Saturday, December 10, 2011

Merengue is also good: a tale of 2 lovers, two "lovers", two not lovers, and one acting ensign turned ensign.

TNG: Menage A Troi
They let some Ferengi onboard for a closing reception for a trade confrence on Betazed where some alien plays annoying music and Riker beats the Ferengi at chess. The Ferengi rightly calls the music noise when he loses.

Picard talks to some leader named Rikan and they all bond over how annoying the Ferengi are and how nice it is that Lwaxana and Deanna can get together.

Lwaxana and Deanna are fighting. In telepath. Deanna gets Lwaxana to talk out loud and probably wshes her mom would shut up because the talking is now about the fact that Deanna's not married. Will comes along and Deanna runs off with him.

The Ferengi are watching Lwaxana. One of them thinks she's hot and wants to date her and have her read minds for him. She tries to get Picard to rescue her but he runs off to show off the doors on the aft turbolifts to Rikan. The Ferengi tries to buy her but she rebuffs him. Loudly. Deanna has a headache. The other Ferengi, played by Ethan Phillips, gloats. And the DaiMon, Tog, vows, "Lwaxana Troi,you will be mine."



Later, Deanna asks Worf if they're at war with the Ferengi. Worf admires Lwaxana for what she did.

Deanna then goes to see Lwaxana. She is pisssssssed that the Ferengi dared touch the Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Riix. Deanna reminds her "the Sacred Chalice of Riix is an old clay pot with mold growing inside it." Lol. They discuss how Deanna is childless and therefore, by lwaxanas definition, unhappy. Lwaxana accuses Deanna of ruining things with Will. Deanna tells her to stop calling her little one and "address me as an adult" before stomping out of the room with all the emotional maturity of a three year old. Parents.

Wes is leaving. He has made some huge scientific breakthrough and Will and Picard tell him he got into Starfleet Academy as soon as he finishes the oral exam. Wes haters, please do not take the dirty joke on that one. Picard also sends Will on vacation on Betazed with Deanna, because putting them in the same solar system with Lwaxana seems like a really great idea right now.

They go on a nice walk to find some exotic plant from when they lived there before when the dating happened that we never hear the whole story of unless you believe Peter David. Lwaxana crashes right when they're about to kiss and the shippers die inside. She passes out food. They wish she'd pass out. She hints about how Will and Deanna should get married. Will tries to calm her down. Daimon Tog then beams down to get Lwaxana. "I don't believe this" says Deanna. He kidnaps them all - except poor Mr. Homn, who has gone to pick some uttaberries. He comes back with a basket of berries and finds an empty picnic blanket.


They wake in a holding cell. No communications, force field, the usual. Then Deanna and Lwaxana are beamed out of heir clothing and into Tog's office naked because "females do not deserve the honor of clothing". Great. They grab a couple of blankets. It occurs to me that Lwaxana was nude at least twice on NextGen, which is an interesting choice for Gene to sign off on. Tog comes in and introduces his business proposition, where Lwaxana does his mind reading for him. Lwaxana decides to play along. Since Togs creepy sidekick hereafter known as "NotNeelix" wants to, like , dissect Deanna, they send Deanna back to Will. Tog grins and pulls a bed out of the wall.

Wes is gonna get into the Academy. But they don't know he'll come back to the Enterprise. He is sad.

Deanna and Will are worried. Will tries to teach his guards chess.

Lwaxana has Tog's attention. He is really gullible. Like really really. She has to kiss him. Just as a side note, Majel is awesome at this, she does the best fake interested ever. It's kind of like when Lilly Kane in Veronica Mars does her impersonation of her parents having sex (which is both hilarious and kind of sick) where her mom is yawning... like that.

Deanna winces.


The ship continues its survey.

Will is still locked up but he convinces the guard to let him out to play chess.

Lwaxana stalls by talking about other romances, then oomoxng the Tog. This is where they made up oomox, BTW.

Will knocked out his opponet. Shocker. They get out to send a message but they need tog's access code so Deanna telepaths Lwaxana. Lwaxana awaits her opportunity.

The Enterprise is on its way back when Betazed calls to tell them about the kidnapping.

Tog is happy. She goes to make him a drink and asks for his acess code and almost gets it but NotNeelix comes in and stops him. He convinces Tog to let him study her instead, because he doesn't believe women should be in positions of power.


The search continues. They find Ferengi flowers in the pond at the park and realize what's up and go after the Ferengi.

Will gets a message out in the static but he doesn't know anyone will get it or understand it. They really should have a protocol for these things.

Lwaxana is in pain. Deanna can feel it.

Wes has to leave nowish but he doesn't want to. They can't find the Ferengi ship. Wes thinks he hears something but can't figure out what. He has to go, though, like really really now, so he gets in the turbolift. He hugs his Mom goodbye and is literally on the transporter when he realizes it was the static. So instead of beaming over an then calling Picard and telling him what's up, Wesley haters everywhere are saddened that he runs back to the Bridge (Wil, I should tell you I actually love Wes. I just know that some don't.)


The transport ship leaves without Wes. He hears the sound of the "music" from the reception, so they follow the music...

Wil and Deanna rescue Lwaxana. Tog comes in, armed. Lwaxana tries to trade herself for Will and Deanna's freedom. The Enterprise arrives and the Ferengi let Will and Deanna go but Lwaxana said she wants to stay, so, well, you see the problem.

On the bridge, Picard does all he can to get Lwaxaa back. Including recite Shakespeare. Lots of stammering. Fun times. Lots of blinking. Lwaxana tells Picard "you can't keep killing all my lovers!" Picard orders weapons and keeps quoting sonnets. They send her back and she sits on Picard's lap happily. For a telepath, she's surprisingly in the dark about his intentions.

And then Picard promotes Wes, and the haters cry because he's got a field commission to Ensign, and I'm pretty sure that's not how field commissions were desinged to be done, but okay, sure whatever. I still like him. They take Lwaxana home and Wes has a real uniform. Lol. "Shut up, Wesley!"

Friday, December 9, 2011

More Khan Rumors

Just ignore it and maybe it'll go away. Close your eyes and count to three. It's not Khan. It will never be Khan. They may find him someday but he will never be the main event. J.J. is not that stupid.

I remind you:

The next question to be asked his what character Ramirez will play in the film if he gets the part. It was reported last week — before it was known del Toro was out — that the villain may be Khan, but Abrams and Paramount denied it. 
Whether that denial was aimed at the role or just del Toro’s involvement wasn’t quite clear. But it should be noted that Abrams was still in need of an actor of Latin descent, the same ethnicity of Ricardo Montalban, who played Khan in the original series and "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan."

That's Trekmovie. They oughta know, they do nothing but read articles about Star Trek all day. Maybe trying to get some of the Khan tone... after all, Montalban was what made Khan great, so getting someone reminiscent of Montalban isn't a horrible idea. And besides, who else would they get as a villain these days? F. Murray Abraham? You see the problem. Matt Damon just for kicks for all the people who reported he was gonna be Kirk last time?

I say it again: Lightning doesn't strike twice, J.J. knows that, and there is no way Khan is the villian.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Are you serious, Trekmovie? Because I think you're trying to start a panic.

JJ Abrams: Star Trek Sequel Will ‘Start Over’ |

The way Anthony Pascale phrases it sounds like another reboot, making everyone who doesn't read J.J.'s words die in fear. Now don't get me wrong. Fear made Trekmovie. But it also made Star Trek 2009 great. Fear is a great motivator for us and for the filmakers and if acting like he still has the fear when he should makes J.J. a better director and producer and Bob and Alex better writers and Chris and Zach and all the rest better actors even if they aren't scared they need to act like it.

So I can appreciate J.J. saying he's acting like it's the frst time. He should be afrad of the complacency and of the ghost of Roddenberry. Simon Pegg and Karl Urban should be afraid of the ghosts of Doohan and Kelley. Ben Cross should fear the ghost of Mark Lenard and everyone should fear the ghost of Majel and if they don't they should read Q-In-Law and remember that she might really be that scary.

And also, they should be afraid of us. We made them, we can break them, and also, I once surprised the crap out of Leonard Nimoy and I caught Brannon Braga in two lies, and six months after the second he confessed what he did in public and I'd like to think I helped and there are, like, a million other people even scarier than me who will judge this movie, not to mention the ones just as and not quite as scary so we are really really formidable and J.J. should be scared.

But Anthony.... please stop strring up trouble.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Strike at the Fabric of All we Hold Dear

Okay, I could be a little overdramatic but this is the end, folks. No more Mr. Nice Berman by which I mean the next big thing he did after TNG, which is all but over now, is Voyager, and we all know what happened there.

The Next Generation: Preemptive Strike

So, Ro's back! And she wants to join the Maquis! Because they're very very very good.

Well, the Maquis aren't good, but they are very very Human. Or Vulcan, Bajoran, or some other damn thing.


They're on the way to a briefing about the DMZ, and Ro is back. She's been promoted. And she's been at Advanced Tactical Training, and they threw her a party, which just makes her uncomfortable. Picard calls her to the Bridge...

But he's wating outside to rescue her from the insanity that was the party. They go for a nice walk. She just became the Starfleet equivalent of a SEAL, I guess. She expresses her gratitude to Picard, and she means it too.

Then the Cardassians get attacked. Picard and Ro go to the Bridge and find that the Cardassians are being attacked by Federation ships of unknown design.

Can we say Maquis anyone?

Credits. Can I just say that I love that they brought DS9's problem into NextGen. Did not have to do that. Well done. Well done indeed.

Notice that Brannon kept his hands off this one.

So anyway, they get there and it is, indeed, Federation ships. And it is indeed, the Maquis (which Picard pronounces as "Mah-kee" and not "Maw-key"). They have to fire at the Maquis to save the Cardassians, which they do not like to do even if it was just a warning shot. But they do it. Because they have to.

It's our old buddy Gul Evek! They treat his crew in Sickbay, and Evek is pissed. Picard says they are tyring to control the Maquis, but it's obviously not working - they have photon torpedoes and type 8 phasers. Picard assures Evek they aren't condoning the Maquis, threats are made anyway, and basically they'll have to do something at some point.

So they go meet Admiral Nechayev, who orders Picard to do something. The Cardassians are also supplying their colonists with weapons, in all fairness, BTW. Nechayev knows that the Maquis are moving beyond just defending themselves and going on the attack. So she wants to do an undercover operation and she wants Ro to do it.

Picard talks to Ro. She is surprised, but willing. She says her teacher at tactical training left to join the Maquis. Picard says everyone sympathizes with the Maquis but they can't just let it go. Ro decides to go - to validate Picard's faith in her.


She goes to a bar, on a planet, full of cranky drunks. Worf and Data come in and she grabs some guy to make out with to hide. They say they're looking for a dark-haired Bajoran woman who killed a Cardassian and some guy at the bar covers for her. She goes to the bar and sits. The man who says she left approaches and asks if she actually killed a CArdassian... subtle. She asks why he said she left, and they speak, rather unsubtly about a mutual hatred of the Cardassians. She said she'd like to meet people who don't like Cardassians. He stuns her.

She wakes up in a room. Three Maquis interrogate her. She tells her story about being court martialed and paints herself as a perfect recruit. They eventually identify themselves as Maquis. Two of them leave, leaving an old man to watch her. He takes her on a walking tour of the city they're in. He seems to trust her intrinsically. He tells her when the treaty was signed the people who chose to stay in the DMZ were attacked by Cardassians.  They bond over spicy Bajoran food.

His name is Macias, and he is the leader of this cell.

Macias decides to have Ro room with a woman, Kalida, until they find her a place once her story is verified.

Later, there is a meeting. There is a rumor that the Cardassians are going to supply their colonists with biogenic weapons. Ouch.

They need medical supplies if they are going to mount a strike against the Cardassians to stop this from happening. Ro wants to steal them from the Enterprise. She's got a plan to get in to get the supplies. They don't trust her. Macias wants to do it anyway. So he decides to let her try if Kalida goes with her.


They get to the border and Ro hacks the sensor buoys.

Picard is worrying about Ro. There's a request for emergency assistance in the Topin system. The Topin system cannot recieve transmissions and sensors won't work.

Ro and Kalinda are hiding in the Topin System. When the Enterprise gets there they swoop in and take the Maquis ship into the shields and Ro sends a coded message to the Enterprise, then beams the medical supplies out. Picard allows them to do so and takes a shot at them for good measure.

No one in the Maquis can believe it, but she's earned their respect. Macias says, "In your heart, you're one of us."


Ro can now go where she wants on her own ship. She goes to tell Picard about the biogenic weapons. He wants to lead the Maquis all into a trap. She has misgivings but agrees to help.  Picard says, "I knew that I could count on you."

Ro tells the Maquis that there could be parts for a biogenic weapon coming through the DMZ, all perfectly legal. Macias will call the other cells in on this it's so big.

That night, Ro and Macias want to celebrate, but instead 3 robed men - Cardassians - attack the colony. And Macias is killed. But he leaves her in charge. And that is when Ro breaks.


She goes to the bar again, to meet Picard. She asks him to cancel the mission. His intelligence says they should go ahead. "Laren," he asks, "what's going on?" And she tells him she wants to back out. And he tells her if she backs out it will destroy her career. He threatens to put her before a board of inquiry for lying and court martial her if she sabotages it. He sends Will back with her to keep an eye on her.

So the mission goes on. But Ro does sabotage it. She pulls a phaser on Will. "I'm sorry," she says, "I can't let this happen." Ro then reveals the Starfleet attack force in the nebula. The mission is aborted and the Maquis haven't crossed the border yet so Starfleet can't do anything, legally. Ro beams back to the Maquis and lets Will go back. She tells him to tell Picard she's sorry. And there's only one thing he can say.

"Take care of yourself."

Riker tells Picard Ro seemed certain she did the right thing. Picard just sits there. He not happy, no.


Type 1. police action. Yes.

Type 2. character with a problem. Yes.

Type 3. recreating earth's past. Yes.

Type 4. alien aliens. No.

Definitely Trek then.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the end. After that, it was all over but the singing.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Countdown to the End of All Things

Enterprise: Countdown

There is one thing I can say here. It seems clear that Brannon and Rick have finally learned to stay the course.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Bad Samaritan

The whole Pakled thing is the B plot... so why is the episode named after it?

The Picard/Wesley interaction is so awesome in the shuttle scene here. And so is the Picard/Pulaski interaction (I know some of us don't love Pulaski).

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Um... DUH

Star Trek XII Rumor Mill Finds that the Movie Villains Could be Familiar ... -

They already sad this.

And everyone was all freaking about Khan. And we know it's not him, so just chillax, people.


Freaking can begin later. We have a cast. We have a script. Breathe already. You know, J.J. gave us a gift: he gave you a way out. If you're not up to this, use it, but QUIT FREAKING OUT ALL OVER THE PLACE.

My shouting is over.

Friday, October 28, 2011

What We Lose Will Change us Forever

DS9: Extreme Measures

Personally, I think it's nice to get away from the Dominion War stuff for a while and wrap up Section 31 in one fell swoop. And have a peek into Sloan's life. And hear that Julian looooooves Ezri, which occurred to me about two freaking seconds after she showed up... I mean, hey, new Dax, maybe she can date Bashir! Duh!

The important thing isn't Odo's cure. The cure is an afterthought. The important thing is the illness and his and Kira's reactions to it and that had to then be dealt with but it lays clear that they set the stage for her implicit acceptance of his impending, I use a lot of words.

When I have kids, and they go to play with the other kids, no one's gonna understand them, are they?

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

No reason

Enterprise: Two Days and Two Nights
This also has no bearing on anything. Yes its good TV but they don't even bother to throw in any alien aliens for good measure. It's funny. Good job.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

No family is perfect

Deep Space 9: Family Business
This is how families are. Maybe a little more money than you normally see, but this is how failies are. Personally, I love the Ferengi episodes. Rom Rules!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Bountiful Mercy

Enterprise: Bounty
Archer is nothing if not merciful. He cares for people. Even people who cart him off o be executed on Kronos.
He cares too much.
It makes him soft, so soft that where Kirk would have stranded Sklar on a planet full of android copies of his wife, Picard or Sisko would have arrested him, and Janeway would have found someone he wronged and taken him to their homeworld for trial, Archer buys him a ship.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Mystery of the Haunted Deck and other Nancy Drew adventures

Voyager: The Haunting of Deck Twelve

This is an episode that has been brewing since Season 1 of TNG. No, longer. Season 1 of TOS. That is all.

Monday, October 17, 2011

This is the End of All Things Trek

Enterprise: First Flight
Its not even a bad show.
That's the worst.
To watch the program begin with the vulcans hindering and people breaking orders... the thing is, it didn't have to be that way. And we always thought it wasn't. So to have our supposed future rewriten... it needed to be reinforced. Enterprise was a flawed show. Eps like this just reinforce the fatal flaw in the concept.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Would that it Were...

Enterprise: Terra Prime

This is what we should have been seeing. The whole time. This would have made a fitting final episode, too. In fact, it was the final episode.TATV is a holonovel in the 29th century, when someone made a holonovel about Riker using a holonovel to decide something important.

Elizabeth Tucker is the embodiment of what we see in the future, in both universes. T'Pol may not act like much of a Vulcan, but she is Vulcan enough to react like Sarek did in III: "My logic is uncertain, where my son is concerned." insert daughter. Problem solved. And for Trip too. This episode is about hilighting how similar the two races are, and how together they can succeed at anything.

Done and done.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Spock's Father!

TNG: Sarek
#171, Season 3, Episode 23
Aired 5/14/90, Stardate 43917.4
Guest Starring Mark Lenard, Joanna Miles, Colm Meaney, William Denis, Rocco Sisto, and John H. Francis.
Teleplay by Peter S. Beagle
Story by Marc Cushman and Jake Jacobs
Directed by Les Landau

Type 1: Police Action - no
Type 2: Character W/ Problem - yes
Type 3: Re-creating Earth's Past - yes
Type 4: Alien Aliens - no

Spock is referred to here, not by name, but it is the first contact we've had since "Encounter at Farpoint" with the original cast. Just thought I'd point that out.

Pat Robertson recently said that it was okay to leave a spouse dying of Alzheimer's, a statement which most of us found to be despicable. This episode is obviously meant to show us a reaction to Alzheimer's - one in which the family and friends of the person who is ill go out of their way to protect him to the point of hiding his illness from the one who has it. It is a fascinating and well-perfomed look at the emotional impact of the illness, as well as giving a great glimpse into the character of Sarek, his inner feelings and demons, and the love he always had that we always knew he had for his son - a love never stated until now.

TNG is still very much about Spock, and Sarek, and it is that, more than anything else that allows the new movie to work so beautifully, and to tie together the two ends of this very long emotional cord in an overwhelming display of what is right in the world now that the movie has happened. We could not save Vulcan or George or Amanda, but we were able to save a few things and change others for the better. Spock has now heard his father say he loves him - not in so many words, but maybe in this new timeline, Spock and his father will choose to meld, as they never did before.

We don't know much about the cause of Bendii. Certainly Shatner's books speculate on the disorder. But we know now what rests inside Sarek's calm exterior, and it makes even more poignant when he says, in TSFS, "My logic is uncertain where my son is concerned."

Damn straight.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

After All Is Said And Done

Enterprise: These Are The Voyages
Trip has a great speech about trust... and that's just exactly what was violated in this ep and really in the whole show. This ep is its own apology.

And two things:

1. This is the only episode that one can, with certainty, state is not canon. Neither the part on Enterprise nor the part on TNG can be corroborated or confirmed. Riker never had time to do all this with Troi, who has had a drastic change in hairstyle, lemme tell ya.

2. I don't think it likely that in ten years no one in the senior staff was promoted or transferred off of Enterprise, given the lack of experienced officers in Starfleet. This suggests that "These are the Voyages" is a work of popular historical fiction as seen in holonovels on Voyager only a year later, only with a far more sinister context. The characters in TATV are obviously derived from real people, possibly in the concept of the "alternate universe", fanficcy "Would the Federation exist without Trip Tucker?" kind of way. If someone had published this on we would think it was cute. They made it an episode.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Empty Warheads found on Writing Staff

Voyager: Warhead

Okay, so... yeah. It's a little ADD, but that's Brannon Braga. You could easily get 2 or 3 stories out of this, but that's typical. And it is kind of neat to see Harry actually win something for a change, but... apparently he also went a full 24 hours without sleep and then back to duty on the bridge.

One... is the Loneliest Number...

Voyager: One

Okay. One.

First. This is a great story. I mean it. Spectacular.

Jeri Ryan is a really great actress.

Seven is also the new kid on the block. It's her first season on Voyager. 25%.

Twenty-five freaking percent of freaking episodes post Season 4 feature Seven as a central character. She is 11% of the cast. Chakotay got 6. This is not okay. Another Seven ep? we said. Really? we said. Argh!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

History is Written by the Victor

TNG: Rightful Heir

So. Let us speak of "The Savage Curtain". Of the previous mention of Khaless as a servant of, well, evil. Times change. People change. And our perception of the Klingons changes too. And now he's Jesus Christ, metaphorically speaking.


For Heavens Sake, This Isn't a Resolution, It's a Lack of Willpower!

Voyager: Resolutions

This is the one where J/C (by which I mean Janeway and Chakotay shippers, by which I mean people who thought Janeway and Chakotay should just cave to the sexual tension and kiss already) died. They were on that planet for, what months? And nothing?

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Lacy lacy profit

Deep Space Nine: Profit and Lace
I love that Quark dresses in drag... Armin must have had so much fun!
And I love that DS9 can do humor like no other Trek. There are certainly fun episodes, but none quite like what there was in DS9, with the Ferengi episodes. And the baseball episodes. And the one where the Ferengi played baseball.

I'm sorry, I love DS9. Sue me.

Sunday, August 21, 2011


DS9: Blaze of Glory

Eddington dies.

Sisko can't even be happy about it and he wanted the guy dead.

What I'd love to talk about, though, is Nog, on security detail. Nog, who stands up to Martok, and lives to tell the tale. I mean, dude, Martok's scary even when he isn't in the makeup.

I enjoy it immensely.

Saturday, August 20, 2011


TNG: The Neutral Zone

They found an ancient Earth capsule floating around. They're just waiting on Picard and Data wants to go check it out 'cause, why not.

So he and Worf do.
They beam in anddatas all minimal oxygen atmosphere and I'm like, you don't check before you beam Worf in? Anyway there's an old disk drive computer and a bunch of dead bodies... skeketal bodies... empty stasis chambers... and one woman.


There are also two men. The containers are not for stasis. Data tells will the people are frozen and they will bring them back but Picard is back and Will's like, whatvever, just get back, I don't care, which I think he'll regret later and then they have biger fish to fry because Federation outposts are vanishing along the Romulan Neutral Zone. There's been no contact with the Romulans for 50 years. The Federation will send one ship - the Enterprise - to check it out.

Beverly calls Picard to tell him about the people in the capsule being thawed and saved. Picard does his WTF dance. Cryonics. They're alive now! Picard calls Data.

Data said he couldn't leave the people on the capsule, it seemed right to bring them back. So they bring in security in the form of Worf... and awaken the woman. Who sees worf and faints. Go women power!

Data found some info about them in the capsule's computer and they wake them all again. We've got the woman, the financier, and the musician. Picard has Will take over with them and tells him to "keep them out of my way".

Will tells them its 2364. He, Data, and Beverly explain what's going on. The woman didn't even know she was going to be frozen. Data bonds with the musician. The financier wants a copy of the wall street journal. The woman is just confused.

Deanna gives a briefing on the psychology of the Romulans, saying they won't initiate conflict, they'll wait on Picard.

Data shows Sonny, the musician, how to work the replicator. There is no TV. Sonny is sad. Will gets called by Picard so now they know how to use a communicator and they all want to meet Picard. "Keep them out of my way."


Six hours out from the Neutral Zone, they theorize about what's going on with the Romulans. And then Offenhouse (the financier) calls Picard - he figured out how to use the commpanel. And then he compares the Enterprise to the QE2. So Picard walks down there and reams Offenhouse out. Offenhouse tries to convince Picard of his importance and says he has to call his lawyer, and Picard tells him there is no more. Accumulation of things and control of destiny is an illusion and so on. Picard tells Troi to come in. Offenhouse even apologzes. So Picard leaves and tells Deanna to get those people under control.

Deanna goes to see Clare (the woman). Clare wants to know what happened to her kids - so they go looking in the records.

Sonny wants drugs but Beverly won't give them to her so he asks for Data, the positronic pimp.

They find Claire's kids and she asks to be alone.

Data goes to see Sonny. Sonny wants a guitar. Data gets called to the bridge as they approach the Neutral Zone, forcing Sonny to ask what the Neutral Zone is... so data briefly explains. Idiot.


They find that "some great force just scooped it off the planet". Those outposts are not good places to be.

Offenhouse wants to get involved in the prblem with the Romulans. No one else does.

More missing outposts. They go to yellow alert.

It does not omprove Offenhouse's mood. He gets to the turbolift and gets the computer to tell him Picard is on the bridge and take him there...

The Romulans may be decloaking... Offenhouse arrives on the bridge. They order him off but the Romulans decloak in all their warbirdy glory.


They stop dragging Offenhouse away because its sooo cool I guess. Worf doesn't even want to talk to then but Picard does... the Romulans also have missing outposts on their side. Offenhouse says the Romulans don't know ether and Picard says he's right. They agree to share info on this and only this. Romulans are back.

They leave.

Deanna finds a current photo of one of Clare's descendants. They will send the people to earth to learn this century.

That is all.

Crossing the Barrier

Deep Space Nine: Crossover

There is a line.

We do not cross it.

You do not use TOS material.

Certainly, there are exceptions. "Sarek," although I think that may be about the availability of the actor. "Trials and Tribble-ations," obviously. But rarely did any later Trek take something beloved of TOS and make it their own.

Until "Crossover." Any future attempts failed ("I'm a Doctor, not a doorstop? Criminy!)

Legalese stuff out of the way first.

Crossover, DS9, Season 2.23, #443. Written by Michael Piller and Peter Allan Fields. Directed by David Livingston. This was before the Ron Moore years, when he still worked on TNG. Somebody had to, I guess. Preproduction on Voyager would have been underway by then.

Julian still talks too much. He manages to piss Kira off - not the first time. With breathing techniques and meditation. Good times. Julian is glad they're finally talking to each other and not fighting, burying the hatchet. He calls her Nerys and makes her call him Julian. She's going to kill him, I think, if they don't make it home soon. They're heading to the wormhole, lucky for Julian. He asks her out to dinner, she says no. They leave warp and the field won't collapse all the way so they go into the wormhole weirdly with technobabble and there's a flash but they make it through... and the station's gone. Noooo station. And when they find it, it's by Bajor. And there's a Klingon ship that suddenly appears and when the captain sees Kira he starts wigging out and says he'll escort her back to the station like he's afraid of her.

When they get there, Garak is in a uniform and he doesn't know Julian... and there's another Kira!

Something very strange is happening.


So we're in the mirror universe. I mean, duh, right? How else would Kira be wearing leather? It's not like she would normally be caught dead in leather. Especially the headband. I doubt this one meditates. Anyway, Garak says they're on Terok Nor, the center of authority for the Bajoran Alliance. They don't know the wormhole, BTW. LeatherKira won't let them leave, and Garak refers to Julian as "Terran!". LeatherKira orders Julian "taken below" to work.

They get to the Promenade which is just a big slave pit. There is a slave there who decided to try to stow away and Nerys sends him to the mines. Garak wants to interrogate him, so Nerys says okay but don't kill him.

Miles is there too. He's in charge of fixing things. Odo is in charge of keeping order. Rule 14 is no jokes. Julian is a Terran without a designation - and Odo slaps him around for it a little bit. This is ScaryOdo. ScaryOdo puts Julian to work.

LeatherKira takes Kira to OopsOps. Coming up with these names is fun. LeatherKira asks Kira her name, she says "Kira Nerys." "That makes two of us!"

They figure out pretty quickly that this is a different universe. Kira doesn't know Kirk - on LeatherKira's side Kirk is one of the most famous names in their history. She knows all about "Mirror, Mirror." Spock rose to commander in chief of the Empire and the Alliance rose up against him and took over, enslaving the Terrans. The Alliance is a "coming-together" of the Klingons and the Cardassians. Bajor was under Terran rule until the Empire collapsed and Bajor petitioned to enter the Alliance. LeatherKira has no intention of sending Kira and Julian back. The rule is that if anyone came over, they would be killed. LeatherKira says she has no taste for violence and doesn't want to do that.

Kira asks to learn from LeatherKira. LeatherKira wants to kill Julian, but Kira manages to talk her out of doing that through manipulating... herself. LeatherKira gets Kira some quarters... actually, she says "find this attractive young woman some quarters..." hmmm....


Kira comes to visit ScaryOdo and Julian. She asks Julian about Kirk and he knows exactly what's up. Julian wants to ask the other Miles for help. I don't know what name I'll be using for him.

Kira goes to Quark's. I don't have a name for him either. Kira goes to Quark and asks for a favor of a Transporter for a few hours. Quark is willing to help... for the ability to send people across to her side. Garak shows up and screams for Quark, to take him to be executed for helping Terrans escape from the station... I don't think I'll be needing a name for Quark as they drag him away.

Ben comes in then and starts pouring drinks on the house. Well, now I need a name for him.

Julian approaches OtherMiles. Really need a better name for him. He tells Miles he's Chief of Operations of the station and pours on some flattery. Miles refuses to help him. And then ScaryOdo tells WimpMiles (ah, found it!) that CrazyBen wants him in the bar.

CrazyBen is all over Kira. Creepy. LeatherKira has him under her thumb - he's her pirate. CrazyBen calls WimpMiles "Smiley" and WimpMiles really doesn't like him that much. CrazyBen tells WimpMiles to go fix his engine and WimpMiles just takes it. LeatherKira summons CrazyBen. Laughter ensues.

So CrazyBen and LeatherKira are having creepy fun time in LeatherKira's quarters when LeatherKira summons Kira. CrazyBen stomps out to check his ship when Kira gets there and when LeatherKira says, "Benjamin! Did I hurt your feelings?" he actually replies, "I never had any to hurt, Intendant."

Wowza. Whipped him good. I mean like, full-on whipped by Indiana Jones whipped.

Moving on.

The Intendant AKA LeatherKira is in her bath. LeatherKira says they can't use a transporter to get home. She wants to know why it is that Kira asked Quark for a transporter and not her wonderful self. "Don't you trust me?" and all that.

Kira, smartly, responds with "I'm a little afraid of you."

"I don't want your fear... all I want is your love.... if you can't love me... don't be in a hurry to go. I'm glad you're here..." Almost kisses her too.

Garak brings Quark in from interrogation. Kira asks him who would do labor for the Alliance without the Terrans and orders Quark executed. She's planned a party! What shall they wear!

Garak is in Kira's quarters when she gets back, carrying a dress. "I do admire a well-tailored gown," he tells her. Heeee! He tells Kira that LeatherKira is in love with her. Creeeeeepy. Ewwwwwwww. She'll never let Kira leave. Garak wants Kira to betray LeatherKira so he can be promoted. He wants Kira to take LeatherKira's place as Intendant. He is going to kill LeatherKira the next day, then in a few weeks Nerys can step down and go explore her pagh and he will take over. And if she declines, Julian dies.

Uh oh.


So Nerys goes to Julian and tells him to be careful. They have to leave now, and she's trying to get help.

ScaryOdo was watching.

Kira goes to CrazySisko and asks for help. CrazySisko refuses to give her the runabout because LeatherKira will "have my head... or something else." Garak has been trying to kill LeatherKira the whole time and CrazyBen thinks Garak's plot is hilarious. CrazyBen is indifferent and Kira tries to get him to help her but they just end up with some fun fun mutual hatred.

Kira goes to the party. Garak is charmed by her pretty pretty "well-tailored' dress. There are Klingons there and one of them gets in a fight with one of CrazyBen's crew. CrazyBen goes to stab him and then the Klingon backs off, leaving CrazyBen to fight off the Klingon. LeatherKira arrives and tells the music to start.

ScaryOdo finds Julian taking a break when a leak starts in the mine. Julian grabs a gun and shoots ScaryOdo, who explodes. Don't need his name anymore either then


Julian crawls into a Jeffries Tube when he runs across WimpyMiles. He asks WimpyMiles for help and convinces him that if he helps, he'll be alive again... and WimpyMiles says he'll help if he can come with... so Julian agrees. They get to the docking ring when they're captured by the Klingons.

The Klingons bring Julian and WimpyMiles to LeatherKira. LeatherKira says he has a lot to learn... she is furious that he killed ScaryOdo. Actually she is very admiring of ScaryOdo. Hmmmm. She goes on a self-centered rant and says it's her reward for treating Terrans with any respect - no one can stop her, she's determined to kill Julian slowly in public view. So then she asks WimpyMiles what he was thinking, and he says that Julian is a doctor, and there's a Miles there who is Chief of Operations, and it gave him hope and he wanted that life. He wanted to go with Julian because "whatever it's like there has to be better than this. There has to be something better than this." Garak is about to lead them out when CrazyBen actually does help them and they manage to run away. CrazyBen and WimpMiles go to start a rebellion and Nerys and Julian just get to go home.

The End.

Friday, August 19, 2011

To the Life

Deep Space 9: To the Death

We do learn something about the Jem'Hadar, and we meet Weyoun for the first time. We get to see the Jem'Hadar as soldiers, and since we will spend the next 3 years seeing them as cannon fodder, it is welcome. We learn to hate Weyoun, and we have some fun with TNG continuity.

But we never do see them rebuild the docking pylon.


Voyager: Relativity

So, it's time for more temporal mechanics, Voyager style.

Actually, I think it's Back to the Future. Only with more stuff. I like stuff, don't get me wrong. But... time travel in Voyager is... actually not that much more than anyone else, but it seems like a lot. Maybe because there's more time travel two-parters, or maybe because the eps just tend to be kind of stupid but either way, it seems like I've had enough of it.

But it's not that bad. We should remember that.

Percentage-wise, TAS was the worst. an impressive 9% of the 22 eps were time travel. That's 2.
Just thought I'd mention that.

Who Mourns for Crabby Hologram Designers?

Voyager: Lifeline

Here's the thing. I like Barclay.

I like Troi.

But they're on TNG. And this is Voyager. And they don't belong here. And you know what else doesn't fit?

In Act Three, Janeway gets a transmission about the "status of the Maquis." You could do an entire episode about the "status of the Maquis" but here it's shuttered to the background of an episode, and look at that, there's Brannon Braga taking partial credit for the teleplay.
He's lost the mission, bro.

Suspicious activity

TNG: Suspicions
Beverly Crusher is not having a good day.

In fact, she's about to have her best episode ever. She just doesn't know it yet. Usually she has some pathtic romance (Doctor Beverly, anyone?) But this time, oh, this time, she decided to dabble in physics and there isn't a long-haired lover in sight.

Tangent over.

There is, however, a problem, which is that a lot of people don't like Crusher, and Star Trek was not up to story arcs at that point. This is, of course, the pre-Coto years. There were practically no story arcs, everything was self-contained. Which means, since no one said boo about Gates leaving the show, we were not going to see a trial and everyone knew it.

Anyway, she tells Guinan she's no longer the CMO on the ship, begging a huge WTF from everyone who likes Crusher. Guinan starts complaining of tennis elbow.


Beverly says she was trying to get some scientists, any scientists, to give some credit to the theories of a Ferengi scientist named Rega.

The scientists, however, are argumentative. So it is decided that Rega will not test his invention, which will allow a ship to survive in the corona of a star. Instead, another scientist, a Tarkalean named Jo'Brill, will fly the shuttle to test the device. The test goes pretty well... until Jo'Brill collapses. They get him back to sickbay long enough for him to gasp out, "I saw... the sun..." before he dies.


He's dead for no reason. Beverly performs an autopsy and there's literally no reason why he's dead. The only weird thing of note is that his cellular decay is really slow but his innards are so messed up that Beverly doesn't even worry about it.

Neither Data, no Geordi, nor Rega can find anything wrong with the shuttle either. And Beverly has to end the test of the shield... which is not what Rega wants. But that, as she tells Guinan, is the last time she saw Rega alive.


They detect a plasma surge on the ship, in the science lab, and when they investigate they find Rega, dead, clutching a plasma tool of some kind. Worf is convinced it's suicide. Beverly is not so convinced... but Picard tells her there will be no autopsy, it is against Ferengi custom.

But she's sure the scientists did it - or at least one of them. So she interviews Drs. T'Pan and Christopher, and then Kurak. None of them is very flattered, although Christopher says Kurak and Rega were arguing in the lab earlier before he died, and when Beverly questions her about that she gets thrown across the room for her trouble.

So Beverly does the only thing she has left to do. She autopsies Rega. She then goes to Picard and tells him so. Picard is, quite understandably, furious. He is very very sad, and he wants to protect Beverly as much as he can, but she tells him not to. So she goes back to her quarters and that's when the episode starts.

Guinan tells Beverly to go do something about it. In the immortal words of Jonathan Frakes, "What are they gonna do, fire me?"


During the flight, the shield may have been sabotaged. It's tough to tell. Beverly now knows to look for tetryon traces in Jo'Brill's body. On her way to Sickbay, Will stops by to tell her to stop looking, but she just can't and tells him to butt out. Instead of butting out she goes to her office and tries to access medical records. She can't do that, though, because she's not actually on the medical staff. So Alyssa comes in and helps her. Beverly tries to order her not to, but... "Too bad you're not my boss anymore."

Anyway, they recheck Jo'Brill, and there are tetryons, so maybe... but in the end, there's only one way to know. Someone is going to have to get in the shuttle, fly it to the star, and see if they die or not.

So Beverly does.


She flies into the sun and survives, but communications drop. Then Jo'Brill climbs out of a locker and attacks Beverly. She gets to be Action!Bev for a change and kill the dude by disintegration. As far as I recall, she used a phaser about 3 times. This was one.

Anyway, of course, that means only one thing.

She's cleared!

And then there's a problem.

Because Guinan doesn't play tennis.


It's not Trek.

There's no police action, no guest character solving their own problem, no recreation of Earth's past, no alien aliens. I mean, sure, there's a dude you can shoot a hole through, and Beverly solves her own problem but I'm pretty sure I took that far enough with expanding #2 to recurring guest characters - Roddenberry specified that you never see the character again, and we see Bev all the damn time. I'm putting enough in just letting them use Barclay or Naomi Wildman or Zek or Brunt or Ishka or Morn.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Conspiracy of Silence

TNG "Conspiracy"
Ocean world of Pacifica? Really? How creative. Geordi is trying to tell Data a joke, which he overanalyzes and fails to laugh at. Also, the first and only use of the word hyperspace in Trek happens now. Data also is dumb with metaphors and we learn Worf doesn't bathe.

For some reason, Picard is asleep during all this. When I was little I thought they didn't get to sleep at all because they were always all on the bridge when stuff happened. A code 47 (nice continuity from TOS if you're looking) communication comes in and they have to wake the poor man up. Its his old friend Walker who wants him to come to Dytallix B, now, very secret.

Credits. Denise crosby is still there.

Picard orders them to Dytallix B and radio silence and no logs or anything recorded about it whatsoever. Warpies!

And I bet you wanna know what Dytallix B is! Data determines that Dytallix B is utterly useless, to quote, "a lifeless hunk of rock, a useless ball of mud, a useless chunk of..."

There are 3 ships in orbit - one is Walker's ship. Picard beams down and meets Walker and the Captains of the other two, Captains Rixx and Scott. Rixx and Scott promptly point phasers at him while Walker conducts a memory test. Where did we first meet? Who introduced Jack and Beverly Crusher, how many sisters does Walker have? Rixx says 'their' weakness is a lack of memory. As a side note, turns out Tryla Scott actually beat Kirks record for youngest captain.

Anyway, strange things are going on with starfleet, people are dying, interfleet communications are wonky, they think the Enterprise will be targeted, they don't know for what exactly, but old friends are forgetting things, some of Walkers officers are acting weird since they stopped at Earth, and so on. But its all vague, and they don't have any evidence. Picard takes their warning and leaves.


Picard tells Deanna, of course. He believes something is wrong, but there is no evidence. They go back on course for the poorly named Pacifica.

Data gets assigned to find out if anything hinky is actually going on by analyzing everything that anyone in Starfleet did for the last six months.

While they're flying along, they notice something odd nearby and stop to have a look. It is debris. No bodies, just debris. It matches the size of the Horatio, but no identifying marks.


Picard believes it all now. He tells Riker, and he remembers Quinn warning him too, in "Coming of Age".

Data starts talking to himself, then explains that to the computer, which tells him off for overexplaining. He gives it a supicious look. As would I.

The point is, data has found that someone is moving officers to control key areas of space, possibly to prepare for invasion. Riker says, "are you suggestng we warp over to starflet headquarters and demand to know what's going on?" No one said that!

But that's exactly what they decide to do. They warp back to Earth. They pull into a parking space and no one answes their hails for a bit, then admirals Savar, Aaron, and our old buddy Quinn answer. They want to know why the ship skipped stopping at the sillily named Pacifica, then Remmick comes in and the Admirals hit the mute buton. Picard and crew are suspicious, but then the Admirals come back on and invite Picard and Riker to dinner. Quinn says he can't come to dinner, but he wants to see the ship, can he come onboard? What? What? How does that make sense? How? And Picard, he buys it, because he just lost his buddy and he's obviously not thinking straight. But seriously, I don't have time for dinner but I have time to see your ship? Either he's coming up with dumb excuses because he's the dumbest admiral ever, or he's trying to lull Picard into a false sense of security to get onboard. Either way, I guarantee you don't want him there.

Quinn, in fact, has a pink... thing in a box. He seems to hide it from Remmick, who beams him to the ship as dramtic music plays.


Picard asks Quinn about what he said on Relva 7 about a threat, but Quinn says he didn't mean it. Picard leaves Riker onboard with Quinn and tells him he is sure it isn't Quinn. Picard tells Riker to get Quinn examined and beams down alone and unarmed to headquarters, where Savar, Aaron, and Remmick greet him and say they fixed a special dinner for him. Picard also notices headquarters is unusually quiet.

Quinn shows Riker a "superior" form of life in a box. Riker tries to call Data when Quinn yells " it won't like your science offcer. It does like you!" And proceeds to throw Riker acros the room. Riker calls security before Quinn wipes the floor with him, supporting both dumb and evil theories about Quinn.

The admirals toast to the Horatio, and tell picard the ship imploded "due to the extreme negligence of her Captain".

Worf, and for some reason Geordi, come to Riker's rescue. Quinn tries to leave and when Geordi objects, Quinn throws him through the door. Now its just him and Worf.


Quinn proceeds to beat Worf to a pulp. Beverly then comes in and shoots him, then treats Riker. I think she can scan Quinn now.

Which she does - retinas first. Its really him. And he has a little spike on the back of his neck...

Picard continues to be threatened by admirals who wish they were as cool as Dukat but alas, no. They go to dinner and Picard calls Riker and gets Crusher, who tells him about the spike and that it is a parasite, also that Riker got used as a rag. She says phasers on kill, he says he doesn't have one. Remmick comes out to yell "come and get it before I throw it in the floor!"

Riker wakes up.

Picard goes to sit down to a meal of icky icky worms. Everyone else is eating. Poor actors. I wonder how many takes they had to do. Picard is leaving when Riker arrives and says "He'll be one of us soon". He has the spike. And then captain Scott shows up. Riker shoves Picard in a chair and tells him he'll understand soon. They gloat for a while, then Riker goes to get some worms and starts stunning people. Aaron runs, but he and Picard stun everyone else. These little pink bugs like the one Quinn had come out of their mouths. They chase Aaron and stun him and follow his bug wen it crawls out...

To Remmick.

Who swallows it.



His neck starts bulging. "You don't understand. We mean you no harm. We seek peaceful coexistence." He sounds very sarcastic, and looks it too with the case of tonsilitis he has going on.

They shoot him.

A creature rises up from inside him and roars.

They shoot that too.

All the creatures die, then, and people get bodies back.

But Remmick sent out a homing beacon.

This one... ah, this one.

This actually became the Borg. Imagine if they continued with this instead, kind of like if X-files hadn't ditched the Black Oil thing.

Or, also, imagine if Voyager had run into this. Could have done. Didn't.

Now that thought's gonna piss me off all week.

Solid Type 1, Type 3, Type 4. Just missing follow-through, which was in dangerously short supply before Ron Moore anyway.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Because Kirk was Soooooooo worried about PR!

Back to my interupted survey of Gold Key's original Star Trek comics from 1968, we have the absolute gem, "Day of the Inquisitors."


No, really.

So, teasers aside, we open with a captain's log. Before I can even find out what Kirk's on about now, there is something to be dealt with.

The Public Relations officer.


When, exactly, between killing his best friend, teaching psychotic children not to beat their wives, driving Greek gods to suicide, killing Jack the Ripper, and other assorted insanity did the man care about PR? Or the media, or the reaction of Earth, or the reaction of his boss? In fact, now that I think of it, Enterprise has way too much of that, particularly at the beginning. I've never really focused on that and now it'll drive me crazy for the next six months.

I haven't finished the first sentence yet. This does not bode well.

So they do manage to make things happen, like the word Federation and the concept of joining said Federaton, but there is no concept of the council, it's just, ooh, first contact, come join the party! At least it's effort. Most of those rules were implied in the 60s, anyway. Now, if it was Picard's Enterprise, we would have a huge problem.

But it's not.

The real trouble starts when they get to the city looking for supplies. Instead of anything sane, the conclusion is that the best thing to do is, in fact, knock out the guards to get in, as far as I can tell, because they're there and Kirk likes to hit things. Even Spock joins in the smackaroo for some reason I'm not too clear on.

Kill kill kill.

And that leads, for some reason I'm not super clear on, to this-

Kirk: Someday, Spock, you'll underestimate an enemy... and you won't live to regret it!

Spock: Impossible, Captain! Regret is an emotion, and I have no emotions.

Excuse me?


"The Naked Time"
"Amok Time"
"This Side of Paradise" a.k.a "The Way of the Spores" which is a very Doctor Who like title.
"Star Trek: The Motion Picture" a.k.a "In Thy Image" in which Spock laughs, screams, and cries.
"Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" in which he has a touching death scene.
Actually, the last two weren't written yet, scratch them. Oh! "The Immunity Syndrome"! See?

So they get into the city and promptly decide to beat up more people, because, as Fakeway said in "Living Witness", "it's the Starfleet way..."


But you know, that's not even my real problem. See, Spock didn't pick that fight. It was Kirk. Silly Kirk. Silly, silly Kirk who lets the monk looking dudes he was soooo eager to beat to a pulp run away while he rescues their prisoner. So let me get this straight. We crash, knock out the city guard instead of asking for supplies, sneak into said city, find some monk looking dudes with a prisoner, free the prisoner from the clutches of what is presumably the legal planetary government, and then let the monk dudes get away?



For super real.

How effing dumb can you get?

The tale that follows tells us, though, that the monks - inquisitors, really - are very very bad. Plus, they dress like the KKK.

So, anyway, back on the Enterprise, Uhura is wearing forest green and no one is worried that flames appear to be shooting out both the nacelles and shuttlebay. This may have to do with the "planetary disaster in sector sigma". That they have to go fix right now. Scotty refuses. We don't know what this disaster is. Two planets could be colliding.

Or, the King's cat could be up a tree.

We. Dont . Know. And he doesn't bother to check, just assumes that whatever it is, Kirk is more important.

To Be Continued because I think my brain is bleeding.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Poke a Sleeping Cardassian in the Eye

"Explorers" is one of those eps that make me wonder what on Earth is the problem with DS9. What on Earth? What's not to love, as a TV show? It's funny. It's got great characters and character-driven stories. It's got families and religion and twisty turny plots with friends who become enemies and enemies who become friends. It was drawn on heavily by John Logan in Nemesis as the source for most of the data about Romulan society since the TOS episode "Balance of Terror"... So what is everyone's problem?

How the Mighty have Fallen

I really do like "Fallen Hero," like, a lot. Really really. But.

At the beginning, T'Pol flat out says that Starfleet doesn't allow captains to sleep with their subordinates. I know Janeway felt bound by a similar rule.

But Kirk seems to drag women back to his den a lot.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Friday, May 27, 2011

okay for real this time

Just wow again.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9


Wow. Just wow.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9


Check out this screen from TOS06.cbz sent from Droid Comic Viewer

What, pray tell, is an 'impulsion'?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Regenerating the unfixible

So, we're supposed to believe that the Vulcans lost the Borg? As in forgot? When someone alive on Vulcan in 2153 would be alive in 2371, possibly? Yeah, I'm supposed to buy that the Vulcans forgot.

And then, we're supposed to be suckered in by the idea that Phlox could cure assimilation? While being assimilated? Because it was so slow there was time to do that?

For all that though, I'm most angered by Enterprise's habit of stealing firsts from TNG. Not cool. Don't steal from Picard, he doesn't deserve it.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

What now?

Will The Waiting Game For J.J. Abrams Cause 'Star Trek 2' To Move From Summer ... - Indie Wire (blog)

They're right.

They really are.

The question: would it be so bad?

Let us review: Star Trek was originally set for summer of 2008. Late summer. Then Christmas of 2008. Then finally May 2009.

And what a May 2009.

It kept us talking. And now we're talking again. What other news would there be of the movie now?

Its in pre prduction. This is publicity. And its working. Which is good.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The thing is, he deserves it

Sun News : Shatner beams at gala

Hey, what's up, isntShatner something of a joke? RocketMan?

But more than that, he has done many things and he has made a name fo himself and he has no talent, just none at all. It's all ego and persistence. I mean, wow. Give the man a medal!

Oh, wait.

They did.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Look what the shutle crew did!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

You know you're a geek when

Star Trek night has to be scheduled around Doctor Who.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Who thinks these are good ideas?

Hollywood, that's who.

Who exactly decided putting NATALIE PORTMAN in the Thor movie was a good idea? Why not just cast Jeri Ryan in the next Trek movie?

And I'm pretty sure there was a Trek joke after the diner scene. Little one.

Also, Andy was very much looking forward to a very special gauntlet and it was nowhere to be found. I think he may have cried a bit and I do hate to see him sad.

So now it's 2am and I just saw Renee Russo in something for the first time since Lethal Weapon 4, which is the best I've done all day.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Star Trek Sucks

1. It's his middle name. His first name was Jackson. Look it up.
2-6. Kirk is an idiot. Picard has a ship full of kids. Do you have any idea how easy it is to maintain security on a space station with thousands of people? And then there was Voyager and Enterprise. The less said the better.
7-9. What's wrong with having the shows reflect the times they were made in? And why aren't we counting Voyager and Enterprise as a sign of their times?
10. Yeah, well, it was a good unitard.
11-12. Sulu is the Asian who liked swords. Chekov is the one that's made to look like he was in the Monkees.
13. Yes, well, I know. Why was Spock in the Toilet? So juvenile.
14. Bite me. It's cutting-edge fake science.
15. People who like languages?
16. God, I hope not, because I'd have to kill them.
17. That scenario never happened. And did you see Nemesis? They finally found a use for her before they shipped her off to the Titan.
18. He had a chin in Season 1!
19. Because they left that for Doctor Who.
20. On the contrary, Kirk battles a weight problem sporadically throughout the Original Series. And, well, not to put too fine a point on it, but look at Shatner in Undiscovered Country.
21. The Picard Maneuver! Make a dirty joke out of that, why don't you, lamebrains!
22. OMFG, how tired are all the Motion Picture jokes? It was 1979, just let it go already. There was never any saving it.
23. And another called Kesprit. If you squint, it says Armpit. Grow up.
24. It didn't work. See response to #20.
25-26. Comic relief.
27. What on Terra does that even mean?
28. In one episode.
29. And there was a ship in Classic Trek called the Fesarius. Deal.
30. This has nothing to do with Trek, but... Denny Crane.
31. Not true! What about Picard, reading Shakespeare all the time. Kirk read A Tale of Two Cities in TWOK. And then there were Janeway's holonovels... the less said about that the better.
32. But Tasha and Worf got a whole big console to do things with while Troi had... nothing!
33. How is that any worse than G.I. Joe?
34. He's Jimmy Doohan. That should be enough for you.
35. Is awesome.
36. So?
37. But when it works? Pure awesomeness. Plus, Scotty stored his atoms in one, which meant we got to see Jimmy Doohan again.
38. Fluffy! My nephew and I played catch with one today.
39. Let's start with hair and move on to chin later, huh?
40. Granted. For the first year, then he got cool.
41. Not really. Raise your hand if you predicted Tasha, Jadzia, or Data (in the absence of spoilers)
42. Yeah they are. And the Cybermen were barely a twinkle in America's eye, so do not give me that. Acutally the Borg came from the TNG ep "Conspiracy" and made a rather... significant departure from that story, one that is never fleshed out.
43. There were in your much-maligned Motion Picture. Just saying.
44. But don't you just want one?
45. Now we discuss the hair? Okay, fine, let's talk about the hair. Or better yet, let's skip the hair and move into the stupid things she did. At least she had the sense to cut the hair to keep it from falling in her face when she was almost getting blowed up.
46. It was fun. You seem to have learned snark. Where did you learn that? Trek.
47. I resemble that remark!
48. It's not 'Trekker', it's 'Trekkie'. Just shut up.
49. Bill Shatner can't even do that. Plenty of people can't. Some of us are blessed.
50-51. Riker/Troi - a lesson for the nerdiest of nerds that anything is possible given enough time.
52. See #23.
53. And I still say in Generations they should have done it once more for old time's sake. That would have kicked #20.
54-65. DS9 Season 6, Ep 22. "Valiant" Teaser: Humorous interlude in bar. Act One: Explanatory Scene. Act Two through Five: various battles, no "proton" torpedoes. All other segments missing.
For example.
66. See the breakfast scene in DS9 Season 4, Ep 22, "For the Cause". Bajoran Bread and Klingon Coffee.
67. Granted.
68. Neelix - much needed comic relief and consistency in an uncertain and otherwise usually humorless show.
69. I count two that survive.
70. Name one. The only one that comes to mind is Riker's mom. There was no crying, no mind-meld, and no scabies involved.
71. Dealt with in the novelization of Star Trek 3. And by the way, I cry every time.
74-76. Tom/B'Elanna. Worf/Deanna. Worf/Jadzia. Chapel/Spock. Trip/T'Pol. That's all five major series. TAS was pretty ship-free.
77. Don't forget Odo, and what they tried to do with Seven.
78. When? Name 2.
79. When? Name 2.
80-86. How would we live without Shatner's "Rocket Man"?
87-88. Learn to spell Maneuver.
89. TNG Season 7 "Inheritance". For example. I could have even gotten really mean and cited "Menage a Troi", but...
90. Yeah, because you never learned Klingon, which, by the way, is fascinating.
91. Yeah, but she was there. And it was a start. Also the first interracial kiss on TV, which is, you know, pretty cool.
92. Tell me about it.
93. Klingon cloaking devices. Another excuse for awesome.
94. He was a starving college student and the show hadn't yet found it's own. The Prime Directive was invented after the fact and is an accepted part of the canon.
95-97. Let's not stop there. Why are we not discussing Seven of Nine?
98-100. One at a time: People were watching. People were not watching at 10 on a Friday. They didn't run out of ideas: Season 3's writers didn't have any ideas because they were a totally different production team. And if it was rubbish, why did it win all those awards?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

eleven fifty nine

Why oh why would there be an episode about the new millennium (2001, not 2000) on Star Trek in May of 1999?

Thursday, April 21, 2011


Things I would change about "Fury".

Kes would have come to Tuvok's birthday party.

Kes would not have rammed the ship.

A scene with Kes getting to meet Seven and Seven expressing a wish that Kes had stayed with the ship (that's called an apology, folks. look it up).

This episode not to have been made. That's not fair. This episode not to have had this plot or this title. Kes being in it is fine.

Doc/Kes interaction.

More Neelix/Kes interaction.

Kes happy.

Janeway/Chakotay shipper candy.

More than 56 days from the beginning - the Vidiians? Really? Knowing about their history? Already? I don't buy it. Change that.

Why would Tuvok see Naomi or any of the Borg, who Kes would not even know about? Why is there no continuity? And why is Kes so damn angry? She was always more levelheaded than she had a right to be, so why would she blame Voyager for her own choices? WHY? Change that.

Kes was also never violent, and always respected Janeway. An attack on Janeway would be OOC, right? Wrong according to Act 4. Change that.

Yeah, you know what else is just wrong? Janeway killing Kes.. Change that.

Thing A - Kes boards Voyager and goes back in time. Thing B - OldKes dies. Janeway tells YoungKes that ThingA will happen  because she learned to use her abilities. Outcome: Kes stops learning to use her abilities. Therefore Kes never leaves. So why do we get to Thing C - YoungKes makes a moving holomessage for OldKes? And how did they project it in Engineering? Change it.

So OldKes should remember that there's a recording waiting for her, right? Change that.

And as a side note, since when would Janeway forget Kes was coming? Change that.

Most insulting line ever: "You made the decision to leave Voyager." How did you not choke on it, Jennifer? Change that.

"Three years ago you travelled back in time." I count 5 and a half. Change that.

Why can't she stay? Why the hell can't she stay? I doubt Jennifer Lien would have turned down the work, and she certainly  would have made a splash as AngstyKes. Too bad for me, it didn't happen. And for Jennifer.

How would Kes have forgotten? She's not dumb. At some point when concocting that plan and remembering every freaking detail about her life 6 years ago (or 3 years if you listen to Scientist Who Cannot Count Kathryn Janeway) she might have remembered making a hologram to talk herself down if she went apeshit and tried to suck the warp core while planning to go apeshit and suck the warpcore, ya think?

They freaking send her home. After all the drama getting her off Ocampa, we send her freaking home.

Remember "The Gift"? Remember how she sent them 10 years closer to home? So she can get back to Ocampa... think, after blowing up Deck 11, she might be able to shave some more time off the journey?

All in all, I think I liked the goodbye from "The Gift" better.

Although I always wished Neelix could have said goodbye to her.

Now he has.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

So there were many sad things about Enterprise.

Like water polo.

But there was this, in Season 1, that I had forgotten.

The clothes.

These are screencaps from Enterprise's Season 1 ep "Vox Sola".

And these are some screencaps of civillian clothes from TOS's first and second seasons.

Sam Cogley from "Court Marital"

People who end up dead in Operation: Annihilate!
Even Kirk's "casual" shirt, seen here in Season Two's "Journey to Babel".

Or even Sulu's outfit in Star Trek 3 and 4 bears some passing similarity.
I'm not saying it's a perfect match, or that "Vox Sola" never makes a mistake (the alarm signals bear a strong resemblance to those used in NextGen and Voyager, not Classic Trek, for example), but it is a start, and while not an exact match, it shouldn't be. Fashion changes, like fall colors and winter colors and styles evolving from one year to the next in ways no one reading this probably cares about. The most obvious similarites are to the first two screencaps but there is enough there to see how it could evolve, realisticaly.

But every time an alarm goes off, I hear Andy Dick.... "Beep beep beep beep?" And I sigh.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Some days are better than others

Enterprise: Cogenitor

Some days, it wasn't bad. Some days it was good. It was just like when Voyager ended and we were sad because there was no way to turn back the clock and make it as good as they suddenly were for the last four years.

There were bright spots.

It was so good. The only thing that would have made it better was that there is no mention of this species later. It's not like they could go back and edit, of course, but just pick a name you already used! But even after all that, it is a good example of the reason we have a Prime Directive - and a good example of the kinds of things that made them make the rule in the first place.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Obsessions are weird

For some unknown reason, at 3am I developed an obsession with Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

I don't know why.

I actually stumbled onto the fanfic, not the actual show, and I couldn't stop reading. And then I wanted to watch. And then I wanted to watch some more.

That was a long time ago, that first season.

I don't know what's up with me.

Good show.

Maybe it was seeing that commercial for the Return of Goran and Eames? Maybe.

Or not.

The first ep stars the husband from Medium as the bad guy, which I find awesome. Vincent D'Onofrio was so young and frigging skinny, it's amazing. He was a lot more shocking then, more of a surprise. Then he just developed his own brand of cool.

It's the head tilts. So good for aliens in MIB, so great when you're trying to be the new Sherlock Holmes.

Come to think of it, I think we learn more about Goran than Sherlock Holmes.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Okay, Microsoft, Admit it... The Enterprise was running LINUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it was.

You know how I can tell?

My iPod won't sync.

And then there's the nifty part wherein my Android phone will not sync with the computer, not even in Explorer, for cripes' sake, because you need the drivers. Where are the drivers, you may ask? I'll tell you where the drivers are, they're nowhere to be found.

So I tried to dual boot with Ubuntu because the only thing I would voluntarily do with Windows is watch Netflix on demand anyway and as soon as Netflix realizes that making it dependent on ActiveX and Windows is pointless and useless anyway, even that will go away, well guess who refuses to boot from the CD and USB drives? You heard me: REFUSES. Refuses!


Windows 7 I kill you now!

It's not just that it's hard. Take the iPod thing, for example. You know what they don't have? Supported online forums. You know what that means? Genuis Bar. Now, don't get me wrong, my uncle works at a genuis bar. Maybe I'll just call him, because I can't see any pleasure in going to a Mac store full of ugly hardware and people who know nothing about computing to the point where they invest money in Computers for Dummies rather than trying to improve their lives and brains, and then that just leads to a whole rant about the Nightmare Before Windows 7 known as Vista, which is about the only thing that makes me like 7 these days. IT'S NOT VISTA.

If that's the nicest I can be, I should just reformat now, do myself a favor.


As for the phone, WTF? You don't support ANDROID? I echatted with Samsung. It's true. No drivers. None at all. So I call their customer service line to get escalated until someone WRITES SOME DAMN DRIVERS and I find that they do exist. They're just hidden. Thank God I know my way around a keyboard or I never would have understood the instructions the woman I spoke to gave me, not to mention the crazy questions she asked (at one point she asked for the IMEI on my phone, which I cannot get while on the phone and I also does not exist on a CDMA phone, which mine is, and you know how you know that? By listening to the model number. Then she asked me which network it was on. You know how you tell? When the person says they have an Epic, which is on Sprint. That should be easy to remember, they only make 1 4G phone at Samsung, and it's the Epic, and it only works on Sprint!)

So I got the phone thing figured out, at least.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I am watching Criminal Minds.


ION's motto is 'positively entertaining'.

Criminal Minds is the least positive show...EVER.

Monday, March 21, 2011

More Things I Learned From TJ Hooker

People who smoke are killers.

Criminals who want to protect their identity take their cash payouts in well lit alleys with their heads hanging out of their red sports cars.

People are dumb enough to take candy from strangers.

No matter how upset you are, your makeup never gets smeared.

CPR is performed on the stomach.

Criminals are dumb enough to keep a written record of their crimes.

If a car hits something, it will explode.

Cheating always prospers as long as its not illegal.

Hooker cannot recognize that a man is tasting white powder out of a duffle bag, but he can recognize that the man holding the bag is in a picture he glanced at at the office when he sees the man from behind while wearing a baseball cap.

Mexico is a state. As in United.

So is San Diego.

'Lady Cop' is proper english and politically correct.

Criminals will get in a tug of war over the bag of loot while in a high speed car chase.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Oba Bonga

This is being written on my new computer, Oba Bonga.

She was named by my 6 year old nephew, for the record.

So right now, I am downloading Star Trek Online and Ubuntu at the same time, we are trying to find a monitor (which did not come with the CPU, although a keyboard and mouse did).

And I wait, and I watch Mission to Mars.

Jerry O'Connell doesn't get nearly enough credit as an actor. It's not his fault Crossing Jordan went to hell in a handbasket.

And I'm still thinking that maybe we need more talking computers. It's the way of the future, people. Star Trek taught us so. So far, I have learned from this movie that oxygen is for wimps. And there should be more talking computers. And when you get hit by a micrometeorite, sometimes bad things happen. Like Tim Robbins falling into the surface of Mars until he removes hims helmet and becomes a very convincing ice sculpture.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Well crap

I wish Voyager's seventh season had continued. And I wish it had been backdated the whole year before, and the year before that.

Especially as we get toward the end.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Things I learned from TJ Hooker

If you buy alcohol from the back of a van in front of a high school sance for $4 a bottle, it is stolen.

Fingerprints are for wusses.

Hair should be big. The bigger the better.

If you drink, you have a drinking problem. Unless your name is Hooker.

Coed football exists. It hilights the equality of the sexes. (On TJ Hooker, women wear skirts and man the desk.)

Stepping on silent alarms gets people killed or robbed harder, and should be avoided at all costs.

People who own stores have accents.

Crime is bad.

An airplane can take off any direction, even with Shatner hanging off the wing.

Do not have a bad attitude or the other bad guys will kill you.

Do not have a desire to help or the bad guys will kill you.

If you have an old friend, he's probably into something bad.

Sometimes there is a gorilla. Don't question the gorilla.

Composite artists are always accurate.

When you work for the bad guys, they are evil.

If you are a cop who is not Hooker, you will be dying soon.

Thieves steal a car to commit crime when they could just use their own.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Follow the Shiny Rocks

This week on Enterprise, "The Breach":

Interspecies conflict 101: how to handle situations delicately when there are racially based feelings in play.

Archer gets to be a jerk to Phlox.

Spelunking 101: How to fall off cliffs!

Travis breaks his leg and Trip tries to carry around bags of poop. And Malcolm is there too.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


It is striking me anew how... theatrical the Klingons are. I mean, singing war songs, and that whole rigmarole over taking command at the beginning of "Soldiers of the Empire".... Criminy!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Some would say this was what Trek as it was meant to be, and in a way, it was. No heavy-handed preaching, except to have no result at all, no, just pure, wonderful, humdiggery and treachery, and all for the low, low price of Tom and Neelix being swindled.

Throw in a big dose of Type 3, and stir in one of the best cons ever to be shown in Trek, and what do we get?

Yessir, it's "Live Fast and Prosper", a.k.a one of the best episodes of Voyager's sixth season, a year notorious for missing sanity and plots that make no sense. Good times.

The Wonderful Thing about iTunes

The Wonderful thing about iTunes,
Is iTunes has Wonderful Things.

Their Treks were available for download,
their downloades can be used for playback,

and one can put them on their 16 gig micro SD card
and play them on their android phone.

And the most wonderful thing about iTunes is....

I have bought them all (that were available when I had money)!

Which means I now have time to work on some of the... erm ... other things the Trek actors did with their time.

Like T.J. Hooker.

There's quality entertainment for you.

Okaaaay, so there's the police politics, the "dancing"...

The writing....

The fact of its existence...

Lord help me.

Monday, January 31, 2011

So far its not so bad.

Why is Uhura green?
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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What We Take For Granted

Want to know a few things?

The Doctor had to learn that humans were useful. That's why Nine was always calling Rose a Stupid Ape.

Part of him thought she was.

But really, he learned that lesson years ago - when the Tardis told him she was alive.

He didn't always know - but now we take it for granted.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Just Because We Let You Live Doesn't Mean You Get To Talk

Brannon, just bite me, okay?

Bite me.

Who says you get to talk?

Okay, i know, the magazine asked the question, but who says you get to talk about how Star Trek wasn't forward thinking?
I know that's out of context but have you forgotten, while on the unemployment line while waiting for Crazy Speilberg to hire you that maybe, just maybe, when you say something, you could get misquoted?

Or was it intentional?

If you can't have it nobody can't have it?

What are you, three? What more can we give you? We gave you a career you squandered away for some quick cash and a feeling of glory.

We gave you our trust.

We gave you the life we dreamed of having, and you let it burn.

And now this.

I don't care that they sied away from having a gay character on a syndicated program in the late 80s and early 90s. I dont care what you did on Voyager and Enterprise - or failed to do. That set of failiure is well documented. I kind of care that your writing credits do not extend to DS9, which therefore gives you no right to comment on DS9, especially if you plan to spread LIES OR MISINFORMATION like the idea that there were no same-sex relationships on DS9 - go to Memory Alpha, Brannon. Click the search bar. Type "Rejoined". Press enter. Read.

But don't get yourself quoted in a way that paints us as something we aren't. You're a writer. Act like one.

And also, before you go spouting off on attempts to include a homosexual couple on Trek, chat with David Gerrold about "Blood and Fire".
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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Thank God I'm not That Paranoid

Watching Conspiracy Theory.

Just wow.

But it is fun to see Patrick Stewart be evil.

You know, the funny thing is, you never know what's gonna be worth it when it comes to movies until after it's all said and done and then you have to deal with Mel Gibson paired with Juila Roberts which doesn't even make sense in terms of casting.

Seriously, what is that? Program your people to buy a billion copies of Catcher in the Rye so you can always track them? Huh? Where does that make sense?


Doctor Who: 

The Firemaker

The cavemen continue to fight amongst themselves and Kal continues to try to convince the people that the Doctor and his buddies killed the Old Woman. The Doctor eventually convinces the people that Kal is the one who killed the Old Woman and gets them to drive Kal out. Not big on the Prime Directive in Doctor Who.

It's not long, however, before the Doctor manages to piss off Za and he drives them into the cave. Za's wife tells him how the Doctor's people decided to help him - but Za is determined to learn to make fire, and he is determined to learn from the "new tribe" - the Doctor and his companions.

Ian and Barbara are trying to learn to make fire so they can impress the locals.  Za comes in at the exact moment they manage to light the kindling. The people of the tribe want to kill them as a human sacrifice to learn to make fire. Za wants to learn to make fire, as he thinks from they are "the other side of the mountains". And that's when the fire starts.

The tribe is beginning to dissent and turn against Za. And someone sneaks in and strangles the guard - let me guess, Kal? Oh so obvious.

Kal jumps into the Cave of Skulls and sees the burning fire, then chases Za around a bit and there's a big dramatic fight. *yawn*. Za wins, gets the fire, and becomes the leader, then locks the "new tribe" in the Cave of Skulls again. They come up with a clever ruse and get back to the TARDIS and run away.

The Doctor, it turns out, can't get them back to their own time with any precision. They end up on another planet, with a really high radiation...

If you were watching what we were watching last month, you would know this was where we met the Daleks.

Friday, January 21, 2011

The Good Old Days

Doctor Who: An Unearthly Child

Talk about beginnings.

Talk about the way things start, when you have no idea what they will mean someday. Talk about how Star Trek came to be - about how they had no idea, just none, what it would become.

Then talk about a blue box, three years before. Talk about a school where a teacher named Barbara and another named Ian can't decide what to do with one of their students.

And so it begins.

It's the same, I am beginning to realize, as Star Trek. The same, but different, with different accents and a different message, but it's the same too. I am always amazed that when Roddenberry was creating Star Trek, on the other side of an ocean there was another beginning, just as importand and not remotely as well publicized but far crazier - and with a protagonist that  is far more sinister, oddly.

Doctor Who.

Kind of a stupid name, really, but what isn't a stupid name at some point? At what point was Star Trek a good name? When was Heroes about Heroes - other than when Claire wanted to be one? When was Alias ever just about fake identities?

There's so much that's not said in a name.

It begins, then with a cute little story about cavemen and obsessions. And that is when the TARDIS breaks, which is why it's always a police box. Now we know.

What's amazing is how different he is from David Tennant - I mean, I loved David Tennant. He was pretty. William Hartnell isn't pretty and he isn't particulary compassionate toward his companions - who he didn't even want along to begin with. But this Doctor knows love - he loves his granddaughter. He is angry, like 10. He is about as personable as 9. Thankfully, unlike 2, he does not play the recorder.

Really the first few shows are about the true beginning. They are about two teachers - Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright - who follow a rather mysterious student home one day and learn that she lives in a police box that is bigger on the inside. A big fight, lots of yelling and they wind up in the past battling cavemen with fire problems and locked in a cave full of skulls.

At least they're all locked up in a nice cave and someone lets them out, and then promptly gets conked on her head for her trouble by the head caveman, Za. The Doctor, contrary to plenty of fanfiction, is not a medical doctor, he says. Sure spent plenty of time healing Rose Tyler, the jeopardy-friendly blonde.

But that came later. Now there is just Susan, and Ian, and Barbara, and the Doctor, and they didn't know what they had. They didn't know they had the secret - if you kill it, just regenerate it. It will come back to you. It will always come back.

Easier than Star Trek, but with fewer rules.