Just read what I think was the first ever Star Trek comic, published by Gold Key for 12 cents God only Knows When.
We've come a way since then.
Spoilers.
Just for instance, now we don't like to kill whole ecosystems like Kirk does at the end of this charming little number, and Kirk certainly didn't run around shouting, "Galloping Galaxies!"
On the flip side, some of it was startlingly familiar - Spock saying how they needed to be exactly precise on some measurement against all odds or so-and-so would die horribly and actually managing to pull it off, Kirk's nonsensical, sentence-free logs, and pretty much all of McCoy's character are pretty much straight out of early Season 1.
But possibly the biggest blast from the past (and most annoying) was when they were exploring another galaxy (presumably after Gary Mitchell was done with them) and finding no signs of life.
Ah, the days when canon was nothing and we were carefree and innocent.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Dark Knight Comparisons
It has been noted many a time this summer that Star Trek would like to do with it's sequel something like The Dark Knight (hopefully without death-inducing nightmares) and go deeper this time. They are looking to the bar set by Christopher Nolan.
Well, duh! I mean, who doesn't want to hit that bar these days. Dark Knight changed everything for a lot of people, and it did it in such a way that no serious geek franchise will ever be the same. I'm not quite sure that was for the best, but it was an amazing movie. The question is not "Can Star Trek do that?" - it's "Should Star Trek do that?" Batman is about the inner conflict and guilt of a man with serious control issues in an environment where laws don't really apply. Star Trek is about making good science fiction and mainstreaming the idea of a hopeful utopian universe. You can like both, but they don't play in the same schoolyard.
Well, duh! I mean, who doesn't want to hit that bar these days. Dark Knight changed everything for a lot of people, and it did it in such a way that no serious geek franchise will ever be the same. I'm not quite sure that was for the best, but it was an amazing movie. The question is not "Can Star Trek do that?" - it's "Should Star Trek do that?" Batman is about the inner conflict and guilt of a man with serious control issues in an environment where laws don't really apply. Star Trek is about making good science fiction and mainstreaming the idea of a hopeful utopian universe. You can like both, but they don't play in the same schoolyard.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Today in Trek
It's John Cho's birthday, and he wants Sulu to have an internal struggle.
Leonard Nimoy and Zoe Saldana announced that thousands of geeks who will never know the love of a woman can insert themselves into the sex scene with the green woman in Star Trek.
It's Captain Picard Day.
Leonard Nimoy and Zoe Saldana announced that thousands of geeks who will never know the love of a woman can insert themselves into the sex scene with the green woman in Star Trek.
It's Captain Picard Day.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Fighting the Good Fight
Star Trek: Voyager
The Fight
I've always hated episodes - like in Alias, for example, where they start in the middle of the story and call it a teaser. Then they back out and it's yesterday after the credits. Even worse is when - unlike in Alias - they start with the middle of the story in the teaser and no one is doing anything particularly unexpected.
I do, however, give them props for use of Chakotay the Underused.
Chakotay ends having to narrate the catch-up himself, from a biobed, while crazy and lying on his stomach (an interesting directoral choice).
It started while he was boxing, like at the Academy. And I did not know Boothby was a boxing trainer for cadets. But now I do. He philosophises about boxing, or at least his hologram does (I swear, Voyager uses Boothby more than any other series) and I'm reminded of the Rocky movies. All of a sudden, the air kind of... Fractures. And then Chakotay gets hit and Doc is asking how many fingers. Doc, by the way, does not like boxing. Shocker. Anyway, Chakotay has hyperactive ganglia, and that's precisely when the ship shakes.
Somehow, and I don't know how he does this, Chakotay changes into his uniform before reporting to the Bridge to learn that there's a weird phenomenon that's making them shake. Then, of course, they get pulled in and the stars are all wibbly. Seven calls Janeway to Astrometrics.
She calls it Chaotic space. The laws of physics are in a state of flux. "They stole the warp and put it in their show!" yells my fiancee. "Bastards!" If you're a Warhammer fan, that was funny.
Anyway, Seven calls it Chaotic Space, and it's all around them. It appears randomly, the Borg have tracked it, and no Federation ship has ever survived, but of course they didn't have Seven, the ultimate deus ex machina. Maybe that's what happened to the Hera? There has even only been one Borg ship to survive. Ouch. Not good odds.
Chakotay is up late, working, when something chimes in his quarters. It sounds a little like the door chimes in Star Trek VI. "Round One!" yells a disembodied voice. He hears cheering. Odds are this won't end well. Some boxing gloves appear. Then Tuvok calls him to the Bridge. Shear is increasing, and Chakotay is still hearing things. The camera angles go all diagonal every time it focuses on Chakotay, to increase the tension. He sees the boxing gloves again, he's still hearing voices, and then Tom calls Sickbay.
Apparently, Chakotay's grandfather had 24th century Alzheimer's. The gene was surpressed but it got switched on somehow, so Chakotay's going a little nuts.
The sensors get reconfigured, so they try to fly away, but of course they run into another ship with better sensors and everyone died. But their crew was hallucinating too - at least two of them. That is not a coincidence.
Doc found out that the aliens had a different genetic alteration that made them hallucinate. Chakotay wants to go on a vision quest, which Doc reluctantly agrees to if he wears a cortical monitor.
So he does, and we haven't seen that in ages. I miss Season 1! Waaah! Voyager was so much cooler back then. In the quest, Chakotay finds his Grandfather and follows him to a cave where there's a boxing match. Of course there's a boxing match. He whirls around -
And then wakes up in Sickbay, and that is the Great Problem with this episode. Because, guess what, it's not in the timeframe we were in when he went in there. It's later, after the teaser from the future, only there's nothing obvious to tell us that, so we just get to be confused. Chakotay won't let "them" speak to him - he's too scared he'll go crazy. He does go crazy, starts spewing words like "trimetric" and "rentrillic".
Janeway has to come calm him down and get him to try again because she's in loooove with him. It's an interesting side of him - he's normally just a prop on the Bridge that's all brave and stuff, and Naomi gets more lines than him. Doc reminds him of his vision quest, and that's when we go back to the other timeframe and my eyes completely roll back in my head, trying to wrap my head around the time stuff. Anyway, the vision quest is in a boxing match and Tom Paris is a bookie.
Neelix, Tom, and Tuvok try to stop him, but Boothby eggs him on. On the Bridge, Chakotay trains or whatever. Harry and Janeway try to talk him out of it too. B'Elanna calls him selfish, Doc tells him it's a delusion.
Neelix is giving him a massage while Doc describes boxing injuries and tells him he'll end up a crazy old man. Chakotay runs away, back to the cave, where his Grandfather refuses to come home with him but invites him to come along with himself and the invisible people. There is a chime. "Begin Round One," says the computer. Chakotay runs away, but he winds up in the ring. Kid Chaos, the champion is called, but Doc comes in and cancells the fight on medical grounds. Chakotay wakes up in his quarters, having gotten stuck in the vision quest.
Harry starts dropping beacons for navigation. That ends badly when they run into the beacon they launched three hours ago. Brilliant. I remember this TNG episode. Seven finds a pattern in chaotic space - a signal. It could be a transmission - right into Chakotay's brain, perchance?
It is, in fact, a signal to reconfigure DNA. They want to contact Chakotay, through hallucinations. The ship starts shaking again, and Chakotay asks when they've turned away from a fist contact. Doc is not happy when Janeway orders him back into the ring.
Boothby keeps encouraging him, and they begin the fight. Kid chaos turns around, and he's literally chaos. He communicates a lot like the Prophets in DS9, pieces of the crew's interactions with Chakotay, who is not particulary okay with being crazy, but he knows how to do it - so he goes to the Bridge and fiddles with things until they get out. Sigh of relief.
Chakotay decides to go boxing to relieve the stress and gets punched in the head.
The Fight
I've always hated episodes - like in Alias, for example, where they start in the middle of the story and call it a teaser. Then they back out and it's yesterday after the credits. Even worse is when - unlike in Alias - they start with the middle of the story in the teaser and no one is doing anything particularly unexpected.
I do, however, give them props for use of Chakotay the Underused.
Chakotay ends having to narrate the catch-up himself, from a biobed, while crazy and lying on his stomach (an interesting directoral choice).
It started while he was boxing, like at the Academy. And I did not know Boothby was a boxing trainer for cadets. But now I do. He philosophises about boxing, or at least his hologram does (I swear, Voyager uses Boothby more than any other series) and I'm reminded of the Rocky movies. All of a sudden, the air kind of... Fractures. And then Chakotay gets hit and Doc is asking how many fingers. Doc, by the way, does not like boxing. Shocker. Anyway, Chakotay has hyperactive ganglia, and that's precisely when the ship shakes.
Somehow, and I don't know how he does this, Chakotay changes into his uniform before reporting to the Bridge to learn that there's a weird phenomenon that's making them shake. Then, of course, they get pulled in and the stars are all wibbly. Seven calls Janeway to Astrometrics.
She calls it Chaotic space. The laws of physics are in a state of flux. "They stole the warp and put it in their show!" yells my fiancee. "Bastards!" If you're a Warhammer fan, that was funny.
Anyway, Seven calls it Chaotic Space, and it's all around them. It appears randomly, the Borg have tracked it, and no Federation ship has ever survived, but of course they didn't have Seven, the ultimate deus ex machina. Maybe that's what happened to the Hera? There has even only been one Borg ship to survive. Ouch. Not good odds.
Chakotay is up late, working, when something chimes in his quarters. It sounds a little like the door chimes in Star Trek VI. "Round One!" yells a disembodied voice. He hears cheering. Odds are this won't end well. Some boxing gloves appear. Then Tuvok calls him to the Bridge. Shear is increasing, and Chakotay is still hearing things. The camera angles go all diagonal every time it focuses on Chakotay, to increase the tension. He sees the boxing gloves again, he's still hearing voices, and then Tom calls Sickbay.
Apparently, Chakotay's grandfather had 24th century Alzheimer's. The gene was surpressed but it got switched on somehow, so Chakotay's going a little nuts.
The sensors get reconfigured, so they try to fly away, but of course they run into another ship with better sensors and everyone died. But their crew was hallucinating too - at least two of them. That is not a coincidence.
Doc found out that the aliens had a different genetic alteration that made them hallucinate. Chakotay wants to go on a vision quest, which Doc reluctantly agrees to if he wears a cortical monitor.
So he does, and we haven't seen that in ages. I miss Season 1! Waaah! Voyager was so much cooler back then. In the quest, Chakotay finds his Grandfather and follows him to a cave where there's a boxing match. Of course there's a boxing match. He whirls around -
And then wakes up in Sickbay, and that is the Great Problem with this episode. Because, guess what, it's not in the timeframe we were in when he went in there. It's later, after the teaser from the future, only there's nothing obvious to tell us that, so we just get to be confused. Chakotay won't let "them" speak to him - he's too scared he'll go crazy. He does go crazy, starts spewing words like "trimetric" and "rentrillic".
Janeway has to come calm him down and get him to try again because she's in loooove with him. It's an interesting side of him - he's normally just a prop on the Bridge that's all brave and stuff, and Naomi gets more lines than him. Doc reminds him of his vision quest, and that's when we go back to the other timeframe and my eyes completely roll back in my head, trying to wrap my head around the time stuff. Anyway, the vision quest is in a boxing match and Tom Paris is a bookie.
Neelix, Tom, and Tuvok try to stop him, but Boothby eggs him on. On the Bridge, Chakotay trains or whatever. Harry and Janeway try to talk him out of it too. B'Elanna calls him selfish, Doc tells him it's a delusion.
Neelix is giving him a massage while Doc describes boxing injuries and tells him he'll end up a crazy old man. Chakotay runs away, back to the cave, where his Grandfather refuses to come home with him but invites him to come along with himself and the invisible people. There is a chime. "Begin Round One," says the computer. Chakotay runs away, but he winds up in the ring. Kid Chaos, the champion is called, but Doc comes in and cancells the fight on medical grounds. Chakotay wakes up in his quarters, having gotten stuck in the vision quest.
Harry starts dropping beacons for navigation. That ends badly when they run into the beacon they launched three hours ago. Brilliant. I remember this TNG episode. Seven finds a pattern in chaotic space - a signal. It could be a transmission - right into Chakotay's brain, perchance?
It is, in fact, a signal to reconfigure DNA. They want to contact Chakotay, through hallucinations. The ship starts shaking again, and Chakotay asks when they've turned away from a fist contact. Doc is not happy when Janeway orders him back into the ring.
Boothby keeps encouraging him, and they begin the fight. Kid chaos turns around, and he's literally chaos. He communicates a lot like the Prophets in DS9, pieces of the crew's interactions with Chakotay, who is not particulary okay with being crazy, but he knows how to do it - so he goes to the Bridge and fiddles with things until they get out. Sigh of relief.
Chakotay decides to go boxing to relieve the stress and gets punched in the head.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Of Doctors New and Old
I love David Tennant.
There, I said it.
I love him and he's wonderful and I want to freeze time because the man is a genuis and not a little bit unlike my fiancee, what with the egotism. But I know it can't last, isn't lasting, hasn't lasted. He's gone already, and here I am refusing to watch Doctor Who and pretending that he's not gone but he is. Not gone like dead, he's just not the Doctor anymore. Maybe he'll do a guest spot on Heroes like Chris Eccleston or something.
So, instead, I'm pretending that I'm too busy planning my wedding to possibly contemplate even trying to watch the Doctor Who specials, even though I know perfectly well that I just watched four seasons of Bones in three weeks (which I highly reccomend as a show, by the way).
It's just so damn tragic I could die, not that I want to, but... Argh! I like David Tennant. He's the perfect Doctor. I liked Chris Eccleston too. He was also the perfect Doctor. When Nine regenerated, I cried. And then there was David Tennant. He was perfect too. And I don't care how perfect the Matt Whatever is, he's not David Tennant, just like David Tennant wasn't Chris Eccleston and Chris Eccleston wasn't... well, the only Doctor I really like other than those two was Three. Three had a good sense of loss and despair, and is really the beginning of the Doctor angst, as far as I can see. Two just had a recorder, and One seemed to subsist on his pompousness, but Three - Three knew loss and regret, and all the things that made Nine and Ten that most despised of character qualities: Edgy (whatever that means).
I know that the Doctors changing is a metaphor for the people in our life changing, how a person can change their looks and their likes and dislikes and pierce their own lip and get a tattoo and preted to be the most hardassed person on the planet but underneath, they're the same. I get that. It's a valuable lesson.
But can't we learn it without losing David Tennant?
There, I said it.
I love him and he's wonderful and I want to freeze time because the man is a genuis and not a little bit unlike my fiancee, what with the egotism. But I know it can't last, isn't lasting, hasn't lasted. He's gone already, and here I am refusing to watch Doctor Who and pretending that he's not gone but he is. Not gone like dead, he's just not the Doctor anymore. Maybe he'll do a guest spot on Heroes like Chris Eccleston or something.
So, instead, I'm pretending that I'm too busy planning my wedding to possibly contemplate even trying to watch the Doctor Who specials, even though I know perfectly well that I just watched four seasons of Bones in three weeks (which I highly reccomend as a show, by the way).
It's just so damn tragic I could die, not that I want to, but... Argh! I like David Tennant. He's the perfect Doctor. I liked Chris Eccleston too. He was also the perfect Doctor. When Nine regenerated, I cried. And then there was David Tennant. He was perfect too. And I don't care how perfect the Matt Whatever is, he's not David Tennant, just like David Tennant wasn't Chris Eccleston and Chris Eccleston wasn't... well, the only Doctor I really like other than those two was Three. Three had a good sense of loss and despair, and is really the beginning of the Doctor angst, as far as I can see. Two just had a recorder, and One seemed to subsist on his pompousness, but Three - Three knew loss and regret, and all the things that made Nine and Ten that most despised of character qualities: Edgy (whatever that means).
I know that the Doctors changing is a metaphor for the people in our life changing, how a person can change their looks and their likes and dislikes and pierce their own lip and get a tattoo and preted to be the most hardassed person on the planet but underneath, they're the same. I get that. It's a valuable lesson.
But can't we learn it without losing David Tennant?
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
My favorite Stupid Fanfic of the day
Oh dear God in Heaven why?
Why?
Why?
If you thought Twilight was a good example of excellent original storytelling and healthy relationships, however, you may enjoy this concept.
Neutralization by Dangerous Beans [Reviews - 3]
During Stolen Earth/Journey's End, a Dalek takes a side-trip to Forks, Washington, and saves the world from a threat to coolness everywhere.
Tenth Doctor - Teen - None - Crossover, Humor
Characters: None
Series: None
Published: 2010.05.17 - Updated: 2010.05.18 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 537
Why?
Why?
If you thought Twilight was a good example of excellent original storytelling and healthy relationships, however, you may enjoy this concept.
Neutralization by Dangerous Beans [Reviews - 3]
During Stolen Earth/Journey's End, a Dalek takes a side-trip to Forks, Washington, and saves the world from a threat to coolness everywhere.
Tenth Doctor - Teen - None - Crossover, Humor
Characters: None
Series: None
Published: 2010.05.17 - Updated: 2010.05.18 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 537
Sunday, April 11, 2010
How to improve perfection
Okay, so Percy Jackson is a really really good movie.
It is also a really really good book.
However, it does not meet in the middle. It is not a really really good book/movie series. It's like Harry Potter - there's just too much. Little things, like the age of the characters and the ending fate of Percy's stepfather just don't work in the overall grand scheme of things. And then they left out....
Spoilers
THEY LEFT OUT KRONOS
It is also a really really good book.
However, it does not meet in the middle. It is not a really really good book/movie series. It's like Harry Potter - there's just too much. Little things, like the age of the characters and the ending fate of Percy's stepfather just don't work in the overall grand scheme of things. And then they left out....
Spoilers
THEY LEFT OUT KRONOS
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
There's No Place Like Wet Sand
Home Soil: The Next Generation
So here's what I don't get: since when does Starfleet maintain enough contact with distant outposts to know they might potentially have a problem brewing? And since when are erratic communications with eccentric scientists anything to worry about? Really? And where did Picard go to Jackass school, because he's usually very properly nice.
Actually, I think you can infer the opening of the episode from these highly profound questions.
So they beam into the Lab of Eccentric Scientists without a redshirt, which means no one we care about will be dying today. Good thing, too, because these guys are terraforming! What is terraforming, you ask? Well, I'm glad you did! Terraforming is... well, remember the Genesis project? No? Remember Star Trek 2? No? The one where Spock died?
Oh dear.
Anyway, for those of you who are cringing at this and ready to get on with it, skip the next paragraph.
So, back up a bit. In Star Trek 2, Kirk learned three things: 1)If Spock is wearing the red shirt, he can die too. 2)Kirk's son we didn't know he had until just now hates him. 3) Despite the fact that revenge is a dish that is best served cold, the device used to get said revenge must be capable of melting and reshaping the surface of a dead planet to create a living one. This is called the Genesis Device.
But since that didn't work out (See Star Trek 3) we call it terraforming now, and it's a lot slower. Instead of a few days, it takes a few decades. Riker and Deanna get a sneak peek at why it's so cool from this technician chick that Riker is totally flirting with all over the place. Flirt flirt flirt. Eventually Geordi and Data get bored and try to make their own friend, but that is an epic fail when some kind of laser drill thingy (did you notice the way they made it sound futuristic by slapping the word "laser" on it?) kills their new friend. Sad.
Well not kills, more like mortally wounds, enough that Crusher has to feel sad she coudn't save him. The other three terraformers decide to beam up to the ship too, but Data stays on the planet to poke around. Sadly, the laser drill is not a fan of this and attacks him. Too bad it doesn't know he has faster reflexes. He shreds it.
Picard tries to get the director dude to tell what's going on, but he's not talking. This annoys Picard, because any fool and Counselor Troi can see the guy is clearly hiding something. He gets so annoyed he sends Geordi and Data back to the planet to try to get killed so he'll get even more annoyed. Maybe if he's lucky he'll annoy himself into a French accent.
Sorry. Harsh. Love to Patrick Stewart!
Anyway, Geordi and Data don't die. In case you were curious.
But they do find a pretty light in an access tube thingy, which they decide could be alive despite the complete lack of carbon, which would make it - say it with me now - inorganic.
Inorganic!
They all pretend to be shocked even though I'm remembering this thing... I think they called it a Horta? That Kirk found? Yeah. That. Anyway, they beam it up to the ship. They magnify, it hums, they magnify more, it hums louder. They try to get the director to admit he knew it was there and alive, but he didn't really know, so he wasn't really hiding much of anything, was he. That could have been a cooler plot twist. Anti-non-carbonist, and all that. But it wouldn't fit into the Utopian future Gene was still forcing on everyone then. Anyway, it keeps growing. And growing. And growing some more. And then it explodes a bell jar and declares war on humanity, so Picard turns the lights off.
What!?!?!!?
Did I forget to mention photosensitive?
Anyway, they declare peace and the alien tells them to come back in four centuries.
Big emotional letdown.
They ripped off "Devil in the Dark". Look it up. Seriously.
So here's what I don't get: since when does Starfleet maintain enough contact with distant outposts to know they might potentially have a problem brewing? And since when are erratic communications with eccentric scientists anything to worry about? Really? And where did Picard go to Jackass school, because he's usually very properly nice.
Actually, I think you can infer the opening of the episode from these highly profound questions.
So they beam into the Lab of Eccentric Scientists without a redshirt, which means no one we care about will be dying today. Good thing, too, because these guys are terraforming! What is terraforming, you ask? Well, I'm glad you did! Terraforming is... well, remember the Genesis project? No? Remember Star Trek 2? No? The one where Spock died?
Oh dear.
Anyway, for those of you who are cringing at this and ready to get on with it, skip the next paragraph.
So, back up a bit. In Star Trek 2, Kirk learned three things: 1)If Spock is wearing the red shirt, he can die too. 2)Kirk's son we didn't know he had until just now hates him. 3) Despite the fact that revenge is a dish that is best served cold, the device used to get said revenge must be capable of melting and reshaping the surface of a dead planet to create a living one. This is called the Genesis Device.
But since that didn't work out (See Star Trek 3) we call it terraforming now, and it's a lot slower. Instead of a few days, it takes a few decades. Riker and Deanna get a sneak peek at why it's so cool from this technician chick that Riker is totally flirting with all over the place. Flirt flirt flirt. Eventually Geordi and Data get bored and try to make their own friend, but that is an epic fail when some kind of laser drill thingy (did you notice the way they made it sound futuristic by slapping the word "laser" on it?) kills their new friend. Sad.
Well not kills, more like mortally wounds, enough that Crusher has to feel sad she coudn't save him. The other three terraformers decide to beam up to the ship too, but Data stays on the planet to poke around. Sadly, the laser drill is not a fan of this and attacks him. Too bad it doesn't know he has faster reflexes. He shreds it.
Picard tries to get the director dude to tell what's going on, but he's not talking. This annoys Picard, because any fool and Counselor Troi can see the guy is clearly hiding something. He gets so annoyed he sends Geordi and Data back to the planet to try to get killed so he'll get even more annoyed. Maybe if he's lucky he'll annoy himself into a French accent.
Sorry. Harsh. Love to Patrick Stewart!
Anyway, Geordi and Data don't die. In case you were curious.
But they do find a pretty light in an access tube thingy, which they decide could be alive despite the complete lack of carbon, which would make it - say it with me now - inorganic.
Inorganic!
They all pretend to be shocked even though I'm remembering this thing... I think they called it a Horta? That Kirk found? Yeah. That. Anyway, they beam it up to the ship. They magnify, it hums, they magnify more, it hums louder. They try to get the director to admit he knew it was there and alive, but he didn't really know, so he wasn't really hiding much of anything, was he. That could have been a cooler plot twist. Anti-non-carbonist, and all that. But it wouldn't fit into the Utopian future Gene was still forcing on everyone then. Anyway, it keeps growing. And growing. And growing some more. And then it explodes a bell jar and declares war on humanity, so Picard turns the lights off.
What!?!?!!?
Did I forget to mention photosensitive?
Anyway, they declare peace and the alien tells them to come back in four centuries.
Big emotional letdown.
They ripped off "Devil in the Dark". Look it up. Seriously.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Star Trek won't win Best Picture.
Read the debate.
This was my contribution.
The Oscar decision is a mistake, for the same reason Titanic winning best picture was a mistake, and for the same reason leaving Dee Kelley out of the tribute video was a mistake. Star Trek may not have a new plot (how many plots are new, anymore?) or be super super relevant to our present situation, but that wasn't really why they made the movie they made, was it?
This was the movie that had to be in order to save the franchise.
Hollywood saw it, Hollywood made it, they pulled it off, and now they're failing to toot their own horn.
Shoulda coulda woulda.
Shatner Of The Mount by Fall On Your Sword
This was my contribution.
The Oscar decision is a mistake, for the same reason Titanic winning best picture was a mistake, and for the same reason leaving Dee Kelley out of the tribute video was a mistake. Star Trek may not have a new plot (how many plots are new, anymore?) or be super super relevant to our present situation, but that wasn't really why they made the movie they made, was it?
This was the movie that had to be in order to save the franchise.
Hollywood saw it, Hollywood made it, they pulled it off, and now they're failing to toot their own horn.
Shoulda coulda woulda.
Shatner Of The Mount by Fall On Your Sword
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I think I love this better than all the others - Sleeping Dogs
So, here's the thing. It's not stolen.
You heard me, ladies and gents. A Season 1 Enterprise episode that was NOT STOLEN FROM ANOTHER EPISODE.
Didn't know it was possible? Me neither. Well, let me tell you, it is. I mean, the ending smacks of Galileo Seven a little, but just a little, and only superficially. If they were trying to rip off Galileo Seven, T'Pol would have been launching torpedoes instead of trying to talk Hoshi out of it. And Hoshi loses half her annoying points in this episode.
I can't even do the Voyager game with this one. The closest I can come, other than Galileo Seven, was Day of the Dove, and they didn't exactly make peace with the Klingons here for even a short length of time.
You heard me, ladies and gents. A Season 1 Enterprise episode that was NOT STOLEN FROM ANOTHER EPISODE.
Didn't know it was possible? Me neither. Well, let me tell you, it is. I mean, the ending smacks of Galileo Seven a little, but just a little, and only superficially. If they were trying to rip off Galileo Seven, T'Pol would have been launching torpedoes instead of trying to talk Hoshi out of it. And Hoshi loses half her annoying points in this episode.
I can't even do the Voyager game with this one. The closest I can come, other than Galileo Seven, was Day of the Dove, and they didn't exactly make peace with the Klingons here for even a short length of time.
Friday, August 7, 2009
The Voyager Game 8: TNG Edition: Bloodlines
Bloodlines: TNG
Two things we've learned:
1. Unmanned probes are bad.
2. Picard being hailed by name is bad
So when DaiMon Bok sends a probe that hails Picard by name?
Bad. So bad, in fact, that we learn that Bok's new plan to avenge himself on Picard is to kill Jason Vigo, who we can assume by Bok's saying "You thought you could hide him from me," is Picard's son.
Dramatic music.
Credits.
Lol. Picard has a kid. I can see it now.
Picard starts searching for Jason, and certainly seems to know a Miranda Vigo. He also starts searching for Bok (good rule of thumb: always keep track of the people you know want you dead). Picard tells Riker that it's possible Jason is his son - his twenty-three year old son. Well, this happens you know... to Kirk! Jeez.
Sigh. Bald sexy. I know.
Data manages to find Jason Vigo in a cave about to collapse so they beam him up, which pisses him off since obviously he wasn't hiding, he was spelunking or however you spell it. Picard tells him about Bok, and that he might be Jason's father. Miranda is dead, so they do a DNA test.
Jason is Picard's son.
I see masculine bonding coming.
Which is exactly what happens in the next act where Picard is showing off his ancient artifacts. He gives up quickly and orders himself some tea. Jason is all hostile and Picard is frustrated.
Geordi and Data have been given the dubious honor of trying to track the probe to it's origin. The Ferengi finally call and admit that Bok bought himself out of prison and is now in some star cluster with more than twenty systems in it. Data and Geordi are genuises, though, and actually manage to use that to track Bok down.
Picard comes to Beverly next for help with Jason. He's decided not to force himself on Jason - leave him alone and let Jason come to him. Beverly gets one of her few good lines in: "Are you doing the best thing for Jason or what's easiest for you?"
Deanna decides to lend a hand with the situation so Jason hits on her which is kind of amusing, I have to admit.
Bok's hologram comes into Picard's quarters to threaten Bok again - "I will kill him, Picard, and there's nothing you can do about it."
It wasn't a hologram, though, and it wasn't a hallucination, and the shields were up, so what exactly was it that Picard saw? Dramatic music does not swell, which is too bad. They assign security to Jason just as Data comes along and announces that Jason has a criminal record with his typical lack of tact.
Jason's hand is shaking in Ten-Forward, cue dramatic music. Picard comes to him and explains the guards and that Bok appeared in his quarters. He tries to bond with Jason but Jason won't have it.
Another probe shows up and explodes, displaying something that might just be Ferengi morse code, taunting them. "He's proved that he can get to us whenever he wants," mutters Picard. "Why doesn't he do something?" No kidding. I'm bored watching this. It's a mass of cliches.
Anyway, Bok appears in Picard's ready room and starts spouting the same old schtick as he did seven years ago. Snore.
And then there's some kind of medical emergency where Jason has a seizure or something. Because it's no good without someone getting sick.
Beverly diagnoses some rare neurological disorder that is supposed to be inherited but neither of his parents had it, so maybe it's a mutation. She runs some extra scans. Boring. Picard has made some evaluations of himself and his parenting ability. Dude, the kid's twenty-three. He doesn't need a father, you dolt. He's twenty-three. He did okay without you, except for the petty theft and tresspassing. Which, wait a minute, isn't he from some planet where everyone's short on food. Why would one possibly steal on a planet where the economy's collapsed? And wasn't the tresspassing something to do with rock climbing? Why are we so concerned about how "troubled" he is, exactly?
And why do I care at this point?
Data and Geordi have discovered that *gasp* Bok was in Picard's ready room! They spout some technobabble about subspace transporters and how they can beam through shields at a distance of several light years but they're totally impractical, then spout some more technobabble about protecting Jason.
Jason and his neurological disorder have decided to rock climb in the holodeck. Picard climbs up with him and they finally bond over hair, which is about the only cute father/son moment I've seen so far. Actually, to be fair, Jason confesses his criminal record, and then discovers that Picard already knew, and he still wants to hang. Huh. We all learned a valuable lesson.
Beverly summons Picard to tell him some bad news but we don't see what, because this is season seven where they tried twisting the endings. Bok tries to beam Jason away right after, and Geordi can't get him back, despite Picard trying to run up to the transporter pad and do - what exactly?
Another probe appears, with a transmission from Bok, so Picard technobabbles himself back over to Bok's ship to rescue Jason, and spills the bombshell: Jason isn't his son after all, Bok altered his DNA to screw with Picard's head, which gave him the neurological disorder. Bok goes back to prison. Maybe this time Picard needs to make sure he STAYS THERE.
They take Jason home, and leave him there to fix his life. He and Picard are all male bonded and Picard even gave him a "worthless" archeological relic.
So now it's time to play... The Voyager Game!
The whole Kirk/David plot in Star Trek II and also the Riker/Riker plot in "The Icarus Factor" spring to mind. And "New Ground", too. "The Offspring". And just because I can, "Joanna", the TOS ep that could have been. For TNG, that's a pretty poor showing, really. It makes me sad.
Two things we've learned:
1. Unmanned probes are bad.
2. Picard being hailed by name is bad
So when DaiMon Bok sends a probe that hails Picard by name?
Bad. So bad, in fact, that we learn that Bok's new plan to avenge himself on Picard is to kill Jason Vigo, who we can assume by Bok's saying "You thought you could hide him from me," is Picard's son.
Dramatic music.
Credits.
Lol. Picard has a kid. I can see it now.
Picard starts searching for Jason, and certainly seems to know a Miranda Vigo. He also starts searching for Bok (good rule of thumb: always keep track of the people you know want you dead). Picard tells Riker that it's possible Jason is his son - his twenty-three year old son. Well, this happens you know... to Kirk! Jeez.
Sigh. Bald sexy. I know.
Data manages to find Jason Vigo in a cave about to collapse so they beam him up, which pisses him off since obviously he wasn't hiding, he was spelunking or however you spell it. Picard tells him about Bok, and that he might be Jason's father. Miranda is dead, so they do a DNA test.
Jason is Picard's son.
I see masculine bonding coming.
Which is exactly what happens in the next act where Picard is showing off his ancient artifacts. He gives up quickly and orders himself some tea. Jason is all hostile and Picard is frustrated.
Geordi and Data have been given the dubious honor of trying to track the probe to it's origin. The Ferengi finally call and admit that Bok bought himself out of prison and is now in some star cluster with more than twenty systems in it. Data and Geordi are genuises, though, and actually manage to use that to track Bok down.
Picard comes to Beverly next for help with Jason. He's decided not to force himself on Jason - leave him alone and let Jason come to him. Beverly gets one of her few good lines in: "Are you doing the best thing for Jason or what's easiest for you?"
Deanna decides to lend a hand with the situation so Jason hits on her which is kind of amusing, I have to admit.
Bok's hologram comes into Picard's quarters to threaten Bok again - "I will kill him, Picard, and there's nothing you can do about it."
It wasn't a hologram, though, and it wasn't a hallucination, and the shields were up, so what exactly was it that Picard saw? Dramatic music does not swell, which is too bad. They assign security to Jason just as Data comes along and announces that Jason has a criminal record with his typical lack of tact.
Jason's hand is shaking in Ten-Forward, cue dramatic music. Picard comes to him and explains the guards and that Bok appeared in his quarters. He tries to bond with Jason but Jason won't have it.
Another probe shows up and explodes, displaying something that might just be Ferengi morse code, taunting them. "He's proved that he can get to us whenever he wants," mutters Picard. "Why doesn't he do something?" No kidding. I'm bored watching this. It's a mass of cliches.
Anyway, Bok appears in Picard's ready room and starts spouting the same old schtick as he did seven years ago. Snore.
And then there's some kind of medical emergency where Jason has a seizure or something. Because it's no good without someone getting sick.
Beverly diagnoses some rare neurological disorder that is supposed to be inherited but neither of his parents had it, so maybe it's a mutation. She runs some extra scans. Boring. Picard has made some evaluations of himself and his parenting ability. Dude, the kid's twenty-three. He doesn't need a father, you dolt. He's twenty-three. He did okay without you, except for the petty theft and tresspassing. Which, wait a minute, isn't he from some planet where everyone's short on food. Why would one possibly steal on a planet where the economy's collapsed? And wasn't the tresspassing something to do with rock climbing? Why are we so concerned about how "troubled" he is, exactly?
And why do I care at this point?
Data and Geordi have discovered that *gasp* Bok was in Picard's ready room! They spout some technobabble about subspace transporters and how they can beam through shields at a distance of several light years but they're totally impractical, then spout some more technobabble about protecting Jason.
Jason and his neurological disorder have decided to rock climb in the holodeck. Picard climbs up with him and they finally bond over hair, which is about the only cute father/son moment I've seen so far. Actually, to be fair, Jason confesses his criminal record, and then discovers that Picard already knew, and he still wants to hang. Huh. We all learned a valuable lesson.
Beverly summons Picard to tell him some bad news but we don't see what, because this is season seven where they tried twisting the endings. Bok tries to beam Jason away right after, and Geordi can't get him back, despite Picard trying to run up to the transporter pad and do - what exactly?
Another probe appears, with a transmission from Bok, so Picard technobabbles himself back over to Bok's ship to rescue Jason, and spills the bombshell: Jason isn't his son after all, Bok altered his DNA to screw with Picard's head, which gave him the neurological disorder. Bok goes back to prison. Maybe this time Picard needs to make sure he STAYS THERE.
They take Jason home, and leave him there to fix his life. He and Picard are all male bonded and Picard even gave him a "worthless" archeological relic.
So now it's time to play... The Voyager Game!
The whole Kirk/David plot in Star Trek II and also the Riker/Riker plot in "The Icarus Factor" spring to mind. And "New Ground", too. "The Offspring". And just because I can, "Joanna", the TOS ep that could have been. For TNG, that's a pretty poor showing, really. It makes me sad.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Goddamn Linux Crap of Wonderfulness
My DVD player doesn't work, my CD burner doesn't work, and I keep forgetting how to use the command line to do the things I want to do. Flash won't install and no one wants to help me and I tried to download a new RPG with my boyfriend but it won't run in Wine.
But the cool thing is I get to try to fix these things myself. I feel powerful. This is wonderful.
But the cool thing is I get to try to fix these things myself. I feel powerful. This is wonderful.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The Lost World
There were a lot of things that went wrong with Voyager and I'm not even bringing Genvieve What's-her-face into it. This makes it tough. On one hand, I love Star Trek. On the other hand, sometimes you just look at the TV and go, "Really????"
I think Wil Wheaton must do that a lot.
But I digress.
My three year old cousin once said to me, "Auntie, do you still love me when I'm being bad?" She was intent on testing the limits of my love that day, running in circles and screaming when we were trying to eat and sticking nails in power outlets.
"I love you good and I love you bad," I told her. She frowned. "But how can you love something that's bad?"
Out of the mouths of babes.
Remember The Lost World? What a big fat annoying donut hole that was for our troubles? How disappointing and frustrating and sad that movie was (and Sam Neil hadn't even sold out yet).
Remember the Voyager that came with it?
The worst part is that I can't even play The Voyager Game with this one, which is the only props I can give them. It's bad, but at least it's original. Sort of. Except they were clearly trying to do a piece on Evolution vs. Creationism.
Now I'm not gonna touch that one, probably mostly because I don't actually care. I figure we're here, and since no one could write when we were being created I doubt either record is entirely accurate. If you need a description of how accurate paleontology can be, look at this episode. They make some interesting observations about the crew from the scientific standpoint.
Two things bug me. First, since when do we let the computer do our thinking for us (*cough* Janeway *cough*) and second, what happened to the line? You know the one. The one that kept Shatner's monster at the end of 5 from being Satan? (You know it would have been better if it was.) That line. The one where we don't talk about religion in the future, unless you count McCoy's "Goddammit, Jim!" Or we're on DS9, but that's another story. For a show that didn't take risks, they sure tried to here.
And failed because they fought the wrong battle. This isn't an evolution story at all, I realized. It's Galileo. The establishment censoring the man who uses science to find his answers because they don't want to lose their control.
From that standpoint, and without the dinosaurs, we might have an episode.
I think Wil Wheaton must do that a lot.
But I digress.
My three year old cousin once said to me, "Auntie, do you still love me when I'm being bad?" She was intent on testing the limits of my love that day, running in circles and screaming when we were trying to eat and sticking nails in power outlets.
"I love you good and I love you bad," I told her. She frowned. "But how can you love something that's bad?"
Out of the mouths of babes.
Remember The Lost World? What a big fat annoying donut hole that was for our troubles? How disappointing and frustrating and sad that movie was (and Sam Neil hadn't even sold out yet).
Remember the Voyager that came with it?
The worst part is that I can't even play The Voyager Game with this one, which is the only props I can give them. It's bad, but at least it's original. Sort of. Except they were clearly trying to do a piece on Evolution vs. Creationism.
Now I'm not gonna touch that one, probably mostly because I don't actually care. I figure we're here, and since no one could write when we were being created I doubt either record is entirely accurate. If you need a description of how accurate paleontology can be, look at this episode. They make some interesting observations about the crew from the scientific standpoint.
Two things bug me. First, since when do we let the computer do our thinking for us (*cough* Janeway *cough*) and second, what happened to the line? You know the one. The one that kept Shatner's monster at the end of 5 from being Satan? (You know it would have been better if it was.) That line. The one where we don't talk about religion in the future, unless you count McCoy's "Goddammit, Jim!" Or we're on DS9, but that's another story. For a show that didn't take risks, they sure tried to here.
And failed because they fought the wrong battle. This isn't an evolution story at all, I realized. It's Galileo. The establishment censoring the man who uses science to find his answers because they don't want to lose their control.
From that standpoint, and without the dinosaurs, we might have an episode.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Brannon Braga Confesses
There it is in black and white. During a 24 panel, Brannon confessed to killing Star Trek.
Maybe now some of the people who haven't healed yet can begin to.
Maybe now some of the people who haven't healed yet can begin to.
WHY????
Why does it bother me when people recognize my Trekkieness? I got this tattoo for a reason after all. This morning when I was waiting for the bus, a woman approached me. "Oh, you like Star Track," she said. "That's so cool. I love Star Track."
Somehow, I wasn't convinced, and I hate it when people over the age of ten say Star Track. Until then I figure it's forgiveable.
She continued trying to make small talk. The bus was late and I hadn't had my coffee. My grim outlook on life in general from my lack of caffeine did not deter her in the slightest. I wanted to be really nasty and tell her to shut the bleep up, but I see this woman waiting for the bus every day and somehow that didn't seem conducive to good neighbor relations. So instead I just stared in a direction that was not hers and grunted occasionally, playing up the no-caffeine thing, which did not take much work. She prattled on about the weather and Star Track and how they made a new movie, or maybe a TV show, she wasn't sure.
The bus arrived and I let her get on first so I wouldn't have to sit by her.
I transferred to the MAX and while I was sitting there with my computer, playing NetHack like a nerd should, I notice this guy trying to maneuver into my line of sight. Trying really hard. He gets to where he knows I can see him and flashes me a Live Long and Prosper! I kid you not!
Now what this says to me is that this stranger has been staring at my boobs.
Which is stupid, I mean I got this tattoo where I got it for a reason. It's where it would be were I wearing a uniform, which I'm not. I'm not that chick on Trekkies whose boss lets her wear her uniform to work. That's just nuts. You have to live in the real world sometimes, sorry. So anyway, that's when it hits me why this annoys me so much. I do live in the real world. I work hard to stay here. I play normal sometimes and I have a job where people come to me for my expertise on something normal and not Star Trek. I fit in with my friends, most of whom aren't Trekkies (although some are nerds) I have a boyfriend (who is a nerd, but has also learned to live in the rest of the world too) and I like it here. It's a delicate balance between compromising who you are and coexisting with the rest of the planet.
So when someone pulls me apart from them, comments on my obvious Trekkieness, suddenly I know that they see me as other, unique. I don't have any identity here. At work, I am Gillian the Bra Knowledge Person, and my tattoo shows but that's okay because it helps to demonstrate the uses of lingere tape. At home, I am just Gillian and I don't have to be anyone else so who cares about my tattoo. No one even mentions it, although they do mention Star Trek. So what? I take notes on Star Trek for fun, for crying out loud. It's allowed there.
But here, I'm just the chick with the tattoo on her boob, being noticed for my association with a TV show. The worst part is that these people are trying to be nice, trying to include me, but they just point out my obvious isolation without meaning to. If John Travolta hijacked this train today, I wouldn't be the passenger in the background, I'd be the one that stands out. My function in the plot is to give the crowd a face with my quirkiness.
And now I just realized that I never should have seen Pelham 123.
Somehow, I wasn't convinced, and I hate it when people over the age of ten say Star Track. Until then I figure it's forgiveable.
She continued trying to make small talk. The bus was late and I hadn't had my coffee. My grim outlook on life in general from my lack of caffeine did not deter her in the slightest. I wanted to be really nasty and tell her to shut the bleep up, but I see this woman waiting for the bus every day and somehow that didn't seem conducive to good neighbor relations. So instead I just stared in a direction that was not hers and grunted occasionally, playing up the no-caffeine thing, which did not take much work. She prattled on about the weather and Star Track and how they made a new movie, or maybe a TV show, she wasn't sure.
The bus arrived and I let her get on first so I wouldn't have to sit by her.
I transferred to the MAX and while I was sitting there with my computer, playing NetHack like a nerd should, I notice this guy trying to maneuver into my line of sight. Trying really hard. He gets to where he knows I can see him and flashes me a Live Long and Prosper! I kid you not!
Now what this says to me is that this stranger has been staring at my boobs.
Which is stupid, I mean I got this tattoo where I got it for a reason. It's where it would be were I wearing a uniform, which I'm not. I'm not that chick on Trekkies whose boss lets her wear her uniform to work. That's just nuts. You have to live in the real world sometimes, sorry. So anyway, that's when it hits me why this annoys me so much. I do live in the real world. I work hard to stay here. I play normal sometimes and I have a job where people come to me for my expertise on something normal and not Star Trek. I fit in with my friends, most of whom aren't Trekkies (although some are nerds) I have a boyfriend (who is a nerd, but has also learned to live in the rest of the world too) and I like it here. It's a delicate balance between compromising who you are and coexisting with the rest of the planet.
So when someone pulls me apart from them, comments on my obvious Trekkieness, suddenly I know that they see me as other, unique. I don't have any identity here. At work, I am Gillian the Bra Knowledge Person, and my tattoo shows but that's okay because it helps to demonstrate the uses of lingere tape. At home, I am just Gillian and I don't have to be anyone else so who cares about my tattoo. No one even mentions it, although they do mention Star Trek. So what? I take notes on Star Trek for fun, for crying out loud. It's allowed there.
But here, I'm just the chick with the tattoo on her boob, being noticed for my association with a TV show. The worst part is that these people are trying to be nice, trying to include me, but they just point out my obvious isolation without meaning to. If John Travolta hijacked this train today, I wouldn't be the passenger in the background, I'd be the one that stands out. My function in the plot is to give the crowd a face with my quirkiness.
And now I just realized that I never should have seen Pelham 123.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
TodayTonight (Spoliers)
Australia's Today Tonight has indicated there is a love interest between Spock and Uhura in Star Trek.
The fans may be confused.
Let me explain.
No, let me sum up.
Watch "The Man Trap".
Now tell me you don't see it.
The fans may be confused.
Let me explain.
No, let me sum up.
Watch "The Man Trap".
Now tell me you don't see it.
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