Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Movie Posters

Kung Fu Panda 2: No.
Adjustment Bureau: sure, why not?
Hood to Coast: No.
Red riding Hood: Director of Twilight? Way to sabotage your own movie, genuises.
Cars 2: I'll take my nephew.
Thor: of course I'll read it first.
Unknown: unknown to me, but I love liam neeson.
Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Why do you torture me so?
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Oh for the love of God why?

Gold Key 5

1. They picked something up on the TV SPACE SCANNER. There is also a reference to intergalactic travel again, AND there is the added bonus of the sheer audacity of these complete quacks trying to expand on Trek lingo. And that's just the first frame on the first page. I've read this so much that the phrases 'space eyes' and 'ceruise course' don't make me want to throw up.

However, their shock at finding planets…in the galaxy? Yeah, now I have a problem as should any reasonable person who attended fifth grade. Their grasp on the implications of being able to travel between galaxies in context of speed is similarly shaky (it doesn't take five days to travel a billion km, people), not to mention that once again I seem to be fighting a battle about shock waves in space.

End of page one. On to page two, wherein Kirk decides that since the OPERATOR can't raise anyone on the SOS FREQUENCY the planets must be lifeless and they can safely blow one up. Spock calculates one is several galaxy milles closer to them *sigh* and they fly in for the kill with flames shooting out of their nacelles since otherwise they would have to outrun a shockwave in a vacuum in a craft capable of faster than light travel. For some reason, Kirk doubts the accuracy of his TV SPACE SCANNER and beams down a landing party. None of them are wearing red but I think they should be. They beam down without filter masks but bother to scan once they get there. and then they get zapped by some bulidings, which is the most Star Trekkian thing to happen thus far.
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the golden problem

"We believe it best to let your civilization die out"? Did they even try to watch the show?
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Saturday, December 18, 2010

A Thought

"Just because we can do a thing, it does not necessarily follow that we must do that thing."

President Ra-Ghoretti, Star Trek VI

Star Trek could stand to learn from itself.

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Arsenal of the Shampoo Bottles

We open with a quick briefing on the citizens of Minos, and on how the captain of the Drake, and also that Riker was offered command of the Drake, which will be important in many future times - inculding Nemesis. They get hailed by an automated recording and decide to go down and make sure that whatever killed the people on the planet isn't still on the planet.

Good idea. Really, top-notch decision making. Why not try scanning for power systems, maybe a clever robot or two? See if it reacts to them. If not, send Data. Why not? If it doesn't react to robots, it probably won't react to him either.

They do send Data. Along with Will and Tasha. Dramatic music plays and Picard looks worried. That's television, folks.

Anyway, they do beam down, and they realize in about two seconds that communications are being monitored. They find pieces of the Drake or what might be pieces of the Drake. They also find that the entire planet is overgrown - including demonstration models. Then the Bridge calls to report an energy buildup nearby, and suddenly Riker's friend Paul Rice from the Drake. But then they call Riker and tell him there are no life signs nearby. So he tells the guy that his mother sent him to look for him and that his ship is the Lollipop. Eventually Riker calls "Rice" on being a fake and gets frozen in stasis by a shampoo bottle glued to a L'Eggs egg. No, really, that's what it is.

So Picard decides he and Beverly need to beam down. Right now! Because that's a good idea. And leaves Geordi in charge. Because that's also a good idea. Bloody hell. Take Geordi with you. It's a force field. Meanwhile, Data has figured out what the hell happened but has to cut Riker out of the whatever with a phaser. And of course, there's energy readings, which mean there's another shampoo bottle headed their way, and this time it's shooting. Everyone starts running around and Picard and Crusher fall down a hole.

So let's recap. So far Crusher nor Picard has had anything to do but stand there, and now they're down a hole.

Anyway, Data and Yar destroy the shampoo bottle but their communicators don't work and they can't find Picard or Crusher because they're down a hole, Beverly has a broken arm and their communicators don't work, of course. Picard splints the arm but unlike Data and Yar can't even make a really stupid guess as to why the communicators aren't working. Beverly helpfully tells him, "I must keep concious."

Data wakes Riker up and Riker is fine, but they still haven't found the Captain. Geordi goes to beam them up but the shileds come on automatically and the ship gets attacked by a freaking shampoo bottle and the Chief Engineer of the Week calls to find out if they're breaking orbit because he has to know right now.

The CEOTW comes to the Bridge and demands that Geordi turn over command to him, which Geordi refuses to do. They pick up the object but, it vanishes and guess what can fire while cloaked! Geordi and CEOTW continue to hash it out and Geordi eventually orders him back to Engineering. Why the hell didn't they just start out with a Chief Engineer? For crying out loud.

Will, Data, and Tasha are under attack. Again. They destory it again. But it's harder this time, they all have to fire at it. It's adapted. Anyone else reminded of the Borg? Also they're all firing at it and my fiance yells, "Don't cross the beams!" Geek. They have 12 minutes until the next one comes along and yet another 20 minutes of show. Huh.

Picard and Bev are stuck underground. She just now is telling him that she has another wound on her leg that is still bleeding and they need a clotting agent. But Beverly recognizes some roots, which I, for the sake of my own sanity, have decided came there via interstellar commerce seeing as she grew up on a colony, not on Minos. Picard runs away to look for a way out, which what's he gonna do? Carry her? Leave her? Big sissy, he jsut doesn't want to deal with being alone with her.

The ship is under serious attack and Geordi calls CEOTW to the Bridge. Dun dun dunnnnnnn!

Geordi runs away and gives Logan command of the saucer section so he can go back and fight the flying shampoo bottle. Logan, BTW, is the artist formerly known as CEOTW. He takes some younger officers and tells them to go to the battle bridge, then goes to hide in the ready room for a minute, when Deanna comes in to counsel him. It's sweet, and I love the scene. Geordi is worried they'll get "blasted out of the sky" by the shampoo bottle. Deanna tells him he should be proud of how he's doing and that he should give some encouragement to his underlings.

They separate the saucer for the second time out of four. That could have happened more.

Picard can't find an exit from the cave and Beverly tells him if he finds an exit he should go. They do some sharing and Picard learns she was part of some colony that had some big disaster. Then he finds a viewscreen and is able to pull up the sales dude again. The projection tells Picard it's a demonstration.

Kirk would have blown the freaking thing up.

Data finds Picard and Beverly in the hole and decides to jump in, which he does. He scans Beverly and gives Picard a dramatic look.

Geordi gives the noobs a pep talk and then they jump in.

Another shampoo bottle is launched and Tasha and Will are in deep shit - and under attack.

And then Beverly yells, "Why don't you just shut it off!" So Picard decides to buy it and the whole thing just shuts down. Except for the Enterprise, which must have been out of signal range or something because they are still under attack, which is okay because they decide to fly into the atmosphere and hope it follows them, which it does and Geordi blows it out of the sky. Bye bye shampoo bottle. They lower shields in the atmosphere and beam everyone back.

Picard tells Geordi he's still in command until they get the saucer back. Fun times for Geordi, but Picard probably just wanted a shower before he had to go back to work.

The next episode they filmed was "Skin of Evil".

Friday, December 10, 2010

Gold Key 3

I think my favorite part was when they saved the day with a simple AMINO ACID. I checked. That chemical formula doesnt exist. And who actually thinks the amino acids would be a bitty molocule two letters long?
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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

How William Shatner ruined Everything

I was watching "How William Shatner Changed The World" today - the title says it all - and I was struck by how the script portrays the difference between DS9 and TNG. Basically, the ide is that DS9 on failed because of their negative take on technology and the utopian future.

A few counterarguments.

First, Roddenberry's "utopia" as concieved in classic trek is far from paradise for many Trekkies. Yes, we have eliminated poverty, disease, and war, but we still have criminals running amok, ecological disasters - and more planets to put them on - and it seems that every probe we put into space has woken up and now wants to kill us. Also, we have deadbeat dads - McCoy - and prejudice against aliens, we see evidence that religion - something that even science suggests we need - is taboo, and the Federation doesn't like to let people go, so they can't just leave and do their own thing.

Second problem : the assertion that TNG showed technology as benign, or helpful. Holodeck, anyone? TNG is a seven-year cautionary tale.

Third : DS9 is dark, you're right. But that doesn't make it contrary to the vision. Yes, it took us to an uncomfortable place, with the war and the religion. DS9 may be my favorite just because that utopian ideal is sustained throughout, but it is very clear that it is still a goal - the writers, without Gene, were free to admit they hadn't reached it yet.

Shatner's treatment of Voyager and Enterprise is so laughable I'm too tired to deal with it, except to say i's more of the same. Implying that Star Trek is dead, that Voyager and DS9 were faliures (I'll grant him Enterprise), and pretending Gene accomplished what he set out to do - it's silly.

But really not surprising in the slightest.
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Friday, December 3, 2010

Watching Fringe

Favorite word of the day: frankenrhino.
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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

On the fringes of sanity

One of my favorite things about Fringe is the way it moves. It's seamless, like a freaking river, which is something I don't normally say, not being prone to metaphorical thinking in any sense. But it does, and even Literal Me can see it.
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