Look what the shutle crew did!

http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/110515_tch_sts-134-trek.standard.jpg

You know you're a geek when

Star Trek night has to be scheduled around Doctor Who.

Who thinks these are good ideas?

Hollywood, that's who.

Who exactly decided putting NATALIE PORTMAN in the Thor movie was a good idea? Why not just cast Jeri Ryan in the next Trek movie?

And I'm pretty sure there was a Trek joke after the diner scene. Little one.

Also, Andy was very much looking forward to a very special gauntlet and it was nowhere to be found. I think he may have cried a bit and I do hate to see him sad.

So now it's 2am and I just saw Renee Russo in something for the first time since Lethal Weapon 4, which is the best I've done all day.

Star Trek Sucks

1. It's his middle name. His first name was Jackson. Look it up.
2-6. Kirk is an idiot. Picard has a ship full of kids. Do you have any idea how easy it is to maintain security on a space station with thousands of people? And then there was Voyager and Enterprise. The less said the better.
7-9. What's wrong with having the shows reflect the times they were made in? And why aren't we counting Voyager and Enterprise as a sign of their times?
10. Yeah, well, it was a good unitard.
11-12. Sulu is the Asian who liked swords. Chekov is the one that's made to look like he was in the Monkees.
13. Yes, well, I know. Why was Spock in the Toilet? So juvenile.
14. Bite me. It's cutting-edge fake science.
15. People who like languages?
16. God, I hope not, because I'd have to kill them.
17. That scenario never happened. And did you see Nemesis? They finally found a use for her before they shipped her off to the Titan.
18. He had a chin in Season 1!
19. Because they left that for Doctor Who.
20. On the contrary, Kirk battles a weight problem sporadically throughout the Original Series. And, well, not to put too fine a point on it, but look at Shatner in Undiscovered Country.
21. The Picard Maneuver! Make a dirty joke out of that, why don't you, lamebrains!
22. OMFG, how tired are all the Motion Picture jokes? It was 1979, just let it go already. There was never any saving it.
23. And another called Kesprit. If you squint, it says Armpit. Grow up.
24. It didn't work. See response to #20.
25-26. Comic relief.
27. What on Terra does that even mean?
28. In one episode.
29. And there was a ship in Classic Trek called the Fesarius. Deal.
30. This has nothing to do with Trek, but... Denny Crane.
31. Not true! What about Picard, reading Shakespeare all the time. Kirk read A Tale of Two Cities in TWOK. And then there were Janeway's holonovels... the less said about that the better.
32. But Tasha and Worf got a whole big console to do things with while Troi had... nothing!
33. How is that any worse than G.I. Joe?
34. He's Jimmy Doohan. That should be enough for you.
35. Is awesome.
36. So?
37. But when it works? Pure awesomeness. Plus, Scotty stored his atoms in one, which meant we got to see Jimmy Doohan again.
38. Fluffy! My nephew and I played catch with one today.
39. Let's start with hair and move on to chin later, huh?
40. Granted. For the first year, then he got cool.
41. Not really. Raise your hand if you predicted Tasha, Jadzia, or Data (in the absence of spoilers)
42. Yeah they are. And the Cybermen were barely a twinkle in America's eye, so do not give me that. Acutally the Borg came from the TNG ep "Conspiracy" and made a rather... significant departure from that story, one that is never fleshed out.
43. There were in your much-maligned Motion Picture. Just saying.
44. But don't you just want one?
45. Now we discuss the hair? Okay, fine, let's talk about the hair. Or better yet, let's skip the hair and move into the stupid things she did. At least she had the sense to cut the hair to keep it from falling in her face when she was almost getting blowed up.
46. It was fun. You seem to have learned snark. Where did you learn that? Trek.
47. I resemble that remark!
48. It's not 'Trekker', it's 'Trekkie'. Just shut up.
49. Bill Shatner can't even do that. Plenty of people can't. Some of us are blessed.
50-51. Riker/Troi - a lesson for the nerdiest of nerds that anything is possible given enough time.
52. See #23.
53. And I still say in Generations they should have done it once more for old time's sake. That would have kicked #20.
54-65. DS9 Season 6, Ep 22. "Valiant" Teaser: Humorous interlude in bar. Act One: Explanatory Scene. Act Two through Five: various battles, no "proton" torpedoes. All other segments missing.
For example.
66. See the breakfast scene in DS9 Season 4, Ep 22, "For the Cause". Bajoran Bread and Klingon Coffee.
67. Granted.
68. Neelix - much needed comic relief and consistency in an uncertain and otherwise usually humorless show.
69. I count two that survive.
70. Name one. The only one that comes to mind is Riker's mom. There was no crying, no mind-meld, and no scabies involved.
71. Dealt with in the novelization of Star Trek 3. And by the way, I cry every time.
72. DO NOT INSULT MAJEL BARRETT OR CAREL STRUYCKEN.
73. DO NOT INSULT RICHARD HERD, THE PEOPLE WHO PLAYED PICARD'S FAMILY, OR PRETTY MUCH ANYONE WHO IS IN THE FAMILY. IT PUTS THE FUN IN DISFUNCTION.
74-76. Tom/B'Elanna. Worf/Deanna. Worf/Jadzia. Chapel/Spock. Trip/T'Pol. That's all five major series. TAS was pretty ship-free.
77. Don't forget Odo, and what they tried to do with Seven.
78. When? Name 2.
79. When? Name 2.
80-86. How would we live without Shatner's "Rocket Man"?
87-88. Learn to spell Maneuver.
89. TNG Season 7 "Inheritance". For example. I could have even gotten really mean and cited "Menage a Troi", but...
90. Yeah, because you never learned Klingon, which, by the way, is fascinating.
91. Yeah, but she was there. And it was a start. Also the first interracial kiss on TV, which is, you know, pretty cool.
92. Tell me about it.
93. Klingon cloaking devices. Another excuse for awesome.
94. He was a starving college student and the show hadn't yet found it's own. The Prime Directive was invented after the fact and is an accepted part of the canon.
95-97. Let's not stop there. Why are we not discussing Seven of Nine?
98-100. One at a time: People were watching. People were not watching at 10 on a Friday. They didn't run out of ideas: Season 3's writers didn't have any ideas because they were a totally different production team. And if it was rubbish, why did it win all those awards?

eleven fifty nine

Why oh why would there be an episode about the new millennium (2001, not 2000) on Star Trek in May of 1999?

Fury-ous

Things I would change about "Fury".

Kes would have come to Tuvok's birthday party.

Kes would not have rammed the ship.

A scene with Kes getting to meet Seven and Seven expressing a wish that Kes had stayed with the ship (that's called an apology, folks. look it up).

This episode not to have been made. That's not fair. This episode not to have had this plot or this title. Kes being in it is fine.

Doc/Kes interaction.

More Neelix/Kes interaction.

Kes happy.

Janeway/Chakotay shipper candy.

More than 56 days from the beginning - the Vidiians? Really? Knowing about their history? Already? I don't buy it. Change that.

Why would Tuvok see Naomi or any of the Borg, who Kes would not even know about? Why is there no continuity? And why is Kes so damn angry? She was always more levelheaded than she had a right to be, so why would she blame Voyager for her own choices? WHY? Change that.


Kes was also never violent, and always respected Janeway. An attack on Janeway would be OOC, right? Wrong according to Act 4. Change that.

Yeah, you know what else is just wrong? Janeway killing Kes.. Change that.

Thing A - Kes boards Voyager and goes back in time. Thing B - OldKes dies. Janeway tells YoungKes that ThingA will happen  because she learned to use her abilities. Outcome: Kes stops learning to use her abilities. Therefore Kes never leaves. So why do we get to Thing C - YoungKes makes a moving holomessage for OldKes? And how did they project it in Engineering? Change it.

So OldKes should remember that there's a recording waiting for her, right? Change that.

And as a side note, since when would Janeway forget Kes was coming? Change that.

Most insulting line ever: "You made the decision to leave Voyager." How did you not choke on it, Jennifer? Change that.

"Three years ago you travelled back in time." I count 5 and a half. Change that.

Why can't she stay? Why the hell can't she stay? I doubt Jennifer Lien would have turned down the work, and she certainly  would have made a splash as AngstyKes. Too bad for me, it didn't happen. And for Jennifer.

How would Kes have forgotten? She's not dumb. At some point when concocting that plan and remembering every freaking detail about her life 6 years ago (or 3 years if you listen to Scientist Who Cannot Count Kathryn Janeway) she might have remembered making a hologram to talk herself down if she went apeshit and tried to suck the warp core while planning to go apeshit and suck the warpcore, ya think?

They freaking send her home. After all the drama getting her off Ocampa, we send her freaking home.

Remember "The Gift"? Remember how she sent them 10 years closer to home? So she can get back to Ocampa... think, after blowing up Deck 11, she might be able to shave some more time off the journey?

All in all, I think I liked the goodbye from "The Gift" better.

Although I always wished Neelix could have said goodbye to her.

Now he has.

So there were many sad things about Enterprise.

Like water polo.

But there was this, in Season 1, that I had forgotten.

The clothes.

These are screencaps from Enterprise's Season 1 ep "Vox Sola".

And these are some screencaps of civillian clothes from TOS's first and second seasons.

Sam Cogley from "Court Marital"

People who end up dead in Operation: Annihilate!

Even Kirk's "casual" shirt, seen here in Season Two's "Journey to Babel".

Or even Sulu's outfit in Star Trek 3 and 4 bears some passing similarity.

I'm not saying it's a perfect match, or that "Vox Sola" never makes a mistake (the alarm signals bear a strong resemblance to those used in NextGen and Voyager, not Classic Trek, for example), but it is a start, and while not an exact match, it shouldn't be. Fashion changes, like fall colors and winter colors and styles evolving from one year to the next in ways no one reading this probably cares about. The most obvious similarites are to the first two screencaps but there is enough there to see how it could evolve, realisticaly.

But every time an alarm goes off, I hear Andy Dick.... "Beep beep beep beep?" And I sigh.

Some days are better than others

Enterprise: Cogenitor

Some days, it wasn't bad. Some days it was good. It was just like when Voyager ended and we were sad because there was no way to turn back the clock and make it as good as they suddenly were for the last four years.

There were bright spots.

It was so good. The only thing that would have made it better was that there is no mention of this species later. It's not like they could go back and edit, of course, but just pick a name you already used! But even after all that, it is a good example of the reason we have a Prime Directive - and a good example of the kinds of things that made them make the rule in the first place.

Obsessions are weird

For some unknown reason, at 3am I developed an obsession with Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

I don't know why.

I actually stumbled onto the fanfic, not the actual show, and I couldn't stop reading. And then I wanted to watch. And then I wanted to watch some more.

That was a long time ago, that first season.

I don't know what's up with me.

Good show.

Maybe it was seeing that commercial for the Return of Goran and Eames? Maybe.

Or not.

The first ep stars the husband from Medium as the bad guy, which I find awesome. Vincent D'Onofrio was so young and frigging skinny, it's amazing. He was a lot more shocking then, more of a surprise. Then he just developed his own brand of cool.

It's the head tilts. So good for aliens in MIB, so great when you're trying to be the new Sherlock Holmes.

Come to think of it, I think we learn more about Goran than Sherlock Holmes.

Okay, Microsoft, Admit it... The Enterprise was running LINUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it was.

You know how I can tell?

My iPod won't sync.

And then there's the nifty part wherein my Android phone will not sync with the computer, not even in Explorer, for cripes' sake, because you need the drivers. Where are the drivers, you may ask? I'll tell you where the drivers are, they're nowhere to be found.

So I tried to dual boot with Ubuntu because the only thing I would voluntarily do with Windows is watch Netflix on demand anyway and as soon as Netflix realizes that making it dependent on ActiveX and Windows is pointless and useless anyway, even that will go away, well guess who refuses to boot from the CD and USB drives? You heard me: REFUSES. Refuses!

Diediediediediediedie!

Windows 7 I kill you now!

It's not just that it's hard. Take the iPod thing, for example. You know what they don't have? Supported online forums. You know what that means? Genuis Bar. Now, don't get me wrong, my uncle works at a genuis bar. Maybe I'll just call him, because I can't see any pleasure in going to a Mac store full of ugly hardware and people who know nothing about computing to the point where they invest money in Computers for Dummies rather than trying to improve their lives and brains, and then that just leads to a whole rant about the Nightmare Before Windows 7 known as Vista, which is about the only thing that makes me like 7 these days. IT'S NOT VISTA.

If that's the nicest I can be, I should just reformat now, do myself a favor.

Diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie...................

As for the phone, WTF? You don't support ANDROID? I echatted with Samsung. It's true. No drivers. None at all. So I call their customer service line to get escalated until someone WRITES SOME DAMN DRIVERS and I find that they do exist. They're just hidden. Thank God I know my way around a keyboard or I never would have understood the instructions the woman I spoke to gave me, not to mention the crazy questions she asked (at one point she asked for the IMEI on my phone, which I cannot get while on the phone and I also does not exist on a CDMA phone, which mine is, and you know how you know that? By listening to the model number. Then she asked me which network it was on. You know how you tell? When the person says they have an Epic, which is on Sprint. That should be easy to remember, they only make 1 4G phone at Samsung, and it's the Epic, and it only works on Sprint!)

So I got the phone thing figured out, at least.

Positivity

I am watching Criminal Minds.

On ION.

ION's motto is 'positively entertaining'.

Criminal Minds is the least positive show...EVER.

More Things I Learned From TJ Hooker

People who smoke are killers.

Criminals who want to protect their identity take their cash payouts in well lit alleys with their heads hanging out of their red sports cars.

People are dumb enough to take candy from strangers.

No matter how upset you are, your makeup never gets smeared.

CPR is performed on the stomach.

Criminals are dumb enough to keep a written record of their crimes.

If a car hits something, it will explode.

Cheating always prospers as long as its not illegal.

Hooker cannot recognize that a man is tasting white powder out of a duffle bag, but he can recognize that the man holding the bag is in a picture he glanced at at the office when he sees the man from behind while wearing a baseball cap.

Mexico is a state. As in United.

So is San Diego.

'Lady Cop' is proper english and politically correct.

Criminals will get in a tug of war over the bag of loot while in a high speed car chase.

Oba Bonga

This is being written on my new computer, Oba Bonga.

She was named by my 6 year old nephew, for the record.

So right now, I am downloading Star Trek Online and Ubuntu at the same time, we are trying to find a monitor (which did not come with the CPU, although a keyboard and mouse did).

And I wait, and I watch Mission to Mars.

Jerry O'Connell doesn't get nearly enough credit as an actor. It's not his fault Crossing Jordan went to hell in a handbasket.

And I'm still thinking that maybe we need more talking computers. It's the way of the future, people. Star Trek taught us so. So far, I have learned from this movie that oxygen is for wimps. And there should be more talking computers. And when you get hit by a micrometeorite, sometimes bad things happen. Like Tim Robbins falling into the surface of Mars until he removes hims helmet and becomes a very convincing ice sculpture.

Well crap

I wish Voyager's seventh season had continued. And I wish it had been backdated the whole year before, and the year before that.

Especially as we get toward the end.

Things I learned from TJ Hooker

If you buy alcohol from the back of a van in front of a high school sance for $4 a bottle, it is stolen.

Fingerprints are for wusses.

Hair should be big. The bigger the better.

If you drink, you have a drinking problem. Unless your name is Hooker.

Coed football exists. It hilights the equality of the sexes. (On TJ Hooker, women wear skirts and man the desk.)

Stepping on silent alarms gets people killed or robbed harder, and should be avoided at all costs.

People who own stores have accents.

Crime is bad.

An airplane can take off any direction, even with Shatner hanging off the wing.

Do not have a bad attitude or the other bad guys will kill you.

Do not have a desire to help or the bad guys will kill you.

If you have an old friend, he's probably into something bad.

Sometimes there is a gorilla. Don't question the gorilla.

Composite artists are always accurate.

When you work for the bad guys, they are evil.

If you are a cop who is not Hooker, you will be dying soon.

Thieves steal a car to commit crime when they could just use their own.

Follow the Shiny Rocks

This week on Enterprise, "The Breach":

Interspecies conflict 101: how to handle situations delicately when there are racially based feelings in play.

Archer gets to be a jerk to Phlox.

Spelunking 101: How to fall off cliffs!

Travis breaks his leg and Trip tries to carry around bags of poop. And Malcolm is there too.

Theatricality

It is striking me anew how... theatrical the Klingons are. I mean, singing war songs, and that whole rigmarole over taking command at the beginning of "Soldiers of the Empire".... Criminy!

Fraud!

Some would say this was what Trek as it was meant to be, and in a way, it was. No heavy-handed preaching, except to have no result at all, no, just pure, wonderful, humdiggery and treachery, and all for the low, low price of Tom and Neelix being swindled.

Throw in a big dose of Type 3, and stir in one of the best cons ever to be shown in Trek, and what do we get?

Yessir, it's "Live Fast and Prosper", a.k.a one of the best episodes of Voyager's sixth season, a year notorious for missing sanity and plots that make no sense. Good times.

The Wonderful Thing about iTunes

The Wonderful thing about iTunes,
Is iTunes has Wonderful Things.

Their Treks were available for download,
their downloades can be used for playback,

and one can put them on their 16 gig micro SD card
and play them on their android phone.

And the most wonderful thing about iTunes is....

I have bought them all (that were available when I had money)!

Which means I now have time to work on some of the... erm ... other things the Trek actors did with their time.

Like T.J. Hooker.

There's quality entertainment for you.

Okaaaay, so there's the police politics, the "dancing"...

The writing....

The fact of its existence...

Lord help me.

So far its not so bad.

Why is Uhura green?

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