Sunday, September 30, 2007


Star Trek: The Naked Now

Everyone gets drunk. Every time I watch this episode, I think of The Naked Time, the episode based on this one they made for TNG. Let's just say it was less than stellar.

That's a pun, FYI.

That said, this is actually a good episode, highly amusing in many ways, and yet with very serious components as well. Also, I think Kevin Riley is pretty hilarious.

I'll protect you, fair maiden!

Sorry, neither.

-Sulu and Uhura

Friday, September 28, 2007


And, on the flip side, Mike Vogel of The Posiedon Adventure fame, may be the new Captain Kirk. More news to come.

Personally, the man makes the worst decisions about which movie to do ever. I think that maybe he could be the barometer here. If he decides to not, we'll know it's good.

TNG's Twentieth Anniversary

I'm going to keep adding to this as stuff happens today, but here's a good start.

Twenty years ago, I was barely four. I didn't understand the concept of a spinoff, or that there were two seperate Star Trek shows. I remember watching "The Way to Eden" before TNG one night and thinking Picard was dead because Dr. Sevrin had about the same amount of hair, so that must be the same guy.

I couldn't know, then, that TNG would be with me for the rest of my life. I was, after all, just a nerd in training, not the real thing yet.

Quinto finds out what's coming to him

Zachary Quinto has never done a convention. The closest he got was the comic-con announcement. But now he's signed for 2008's grand slam.

I really really hope this doesn't turn him off to Star Trek. People are scary.

So, who else wants to do Burbank in place of Vegas now?

Oh, can't you just see those poodle people naming a poodle Spock just for him?

BTW, here is that link.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Oh no Odo

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: A Man Alone

Odo gets framed for murder in a very clever way, igniting the first of a lot of anti-changeling sentiment.

He's innocent. Move on.

I suggest that you allow yourself to feel comfortable with your discomfort.

-Jadzia Dax

Who mourns for Charles Dickens?

Doctor Who: The Unquiet Dead

Some guy's grandmother dies in the 1800s, and then she comes back to life and rises out of her coffin and tries to kill him. Wonderful. Apparently it's not the first time, judging by the funeral director's reaction.

The woman walks out into the snow with glowy lights around her head. Points from at least stealing from something quality like Buffy and not something lame like Enterprise.

The TARDIS isn't working that well, so they end up in 1860.

The funeral director guy gets chewed out by his servant for not doing what he should have in the first place and getting help for the, you know, walking dead people.

Rose and the Doctor get dressed and go out to see Christmas in 1860.

Just to make things more disturbing, Gwyneth, the servant girl, is psychic. She is able to find the old lady going to see "the great man" from London. Turns out Charles Dickens is in town.

Charles Dickens is depressed about his lack of attachment.

The Doctor calls Rose beautiful, which is sweet. They go out and poke around Christmas 1860, which I assume is good times.

The undertaker and Gwyneth track the dead lady to a convention hall or whatever.

The Doctor got the year wrong. It's 1859.

Charles Dickens, reciting A Christmas Carol, is disturbed to see the dead lady glowing again. She rises from her seat, screaming, and of course the Doctor and Rose run to the rescue. Gwyneth and the undertaker run in too, and these glowy phantom things fly all over the room. The Doctor runs in to help, and Rose goes after the undertaker. Sadly, the undertaker chloroforms Rose and the Doctor comes out just in time to see her taken away. He gets Charles Dickens to give them a ride on his carriage.

The undertaker and Gwyneth take Rose and lock her up. Rose wakes up with the corpse.

Charles Dickens and the Doctor arrive and see the phantoms flying around. The grandson of the dead woman wakes up, and the two corpses start trying to kill Rose, because of course she's locked up with them. The Doctor manages to keep Rose from being killed by zombies. It turns out they're not so much zombies as they are disembodied aliens.

The undertaker explains that the house is haunted, which the Doctor calls a rift. Charles Dickens starts wandering around, which I personally wouldn't do, but I guess he's closed minded, much like Samuel Clemmens in Time's Arrow. The Doctor catches him looking for wires with which to animate the corpse. Eventually he comes around and we can all get back to our fun lives.

Rose bonds with Gwyneth, who has a crush on the butcher's apprentice guy. Then Gwyneth refers to Rose's dead dad. Oh, yeah - because she's psychic. She can read Rose's mind. The Doctor hears that part of the conversation, and realizes that she's the key to the rift. So they're gonna have a seance.

Charles Dickens refuses to participate until they talk him into it. The gas creatures swarm in and Gwyneth manages to talk to them. They are called the Gelth, and they need to get home. Or they need to come through so they can posess all the dead bodies.

Charles Dickens believes now, at least.

They end up in the morgue, where the Gelth turn out to be evil. They kill the undertaker and take his body. They decide to kill the rest of them. In fact, they're gonna kill all the humans.

Yeah, great plan, Doctor.

Charles Dickens figures out that the Gelth are allergic to gas lights, so he runs back and turns up the gas in the house. Gwyneth can hold them there forever - but only by sacrificing herself. She lights a match and the whole place goes up.

Turns out Gwyneth was already dead.

Charles Dickens goes back to London, very excited. But he'll die before he has time to write about it.

Perhaps I've thought of everything I'll ever think

-Charles Dickens

Spy Games

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Past Prologue

Garak approaches Julian to be his spy contact person and we have to deal with what Bajor was like before the Federation stepped in. Good times.

It's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak.

-Elim Garak, Obsidian Order Papa-spy

Who are you?

Dr Who: The End of the World

The Doctor gives Rose a choice - backwards or forwards in time. 100 years later - no, 10,000 years, no, wait - 5 billion years. This is the day the sun expands and the world ends.

Well, at least humans haven't all killed themselves in that time.

Aliens are coming to watch the spectacle. They almost get thrown out, but the Doctor has a psychic paper and the blue host decides it's an invitation. The Doctor flirts with a tree. And then they bring out the last human - who is like, the thinnest human possible. Skin stretched in a frame. She is eyeballs and a mouth. Creepy. You can see through her.

These black robe types give everyone a sphere. The tree chick tries to find out the Doctor's species and then says "it's impossible". I'm guessing that's not good.

Rose, meanwhile, watches the end of the world. Is it any wonder she's a little upset. She realizes she has no idea who the Doctor is while talking to a blue skinned alien. The blue skinned alien crawls into a jeffries tube and has an encounter with a spider thing. Or two. Billion. Scream.

The black robed aliens' silver balls may be responsible. They hatch little spider things. Hmmm...

Rose is sitting around playing with hers. She speaks to the plant the tree lady gave her when her little silver ball hatches. Yikes.

The Doctor gets his phone booth valet parked. Then he finds Rose sitting alone. She's trying to deal with the aliens. And then the Doctor won't even tell her who he is. They have a small fight about it. She gets over it. The Doctor rigs her phone so she can phone home.

The station shakes. The blue host guy finds the spider guys but one kills him before he can do anything about it.

They return to the party, and the Doctor and his tree girlfriend go check out why the station shook.

Rose goes to talk to the last human - Cassandra, who used to be a little boy. Cassandra is the last "pure" human - the others interbred with aliens. Rose gets mad and stomps out and the black robed aliens watch.

The tree tells the Doctor she knows where he's from. She says it's remarkable he exists and how sorry she is. He sheds a single tear.

They emerge in the room from Star Trek: Nemesis where Riker and the Viceroy had that big fight.

Rose gets mugged and dragged away by the black robed aliens.

Doctor and the tree discover that there's sabotage. Good on them, everyone else has known for ten minutes.

Cassandra turns on a "traditional ballad" for the end of the world - Britney Spears.

Rose wakes up in a room where the sun filter is descending. Not good.

The Doctor saves her just in time, and the tree tells eveyone what's up. The figure out that the robey types set them. Oh, no, those are just more robots. Turns out it was Cassandra. Just when you think she's won - well, she kind of wins. In the sense of turning off the forcefields and teleporting away.

Of course, the switch is on the other side of a huge fan. Doctor's about to run through it as a hopeless cause when the tree saves him by slowing down the fans at the cost of her own life - she calls him Time Lord, by the way. Anyway, it's about to be very bad for everyone and then the tree dies, which doesn't help. But the Doctor somehow gets through the fan and raises the shield just in time for Earth to blow up spectacularly.

The Doctor brings Cassandra back... and she dries out and dies. Which is gross.

The guests all leave. Rose stays to watch the debris of the Earth. The Doctor takes her away, back to her own century. And then he tells her his own planet is gone - before it's time. He says there was a war, and they lost. His people are the Time Lords and he is the only survivor.

She takes him out for chips, which I think are fries.

It's inside my brain?

Well, in a good way.

-Rose and The Doctor

The Bad just keeps on coming

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Search pt. 1

Sisko and the crew go to the Gamma Quadrant to contact the Founders, a task that defies solving.

Maybe not their best plan. In fact, they get blowed up in Starfleet's finest warship.

On the flip side, Odo finally finds his people -

End of episdoe.

Welcome home.

-A female changeling


Star Trek: Voyager: Non Sequitr

Harry wakes up on Earth. He's never been on Voyager. And he really really wants to get back. It's possible that Harry is not that bright and doesn't know about Species 8472.

Why does everyone say "relax" when they're about to do something terrible?

-Harry Kim

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Who's on first?

I'm watching Dr. Who for the first time ever right now. moving up in the world

Chris Doohan's pictures from his recent trip to Scotland are up at

I remember a time in which wouldn't have even touched the stuff. Things are looking up today.

New Beginnings

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Emissary

The groundwork for my personal favorite Star Trek series. Very very complex plot - but who cares? Possibly the best Star Trek pilot ever, this is.

Also, the first time Gene Roddenberry didn't invent Star Trek.

They've left the Bajorans without a means of being self-sustaining. The relief efforts we've been coordinating are barely adequate. I...I've come to know the Bajorans. I'm a strong proponent of their entry into the Federation.

Is it going to happen?

Not easily.

-Jean-Luc Picard and Benjamin Sisko

Sunday, September 23, 2007

The Gods Return

Star Trek: Who Mourns for Adonais?

Turns out Apollo was an alien. Good to know.

"Where's Apollo?"
"He disappeared again! Like the cat in that Russian story..."
"Don't you mean the English story – the Cheshire cat?"
"Cheshire? No, sir; Minsk, perhaps..."
"All right, all right, all right..."

- Kirk and Chekov

I think we've been here a few times since then

Star Trek: Where No Man has Gone Before

Kirk kills his best friend. Despite what we think we know about this episode, a lot of it is conjecture. Like the idea that they just started their mission. they didn't.

Captain's Log, stardate 1313.8: add to official losses Doctor Elizabeth Dehner - be it noted she gave her life in performance of her duty; Lieutenant Commander Gary Mitchell, same notation.

I want his service record to end that way; he didn't ask for what happened to him.
I felt for him, too.
I believe there's some hope for you after all, Mr. Spock.

-James Kirk and Spock

A Death in the Family

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Time's Arrow, part 2

Data's head gets blown off but it's okay. Picard almost gets blown up. Samuel Clemens writes a few more books. And this is one of the episodes that I remember as marking a moment of change in my life, so yay on me.

Young lady, I come from a time when men achieve power and wealth by standing on the backs of the poor! Where prejudice and intolerance are commonplace! And power is an end unto itself! And you're telling me, that isn't how it is anymore?
That's right.
Hmmm... Maybe it's worth giving up cigars for, after all.
-Samuel Clemens and Deanna Troi

Friday, September 21, 2007


Who remembers this one?
I love this show.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Killer Tribbles

There are a lot of things I would never like to hear. Among them:

deep-fried twinkie
banning of Star Trek
Jar Jar has a talk show
Musical episode of Angel
What's Star Trek?
Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?
Tribbles from the mirror universe

The last one was just announced by the guy making the new Star Trek MMORPG. You can read the whole artilce if you want, but really... tribbles from the mirror universe, I ask you.

What is Brain?

Star Trek: Spock's Brain
There is a truly ridiculous moment in Buffy: The Vampire Slayer wherein Riley Finn performs surgery on his own central nervous system. He recovers very well. This episode contains the impossible: a more ridiculous moment.

Spock talks Dr. McCoy through the re-connecting of his own brain.


"I knew it, I should never have done it!"
"I never should have reconnected his mouth."
"Well, we took the risk."'

- McCoy and Kirk

Trusting the Enemy

Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Enemy
When the Romulans send a team into Federation Space that then crashes their spy plane, Picard comes to rescue them. Sadly, Geordi gets trapped on a planet with one of them while Worf refuses to donate ribosomes to save the other's life. In the end, Picard is forced to trust a Romulan commander not to fire as he saves Geordi and Subcenturion Bachra.

I never lie when I've got sand in my shoes.

-Geordi LaForge

Star Trek: Voyager: Elogium
Kes begins eating everything in sight. Turns out she's ready to have kids - biologically, at least, but not emotionally. Luckily, she'll have another chance. Also, Chakotay and Janeway have more sexual innuendo, because we needed that.

"Good work Commander. In the future, if I have any questions about mating behavior, I'll know where to go."

- Captain Janeway

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Free Enterprise

Well, I don't think William Shatner should rap. Ever. Again.

And Eric McCormack will always seem gay to me, thanks to eight seasons of Will and Grace.

But Rob and Mark are me.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Just to clarify

This video by the AP was reviewed on, but they really misrepresented it, I think. They made it sound like Quinto wasn't gonna even watch Classic Trek. "Oh no!" I thought. "This is horrible!" But then I watched the video. He doesn't say that - he says Nimoy is a better resource. Hey, if you have access, yeah, he really is.

Running Amok

Star Trek: Amok Time
Kirk gets wedged into a duel to the death with Spock. Never mind the circumstances of that - no one but the Vulcans are supposed to know. Anyway, Kirk forgets to check exactly what the duel is to, so of course he gets his ass kicked and dies.

No, wait. McCoy gave him something to simulate death and now he's all better!

This episode is the starting point for a fair amount of Trek fanfic, all of the Kirk/Spock variety.

"It has to do with... biology... Vulcan biology."
"You mean, the biology of Vulcans...?
-Spock and Kirk

Monday, September 17, 2007


I just got the last of my books that I left behind when I moved out of my parents' house today, and it's so weird to see how many I actually own. I'm not doing bad at all.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Descending into the chaos that was season 7

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Descent, Part 2
Data and Lore try to take over the world. Oh, wait... that was Pinky and the Brain. I meant the Federation. Luckily, instead of taking any of the redshirts hunting for them prisoner, they take Picard, Geordi, and Deanna prisoner, so of course their captives immediately find a way to reboot Data's ethical program and have him fight Lore's control. Data kills Lore and gets his emotion chip back, which he puts in Geordi's care for the forseeable future. you...Brother.
Goodbye, Lore.
-Data and Lore, as Data kills his brother

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

She's dead, Jim

Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Bonding
Some kid's mom dies, giving Wes the opportunity to confront his issues with Picard. Also, the aliens whose fault it is decide they want to replace the kid's mom, and they spend the whole ep dealing with grief in the 24th century. Actually, an interesting discussion, because Gene Roddenberry said you don't grieve. Personally, speaking as someone who has done my share of grieving, I hope humans never stop.

Reused Plot (title reused)

Star Trek: Voyager: Projections

The Doctor goes onto the holodeck and a kenoplasmic radiation surge disrupts his memory core. He experiences an elaborate delusion and is eventually saved by the crew. Only we see the whole thing from his point of view, where his delusion of Reg Barclay of all people convinces himself that he's a human being. Wasn't this a Barclay ep called "Ship in a Bottle"?

On an interesting side note, Reg Barclay was responsible for testing Doc's interpersonal skills. So you assign someone who has no interpersonal skills to test the interpersonal skills on a hologram that shouldn't need any - but really really does need them? Interesting choice.

"Computer, delete Paris."

- The Doctor

Use the Schwartz!

I've always loved this movie. Last night I was watching it and I realized that whoever programmed a certain code at a certain job of mine must be a Spaceballs fan. It's a security thing. But it's just like an idiot's luggage code...

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Denny Martin Flinn

This article is the first hint I had that anything was even wrong.

This one provides more detail.

What some would see as a minor contribution to the franchise is what I think Star Trek is all about. They had people - not established in Hollywood, sometimes - who wrote stuff and we had no idea who they were. Many never returned to write for Star Trek again.

Denny Flinn participated in the first use of email to write a screenplay. In fact, he and Nicholas Meyer may have been the first non-software types to use email at all. This is the kind of forward thinking that makes Star Trek. Because of that act, however small, email became more commonplace. I signed up for my gmail account. I got this blog.

Partly due to Denny Flinn. Not to mention his contributions to Star Trek. Unlike Konor and Rosenthal, this was the co-writer of one of the greatest movies of all time. The fact that he could take these heroes and depict them as flawed without losing any of their hero-ness continues to amaze me. And just for now, let's pretend that none of that is due to Nick Meyer. Denny deserves no less.

Monday, September 10, 2007


"I've got an Ocampan who wants to be something more, and a Borg who's afraid of becoming something less. Here's to Vulcan stability."
-Janeway to Tuvok
"The Gift"

Damn you, Brannon Braga!

Star Trek: Voyager: The Gift

I don't call Seven by her name in these notes. No Seven of Nine, not even Annika Hansen. Nope, she is known as the Plot Contrivance or the Walking Tit depending on how I'm feeling at that moment. Later episodes, she gets a name.

It's not that I have anything against the actress, but I have a biggie against the character. Brannon and his great ideas, man. Hey, let's have this "borg character" we're planning on be played by this hot actress I'm boffing!

'Cause no one's gonna see through that!

Also, I'm mad at the episode itself, which is when Jeri officially takes Jennifer Lien's job. Poor Jennifer, who never even got to be called "Special Guest Star". For which I have more of a blanket blame. Damn you, UPN, Paramount, Rick Berman, Brannon Braga, Kenneth Biller, Jeri Ryan, and the fans who hated Kes!

Lost people

So we lost Charlie and Claire for a while. We've still lost Claire. There's some lost people on the island who are really really mean and tried to hang Charlie. Talk about senseless. Lucky something on the island heals people and they were able to bring Charlie back, huh? There's also a lost French woman who has written the lyrics to "Beyond the Sea" all over her math notes. Poor crazy French woman. The tide's coming in so I imagine some stuff got lost when the luggage was swept out to sea, and Jack and Kate's relationship is pretty much lost.

Goodbye to Shatner

I respect William Shatner a great deal. He's Captain Kirk! That said, he's a fucking asshole.

But even leaving that aside, Shatner will always be Kirk to me - the First Captain. That will never change. And had it been Jeffrey Hunter or Jack Lord, Star Trek wouldn't have been Star Trek. I mean, come on! Hunter didn't even survive to the first movie!

Shatner's still kicking.

I say this now because Shatner's out. We all knew this, of course. There was no way he could be in the new movie - they killed Kirk more than ten years ago. He's dead and gone and we have mourned him but he is kaput, okay? They wanted Shatner in XI, fine, but it was NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. He's gone. He's just... gone.... okay?

And now they're finally calling it. Ten years later and they're telling us the truth. Kirk's Shatner is gone. He will not be coming back. Even Shatner admitted it yesterday. So that's that.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

The Amok Man

Star Trek: The Man Trap
I secretly love this episode. Kirk's moronity is in full swing and McCoy answers to "Plum". Spock and Uhura have a great conversation that establishes Vulcan's lack of a moon but fails to mention what really must be a sister planet or something. And just for the record...

I know why it was fir-rst!

Star Trek: Amok Time... Remastered
Spock almost got married. Kirk died. It was my first experience with Remastered, and nothing was that different. They've redone the theme music and the exteriors were all CGI, but it was nothing special.

The 100 Best

Well, it's good to know that after Enterprise, the lowered ratings from TOS-R, and everything else that's happened, Star Trek can still make the Top 100 TV Shows List.

Hapy Birthday to Yoooou!

On this day in history... Star Trek was born. Not born. Star Trek aired for the first time.

It aired on NBC, I believe, at about 8 at night. If anyone can tell me the exact time, I would appreciate it. It was a network show, something two of the five later incarnations were lucky enough to avoid, and of the several episodes completed, the network, for some gawdaful reason, chose to air "The Man Trap". What exactly "The Man Trap" has to redeem itself, I'm not sure, but they chose to air it and we had to sit through it.

I guess we should be amazed people watched the next week, never mind forty years later.

Actually, I do know what it was. It was De Kelley. I just figured that out. It's a Dr. McCoy show, and De Kelley was already on the famous side because of all those Westerns. They wanted to show a familiar face the audiences would already know and use the shock value of "the bad guy" being on the side of good. Like a less dramatic version of Vader throwing the Emperor into the Death Star's core.

Anyway, many good things came from this one act on this day, such as:

Star Wars
the space shuttle Enterprise
*sigh* Enterprise
The Animated Adventures
my cat's name
hundreds of books
fan fiction
parts of Spaceballs

Just for example. Also, personally - I can't imagine what else I would have done with the last 24 years of my life. (I'm 24, FYI.)

Live long and Prosper, Star Trek, and may we see another 41 years.

Friday, September 7, 2007

On Moriarty

Not the Professor, but the guy over at ACIN who's writing what people have been calling "Star Trek Spoilers" for a while now. I've had some time to think about his article and re-read it.

First of all, it sounds like a terrible movie, or at least like it could be a terrible movie. Sometimes I really hate that they're doing the movie at all. I recently told someone that if Gene Roddenberry came back from the dead to do this movie, I'd still have some doubts. I'm scared and I'm not gonna hide it. Moriarty basically describes an accidental time warp (thankfully not to the late 21st Century) and Romulans doing... something... like killing Kirk or blowing up Vulcan.

Moriarty describes a terrifying world in which the "Universe 2" versions of the characters can be played with to JJ's heart's content. So they're gonna make it more complicated, because we need that. Wow. Never mind that whoever came up with this has a shaky definition of temporal mechanics, but how exactly do they plan on reintegrating the timelines because they have to reintegrate, otherwise the future never happened and Kirk never took command of the Enterprise... so how would we ever get back to what's supposed to be...

Moriarty uses the example of the original captain of the Enterprise - who do we know it to be? Who does JJ Abrams say it's gonna be in his universe? But then I realized something.

It. Is. Conjecture.

He presents it as fact, or at least rumor, but it is nothing more than a guess. What that guess is based on I don't know, but it is a guess. Moriarty doesn't know what's gonna happen - all he knows is that the movie is coming, and he knows one way it might turn out. He makes several guesses that are either in conflict or else planned for several different movies - otherwise, you couldn't fit it into two hours.

Which says two things. First, that JJ had better get cracking on his script writing. Second, that all guessing is pointless. While Moriarty may have gotten his digits on some real notes, an early draft of the script, or even an interview, the truth is that we can't know what's coming. So now there are two choices. We can hide our heads in the sand or we can do what Moriarty has begun for us: analyze what we can get our hands on, test our reactions to whatever comes our way, and pray.

A New Quote to chew on

"Different in appearance, yes. But we are both living beings - we are born, we grow, we live, and we die. In all the ways that matter, we are alike!"
-Picard to Nuria
"Who Watches the Watchers"

Picard's intelligence shines again

Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Survivors

One destroyed planet with two people who happen to have survived, a warship that sometimes protects them and sometimes destroys them, and Deanna Troi gets a really annoying song stuck in her head. Somehow Picard pieces all this together. I think his intelligence doesn't really get it's due. Of course, how could it with Boy Genuis Wesley Crusher around?

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

I got stung by a big damn blackberry bush...

When Will Riker gets pulled into the tar pit in "Skin of Evil", Geordi drops his phaser into the tar pit as well. I noticed this when I was watching "Shades of Gray" today - one of those crap filler episodes you can't do anything with but lie on the couch and pray that it ends quickly.

What a way to end the second season of one of the amazing moments in telelvision history.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Geordi LaForge, you friggin' moron!

Elementary, Dear Data?
Did you ever look back and wish you could not do that dumb thing you just did? Well, I have. And now, you can read all about it!

Geordi has built a model sailing ship, despite not knowing what a "stunsel" is in Generations. Using his Reading Rainbow voice, he decides that he and Data should go do a Sherlock Holmes program because of that episode in Season One where Data tried to give them all lung cancer with his Holmesian pipe. They do so, and Data, somewhat predictably, solves the puzzle in three seconds, ruining the "fun". Geordi, however, does not understand that this is inevitable and gets upset.

They end up moping in Ten Forward without anyone noticing that Data is wearing a bathrobe, and Pulaski overhears. This is when she's still in full bitch mode, prompting Geordi to bet her that Data really could solve a mystery. We know he can. She knows he can't? Who will win? Let me remind you that this is Star Trek, not Veronica Mars. The audience always wins and Pulaski inevitably comes out looking like an idiot when she's a bitch. Anyway, they all trapise back to the holodeck, because no one learned their lesson in 11001001 and they don't know that the holodeck is a very bad place to go yet. Will could have told them, but he's not invited because Pulaski doesn't want to confuse him with his dad.

Anyway, that attempt fails, but Geordi's not done pushing Data into stuff so he decides to have the computer create an opponent capable of defeating Data, which apparently the computer can do, even though it takes so much power that they notice on the Bridge. Sadly, no one knows yet that a power surge in the holodeck means that you grab a security team and run down there and shut the thing off. Too bad, that. Professor Moriarty notices Geordi doing this and learns to summon the arch. Oops. I guess a minor power surge is all you need to program a possibly sentient life-form. Cool. Should make things a little easier for Lal, not to mention Bruce Maddox. Moriarty kidnaps Pulaski, and Data and Geordi give chase. By the time they find her, Moriarty is capable of sketching the Enterprise.

Turns out it's all Geordi's fault, because he got so competitive that he forgot that Data's really smart, and we don't want a computer smarter than Data. It also hilights Geordi's lack of faith in Data's reasoning ability - why else would he question Data so much as they chase Moriarty's thugs around? Anyway, Picard goes in to reason with Moriarty, who, depsite being a criminal mastermind, is fairly reasonable. Huh. He lets them shut him off and they go on their merry way.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Riftiness all around

I've started a new job and it's definitely interfering with my Star Trek. Give me a week and I'll be back on top of it. I still get to read on my breaks, though, and I finished The Rift again today. Peter David is still the funniest man alive. Good to know.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

The first time we used this plot

Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Child

Deanna suddenly is having a baby. It's growing really fast. The new doctor can't seem to decide if Deanna's a human or a Betazoid, but otherwise she seems all right for now.

Also, they're beaming a bunch of terrible plauges onboard, because this is the smart way to transport them. Not leave the massive saucer section with the women and children but just take them all along as you move the virulent plasma plague samples across the galaxy.

Anyway, Deanna has the baby and he keeps growing and developing too quickly.

Suddenly, the samples begin to grow! Oh no! We're all gonna die, because there's this radiation that's making them grow...

Then the kid says he's putting everyone in danger and I guess wills himself to death. Deanna, understandably, freaks out. Doc Pulaski tries to save him, but he dies and turns into a little little energy ball and floats over to Deanna. They talk telepathically for a while and then she's feeling much better about it, I guess 'cause he's still alive and all. The plasma plague stops growing.

Wes, meanwhile, decides he'd rather stay on a ship with Picard on it than live with his mother. What's up there? I'm thinking abuse.

If you want to know how to bite off more than you can chew...

Star Trek: Voyager: The 37s
They randomly find a trail of rust in space and follow it to a still-functioning farm pickup full of what Janeway recognizes as horse manure. I guess she would recognize it, wouldn't she? She dishes it out all the time. Plus, she eats Neelix's cooking. Anyway, Tom causes a mild panic by turning the truck on, which is funny, but... hasn't it spent the last four hundred years floating in space? So, the gas should be gone, right?

I feel a headache coming on.

Anyway, they pick up a radio signal on the truck's radio that they weren't even paying attention to because it was radio not subspace radio. Things sure have changed since "The Cage", when we could see radio waves... Okay, I'm just gonna leave that alone. So they follow it to this planet, where they find this plane. Despite being on a relatively earth-like planet, the plane has NOT rusted - but the truck in total vacuum did. Sigh.

Chakotay, in his one contribution to the show, finds the radio signal and shuts it off. This is important, because someone is watching him. Spooky music. Someone helmeted a la Darth Vader.

Janeway, meanwhile, who goes on away missions (unlike Picard) finds eight people buried in an underground vault - including the stasised Amelia Earhart. Um.

They figure out how to wake them up, and do so. Sadly, Amelia Earhart's navigator is a jerk, and he decides to hold everyone hostage. Janeway sucks up to Amelia Earhart, who can't possibly be that dumb that she doesn't realize that she's being sucked up to, and they end up leaving the cave and walking right into Chakotay being pinned down by enemy fire. Janeway circles around and stuns a Masked Man only to find out that they are - gasp - human! They're surprised to find Janeway is human too.

Ummm... couldn't they see the Voyager crew's faces? Since they're, you know not wearing masks? Anyway, the other humans are angry because Janeway went in their sacred vault thing and turned off their sacred radio signal in the Plane that Didn't Rust. Damn you, Janeway. Janeway explains that they revived the people in the sacred vault, which none of the people on the planet bothered to do, and btw, that plane should be a pile of ferrous oxide. The man offers to take them on a tour of their fabulous cities.

Those cities must be fantabulous because Janeway and Chakotay are very impressed, but we never see them. Instead, the Masked Men offer to let the crew stay on the planet with them. Janeway tells anyone who wants to stay to be in the cargo bay at a certain time. We experience a certain suspense as people debate the issue, but no one stays. Janeway looks touched. They take off and leave the 37s to hang out with their descendants.