Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Conspiracy of Silence

TNG "Conspiracy"
Ocean world of Pacifica? Really? How creative. Geordi is trying to tell Data a joke, which he overanalyzes and fails to laugh at. Also, the first and only use of the word hyperspace in Trek happens now. Data also is dumb with metaphors and we learn Worf doesn't bathe.

For some reason, Picard is asleep during all this. When I was little I thought they didn't get to sleep at all because they were always all on the bridge when stuff happened. A code 47 (nice continuity from TOS if you're looking) communication comes in and they have to wake the poor man up. Its his old friend Walker who wants him to come to Dytallix B, now, very secret.

Credits. Denise crosby is still there.

Picard orders them to Dytallix B and radio silence and no logs or anything recorded about it whatsoever. Warpies!

And I bet you wanna know what Dytallix B is! Data determines that Dytallix B is utterly useless, to quote, "a lifeless hunk of rock, a useless ball of mud, a useless chunk of..."

There are 3 ships in orbit - one is Walker's ship. Picard beams down and meets Walker and the Captains of the other two, Captains Rixx and Scott. Rixx and Scott promptly point phasers at him while Walker conducts a memory test. Where did we first meet? Who introduced Jack and Beverly Crusher, how many sisters does Walker have? Rixx says 'their' weakness is a lack of memory. As a side note, turns out Tryla Scott actually beat Kirks record for youngest captain.

Anyway, strange things are going on with starfleet, people are dying, interfleet communications are wonky, they think the Enterprise will be targeted, they don't know for what exactly, but old friends are forgetting things, some of Walkers officers are acting weird since they stopped at Earth, and so on. But its all vague, and they don't have any evidence. Picard takes their warning and leaves.

Commercial.

Picard tells Deanna, of course. He believes something is wrong, but there is no evidence. They go back on course for the poorly named Pacifica.

Data gets assigned to find out if anything hinky is actually going on by analyzing everything that anyone in Starfleet did for the last six months.

While they're flying along, they notice something odd nearby and stop to have a look. It is debris. No bodies, just debris. It matches the size of the Horatio, but no identifying marks.

Commercial.

Picard believes it all now. He tells Riker, and he remembers Quinn warning him too, in "Coming of Age".

Data starts talking to himself, then explains that to the computer, which tells him off for overexplaining. He gives it a supicious look. As would I.

The point is, data has found that someone is moving officers to control key areas of space, possibly to prepare for invasion. Riker says, "are you suggestng we warp over to starflet headquarters and demand to know what's going on?" No one said that!

But that's exactly what they decide to do. They warp back to Earth. They pull into a parking space and no one answes their hails for a bit, then admirals Savar, Aaron, and our old buddy Quinn answer. They want to know why the ship skipped stopping at the sillily named Pacifica, then Remmick comes in and the Admirals hit the mute buton. Picard and crew are suspicious, but then the Admirals come back on and invite Picard and Riker to dinner. Quinn says he can't come to dinner, but he wants to see the ship, can he come onboard? What? What? How does that make sense? How? And Picard, he buys it, because he just lost his buddy and he's obviously not thinking straight. But seriously, I don't have time for dinner but I have time to see your ship? Either he's coming up with dumb excuses because he's the dumbest admiral ever, or he's trying to lull Picard into a false sense of security to get onboard. Either way, I guarantee you don't want him there.

Quinn, in fact, has a pink... thing in a box. He seems to hide it from Remmick, who beams him to the ship as dramtic music plays.

Commercial.

Picard asks Quinn about what he said on Relva 7 about a threat, but Quinn says he didn't mean it. Picard leaves Riker onboard with Quinn and tells him he is sure it isn't Quinn. Picard tells Riker to get Quinn examined and beams down alone and unarmed to headquarters, where Savar, Aaron, and Remmick greet him and say they fixed a special dinner for him. Picard also notices headquarters is unusually quiet.

Quinn shows Riker a "superior" form of life in a box. Riker tries to call Data when Quinn yells " it won't like your science offcer. It does like you!" And proceeds to throw Riker acros the room. Riker calls security before Quinn wipes the floor with him, supporting both dumb and evil theories about Quinn.

The admirals toast to the Horatio, and tell picard the ship imploded "due to the extreme negligence of her Captain".

Worf, and for some reason Geordi, come to Riker's rescue. Quinn tries to leave and when Geordi objects, Quinn throws him through the door. Now its just him and Worf.

Commercial.

Quinn proceeds to beat Worf to a pulp. Beverly then comes in and shoots him, then treats Riker. I think she can scan Quinn now.

Which she does - retinas first. Its really him. And he has a little spike on the back of his neck...

Picard continues to be threatened by admirals who wish they were as cool as Dukat but alas, no. They go to dinner and Picard calls Riker and gets Crusher, who tells him about the spike and that it is a parasite, also that Riker got used as a rag. She says phasers on kill, he says he doesn't have one. Remmick comes out to yell "come and get it before I throw it in the floor!"

Riker wakes up.

Picard goes to sit down to a meal of icky icky worms. Everyone else is eating. Poor actors. I wonder how many takes they had to do. Picard is leaving when Riker arrives and says "He'll be one of us soon". He has the spike. And then captain Scott shows up. Riker shoves Picard in a chair and tells him he'll understand soon. They gloat for a while, then Riker goes to get some worms and starts stunning people. Aaron runs, but he and Picard stun everyone else. These little pink bugs like the one Quinn had come out of their mouths. They chase Aaron and stun him and follow his bug wen it crawls out...

To Remmick.

Who swallows it.

Whole.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

His neck starts bulging. "You don't understand. We mean you no harm. We seek peaceful coexistence." He sounds very sarcastic, and looks it too with the case of tonsilitis he has going on.

They shoot him.

A creature rises up from inside him and roars.

They shoot that too.

All the creatures die, then, and people get bodies back.

But Remmick sent out a homing beacon.

This one... ah, this one.

This actually became the Borg. Imagine if they continued with this instead, kind of like if X-files hadn't ditched the Black Oil thing.

Or, also, imagine if Voyager had run into this. Could have done. Didn't.

Now that thought's gonna piss me off all week.

Solid Type 1, Type 3, Type 4. Just missing follow-through, which was in dangerously short supply before Ron Moore anyway.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Because Kirk was Soooooooo worried about PR!

Back to my interupted survey of Gold Key's original Star Trek comics from 1968, we have the absolute gem, "Day of the Inquisitors."

...

No, really.

So, teasers aside, we open with a captain's log. Before I can even find out what Kirk's on about now, there is something to be dealt with.

The Public Relations officer.

...

When, exactly, between killing his best friend, teaching psychotic children not to beat their wives, driving Greek gods to suicide, killing Jack the Ripper, and other assorted insanity did the man care about PR? Or the media, or the reaction of Earth, or the reaction of his boss? In fact, now that I think of it, Enterprise has way too much of that, particularly at the beginning. I've never really focused on that and now it'll drive me crazy for the next six months.

I haven't finished the first sentence yet. This does not bode well.

So they do manage to make things happen, like the word Federation and the concept of joining said Federaton, but there is no concept of the council, it's just, ooh, first contact, come join the party! At least it's effort. Most of those rules were implied in the 60s, anyway. Now, if it was Picard's Enterprise, we would have a huge problem.

But it's not.

The real trouble starts when they get to the city looking for supplies. Instead of anything sane, the conclusion is that the best thing to do is, in fact, knock out the guards to get in, as far as I can tell, because they're there and Kirk likes to hit things. Even Spock joins in the smackaroo for some reason I'm not too clear on.

Kill kill kill.

And that leads, for some reason I'm not super clear on, to this-

Kirk: Someday, Spock, you'll underestimate an enemy... and you won't live to regret it!

Spock: Impossible, Captain! Regret is an emotion, and I have no emotions.

Excuse me?

YES YOU DO, THEY SAID SO IN, JUST OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD:

"The Naked Time"
"Amok Time"
"This Side of Paradise" a.k.a "The Way of the Spores" which is a very Doctor Who like title.
"Star Trek: The Motion Picture" a.k.a "In Thy Image" in which Spock laughs, screams, and cries.
"Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" in which he has a touching death scene.
Actually, the last two weren't written yet, scratch them. Oh! "The Immunity Syndrome"! See?

So they get into the city and promptly decide to beat up more people, because, as Fakeway said in "Living Witness", "it's the Starfleet way..."

SIGH.

But you know, that's not even my real problem. See, Spock didn't pick that fight. It was Kirk. Silly Kirk. Silly, silly Kirk who lets the monk looking dudes he was soooo eager to beat to a pulp run away while he rescues their prisoner. So let me get this straight. We crash, knock out the city guard instead of asking for supplies, sneak into said city, find some monk looking dudes with a prisoner, free the prisoner from the clutches of what is presumably the legal planetary government, and then let the monk dudes get away?

Yeah.

Yeah.

For super real.

How effing dumb can you get?

The tale that follows tells us, though, that the monks - inquisitors, really - are very very bad. Plus, they dress like the KKK.

So, anyway, back on the Enterprise, Uhura is wearing forest green and no one is worried that flames appear to be shooting out both the nacelles and shuttlebay. This may have to do with the "planetary disaster in sector sigma". That they have to go fix right now. Scotty refuses. We don't know what this disaster is. Two planets could be colliding.

Or, the King's cat could be up a tree.

We. Dont . Know. And he doesn't bother to check, just assumes that whatever it is, Kirk is more important.

To Be Continued because I think my brain is bleeding.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Poke a Sleeping Cardassian in the Eye

"Explorers" is one of those eps that make me wonder what on Earth is the problem with DS9. What on Earth? What's not to love, as a TV show? It's funny. It's got great characters and character-driven stories. It's got families and religion and twisty turny plots with friends who become enemies and enemies who become friends. It was drawn on heavily by John Logan in Nemesis as the source for most of the data about Romulan society since the TOS episode "Balance of Terror"... So what is everyone's problem?

How the Mighty have Fallen

I really do like "Fallen Hero," like, a lot. Really really. But.

At the beginning, T'Pol flat out says that Starfleet doesn't allow captains to sleep with their subordinates. I know Janeway felt bound by a similar rule.

But Kirk seems to drag women back to his den a lot.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Friday, May 27, 2011

okay for real this time

Just wow again.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

uhhhhhh.........

Wow. Just wow.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

Uh....

Check out this screen from TOS06.cbz sent from Droid Comic Viewer http://bit.ly/3dlKI5

What, pray tell, is an 'impulsion'?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Regenerating the unfixible

So, we're supposed to believe that the Vulcans lost the Borg? As in forgot? When someone alive on Vulcan in 2153 would be alive in 2371, possibly? Yeah, I'm supposed to buy that the Vulcans forgot.

And then, we're supposed to be suckered in by the idea that Phlox could cure assimilation? While being assimilated? Because it was so slow there was time to do that?

For all that though, I'm most angered by Enterprise's habit of stealing firsts from TNG. Not cool. Don't steal from Picard, he doesn't deserve it.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

What now?

Will The Waiting Game For J.J. Abrams Cause 'Star Trek 2' To Move From Summer ... - Indie Wire (blog)

They're right.

They really are.

The question: would it be so bad?

Let us review: Star Trek was originally set for summer of 2008. Late summer. Then Christmas of 2008. Then finally May 2009.

And what a May 2009.

It kept us talking. And now we're talking again. What other news would there be of the movie now?

Its in pre prduction. This is publicity. And its working. Which is good.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The thing is, he deserves it

Sun News : Shatner beams at gala

Hey, what's up, isntShatner something of a joke? RocketMan?

But more than that, he has done many things and he has made a name fo himself and he has no talent, just none at all. It's all ego and persistence. I mean, wow. Give the man a medal!

Oh, wait.

They did.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Look what the shutle crew did!

http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/110515_tch_sts-134-trek.standard.jpg

Saturday, May 7, 2011

You know you're a geek when

Star Trek night has to be scheduled around Doctor Who.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Who thinks these are good ideas?

Hollywood, that's who.

Who exactly decided putting NATALIE PORTMAN in the Thor movie was a good idea? Why not just cast Jeri Ryan in the next Trek movie?

And I'm pretty sure there was a Trek joke after the diner scene. Little one.

Also, Andy was very much looking forward to a very special gauntlet and it was nowhere to be found. I think he may have cried a bit and I do hate to see him sad.

So now it's 2am and I just saw Renee Russo in something for the first time since Lethal Weapon 4, which is the best I've done all day.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Star Trek Sucks

1. It's his middle name. His first name was Jackson. Look it up.
2-6. Kirk is an idiot. Picard has a ship full of kids. Do you have any idea how easy it is to maintain security on a space station with thousands of people? And then there was Voyager and Enterprise. The less said the better.
7-9. What's wrong with having the shows reflect the times they were made in? And why aren't we counting Voyager and Enterprise as a sign of their times?
10. Yeah, well, it was a good unitard.
11-12. Sulu is the Asian who liked swords. Chekov is the one that's made to look like he was in the Monkees.
13. Yes, well, I know. Why was Spock in the Toilet? So juvenile.
14. Bite me. It's cutting-edge fake science.
15. People who like languages?
16. God, I hope not, because I'd have to kill them.
17. That scenario never happened. And did you see Nemesis? They finally found a use for her before they shipped her off to the Titan.
18. He had a chin in Season 1!
19. Because they left that for Doctor Who.
20. On the contrary, Kirk battles a weight problem sporadically throughout the Original Series. And, well, not to put too fine a point on it, but look at Shatner in Undiscovered Country.
21. The Picard Maneuver! Make a dirty joke out of that, why don't you, lamebrains!
22. OMFG, how tired are all the Motion Picture jokes? It was 1979, just let it go already. There was never any saving it.
23. And another called Kesprit. If you squint, it says Armpit. Grow up.
24. It didn't work. See response to #20.
25-26. Comic relief.
27. What on Terra does that even mean?
28. In one episode.
29. And there was a ship in Classic Trek called the Fesarius. Deal.
30. This has nothing to do with Trek, but... Denny Crane.
31. Not true! What about Picard, reading Shakespeare all the time. Kirk read A Tale of Two Cities in TWOK. And then there were Janeway's holonovels... the less said about that the better.
32. But Tasha and Worf got a whole big console to do things with while Troi had... nothing!
33. How is that any worse than G.I. Joe?
34. He's Jimmy Doohan. That should be enough for you.
35. Is awesome.
36. So?
37. But when it works? Pure awesomeness. Plus, Scotty stored his atoms in one, which meant we got to see Jimmy Doohan again.
38. Fluffy! My nephew and I played catch with one today.
39. Let's start with hair and move on to chin later, huh?
40. Granted. For the first year, then he got cool.
41. Not really. Raise your hand if you predicted Tasha, Jadzia, or Data (in the absence of spoilers)
42. Yeah they are. And the Cybermen were barely a twinkle in America's eye, so do not give me that. Acutally the Borg came from the TNG ep "Conspiracy" and made a rather... significant departure from that story, one that is never fleshed out.
43. There were in your much-maligned Motion Picture. Just saying.
44. But don't you just want one?
45. Now we discuss the hair? Okay, fine, let's talk about the hair. Or better yet, let's skip the hair and move into the stupid things she did. At least she had the sense to cut the hair to keep it from falling in her face when she was almost getting blowed up.
46. It was fun. You seem to have learned snark. Where did you learn that? Trek.
47. I resemble that remark!
48. It's not 'Trekker', it's 'Trekkie'. Just shut up.
49. Bill Shatner can't even do that. Plenty of people can't. Some of us are blessed.
50-51. Riker/Troi - a lesson for the nerdiest of nerds that anything is possible given enough time.
52. See #23.
53. And I still say in Generations they should have done it once more for old time's sake. That would have kicked #20.
54-65. DS9 Season 6, Ep 22. "Valiant" Teaser: Humorous interlude in bar. Act One: Explanatory Scene. Act Two through Five: various battles, no "proton" torpedoes. All other segments missing.
For example.
66. See the breakfast scene in DS9 Season 4, Ep 22, "For the Cause". Bajoran Bread and Klingon Coffee.
67. Granted.
68. Neelix - much needed comic relief and consistency in an uncertain and otherwise usually humorless show.
69. I count two that survive.
70. Name one. The only one that comes to mind is Riker's mom. There was no crying, no mind-meld, and no scabies involved.
71. Dealt with in the novelization of Star Trek 3. And by the way, I cry every time.
72. DO NOT INSULT MAJEL BARRETT OR CAREL STRUYCKEN.
73. DO NOT INSULT RICHARD HERD, THE PEOPLE WHO PLAYED PICARD'S FAMILY, OR PRETTY MUCH ANYONE WHO IS IN THE FAMILY. IT PUTS THE FUN IN DISFUNCTION.
74-76. Tom/B'Elanna. Worf/Deanna. Worf/Jadzia. Chapel/Spock. Trip/T'Pol. That's all five major series. TAS was pretty ship-free.
77. Don't forget Odo, and what they tried to do with Seven.
78. When? Name 2.
79. When? Name 2.
80-86. How would we live without Shatner's "Rocket Man"?
87-88. Learn to spell Maneuver.
89. TNG Season 7 "Inheritance". For example. I could have even gotten really mean and cited "Menage a Troi", but...
90. Yeah, because you never learned Klingon, which, by the way, is fascinating.
91. Yeah, but she was there. And it was a start. Also the first interracial kiss on TV, which is, you know, pretty cool.
92. Tell me about it.
93. Klingon cloaking devices. Another excuse for awesome.
94. He was a starving college student and the show hadn't yet found it's own. The Prime Directive was invented after the fact and is an accepted part of the canon.
95-97. Let's not stop there. Why are we not discussing Seven of Nine?
98-100. One at a time: People were watching. People were not watching at 10 on a Friday. They didn't run out of ideas: Season 3's writers didn't have any ideas because they were a totally different production team. And if it was rubbish, why did it win all those awards?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

eleven fifty nine

Why oh why would there be an episode about the new millennium (2001, not 2000) on Star Trek in May of 1999?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Fury-ous

Things I would change about "Fury".

Kes would have come to Tuvok's birthday party.

Kes would not have rammed the ship.

A scene with Kes getting to meet Seven and Seven expressing a wish that Kes had stayed with the ship (that's called an apology, folks. look it up).

This episode not to have been made. That's not fair. This episode not to have had this plot or this title. Kes being in it is fine.

Doc/Kes interaction.

More Neelix/Kes interaction.

Kes happy.

Janeway/Chakotay shipper candy.

More than 56 days from the beginning - the Vidiians? Really? Knowing about their history? Already? I don't buy it. Change that.

Why would Tuvok see Naomi or any of the Borg, who Kes would not even know about? Why is there no continuity? And why is Kes so damn angry? She was always more levelheaded than she had a right to be, so why would she blame Voyager for her own choices? WHY? Change that.


Kes was also never violent, and always respected Janeway. An attack on Janeway would be OOC, right? Wrong according to Act 4. Change that.

Yeah, you know what else is just wrong? Janeway killing Kes.. Change that.

Thing A - Kes boards Voyager and goes back in time. Thing B - OldKes dies. Janeway tells YoungKes that ThingA will happen  because she learned to use her abilities. Outcome: Kes stops learning to use her abilities. Therefore Kes never leaves. So why do we get to Thing C - YoungKes makes a moving holomessage for OldKes? And how did they project it in Engineering? Change it.

So OldKes should remember that there's a recording waiting for her, right? Change that.

And as a side note, since when would Janeway forget Kes was coming? Change that.

Most insulting line ever: "You made the decision to leave Voyager." How did you not choke on it, Jennifer? Change that.

"Three years ago you travelled back in time." I count 5 and a half. Change that.

Why can't she stay? Why the hell can't she stay? I doubt Jennifer Lien would have turned down the work, and she certainly  would have made a splash as AngstyKes. Too bad for me, it didn't happen. And for Jennifer.

How would Kes have forgotten? She's not dumb. At some point when concocting that plan and remembering every freaking detail about her life 6 years ago (or 3 years if you listen to Scientist Who Cannot Count Kathryn Janeway) she might have remembered making a hologram to talk herself down if she went apeshit and tried to suck the warp core while planning to go apeshit and suck the warpcore, ya think?

They freaking send her home. After all the drama getting her off Ocampa, we send her freaking home.

Remember "The Gift"? Remember how she sent them 10 years closer to home? So she can get back to Ocampa... think, after blowing up Deck 11, she might be able to shave some more time off the journey?

All in all, I think I liked the goodbye from "The Gift" better.

Although I always wished Neelix could have said goodbye to her.

Now he has.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

So there were many sad things about Enterprise.

Like water polo.

But there was this, in Season 1, that I had forgotten.

The clothes.

These are screencaps from Enterprise's Season 1 ep "Vox Sola".






And these are some screencaps of civillian clothes from TOS's first and second seasons.

Sam Cogley from "Court Marital"


People who end up dead in Operation: Annihilate!
Even Kirk's "casual" shirt, seen here in Season Two's "Journey to Babel".

Or even Sulu's outfit in Star Trek 3 and 4 bears some passing similarity.
I'm not saying it's a perfect match, or that "Vox Sola" never makes a mistake (the alarm signals bear a strong resemblance to those used in NextGen and Voyager, not Classic Trek, for example), but it is a start, and while not an exact match, it shouldn't be. Fashion changes, like fall colors and winter colors and styles evolving from one year to the next in ways no one reading this probably cares about. The most obvious similarites are to the first two screencaps but there is enough there to see how it could evolve, realisticaly.

But every time an alarm goes off, I hear Andy Dick.... "Beep beep beep beep?" And I sigh.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Some days are better than others

Enterprise: Cogenitor

Some days, it wasn't bad. Some days it was good. It was just like when Voyager ended and we were sad because there was no way to turn back the clock and make it as good as they suddenly were for the last four years.

There were bright spots.

It was so good. The only thing that would have made it better was that there is no mention of this species later. It's not like they could go back and edit, of course, but just pick a name you already used! But even after all that, it is a good example of the reason we have a Prime Directive - and a good example of the kinds of things that made them make the rule in the first place.