will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm

sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.





Love, Your son Jeff

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at
Tommy's house. Just wanted to remind you that there
are worse things in life than a report card. That is
in my center desk drawer.
> Call me when it's safe to come home.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Rebuttal to the 15 Things I totally knew about Star Trek

The 15 Things You Didn't Know About Star Trek

1.NASA's First Space Shuttle was named the Enterprise. Knew It! What self-respecting fan doesn't?

2.The Original Pilot had a woman first officer - Knew it! Problem: The second part of the statement where the series was recast for a man. NOT TRUE! To paraphrase the Great Bird, "I could either keep the woman or keep the Martian, so I married the woman and kept Spock. I couldn't really have done it the other way around, I mean, Leonard's cute, but..." Just for the record, silly fact sheet creator, Spock (the new first officer) was in that same pilot with the woman first officer, which makes it less a "recast" and more a "redistribution".

3.First Interracial Kiss - Knew it! Yes, we're all very proud, good job. But it you watch the episode, it doesn't really so much show the kiss, it's more of an implied kiss, and they only used it because when they shot it the other way, where he just bent her out of frame and then looked up, Bill Shater crossed his eyes to ruin the shot.

4.Diverse Crew - knew it! It was 1966, so I'm pretty sure everyone else did too.

5.Redshirt deaths - Knew it! And everyone who ever watched Generations on VHS does too, because the video version of William Shatner's Star Trek Memories is previewed on there, and Koenig talks about it.

6.Meaning of Uniform Colors - Knew it! Probably not everyone else does though, although, again, the people who watched Generations on VHS probably do, since they bothered to watch Generations  on VHS, and usually non-Trekkies eventually ask someone if they're at all curious or care, which if they didn't they won't read this fact sheet.

7. Majel Roddenberry was in 6 series and 11 movies - Knew it! about 10 of the movies anyway, but she wasn't actually in 2009 Trek due to her untimely death. And by the way, you know what a good factoid might have been? There were actually six series, not five!

8.Vulcan salute invented by Leonard Nimoy? Check. Priestly Blessing? Knew it! It's in his autobiography. I'm giving them a pass on this one - I don't think the general public has read I Am Spock, even though you should, it's really good (if a little self-serving).

9. Zachary Quinto had to glue his fingers together - Heard it, but don't believe it, at least by the end of the shoot. Zach is left-handed, and Spock is right handed, so give the guy a break. Bill Shatner can't do it at all - if you zoom in really close when watching him in Star Trek III, you can see where his fingers are tied together with fishing line. Just for the record, our store manager can't do it either.

10.Xenolinguistics was a class at Lake Tahoe Community College. Knew it! Klingon is a real language would be a good side note here.

11.Star Trek fans are called Trekkies/Trekkers - Knew it! And you know what? So does everyone else, except the woman in the elevator who saw my dad at the 2007 Las Vegas con, wearing his "Proud Parent of A Trekkie" t-shirt (I made it for him) and asked if his son was a boy scout.

12.Shatner's Kidney stone sold on ebay - Knew it, but I think most people block that information out. I did try to convince my sister-in-law to sell hers on ebay. I figured with some creative wording we could get at least $100.

13.Vulcans on the census - Didn't know it. Not surprised. Why is anyone?

14.ILM did effects on Star Trek films - Knew it! And, I think, on some of the shows, which is not mentioned. Star Trek 2009 is the most priated film last year? Didn't know it. Not at all surprised. Kind of proud, though.

15.To Boldly Go... stolen?!?!?!!?!?!!? - Knew it. Splitting an infinitive is not grammatically incorrect. I stumbled on an article about that yesterday. Literally.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Do You Remember?

I was watching Search for Spock with a friend, and I realized that the TWOK tie-ins are all well and good, but when YoungKirk finds OldSpock in the cave in Star Trek 2009, and OldSpock says "I have been, and always shall be, your friend," he's not talking about the day he sacrificed himself to save a boatload of proverbial babies, but the day Kirk made the same choice he was being forced to make - the day Kirk brought him back from the dead.

Let's face it, the battle was lost the minute David Marcus died. Kirk was literally in a puddle on the floor and no one not no one would have blamed him if he refused to lose anything else at that point. Saavik was very clear, in an unclear way, that Spock wasn't alive, mentally, and there was no way to know what it was, exactly, that McCoy had. His son had just died and his ship was disabled, and no one would have blamed him if they had just found a nice safe place to hide and tried to take the ship back while making repairs, then turned tail and run. They would have survived too, because they always did. Kruge was going to kill Saavik and he was going to kill Spock, not that Spock would have really understood what was happening, that's if the ground didn't collapse under them before he got around to it.

Kirk was called to make a choice: when the whole world falls apart, and you can choose to take only one thing with you, what do you choose?

He chose to go to Spock and trust the rest to sort it out.

Flash forward to 2009, in the ice cave.

Spock has lost everything. His life's work died with Romulus. His family, as far as he knows, died on Vulcan. And then one man wanders through his life, and he has a choice. He can use this one man as an opportunity to go back and try fight Nero himself. Or...

Or he can choose to finally repay the man who chose him in the same situation.

"I have been, and always will be, your friend."

Kirk was right. Spock did the same for him.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Found while stumbling

This is very weird/cool if you've seen Cloverfield more than once. For the rest of you - why do they use the word "ill" so much?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Gold Key Comics

Wow, is all I have to say. Spock doesn't go on landing parties, the words "up periscope" are used, and why is it that they seem to think that the words "asteroid" and "planet" should be interchangeable?

But seriously, folks. I think I figured this out. It was 1967, they hadn't even invented the Star Trek canon, and they probably just didn't realize it was that important. So, while I can understand, in theory, that they didn't mean any harm...

If Spock uses one more Robin-like exclamation, I will end his pointy existence.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Relevance

It's always amazing to me that TNG is so relevant today. Many of the more politically inclined episodes showcase issues that we are still with us. My fiance and I were watching "The Outcast" this morning, and he was like, "Wow. This is just every gay rights issue in a nutshell."

And I was like, "I know."

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Planet of Death

Just read what I think was the first ever Star Trek comic, published by Gold Key for 12 cents God only Knows When.

We've come a way since then.

Spoilers.












Just for instance, now we don't like to kill whole ecosystems like Kirk does at the end of this charming little number, and Kirk certainly didn't run around shouting, "Galloping Galaxies!"

On the flip side, some of it was startlingly familiar - Spock saying how they needed to be exactly precise on some measurement against all odds or so-and-so would die horribly and actually managing to pull it off, Kirk's nonsensical, sentence-free logs, and pretty much all of McCoy's character are pretty much straight out of early Season 1.

But possibly the biggest blast from the past (and most annoying) was when they were exploring another galaxy (presumably after Gary Mitchell was done with them) and finding no signs of life.

Ah, the days when canon was nothing and we were carefree and innocent.

Dark Knight Comparisons

It has been noted many a time this summer that Star Trek would like to do with it's sequel something like The Dark Knight (hopefully without death-inducing nightmares) and go deeper this time. They are looking to the bar set by Christopher Nolan.

Well, duh! I mean, who doesn't want to hit that bar these days. Dark Knight changed everything for a lot of people, and it did it in such a way that no serious geek franchise will ever be the same. I'm not quite sure that was for the best, but it was an amazing movie. The question is not "Can Star Trek do that?" - it's "Should Star Trek do that?" Batman is about the inner conflict and guilt of a man with serious control issues in an environment where laws don't really apply. Star Trek is about making good science fiction and mainstreaming the idea of a hopeful utopian universe. You can like both, but they don't play in the same schoolyard.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

StumbleUpon

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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Fighting the Good Fight

Star Trek: Voyager
The Fight

I've always hated episodes - like in Alias, for example, where they start in the middle of the story and call it a teaser. Then they back out and it's yesterday after the credits. Even worse is when - unlike in Alias - they start with the middle of the story in the teaser and no one is doing anything particularly unexpected.

I do, however, give them props for use of Chakotay the Underused.

Chakotay ends having to narrate the catch-up himself, from a biobed, while crazy and lying on his stomach (an interesting directoral choice).

It started while he was boxing, like at the Academy. And I did not know Boothby was a boxing trainer for cadets. But now I do. He philosophises about boxing, or at least his hologram does (I swear, Voyager uses Boothby more than any other series) and I'm reminded of the Rocky movies. All of a sudden, the air kind of... Fractures. And then Chakotay gets hit and Doc is asking how many fingers. Doc, by the way, does not like boxing. Shocker. Anyway, Chakotay has hyperactive ganglia, and that's precisely when the ship shakes.

Somehow, and I don't know how he does this, Chakotay changes into his uniform before reporting to the Bridge to learn that there's a weird phenomenon that's making them shake. Then, of course, they get pulled in and the stars are all wibbly. Seven calls Janeway to Astrometrics.

She calls it Chaotic space. The laws of physics are in a state of flux. "They stole the warp and put it in their show!" yells my fiancee. "Bastards!" If you're a Warhammer fan, that was funny.

Anyway, Seven calls it Chaotic Space, and it's all around them. It appears randomly, the Borg have tracked it, and no Federation ship has ever survived, but of course they didn't have Seven, the ultimate deus ex machina. Maybe that's what happened to the Hera? There has even only been one Borg ship to survive. Ouch. Not good odds.

Chakotay is up late, working, when something chimes in his quarters. It sounds a little like the door chimes in Star Trek VI. "Round One!" yells a disembodied voice. He hears cheering. Odds are this won't end well. Some boxing gloves appear. Then Tuvok calls him to the Bridge. Shear is increasing, and Chakotay is still hearing things. The camera angles go all diagonal every time it focuses on Chakotay, to increase the tension. He sees the boxing gloves again, he's still hearing voices, and then Tom calls Sickbay.

Apparently, Chakotay's grandfather had 24th century Alzheimer's. The gene was surpressed but it got switched on somehow, so Chakotay's going a little nuts.

The sensors get reconfigured, so they try to fly away, but of course they run into another ship with better sensors and everyone died. But their crew was hallucinating too - at least two of them. That is not a coincidence.

Doc found out that the aliens had a different genetic alteration that made them hallucinate. Chakotay wants to go on a vision quest, which Doc reluctantly agrees to if he wears a cortical monitor.

So he does, and we haven't seen that in ages. I miss Season 1! Waaah! Voyager was so much cooler back then. In the quest, Chakotay finds his Grandfather and follows him to a cave where there's a boxing match. Of course there's a boxing match. He whirls around -

And then wakes up in Sickbay, and that is the Great Problem with this episode. Because, guess what, it's not in the timeframe we were in when he went in there. It's later, after the teaser from the future, only there's nothing obvious to tell us that, so we just get to be confused. Chakotay won't let "them" speak to him - he's too scared he'll go crazy. He does go crazy, starts spewing words like "trimetric" and "rentrillic".

Janeway has to come calm him down and get him to try again because she's in loooove with him. It's an interesting side of him - he's normally just a prop on the Bridge that's all brave and stuff, and Naomi gets more lines than him. Doc reminds him of his vision quest, and that's when we go back to the other timeframe and my eyes completely roll back in my head, trying to wrap my head around the time stuff. Anyway, the vision quest is in a boxing match and Tom Paris is a bookie.

Neelix, Tom, and Tuvok try to stop him, but Boothby eggs him on. On the Bridge, Chakotay trains or whatever. Harry and Janeway try to talk him out of it too. B'Elanna calls him selfish, Doc tells him it's a delusion.

Neelix is giving him a massage while Doc describes boxing injuries and tells him he'll end up a crazy old man. Chakotay runs away, back to the cave, where his Grandfather refuses to come home with him but invites him to come along with himself and the invisible people. There is a chime. "Begin Round One," says the computer. Chakotay runs away, but he winds up in the ring. Kid Chaos, the champion is called, but Doc comes in and cancells the fight on medical grounds. Chakotay wakes up in his quarters, having gotten stuck in the vision quest.

Harry starts dropping beacons for navigation. That ends badly when they run into the beacon they launched three hours ago. Brilliant. I remember this TNG episode. Seven finds a pattern in chaotic space - a signal. It could be a transmission - right into Chakotay's brain, perchance?

It is, in fact, a signal to reconfigure DNA. They want to contact Chakotay, through hallucinations. The ship starts shaking again, and Chakotay asks when they've turned away from a fist contact. Doc is not happy when Janeway orders him back into the ring.

Boothby keeps encouraging him, and they begin the fight. Kid chaos turns around, and he's literally chaos. He communicates a lot like the Prophets in DS9, pieces of the crew's interactions with Chakotay, who is not particulary okay with being crazy, but he knows how to do it - so he goes to the Bridge and fiddles with things until they get out. Sigh of relief.

Chakotay decides to go boxing to relieve the stress and gets punched in the head.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Of Doctors New and Old

I love David Tennant.

There, I said it.

I love him and he's wonderful and I want to freeze time because the man is a genuis and not a little bit unlike my fiancee, what with the egotism. But I know it can't last, isn't lasting, hasn't lasted. He's gone already, and here I am refusing to watch Doctor Who and pretending that he's not gone but he is. Not gone like dead, he's just not the Doctor anymore. Maybe he'll do a guest spot on Heroes like Chris Eccleston or something.

So, instead, I'm pretending that I'm too busy planning my wedding to possibly contemplate even trying to watch the Doctor Who specials, even though I know perfectly well that I just watched four seasons of Bones in three weeks (which I highly reccomend as a show, by the way).

It's just so damn tragic I could die, not that I want to, but... Argh! I like David Tennant. He's the perfect Doctor. I liked Chris Eccleston too. He was also the perfect Doctor. When Nine regenerated, I cried. And then there was David Tennant. He was perfect too. And I don't care how perfect the Matt Whatever is, he's not David Tennant, just like David Tennant wasn't Chris Eccleston and Chris Eccleston wasn't... well, the only Doctor I really like other than those two was Three. Three had a good sense of loss and despair, and is really the beginning of the Doctor angst, as far as I can see. Two just had a recorder, and One seemed to subsist on his pompousness, but Three - Three knew loss and regret, and all the things that made Nine and Ten that most despised of character qualities: Edgy (whatever that means).

I know that the Doctors changing is a metaphor for the people in our life changing, how a person can change their looks and their likes and dislikes and pierce their own lip and get a tattoo and preted to be the most hardassed person on the planet but underneath, they're the same. I get that. It's a valuable lesson.

But can't we learn it without losing David Tennant?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

My favorite Stupid Fanfic of the day

Oh dear God in Heaven why?

Why?

Why?

If you thought Twilight was a good example of excellent original storytelling and healthy relationships, however, you may enjoy this concept.

Neutralization
by Dangerous Beans [Reviews - 3]
During Stolen Earth/Journey's End, a Dalek takes a side-trip to Forks, Washington, and saves the world from a threat to coolness everywhere.
Tenth Doctor - Teen - None - Crossover, Humor
Characters: None
Series: None
Published: 2010.05.17 - Updated: 2010.05.18 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 537


Sunday, April 11, 2010

How to improve perfection

Okay, so Percy Jackson is a really really good movie.
It is also a really really good book.
However, it does not meet in the middle. It is not a really really good book/movie series. It's like Harry Potter - there's just too much. Little things, like the age of the characters and the ending fate of Percy's stepfather just don't work in the overall grand scheme of things. And then they left out....

Spoilers












THEY LEFT OUT KRONOS

Monday, April 5, 2010

There's No Place Like Wet Sand

Home Soil: The Next Generation

So here's what I don't get: since when does Starfleet maintain enough contact with distant outposts to know they might potentially have a problem brewing? And since when are erratic communications with eccentric scientists anything to worry about? Really? And where did Picard go to Jackass school, because he's usually very properly nice.

Actually, I think you can infer the opening of the episode from these highly profound questions.

So they beam into the Lab of Eccentric Scientists without a redshirt, which means no one we care about will be dying today. Good thing, too, because these guys are terraforming! What is terraforming, you ask? Well, I'm glad you did! Terraforming is... well, remember the Genesis project? No? Remember Star Trek 2? No? The one where Spock died?

Oh dear.

Anyway, for those of you who are cringing at this and ready to get on with it, skip the next paragraph.

So, back up a bit. In Star Trek 2, Kirk learned three things: 1)If Spock is wearing the red shirt, he can die too. 2)Kirk's son we didn't know he had until just now hates him. 3) Despite the fact that revenge is a dish that is best served cold, the device used to get said revenge must be capable of melting and reshaping the surface of a dead planet to create a living one. This is called the Genesis Device.

But since that didn't work out (See Star Trek 3) we call it terraforming now, and it's a lot slower. Instead of a few days, it takes a few decades. Riker and Deanna get a sneak peek at why it's so cool from this technician chick that Riker is totally flirting with all over the place. Flirt flirt flirt. Eventually Geordi and Data get bored and try to make their own friend, but that is an epic fail when some kind of laser drill thingy (did you notice the way they made it sound futuristic by slapping the word "laser" on it?) kills their new friend. Sad.

Well not kills, more like mortally wounds, enough that Crusher has to feel sad she coudn't save him. The other three terraformers decide to beam up to the ship too, but Data stays on the planet to poke around. Sadly, the laser drill is not a fan of this and attacks him. Too bad it doesn't know he has faster reflexes. He shreds it.

Picard tries to get the director dude to tell what's going on, but he's not talking. This annoys Picard, because any fool and Counselor Troi can see the guy is clearly hiding something. He gets so annoyed he sends Geordi and Data back to the planet to try to get killed so he'll get even more annoyed. Maybe if he's lucky he'll annoy himself into a French accent.

Sorry. Harsh. Love to Patrick Stewart!

Anyway, Geordi and Data don't die. In case you were curious.

But they do find a pretty light in an access tube thingy, which they decide could be alive despite the complete lack of carbon, which would make it - say it with me now - inorganic.

Inorganic!

They all pretend to be shocked even though I'm remembering this thing... I think they called it a Horta? That Kirk found? Yeah. That. Anyway, they beam it up to the ship. They magnify, it hums, they magnify more, it hums louder. They try to get the director to admit he knew it was there and alive, but he didn't really know, so he wasn't really hiding much of anything, was he. That could  have been a cooler plot twist. Anti-non-carbonist, and all that. But it wouldn't fit into the Utopian future Gene was still forcing on everyone then. Anyway, it keeps growing. And growing. And growing some more. And then it explodes a bell jar and declares war on humanity, so Picard turns the lights off.

What!?!?!!?

Did I forget to mention photosensitive?

Anyway, they declare peace and the alien tells them to come back in four centuries.

Big emotional letdown.

They ripped off "Devil in the Dark". Look it up. Seriously.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Star Trek won't win Best Picture.

Read the debate.

This was my contribution.

The Oscar decision is a mistake, for the same reason Titanic winning best picture was a mistake, and for the same reason leaving Dee Kelley out of the tribute video was a mistake. Star Trek may not have a new plot (how many plots are new, anymore?) or be super super relevant to our present situation, but that wasn't really why they made the movie they made, was it?

This was the movie that had to be in order to save the franchise.

Hollywood saw it, Hollywood made it, they pulled it off, and now they're failing to toot their own horn.

Shoulda coulda woulda.


Shatner Of The Mount by Fall On Your Sword

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I think I love this better than all the others - Sleeping Dogs

So, here's the thing. It's not stolen.

You heard me, ladies and gents. A Season 1 Enterprise episode that was NOT STOLEN FROM ANOTHER EPISODE.

Didn't know it was possible? Me neither. Well, let me tell you, it is. I mean, the ending smacks of Galileo Seven a little, but just a little, and only superficially. If they were trying to rip off Galileo Seven, T'Pol would have been launching torpedoes instead of trying to talk Hoshi out of it. And Hoshi loses half her annoying points in this episode.

I can't even do the Voyager game with this one. The closest I can come, other than Galileo Seven, was Day of the Dove, and they didn't exactly make peace with the Klingons here for even a short length of time.