After All Is Said And Done

Enterprise: These Are The Voyages
Trip has a great speech about trust... and that's just exactly what was violated in this ep and really in the whole show. This ep is its own apology.

And two things:

1. This is the only episode that one can, with certainty, state is not canon. Neither the part on Enterprise nor the part on TNG can be corroborated or confirmed. Riker never had time to do all this with Troi, who has had a drastic change in hairstyle, lemme tell ya.

2. I don't think it likely that in ten years no one in the senior staff was promoted or transferred off of Enterprise, given the lack of experienced officers in Starfleet. This suggests that "These are the Voyages" is a work of popular historical fiction as seen in holonovels on Voyager only a year later, only with a far more sinister context. The characters in TATV are obviously derived from real people, possibly in the concept of the "alternate universe", fanficcy "Would the Federation exist without Trip Tucker?" kind of way. If someone had published this on fanfiction.net we would think it was cute. They made it an episode.

Empty Warheads found on Writing Staff

Voyager: Warhead


Okay, so... yeah. It's a little ADD, but that's Brannon Braga. You could easily get 2 or 3 stories out of this, but that's typical. And it is kind of neat to see Harry actually win something for a change, but... apparently he also went a full 24 hours without sleep and then back to duty on the bridge.

One... is the Loneliest Number...

Voyager: One


Okay. One.

First. This is a great story. I mean it. Spectacular.

Jeri Ryan is a really great actress.

Seven is also the new kid on the block. It's her first season on Voyager. 25%.

Twenty-five freaking percent of freaking episodes post Season 4 feature Seven as a central character. She is 11% of the cast. Chakotay got 6. This is not okay. Another Seven ep? we said. Really? we said. Argh!

History is Written by the Victor

TNG: Rightful Heir


So. Let us speak of "The Savage Curtain". Of the previous mention of Khaless as a servant of, well, evil. Times change. People change. And our perception of the Klingons changes too. And now he's Jesus Christ, metaphorically speaking.

Interesting.

For Heavens Sake, This Isn't a Resolution, It's a Lack of Willpower!

Voyager: Resolutions


This is the one where J/C (by which I mean Janeway and Chakotay shippers, by which I mean people who thought Janeway and Chakotay should just cave to the sexual tension and kiss already) died. They were on that planet for, what months? And nothing?

Lacy lacy profit

Deep Space Nine: Profit and Lace
I love that Quark dresses in drag... Armin must have had so much fun!
And I love that DS9 can do humor like no other Trek. There are certainly fun episodes, but none quite like what there was in DS9, with the Ferengi episodes. And the baseball episodes. And the one where the Ferengi played baseball.

I'm sorry, I love DS9. Sue me.

Glory

DS9: Blaze of Glory

Eddington dies.

Sisko can't even be happy about it and he wanted the guy dead.

What I'd love to talk about, though, is Nog, on security detail. Nog, who stands up to Martok, and lives to tell the tale. I mean, dude, Martok's scary even when he isn't in the makeup.

I enjoy it immensely.

Neutrality

TNG: The Neutral Zone

They found an ancient Earth capsule floating around. They're just waiting on Picard and Data wants to go check it out 'cause, why not.

So he and Worf do.
They beam in anddatas all minimal oxygen atmosphere and I'm like, you don't check before you beam Worf in? Anyway there's an old disk drive computer and a bunch of dead bodies... skeketal bodies... empty stasis chambers... and one woman.

Credits.

There are also two men. The containers are not for stasis. Data tells will the people are frozen and they will bring them back but Picard is back and Will's like, whatvever, just get back, I don't care, which I think he'll regret later and then they have biger fish to fry because Federation outposts are vanishing along the Romulan Neutral Zone. There's been no contact with the Romulans for 50 years. The Federation will send one ship - the Enterprise - to check it out.

Beverly calls Picard to tell him about the people in the capsule being thawed and saved. Picard does his WTF dance. Cryonics. They're alive now! Picard calls Data.

Data said he couldn't leave the people on the capsule, it seemed right to bring them back. So they bring in security in the form of Worf... and awaken the woman. Who sees worf and faints. Go women power!

Data found some info about them in the capsule's computer and they wake them all again. We've got the woman, the financier, and the musician. Picard has Will take over with them and tells him to "keep them out of my way".

Will tells them its 2364. He, Data, and Beverly explain what's going on. The woman didn't even know she was going to be frozen. Data bonds with the musician. The financier wants a copy of the wall street journal. The woman is just confused.

Deanna gives a briefing on the psychology of the Romulans, saying they won't initiate conflict, they'll wait on Picard.

Data shows Sonny, the musician, how to work the replicator. There is no TV. Sonny is sad. Will gets called by Picard so now they know how to use a communicator and they all want to meet Picard. "Keep them out of my way."

Commercial

Six hours out from the Neutral Zone, they theorize about what's going on with the Romulans. And then Offenhouse (the financier) calls Picard - he figured out how to use the commpanel. And then he compares the Enterprise to the QE2. So Picard walks down there and reams Offenhouse out. Offenhouse tries to convince Picard of his importance and says he has to call his lawyer, and Picard tells him there is no more. Accumulation of things and control of destiny is an illusion and so on. Picard tells Troi to come in. Offenhouse even apologzes. So Picard leaves and tells Deanna to get those people under control.

Deanna goes to see Clare (the woman). Clare wants to know what happened to her kids - so they go looking in the records.

Sonny wants drugs but Beverly won't give them to her so he asks for Data, the positronic pimp.

They find Claire's kids and she asks to be alone.

Data goes to see Sonny. Sonny wants a guitar. Data gets called to the bridge as they approach the Neutral Zone, forcing Sonny to ask what the Neutral Zone is... so data briefly explains. Idiot.

Commercial.

They find that "some great force just scooped it off the planet". Those outposts are not good places to be.

Offenhouse wants to get involved in the prblem with the Romulans. No one else does.

More missing outposts. They go to yellow alert.

It does not omprove Offenhouse's mood. He gets to the turbolift and gets the computer to tell him Picard is on the bridge and take him there...

The Romulans may be decloaking... Offenhouse arrives on the bridge. They order him off but the Romulans decloak in all their warbirdy glory.

Commercial.

They stop dragging Offenhouse away because its sooo cool I guess. Worf doesn't even want to talk to then but Picard does... the Romulans also have missing outposts on their side. Offenhouse says the Romulans don't know ether and Picard says he's right. They agree to share info on this and only this. Romulans are back.

They leave.

Deanna finds a current photo of one of Clare's descendants. They will send the people to earth to learn this century.

That is all.

Crossing the Barrier

Deep Space Nine: Crossover

There is a line.

We do not cross it.

You do not use TOS material.

Certainly, there are exceptions. "Sarek," although I think that may be about the availability of the actor. "Trials and Tribble-ations," obviously. But rarely did any later Trek take something beloved of TOS and make it their own.

Until "Crossover." Any future attempts failed ("I'm a Doctor, not a doorstop? Criminy!)

Legalese stuff out of the way first.

Crossover, DS9, Season 2.23, #443. Written by Michael Piller and Peter Allan Fields. Directed by David Livingston. This was before the Ron Moore years, when he still worked on TNG. Somebody had to, I guess. Preproduction on Voyager would have been underway by then.

Julian still talks too much. He manages to piss Kira off - not the first time. With breathing techniques and meditation. Good times. Julian is glad they're finally talking to each other and not fighting, burying the hatchet. He calls her Nerys and makes her call him Julian. She's going to kill him, I think, if they don't make it home soon. They're heading to the wormhole, lucky for Julian. He asks her out to dinner, she says no. They leave warp and the field won't collapse all the way so they go into the wormhole weirdly with technobabble and there's a flash but they make it through... and the station's gone. Noooo station. And when they find it, it's by Bajor. And there's a Klingon ship that suddenly appears and when the captain sees Kira he starts wigging out and says he'll escort her back to the station like he's afraid of her.

When they get there, Garak is in a uniform and he doesn't know Julian... and there's another Kira!

Something very strange is happening.

Credits.

So we're in the mirror universe. I mean, duh, right? How else would Kira be wearing leather? It's not like she would normally be caught dead in leather. Especially the headband. I doubt this one meditates. Anyway, Garak says they're on Terok Nor, the center of authority for the Bajoran Alliance. They don't know the wormhole, BTW. LeatherKira won't let them leave, and Garak refers to Julian as "Terran!". LeatherKira orders Julian "taken below" to work.

They get to the Promenade which is just a big slave pit. There is a slave there who decided to try to stow away and Nerys sends him to the mines. Garak wants to interrogate him, so Nerys says okay but don't kill him.

Miles is there too. He's in charge of fixing things. Odo is in charge of keeping order. Rule 14 is no jokes. Julian is a Terran without a designation - and Odo slaps him around for it a little bit. This is ScaryOdo. ScaryOdo puts Julian to work.

LeatherKira takes Kira to OopsOps. Coming up with these names is fun. LeatherKira asks Kira her name, she says "Kira Nerys." "That makes two of us!"

They figure out pretty quickly that this is a different universe. Kira doesn't know Kirk - on LeatherKira's side Kirk is one of the most famous names in their history. She knows all about "Mirror, Mirror." Spock rose to commander in chief of the Empire and the Alliance rose up against him and took over, enslaving the Terrans. The Alliance is a "coming-together" of the Klingons and the Cardassians. Bajor was under Terran rule until the Empire collapsed and Bajor petitioned to enter the Alliance. LeatherKira has no intention of sending Kira and Julian back. The rule is that if anyone came over, they would be killed. LeatherKira says she has no taste for violence and doesn't want to do that.

Kira asks to learn from LeatherKira. LeatherKira wants to kill Julian, but Kira manages to talk her out of doing that through manipulating... herself. LeatherKira gets Kira some quarters... actually, she says "find this attractive young woman some quarters..." hmmm....

Commercial.

Kira comes to visit ScaryOdo and Julian. She asks Julian about Kirk and he knows exactly what's up. Julian wants to ask the other Miles for help. I don't know what name I'll be using for him.

Kira goes to Quark's. I don't have a name for him either. Kira goes to Quark and asks for a favor of a Transporter for a few hours. Quark is willing to help... for the ability to send people across to her side. Garak shows up and screams for Quark, to take him to be executed for helping Terrans escape from the station... I don't think I'll be needing a name for Quark as they drag him away.

Ben comes in then and starts pouring drinks on the house. Well, now I need a name for him.

Julian approaches OtherMiles. Really need a better name for him. He tells Miles he's Chief of Operations of the station and pours on some flattery. Miles refuses to help him. And then ScaryOdo tells WimpMiles (ah, found it!) that CrazyBen wants him in the bar.

CrazyBen is all over Kira. Creepy. LeatherKira has him under her thumb - he's her pirate. CrazyBen calls WimpMiles "Smiley" and WimpMiles really doesn't like him that much. CrazyBen tells WimpMiles to go fix his engine and WimpMiles just takes it. LeatherKira summons CrazyBen. Laughter ensues.

So CrazyBen and LeatherKira are having creepy fun time in LeatherKira's quarters when LeatherKira summons Kira. CrazyBen stomps out to check his ship when Kira gets there and when LeatherKira says, "Benjamin! Did I hurt your feelings?" he actually replies, "I never had any to hurt, Intendant."

Wowza. Whipped him good. I mean like, full-on whipped by Indiana Jones whipped.

Moving on.

The Intendant AKA LeatherKira is in her bath. LeatherKira says they can't use a transporter to get home. She wants to know why it is that Kira asked Quark for a transporter and not her wonderful self. "Don't you trust me?" and all that.

Kira, smartly, responds with "I'm a little afraid of you."

"I don't want your fear... all I want is your love.... if you can't love me... don't be in a hurry to go. I'm glad you're here..." Almost kisses her too.

Garak brings Quark in from interrogation. Kira asks him who would do labor for the Alliance without the Terrans and orders Quark executed. She's planned a party! What shall they wear!

Garak is in Kira's quarters when she gets back, carrying a dress. "I do admire a well-tailored gown," he tells her. Heeee! He tells Kira that LeatherKira is in love with her. Creeeeeepy. Ewwwwwwww. She'll never let Kira leave. Garak wants Kira to betray LeatherKira so he can be promoted. He wants Kira to take LeatherKira's place as Intendant. He is going to kill LeatherKira the next day, then in a few weeks Nerys can step down and go explore her pagh and he will take over. And if she declines, Julian dies.

Uh oh.

Commercial.

So Nerys goes to Julian and tells him to be careful. They have to leave now, and she's trying to get help.

ScaryOdo was watching.

Kira goes to CrazySisko and asks for help. CrazySisko refuses to give her the runabout because LeatherKira will "have my head... or something else." Garak has been trying to kill LeatherKira the whole time and CrazyBen thinks Garak's plot is hilarious. CrazyBen is indifferent and Kira tries to get him to help her but they just end up with some fun fun mutual hatred.

Kira goes to the party. Garak is charmed by her pretty pretty "well-tailored' dress. There are Klingons there and one of them gets in a fight with one of CrazyBen's crew. CrazyBen goes to stab him and then the Klingon backs off, leaving CrazyBen to fight off the Klingon. LeatherKira arrives and tells the music to start.

ScaryOdo finds Julian taking a break when a leak starts in the mine. Julian grabs a gun and shoots ScaryOdo, who explodes. Don't need his name anymore either then

Commercial.

Julian crawls into a Jeffries Tube when he runs across WimpyMiles. He asks WimpyMiles for help and convinces him that if he helps, he'll be alive again... and WimpyMiles says he'll help if he can come with... so Julian agrees. They get to the docking ring when they're captured by the Klingons.

The Klingons bring Julian and WimpyMiles to LeatherKira. LeatherKira says he has a lot to learn... she is furious that he killed ScaryOdo. Actually she is very admiring of ScaryOdo. Hmmmm. She goes on a self-centered rant and says it's her reward for treating Terrans with any respect - no one can stop her, she's determined to kill Julian slowly in public view. So then she asks WimpyMiles what he was thinking, and he says that Julian is a doctor, and there's a Miles there who is Chief of Operations, and it gave him hope and he wanted that life. He wanted to go with Julian because "whatever it's like there has to be better than this. There has to be something better than this." Garak is about to lead them out when CrazyBen actually does help them and they manage to run away. CrazyBen and WimpMiles go to start a rebellion and Nerys and Julian just get to go home.

The End.

To the Life

Deep Space 9: To the Death

We do learn something about the Jem'Hadar, and we meet Weyoun for the first time. We get to see the Jem'Hadar as soldiers, and since we will spend the next 3 years seeing them as cannon fodder, it is welcome. We learn to hate Weyoun, and we have some fun with TNG continuity.

But we never do see them rebuild the docking pylon.

Relatives

Voyager: Relativity

So, it's time for more temporal mechanics, Voyager style.

Actually, I think it's Back to the Future. Only with more stuff. I like stuff, don't get me wrong. But... time travel in Voyager is... actually not that much more than anyone else, but it seems like a lot. Maybe because there's more time travel two-parters, or maybe because the eps just tend to be kind of stupid but either way, it seems like I've had enough of it.

But it's not that bad. We should remember that.

Percentage-wise, TAS was the worst. an impressive 9% of the 22 eps were time travel. That's 2.

Just thought I'd mention that.

Who Mourns for Crabby Hologram Designers?

Voyager: Lifeline

Here's the thing. I like Barclay.

I like Troi.

But they're on TNG. And this is Voyager. And they don't belong here. And you know what else doesn't fit?

In Act Three, Janeway gets a transmission about the "status of the Maquis." You could do an entire episode about the "status of the Maquis" but here it's shuttered to the background of an episode, and look at that, there's Brannon Braga taking partial credit for the teleplay.

He's lost the mission, bro.

Suspicious activity

TNG: Suspicions
Beverly Crusher is not having a good day.

In fact, she's about to have her best episode ever. She just doesn't know it yet. Usually she has some pathtic romance (Doctor Beverly, anyone?) But this time, oh, this time, she decided to dabble in physics and there isn't a long-haired lover in sight.

Tangent over.

There is, however, a problem, which is that a lot of people don't like Crusher, and Star Trek was not up to story arcs at that point. This is, of course, the pre-Coto years. There were practically no story arcs, everything was self-contained. Which means, since no one said boo about Gates leaving the show, we were not going to see a trial and everyone knew it.

Anyway, she tells Guinan she's no longer the CMO on the ship, begging a huge WTF from everyone who likes Crusher. Guinan starts complaining of tennis elbow.

Credits.

Beverly says she was trying to get some scientists, any scientists, to give some credit to the theories of a Ferengi scientist named Rega.

The scientists, however, are argumentative. So it is decided that Rega will not test his invention, which will allow a ship to survive in the corona of a star. Instead, another scientist, a Tarkalean named Jo'Brill, will fly the shuttle to test the device. The test goes pretty well... until Jo'Brill collapses. They get him back to sickbay long enough for him to gasp out, "I saw... the sun..." before he dies.

Commercial.

He's dead for no reason. Beverly performs an autopsy and there's literally no reason why he's dead. The only weird thing of note is that his cellular decay is really slow but his innards are so messed up that Beverly doesn't even worry about it.

Neither Data, no Geordi, nor Rega can find anything wrong with the shuttle either. And Beverly has to end the test of the shield... which is not what Rega wants. But that, as she tells Guinan, is the last time she saw Rega alive.

Commercial.

They detect a plasma surge on the ship, in the science lab, and when they investigate they find Rega, dead, clutching a plasma tool of some kind. Worf is convinced it's suicide. Beverly is not so convinced... but Picard tells her there will be no autopsy, it is against Ferengi custom.

But she's sure the scientists did it - or at least one of them. So she interviews Drs. T'Pan and Christopher, and then Kurak. None of them is very flattered, although Christopher says Kurak and Rega were arguing in the lab earlier before he died, and when Beverly questions her about that she gets thrown across the room for her trouble.

So Beverly does the only thing she has left to do. She autopsies Rega. She then goes to Picard and tells him so. Picard is, quite understandably, furious. He is very very sad, and he wants to protect Beverly as much as he can, but she tells him not to. So she goes back to her quarters and that's when the episode starts.

Guinan tells Beverly to go do something about it. In the immortal words of Jonathan Frakes, "What are they gonna do, fire me?"

Commercial.

During the flight, the shield may have been sabotaged. It's tough to tell. Beverly now knows to look for tetryon traces in Jo'Brill's body. On her way to Sickbay, Will stops by to tell her to stop looking, but she just can't and tells him to butt out. Instead of butting out she goes to her office and tries to access medical records. She can't do that, though, because she's not actually on the medical staff. So Alyssa comes in and helps her. Beverly tries to order her not to, but... "Too bad you're not my boss anymore."

Anyway, they recheck Jo'Brill, and there are tetryons, so maybe... but in the end, there's only one way to know. Someone is going to have to get in the shuttle, fly it to the star, and see if they die or not.

So Beverly does.

Commercial.

She flies into the sun and survives, but communications drop. Then Jo'Brill climbs out of a locker and attacks Beverly. She gets to be Action!Bev for a change and kill the dude by disintegration. As far as I recall, she used a phaser about 3 times. This was one.

Anyway, of course, that means only one thing.

She's cleared!

And then there's a problem.

Because Guinan doesn't play tennis.

So.

It's not Trek.

There's no police action, no guest character solving their own problem, no recreation of Earth's past, no alien aliens. I mean, sure, there's a dude you can shoot a hole through, and Beverly solves her own problem but I'm pretty sure I took that far enough with expanding #2 to recurring guest characters - Roddenberry specified that you never see the character again, and we see Bev all the damn time. I'm putting enough in just letting them use Barclay or Naomi Wildman or Zek or Brunt or Ishka or Morn.

Conspiracy of Silence

TNG "Conspiracy"
Ocean world of Pacifica? Really? How creative. Geordi is trying to tell Data a joke, which he overanalyzes and fails to laugh at. Also, the first and only use of the word hyperspace in Trek happens now. Data also is dumb with metaphors and we learn Worf doesn't bathe.

For some reason, Picard is asleep during all this. When I was little I thought they didn't get to sleep at all because they were always all on the bridge when stuff happened. A code 47 (nice continuity from TOS if you're looking) communication comes in and they have to wake the poor man up. Its his old friend Walker who wants him to come to Dytallix B, now, very secret.

Credits. Denise crosby is still there.

Picard orders them to Dytallix B and radio silence and no logs or anything recorded about it whatsoever. Warpies!

And I bet you wanna know what Dytallix B is! Data determines that Dytallix B is utterly useless, to quote, "a lifeless hunk of rock, a useless ball of mud, a useless chunk of..."

There are 3 ships in orbit - one is Walker's ship. Picard beams down and meets Walker and the Captains of the other two, Captains Rixx and Scott. Rixx and Scott promptly point phasers at him while Walker conducts a memory test. Where did we first meet? Who introduced Jack and Beverly Crusher, how many sisters does Walker have? Rixx says 'their' weakness is a lack of memory. As a side note, turns out Tryla Scott actually beat Kirks record for youngest captain.

Anyway, strange things are going on with starfleet, people are dying, interfleet communications are wonky, they think the Enterprise will be targeted, they don't know for what exactly, but old friends are forgetting things, some of Walkers officers are acting weird since they stopped at Earth, and so on. But its all vague, and they don't have any evidence. Picard takes their warning and leaves.

Commercial.

Picard tells Deanna, of course. He believes something is wrong, but there is no evidence. They go back on course for the poorly named Pacifica.

Data gets assigned to find out if anything hinky is actually going on by analyzing everything that anyone in Starfleet did for the last six months.

While they're flying along, they notice something odd nearby and stop to have a look. It is debris. No bodies, just debris. It matches the size of the Horatio, but no identifying marks.

Commercial.

Picard believes it all now. He tells Riker, and he remembers Quinn warning him too, in "Coming of Age".

Data starts talking to himself, then explains that to the computer, which tells him off for overexplaining. He gives it a supicious look. As would I.

The point is, data has found that someone is moving officers to control key areas of space, possibly to prepare for invasion. Riker says, "are you suggestng we warp over to starflet headquarters and demand to know what's going on?" No one said that!

But that's exactly what they decide to do. They warp back to Earth. They pull into a parking space and no one answes their hails for a bit, then admirals Savar, Aaron, and our old buddy Quinn answer. They want to know why the ship skipped stopping at the sillily named Pacifica, then Remmick comes in and the Admirals hit the mute buton. Picard and crew are suspicious, but then the Admirals come back on and invite Picard and Riker to dinner. Quinn says he can't come to dinner, but he wants to see the ship, can he come onboard? What? What? How does that make sense? How? And Picard, he buys it, because he just lost his buddy and he's obviously not thinking straight. But seriously, I don't have time for dinner but I have time to see your ship? Either he's coming up with dumb excuses because he's the dumbest admiral ever, or he's trying to lull Picard into a false sense of security to get onboard. Either way, I guarantee you don't want him there.

Quinn, in fact, has a pink... thing in a box. He seems to hide it from Remmick, who beams him to the ship as dramtic music plays.

Commercial.

Picard asks Quinn about what he said on Relva 7 about a threat, but Quinn says he didn't mean it. Picard leaves Riker onboard with Quinn and tells him he is sure it isn't Quinn. Picard tells Riker to get Quinn examined and beams down alone and unarmed to headquarters, where Savar, Aaron, and Remmick greet him and say they fixed a special dinner for him. Picard also notices headquarters is unusually quiet.

Quinn shows Riker a "superior" form of life in a box. Riker tries to call Data when Quinn yells " it won't like your science offcer. It does like you!" And proceeds to throw Riker acros the room. Riker calls security before Quinn wipes the floor with him, supporting both dumb and evil theories about Quinn.

The admirals toast to the Horatio, and tell picard the ship imploded "due to the extreme negligence of her Captain".

Worf, and for some reason Geordi, come to Riker's rescue. Quinn tries to leave and when Geordi objects, Quinn throws him through the door. Now its just him and Worf.

Commercial.

Quinn proceeds to beat Worf to a pulp. Beverly then comes in and shoots him, then treats Riker. I think she can scan Quinn now.

Which she does - retinas first. Its really him. And he has a little spike on the back of his neck...

Picard continues to be threatened by admirals who wish they were as cool as Dukat but alas, no. They go to dinner and Picard calls Riker and gets Crusher, who tells him about the spike and that it is a parasite, also that Riker got used as a rag. She says phasers on kill, he says he doesn't have one. Remmick comes out to yell "come and get it before I throw it in the floor!"

Riker wakes up.

Picard goes to sit down to a meal of icky icky worms. Everyone else is eating. Poor actors. I wonder how many takes they had to do. Picard is leaving when Riker arrives and says "He'll be one of us soon". He has the spike. And then captain Scott shows up. Riker shoves Picard in a chair and tells him he'll understand soon. They gloat for a while, then Riker goes to get some worms and starts stunning people. Aaron runs, but he and Picard stun everyone else. These little pink bugs like the one Quinn had come out of their mouths. They chase Aaron and stun him and follow his bug wen it crawls out...

To Remmick.

Who swallows it.

Whole.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

His neck starts bulging. "You don't understand. We mean you no harm. We seek peaceful coexistence." He sounds very sarcastic, and looks it too with the case of tonsilitis he has going on.

They shoot him.

A creature rises up from inside him and roars.

They shoot that too.

All the creatures die, then, and people get bodies back.

But Remmick sent out a homing beacon.

This one... ah, this one.

This actually became the Borg. Imagine if they continued with this instead, kind of like if X-files hadn't ditched the Black Oil thing.

Or, also, imagine if Voyager had run into this. Could have done. Didn't.

Now that thought's gonna piss me off all week.

Solid Type 1, Type 3, Type 4. Just missing follow-through, which was in dangerously short supply before Ron Moore anyway.

Because Kirk was Soooooooo worried about PR!

Back to my interupted survey of Gold Key's original Star Trek comics from 1968, we have the absolute gem, "Day of the Inquisitors."

...

No, really.

So, teasers aside, we open with a captain's log. Before I can even find out what Kirk's on about now, there is something to be dealt with.

The Public Relations officer.

...

When, exactly, between killing his best friend, teaching psychotic children not to beat their wives, driving Greek gods to suicide, killing Jack the Ripper, and other assorted insanity did the man care about PR? Or the media, or the reaction of Earth, or the reaction of his boss? In fact, now that I think of it, Enterprise has way too much of that, particularly at the beginning. I've never really focused on that and now it'll drive me crazy for the next six months.

I haven't finished the first sentence yet. This does not bode well.

So they do manage to make things happen, like the word Federation and the concept of joining said Federaton, but there is no concept of the council, it's just, ooh, first contact, come join the party! At least it's effort. Most of those rules were implied in the 60s, anyway. Now, if it was Picard's Enterprise, we would have a huge problem.

But it's not.

The real trouble starts when they get to the city looking for supplies. Instead of anything sane, the conclusion is that the best thing to do is, in fact, knock out the guards to get in, as far as I can tell, because they're there and Kirk likes to hit things. Even Spock joins in the smackaroo for some reason I'm not too clear on.

Kill kill kill.

And that leads, for some reason I'm not super clear on, to this-

Kirk: Someday, Spock, you'll underestimate an enemy... and you won't live to regret it!

Spock: Impossible, Captain! Regret is an emotion, and I have no emotions.

Excuse me?

YES YOU DO, THEY SAID SO IN, JUST OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD:

"The Naked Time"
"Amok Time"
"This Side of Paradise" a.k.a "The Way of the Spores" which is a very Doctor Who like title.
"Star Trek: The Motion Picture" a.k.a "In Thy Image" in which Spock laughs, screams, and cries.
"Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" in which he has a touching death scene.
Actually, the last two weren't written yet, scratch them. Oh! "The Immunity Syndrome"! See?

So they get into the city and promptly decide to beat up more people, because, as Fakeway said in "Living Witness", "it's the Starfleet way..."

SIGH.

But you know, that's not even my real problem. See, Spock didn't pick that fight. It was Kirk. Silly Kirk. Silly, silly Kirk who lets the monk looking dudes he was soooo eager to beat to a pulp run away while he rescues their prisoner. So let me get this straight. We crash, knock out the city guard instead of asking for supplies, sneak into said city, find some monk looking dudes with a prisoner, free the prisoner from the clutches of what is presumably the legal planetary government, and then let the monk dudes get away?

Yeah.

Yeah.

For super real.

How effing dumb can you get?

The tale that follows tells us, though, that the monks - inquisitors, really - are very very bad. Plus, they dress like the KKK.

So, anyway, back on the Enterprise, Uhura is wearing forest green and no one is worried that flames appear to be shooting out both the nacelles and shuttlebay. This may have to do with the "planetary disaster in sector sigma". That they have to go fix right now. Scotty refuses. We don't know what this disaster is. Two planets could be colliding.

Or, the King's cat could be up a tree.

We. Dont . Know. And he doesn't bother to check, just assumes that whatever it is, Kirk is more important.

To Be Continued because I think my brain is bleeding.

Poke a Sleeping Cardassian in the Eye

"Explorers" is one of those eps that make me wonder what on Earth is the problem with DS9. What on Earth? What's not to love, as a TV show? It's funny. It's got great characters and character-driven stories. It's got families and religion and twisty turny plots with friends who become enemies and enemies who become friends. It was drawn on heavily by John Logan in Nemesis as the source for most of the data about Romulan society since the TOS episode "Balance of Terror"... So what is everyone's problem?

How the Mighty have Fallen

I really do like "Fallen Hero," like, a lot. Really really. But.

At the beginning, T'Pol flat out says that Starfleet doesn't allow captains to sleep with their subordinates. I know Janeway felt bound by a similar rule.

But Kirk seems to drag women back to his den a lot.

And I had literally just said, "wow, they are so much better at this"

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

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okay for real this time

Just wow again.

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uhhhhhh.........

Wow. Just wow.

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Uh....

Check out this screen from TOS06.cbz sent from Droid Comic Viewer http://bit.ly/3dlKI5

What, pray tell, is an 'impulsion'?

Regenerating the unfixible

So, we're supposed to believe that the Vulcans lost the Borg? As in forgot? When someone alive on Vulcan in 2153 would be alive in 2371, possibly? Yeah, I'm supposed to buy that the Vulcans forgot.

And then, we're supposed to be suckered in by the idea that Phlox could cure assimilation? While being assimilated? Because it was so slow there was time to do that?

For all that though, I'm most angered by Enterprise's habit of stealing firsts from TNG. Not cool. Don't steal from Picard, he doesn't deserve it.

What now?

Will The Waiting Game For J.J. Abrams Cause 'Star Trek 2' To Move From Summer ... - Indie Wire (blog)

They're right.

They really are.

The question: would it be so bad?

Let us review: Star Trek was originally set for summer of 2008. Late summer. Then Christmas of 2008. Then finally May 2009.

And what a May 2009.

It kept us talking. And now we're talking again. What other news would there be of the movie now?

Its in pre prduction. This is publicity. And its working. Which is good.

The thing is, he deserves it

Sun News : Shatner beams at gala

Hey, what's up, isntShatner something of a joke? RocketMan?

But more than that, he has done many things and he has made a name fo himself and he has no talent, just none at all. It's all ego and persistence. I mean, wow. Give the man a medal!

Oh, wait.

They did.

Its a little close to home

TrekToday » Blog Archive » Pine As Mud?

Any relation to Harry Mudd?

Look what the shutle crew did!

http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/110515_tch_sts-134-trek.standard.jpg

You know you're a geek when

Star Trek night has to be scheduled around Doctor Who.

Who thinks these are good ideas?

Hollywood, that's who.

Who exactly decided putting NATALIE PORTMAN in the Thor movie was a good idea? Why not just cast Jeri Ryan in the next Trek movie?

And I'm pretty sure there was a Trek joke after the diner scene. Little one.

Also, Andy was very much looking forward to a very special gauntlet and it was nowhere to be found. I think he may have cried a bit and I do hate to see him sad.

So now it's 2am and I just saw Renee Russo in something for the first time since Lethal Weapon 4, which is the best I've done all day.

Star Trek Sucks

1. It's his middle name. His first name was Jackson. Look it up.
2-6. Kirk is an idiot. Picard has a ship full of kids. Do you have any idea how easy it is to maintain security on a space station with thousands of people? And then there was Voyager and Enterprise. The less said the better.
7-9. What's wrong with having the shows reflect the times they were made in? And why aren't we counting Voyager and Enterprise as a sign of their times?
10. Yeah, well, it was a good unitard.
11-12. Sulu is the Asian who liked swords. Chekov is the one that's made to look like he was in the Monkees.
13. Yes, well, I know. Why was Spock in the Toilet? So juvenile.
14. Bite me. It's cutting-edge fake science.
15. People who like languages?
16. God, I hope not, because I'd have to kill them.
17. That scenario never happened. And did you see Nemesis? They finally found a use for her before they shipped her off to the Titan.
18. He had a chin in Season 1!
19. Because they left that for Doctor Who.
20. On the contrary, Kirk battles a weight problem sporadically throughout the Original Series. And, well, not to put too fine a point on it, but look at Shatner in Undiscovered Country.
21. The Picard Maneuver! Make a dirty joke out of that, why don't you, lamebrains!
22. OMFG, how tired are all the Motion Picture jokes? It was 1979, just let it go already. There was never any saving it.
23. And another called Kesprit. If you squint, it says Armpit. Grow up.
24. It didn't work. See response to #20.
25-26. Comic relief.
27. What on Terra does that even mean?
28. In one episode.
29. And there was a ship in Classic Trek called the Fesarius. Deal.
30. This has nothing to do with Trek, but... Denny Crane.
31. Not true! What about Picard, reading Shakespeare all the time. Kirk read A Tale of Two Cities in TWOK. And then there were Janeway's holonovels... the less said about that the better.
32. But Tasha and Worf got a whole big console to do things with while Troi had... nothing!
33. How is that any worse than G.I. Joe?
34. He's Jimmy Doohan. That should be enough for you.
35. Is awesome.
36. So?
37. But when it works? Pure awesomeness. Plus, Scotty stored his atoms in one, which meant we got to see Jimmy Doohan again.
38. Fluffy! My nephew and I played catch with one today.
39. Let's start with hair and move on to chin later, huh?
40. Granted. For the first year, then he got cool.
41. Not really. Raise your hand if you predicted Tasha, Jadzia, or Data (in the absence of spoilers)
42. Yeah they are. And the Cybermen were barely a twinkle in America's eye, so do not give me that. Acutally the Borg came from the TNG ep "Conspiracy" and made a rather... significant departure from that story, one that is never fleshed out.
43. There were in your much-maligned Motion Picture. Just saying.
44. But don't you just want one?
45. Now we discuss the hair? Okay, fine, let's talk about the hair. Or better yet, let's skip the hair and move into the stupid things she did. At least she had the sense to cut the hair to keep it from falling in her face when she was almost getting blowed up.
46. It was fun. You seem to have learned snark. Where did you learn that? Trek.
47. I resemble that remark!
48. It's not 'Trekker', it's 'Trekkie'. Just shut up.
49. Bill Shatner can't even do that. Plenty of people can't. Some of us are blessed.
50-51. Riker/Troi - a lesson for the nerdiest of nerds that anything is possible given enough time.
52. See #23.
53. And I still say in Generations they should have done it once more for old time's sake. That would have kicked #20.
54-65. DS9 Season 6, Ep 22. "Valiant" Teaser: Humorous interlude in bar. Act One: Explanatory Scene. Act Two through Five: various battles, no "proton" torpedoes. All other segments missing.
For example.
66. See the breakfast scene in DS9 Season 4, Ep 22, "For the Cause". Bajoran Bread and Klingon Coffee.
67. Granted.
68. Neelix - much needed comic relief and consistency in an uncertain and otherwise usually humorless show.
69. I count two that survive.
70. Name one. The only one that comes to mind is Riker's mom. There was no crying, no mind-meld, and no scabies involved.
71. Dealt with in the novelization of Star Trek 3. And by the way, I cry every time.
72. DO NOT INSULT MAJEL BARRETT OR CAREL STRUYCKEN.
73. DO NOT INSULT RICHARD HERD, THE PEOPLE WHO PLAYED PICARD'S FAMILY, OR PRETTY MUCH ANYONE WHO IS IN THE FAMILY. IT PUTS THE FUN IN DISFUNCTION.
74-76. Tom/B'Elanna. Worf/Deanna. Worf/Jadzia. Chapel/Spock. Trip/T'Pol. That's all five major series. TAS was pretty ship-free.
77. Don't forget Odo, and what they tried to do with Seven.
78. When? Name 2.
79. When? Name 2.
80-86. How would we live without Shatner's "Rocket Man"?
87-88. Learn to spell Maneuver.
89. TNG Season 7 "Inheritance". For example. I could have even gotten really mean and cited "Menage a Troi", but...
90. Yeah, because you never learned Klingon, which, by the way, is fascinating.
91. Yeah, but she was there. And it was a start. Also the first interracial kiss on TV, which is, you know, pretty cool.
92. Tell me about it.
93. Klingon cloaking devices. Another excuse for awesome.
94. He was a starving college student and the show hadn't yet found it's own. The Prime Directive was invented after the fact and is an accepted part of the canon.
95-97. Let's not stop there. Why are we not discussing Seven of Nine?
98-100. One at a time: People were watching. People were not watching at 10 on a Friday. They didn't run out of ideas: Season 3's writers didn't have any ideas because they were a totally different production team. And if it was rubbish, why did it win all those awards?

eleven fifty nine

Why oh why would there be an episode about the new millennium (2001, not 2000) on Star Trek in May of 1999?

Fury-ous

Things I would change about "Fury".

Kes would have come to Tuvok's birthday party.

Kes would not have rammed the ship.

A scene with Kes getting to meet Seven and Seven expressing a wish that Kes had stayed with the ship (that's called an apology, folks. look it up).

This episode not to have been made. That's not fair. This episode not to have had this plot or this title. Kes being in it is fine.

Doc/Kes interaction.

More Neelix/Kes interaction.

Kes happy.

Janeway/Chakotay shipper candy.

More than 56 days from the beginning - the Vidiians? Really? Knowing about their history? Already? I don't buy it. Change that.

Why would Tuvok see Naomi or any of the Borg, who Kes would not even know about? Why is there no continuity? And why is Kes so damn angry? She was always more levelheaded than she had a right to be, so why would she blame Voyager for her own choices? WHY? Change that.


Kes was also never violent, and always respected Janeway. An attack on Janeway would be OOC, right? Wrong according to Act 4. Change that.

Yeah, you know what else is just wrong? Janeway killing Kes.. Change that.

Thing A - Kes boards Voyager and goes back in time. Thing B - OldKes dies. Janeway tells YoungKes that ThingA will happen  because she learned to use her abilities. Outcome: Kes stops learning to use her abilities. Therefore Kes never leaves. So why do we get to Thing C - YoungKes makes a moving holomessage for OldKes? And how did they project it in Engineering? Change it.

So OldKes should remember that there's a recording waiting for her, right? Change that.

And as a side note, since when would Janeway forget Kes was coming? Change that.

Most insulting line ever: "You made the decision to leave Voyager." How did you not choke on it, Jennifer? Change that.

"Three years ago you travelled back in time." I count 5 and a half. Change that.

Why can't she stay? Why the hell can't she stay? I doubt Jennifer Lien would have turned down the work, and she certainly  would have made a splash as AngstyKes. Too bad for me, it didn't happen. And for Jennifer.

How would Kes have forgotten? She's not dumb. At some point when concocting that plan and remembering every freaking detail about her life 6 years ago (or 3 years if you listen to Scientist Who Cannot Count Kathryn Janeway) she might have remembered making a hologram to talk herself down if she went apeshit and tried to suck the warp core while planning to go apeshit and suck the warpcore, ya think?

They freaking send her home. After all the drama getting her off Ocampa, we send her freaking home.

Remember "The Gift"? Remember how she sent them 10 years closer to home? So she can get back to Ocampa... think, after blowing up Deck 11, she might be able to shave some more time off the journey?

All in all, I think I liked the goodbye from "The Gift" better.

Although I always wished Neelix could have said goodbye to her.

Now he has.

So there were many sad things about Enterprise.

Like water polo.

But there was this, in Season 1, that I had forgotten.

The clothes.

These are screencaps from Enterprise's Season 1 ep "Vox Sola".

And these are some screencaps of civillian clothes from TOS's first and second seasons.

Sam Cogley from "Court Marital"

People who end up dead in Operation: Annihilate!

Even Kirk's "casual" shirt, seen here in Season Two's "Journey to Babel".

Or even Sulu's outfit in Star Trek 3 and 4 bears some passing similarity.

I'm not saying it's a perfect match, or that "Vox Sola" never makes a mistake (the alarm signals bear a strong resemblance to those used in NextGen and Voyager, not Classic Trek, for example), but it is a start, and while not an exact match, it shouldn't be. Fashion changes, like fall colors and winter colors and styles evolving from one year to the next in ways no one reading this probably cares about. The most obvious similarites are to the first two screencaps but there is enough there to see how it could evolve, realisticaly.

But every time an alarm goes off, I hear Andy Dick.... "Beep beep beep beep?" And I sigh.

Some days are better than others

Enterprise: Cogenitor

Some days, it wasn't bad. Some days it was good. It was just like when Voyager ended and we were sad because there was no way to turn back the clock and make it as good as they suddenly were for the last four years.

There were bright spots.

It was so good. The only thing that would have made it better was that there is no mention of this species later. It's not like they could go back and edit, of course, but just pick a name you already used! But even after all that, it is a good example of the reason we have a Prime Directive - and a good example of the kinds of things that made them make the rule in the first place.

Obsessions are weird

For some unknown reason, at 3am I developed an obsession with Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

I don't know why.

I actually stumbled onto the fanfic, not the actual show, and I couldn't stop reading. And then I wanted to watch. And then I wanted to watch some more.

That was a long time ago, that first season.

I don't know what's up with me.

Good show.

Maybe it was seeing that commercial for the Return of Goran and Eames? Maybe.

Or not.

The first ep stars the husband from Medium as the bad guy, which I find awesome. Vincent D'Onofrio was so young and frigging skinny, it's amazing. He was a lot more shocking then, more of a surprise. Then he just developed his own brand of cool.

It's the head tilts. So good for aliens in MIB, so great when you're trying to be the new Sherlock Holmes.

Come to think of it, I think we learn more about Goran than Sherlock Holmes.

Okay, Microsoft, Admit it... The Enterprise was running LINUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it was.

You know how I can tell?

My iPod won't sync.

And then there's the nifty part wherein my Android phone will not sync with the computer, not even in Explorer, for cripes' sake, because you need the drivers. Where are the drivers, you may ask? I'll tell you where the drivers are, they're nowhere to be found.

So I tried to dual boot with Ubuntu because the only thing I would voluntarily do with Windows is watch Netflix on demand anyway and as soon as Netflix realizes that making it dependent on ActiveX and Windows is pointless and useless anyway, even that will go away, well guess who refuses to boot from the CD and USB drives? You heard me: REFUSES. Refuses!

Diediediediediediedie!

Windows 7 I kill you now!

It's not just that it's hard. Take the iPod thing, for example. You know what they don't have? Supported online forums. You know what that means? Genuis Bar. Now, don't get me wrong, my uncle works at a genuis bar. Maybe I'll just call him, because I can't see any pleasure in going to a Mac store full of ugly hardware and people who know nothing about computing to the point where they invest money in Computers for Dummies rather than trying to improve their lives and brains, and then that just leads to a whole rant about the Nightmare Before Windows 7 known as Vista, which is about the only thing that makes me like 7 these days. IT'S NOT VISTA.

If that's the nicest I can be, I should just reformat now, do myself a favor.

Diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie...................

As for the phone, WTF? You don't support ANDROID? I echatted with Samsung. It's true. No drivers. None at all. So I call their customer service line to get escalated until someone WRITES SOME DAMN DRIVERS and I find that they do exist. They're just hidden. Thank God I know my way around a keyboard or I never would have understood the instructions the woman I spoke to gave me, not to mention the crazy questions she asked (at one point she asked for the IMEI on my phone, which I cannot get while on the phone and I also does not exist on a CDMA phone, which mine is, and you know how you know that? By listening to the model number. Then she asked me which network it was on. You know how you tell? When the person says they have an Epic, which is on Sprint. That should be easy to remember, they only make 1 4G phone at Samsung, and it's the Epic, and it only works on Sprint!)

So I got the phone thing figured out, at least.

Positivity

I am watching Criminal Minds.

On ION.

ION's motto is 'positively entertaining'.

Criminal Minds is the least positive show...EVER.

More Things I Learned From TJ Hooker

People who smoke are killers.

Criminals who want to protect their identity take their cash payouts in well lit alleys with their heads hanging out of their red sports cars.

People are dumb enough to take candy from strangers.

No matter how upset you are, your makeup never gets smeared.

CPR is performed on the stomach.

Criminals are dumb enough to keep a written record of their crimes.

If a car hits something, it will explode.

Cheating always prospers as long as its not illegal.

Hooker cannot recognize that a man is tasting white powder out of a duffle bag, but he can recognize that the man holding the bag is in a picture he glanced at at the office when he sees the man from behind while wearing a baseball cap.

Mexico is a state. As in United.

So is San Diego.

'Lady Cop' is proper english and politically correct.

Criminals will get in a tug of war over the bag of loot while in a high speed car chase.

Oba Bonga

This is being written on my new computer, Oba Bonga.

She was named by my 6 year old nephew, for the record.

So right now, I am downloading Star Trek Online and Ubuntu at the same time, we are trying to find a monitor (which did not come with the CPU, although a keyboard and mouse did).

And I wait, and I watch Mission to Mars.

Jerry O'Connell doesn't get nearly enough credit as an actor. It's not his fault Crossing Jordan went to hell in a handbasket.

And I'm still thinking that maybe we need more talking computers. It's the way of the future, people. Star Trek taught us so. So far, I have learned from this movie that oxygen is for wimps. And there should be more talking computers. And when you get hit by a micrometeorite, sometimes bad things happen. Like Tim Robbins falling into the surface of Mars until he removes hims helmet and becomes a very convincing ice sculpture.

Well crap

I wish Voyager's seventh season had continued. And I wish it had been backdated the whole year before, and the year before that.

Especially as we get toward the end.

Things I learned from TJ Hooker

If you buy alcohol from the back of a van in front of a high school sance for $4 a bottle, it is stolen.

Fingerprints are for wusses.

Hair should be big. The bigger the better.

If you drink, you have a drinking problem. Unless your name is Hooker.

Coed football exists. It hilights the equality of the sexes. (On TJ Hooker, women wear skirts and man the desk.)

Stepping on silent alarms gets people killed or robbed harder, and should be avoided at all costs.

People who own stores have accents.

Crime is bad.

An airplane can take off any direction, even with Shatner hanging off the wing.

Do not have a bad attitude or the other bad guys will kill you.

Do not have a desire to help or the bad guys will kill you.

If you have an old friend, he's probably into something bad.

Sometimes there is a gorilla. Don't question the gorilla.

Composite artists are always accurate.

When you work for the bad guys, they are evil.

If you are a cop who is not Hooker, you will be dying soon.

Thieves steal a car to commit crime when they could just use their own.

Follow the Shiny Rocks

This week on Enterprise, "The Breach":

Interspecies conflict 101: how to handle situations delicately when there are racially based feelings in play.

Archer gets to be a jerk to Phlox.

Spelunking 101: How to fall off cliffs!

Travis breaks his leg and Trip tries to carry around bags of poop. And Malcolm is there too.

Theatricality

It is striking me anew how... theatrical the Klingons are. I mean, singing war songs, and that whole rigmarole over taking command at the beginning of "Soldiers of the Empire".... Criminy!

Fraud!

Some would say this was what Trek as it was meant to be, and in a way, it was. No heavy-handed preaching, except to have no result at all, no, just pure, wonderful, humdiggery and treachery, and all for the low, low price of Tom and Neelix being swindled.

Throw in a big dose of Type 3, and stir in one of the best cons ever to be shown in Trek, and what do we get?

Yessir, it's "Live Fast and Prosper", a.k.a one of the best episodes of Voyager's sixth season, a year notorious for missing sanity and plots that make no sense. Good times.

The Wonderful Thing about iTunes

The Wonderful thing about iTunes,
Is iTunes has Wonderful Things.

Their Treks were available for download,
their downloades can be used for playback,

and one can put them on their 16 gig micro SD card
and play them on their android phone.

And the most wonderful thing about iTunes is....

I have bought them all (that were available when I had money)!

Which means I now have time to work on some of the... erm ... other things the Trek actors did with their time.

Like T.J. Hooker.

There's quality entertainment for you.

Okaaaay, so there's the police politics, the "dancing"...

The writing....

The fact of its existence...

Lord help me.

So far its not so bad.

Why is Uhura green?

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What We Take For Granted

Want to know a few things?

The Doctor had to learn that humans were useful. That's why Nine was always calling Rose a Stupid Ape.

Part of him thought she was.

But really, he learned that lesson years ago - when the Tardis told him she was alive.

He didn't always know - but now we take it for granted.

Just Because We Let You Live Doesn't Mean You Get To Talk

Brannon, just bite me, okay?

Bite me.

Who says you get to talk?

Okay, i know, the magazine asked the question, but who says you get to talk about how Star Trek wasn't forward thinking?
I know that's out of context but have you forgotten, while on the unemployment line while waiting for Crazy Speilberg to hire you that maybe, just maybe, when you say something, you could get misquoted?

Or was it intentional?

If you can't have it nobody can't have it?

What are you, three? What more can we give you? We gave you a career you squandered away for some quick cash and a feeling of glory.

We gave you our trust.

We gave you the life we dreamed of having, and you let it burn.

And now this.

I don't care that they sied away from having a gay character on a syndicated program in the late 80s and early 90s. I dont care what you did on Voyager and Enterprise - or failed to do. That set of failiure is well documented. I kind of care that your writing credits do not extend to DS9, which therefore gives you no right to comment on DS9, especially if you plan to spread LIES OR MISINFORMATION like the idea that there were no same-sex relationships on DS9 - go to Memory Alpha, Brannon. Click the search bar. Type "Rejoined". Press enter. Read.

But don't get yourself quoted in a way that paints us as something we aren't. You're a writer. Act like one.

And also, before you go spouting off on attempts to include a homosexual couple on Trek, chat with David Gerrold about "Blood and Fire".

http://trekmovie.com/2011/01/24/brannon-braga-explains-why-no-gay-characters-on-star-trek-not-forward-thinking/

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Thank God I'm not That Paranoid

Watching Conspiracy Theory.


Just wow.

But it is fun to see Patrick Stewart be evil.

You know, the funny thing is, you never know what's gonna be worth it when it comes to movies until after it's all said and done and then you have to deal with Mel Gibson paired with Juila Roberts which doesn't even make sense in terms of casting.

Seriously, what is that? Program your people to buy a billion copies of Catcher in the Rye so you can always track them? Huh? Where does that make sense?

Fire

Doctor Who: 


The Firemaker

The cavemen continue to fight amongst themselves and Kal continues to try to convince the people that the Doctor and his buddies killed the Old Woman. The Doctor eventually convinces the people that Kal is the one who killed the Old Woman and gets them to drive Kal out. Not big on the Prime Directive in Doctor Who.

It's not long, however, before the Doctor manages to piss off Za and he drives them into the cave. Za's wife tells him how the Doctor's people decided to help him - but Za is determined to learn to make fire, and he is determined to learn from the "new tribe" - the Doctor and his companions.

Ian and Barbara are trying to learn to make fire so they can impress the locals.  Za comes in at the exact moment they manage to light the kindling. The people of the tribe want to kill them as a human sacrifice to learn to make fire. Za wants to learn to make fire, as he thinks from they are "the other side of the mountains". And that's when the fire starts.

The tribe is beginning to dissent and turn against Za. And someone sneaks in and strangles the guard - let me guess, Kal? Oh so obvious.

Kal jumps into the Cave of Skulls and sees the burning fire, then chases Za around a bit and there's a big dramatic fight. *yawn*. Za wins, gets the fire, and becomes the leader, then locks the "new tribe" in the Cave of Skulls again. They come up with a clever ruse and get back to the TARDIS and run away.

The Doctor, it turns out, can't get them back to their own time with any precision. They end up on another planet, with a really high radiation...

If you were watching what we were watching last month, you would know this was where we met the Daleks.

The Good Old Days

Doctor Who: An Unearthly Child

Talk about beginnings.

Talk about the way things start, when you have no idea what they will mean someday. Talk about how Star Trek came to be - about how they had no idea, just none, what it would become.

Then talk about a blue box, three years before. Talk about a school where a teacher named Barbara and another named Ian can't decide what to do with one of their students.

And so it begins.

It's the same, I am beginning to realize, as Star Trek. The same, but different, with different accents and a different message, but it's the same too. I am always amazed that when Roddenberry was creating Star Trek, on the other side of an ocean there was another beginning, just as importand and not remotely as well publicized but far crazier - and with a protagonist that  is far more sinister, oddly.

Doctor Who.

Kind of a stupid name, really, but what isn't a stupid name at some point? At what point was Star Trek a good name? When was Heroes about Heroes - other than when Claire wanted to be one? When was Alias ever just about fake identities?

There's so much that's not said in a name.

It begins, then with a cute little story about cavemen and obsessions. And that is when the TARDIS breaks, which is why it's always a police box. Now we know.

What's amazing is how different he is from David Tennant - I mean, I loved David Tennant. He was pretty. William Hartnell isn't pretty and he isn't particulary compassionate toward his companions - who he didn't even want along to begin with. But this Doctor knows love - he loves his granddaughter. He is angry, like 10. He is about as personable as 9. Thankfully, unlike 2, he does not play the recorder.

Really the first few shows are about the true beginning. They are about two teachers - Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright - who follow a rather mysterious student home one day and learn that she lives in a police box that is bigger on the inside. A big fight, lots of yelling and they wind up in the past battling cavemen with fire problems and locked in a cave full of skulls.

At least they're all locked up in a nice cave and someone lets them out, and then promptly gets conked on her head for her trouble by the head caveman, Za. The Doctor, contrary to plenty of fanfiction, is not a medical doctor, he says. Sure spent plenty of time healing Rose Tyler, the jeopardy-friendly blonde.

But that came later. Now there is just Susan, and Ian, and Barbara, and the Doctor, and they didn't know what they had. They didn't know they had the secret - if you kill it, just regenerate it. It will come back to you. It will always come back.

Easier than Star Trek, but with fewer rules.

wow.....

I recognize smeone in this frame!

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Unlikely

"What did we hit, a space wall?"

"Most unlikely..."

MOST UNLIKELY????
MOST UNLIKELY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I'll most their unlikely! Gaaah! Who do these idiots think they're kidding? What the #$%&^ is a space wall and why would they hit it? Maybe they can't detect it on the TV SPACE SCANNER.

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suffering

Suffering Sun Spots!

Lord preserve me. In vinegar, please.

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Finally, something that follows canon!

Totally without meaning to, and mostly book canon which isn't canon at all.

I'll take what I can get.

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Good fortune

How nice tat these two particularly insipid frames line up so perfectly as to take them in a single screenshot!

H bombs? Rockets? Voodoo? Who comes up with this boloney?

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What kind of pins are the voodoo pins?

Voodoo pins? Really? Are they 1 & 3/8th in with glass balls like at the sewing school?

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ugh.

A paper-mache eiffel tower.

Save me.

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Oh so virtual

Still trying to figure out what to do with the Voyager episode "Virtuoso". On one hand, the Doc really annoys me in it. On the other hand, it's also insulting on a personal level - sort of like when Shatner told me to "Get a life!". On yet another hand, I have different fingers. And then thereks the last hand...

The clown suit.

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I am pleased to report that the words "lteleportation beam" were not used in #7.

Neither was the word "sensor", when it really should have been. Still, it's a start.

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Good to know they can approach the speed of light.

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Faith

"You must have faith... that the universe will unfold as it should."
Spock, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

I wonder if they remembered this line when they wrote XI. Once again Spock commits the ultimate act of faith. He had said it, though. "This will by my final voyage on this ship as a member of her crew." He was done with that. And he meant it. Up until Vulcan was destroyed and the universe ended, he meant it.

Mirror-acuilous

When it's all over, and you have nothing left to lose, that's when bad Trek gets good. Look at the last 5 or so eps of Voyager. Look at the last 3 or so eps of Enterprise before TATV, which we will discuss later, make no mistake. Look at them!

It's like they stopped being afraid of what would happen and it all just worked. Magically. By the time they made In a Mirror, Darkly, I don't care what Manny says, we all knew the show was cancelled - barring a miracle. We didn't get one, at least not the way everyone was looking for.

The miracle came later, at least for me.

After cancellation, when there was no more to come, somehow it became easier. I actually remember thinking, "well, they can't fuck it up anymore." It was over, and over was better than under. Under the thumb, under control, underwritten and underacted. Underused, understood (too well), underappreciated at times, but definitely underperforming. Now it was over.

Over.

And that was the miracle, because then the under-ness was finished and it was what it was and I could deal with that. At first it was still too hard, but then three things happened. 1. Damon LIndelof made a very passionate statement explaining that you can't just take one piece and throw away the others. 2. I rewatched TNG's first season. Talk about crappy. 3. I wanted it to work. Now that it was done, I wanted to make it work, because if I hadn't, it would have all been for nothing and I couldn't take that. I couldn't take failiure.

Maybe that was the Kirk in me. But it worked, sort of.

There are some things that are inexcusable, but somehow I feel that it is my duty to find excuses, to make them fit. I have an obligation to put the world back together the way it should be, or, in the words of Angel, which is really very profound, "We live as if the world were as it should be. To show it what it can be."

Bound-aries

Okay, so I know Archer's been through a lot. But you know the best way to make first contact?

I can tell you what it's not.

It's not, hey, here's a ship that doesn't look very friendly to us because it's green, but even though green could be the Color of Alien Peace, let's go to Tactical Alert so they'll call us up and tell us to turn off our weapons!

GaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

sitcoms

Normally don't do sitcoms but Andrew and I just finished the last episode of Friends. Cried.

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Movie Posters

Kung Fu Panda 2: No.
Adjustment Bureau: sure, why not?
Hood to Coast: No.
Red riding Hood: Director of Twilight? Way to sabotage your own movie, genuises.
Cars 2: I'll take my nephew.
Thor: of course I'll read it first.
Unknown: unknown to me, but I love liam neeson.
Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Why do you torture me so?

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Oh for the love of God why?

Gold Key 5

1. They picked something up on the TV SPACE SCANNER. There is also a reference to intergalactic travel again, AND there is the added bonus of the sheer audacity of these complete quacks trying to expand on Trek lingo. And that's just the first frame on the first page. I've read this so much that the phrases 'space eyes' and 'ceruise course' don't make me want to throw up.

However, their shock at finding planets…in the galaxy? Yeah, now I have a problem as should any reasonable person who attended fifth grade. Their grasp on the implications of being able to travel between galaxies in context of speed is similarly shaky (it doesn't take five days to travel a billion km, people), not to mention that once again I seem to be fighting a battle about shock waves in space.

End of page one. On to page two, wherein Kirk decides that since the OPERATOR can't raise anyone on the SOS FREQUENCY the planets must be lifeless and they can safely blow one up. Spock calculates one is several galaxy milles closer to them *sigh* and they fly in for the kill with flames shooting out of their nacelles since otherwise they would have to outrun a shockwave in a vacuum in a craft capable of faster than light travel. For some reason, Kirk doubts the accuracy of his TV SPACE SCANNER and beams down a landing party. None of them are wearing red but I think they should be. They beam down without filter masks but bother to scan once they get there. and then they get zapped by some bulidings, which is the most Star Trekkian thing to happen thus far.

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the golden problem

"We believe it best to let your civilization die out"? Did they even try to watch the show?

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A Thought

"Just because we can do a thing, it does not necessarily follow that we must do that thing."

President Ra-Ghoretti, Star Trek VI

Star Trek could stand to learn from itself.

The Arsenal of the Shampoo Bottles

We open with a quick briefing on the citizens of Minos, and on how the captain of the Drake, and also that Riker was offered command of the Drake, which will be important in many future times - inculding Nemesis. They get hailed by an automated recording and decide to go down and make sure that whatever killed the people on the planet isn't still on the planet.

Good idea. Really, top-notch decision making. Why not try scanning for power systems, maybe a clever robot or two? See if it reacts to them. If not, send Data. Why not? If it doesn't react to robots, it probably won't react to him either.

They do send Data. Along with Will and Tasha. Dramatic music plays and Picard looks worried. That's television, folks.

Anyway, they do beam down, and they realize in about two seconds that communications are being monitored. They find pieces of the Drake or what might be pieces of the Drake. They also find that the entire planet is overgrown - including demonstration models. Then the Bridge calls to report an energy buildup nearby, and suddenly Riker's friend Paul Rice from the Drake. But then they call Riker and tell him there are no life signs nearby. So he tells the guy that his mother sent him to look for him and that his ship is the Lollipop. Eventually Riker calls "Rice" on being a fake and gets frozen in stasis by a shampoo bottle glued to a L'Eggs egg. No, really, that's what it is.

So Picard decides he and Beverly need to beam down. Right now! Because that's a good idea. And leaves Geordi in charge. Because that's also a good idea. Bloody hell. Take Geordi with you. It's a force field. Meanwhile, Data has figured out what the hell happened but has to cut Riker out of the whatever with a phaser. And of course, there's energy readings, which mean there's another shampoo bottle headed their way, and this time it's shooting. Everyone starts running around and Picard and Crusher fall down a hole.

So let's recap. So far Crusher nor Picard has had anything to do but stand there, and now they're down a hole.

Anyway, Data and Yar destroy the shampoo bottle but their communicators don't work and they can't find Picard or Crusher because they're down a hole, Beverly has a broken arm and their communicators don't work, of course. Picard splints the arm but unlike Data and Yar can't even make a really stupid guess as to why the communicators aren't working. Beverly helpfully tells him, "I must keep concious."

Data wakes Riker up and Riker is fine, but they still haven't found the Captain. Geordi goes to beam them up but the shileds come on automatically and the ship gets attacked by a freaking shampoo bottle and the Chief Engineer of the Week calls to find out if they're breaking orbit because he has to know right now.

The CEOTW comes to the Bridge and demands that Geordi turn over command to him, which Geordi refuses to do. They pick up the object but, it vanishes and guess what can fire while cloaked! Geordi and CEOTW continue to hash it out and Geordi eventually orders him back to Engineering. Why the hell didn't they just start out with a Chief Engineer? For crying out loud.

Will, Data, and Tasha are under attack. Again. They destory it again. But it's harder this time, they all have to fire at it. It's adapted. Anyone else reminded of the Borg? Also they're all firing at it and my fiance yells, "Don't cross the beams!" Geek. They have 12 minutes until the next one comes along and yet another 20 minutes of show. Huh.

Picard and Bev are stuck underground. She just now is telling him that she has another wound on her leg that is still bleeding and they need a clotting agent. But Beverly recognizes some roots, which I, for the sake of my own sanity, have decided came there via interstellar commerce seeing as she grew up on a colony, not on Minos. Picard runs away to look for a way out, which what's he gonna do? Carry her? Leave her? Big sissy, he jsut doesn't want to deal with being alone with her.

The ship is under serious attack and Geordi calls CEOTW to the Bridge. Dun dun dunnnnnnn!

Geordi runs away and gives Logan command of the saucer section so he can go back and fight the flying shampoo bottle. Logan, BTW, is the artist formerly known as CEOTW. He takes some younger officers and tells them to go to the battle bridge, then goes to hide in the ready room for a minute, when Deanna comes in to counsel him. It's sweet, and I love the scene. Geordi is worried they'll get "blasted out of the sky" by the shampoo bottle. Deanna tells him he should be proud of how he's doing and that he should give some encouragement to his underlings.

They separate the saucer for the second time out of four. That could have happened more.

Picard can't find an exit from the cave and Beverly tells him if he finds an exit he should go. They do some sharing and Picard learns she was part of some colony that had some big disaster. Then he finds a viewscreen and is able to pull up the sales dude again. The projection tells Picard it's a demonstration.

Kirk would have blown the freaking thing up.

Data finds Picard and Beverly in the hole and decides to jump in, which he does. He scans Beverly and gives Picard a dramatic look.

Geordi gives the noobs a pep talk and then they jump in.

Another shampoo bottle is launched and Tasha and Will are in deep shit - and under attack.

And then Beverly yells, "Why don't you just shut it off!" So Picard decides to buy it and the whole thing just shuts down. Except for the Enterprise, which must have been out of signal range or something because they are still under attack, which is okay because they decide to fly into the atmosphere and hope it follows them, which it does and Geordi blows it out of the sky. Bye bye shampoo bottle. They lower shields in the atmosphere and beam everyone back.

Picard tells Geordi he's still in command until they get the saucer back. Fun times for Geordi, but Picard probably just wanted a shower before he had to go back to work.

The next episode they filmed was "Skin of Evil".