Flashback

Star Trek: Voyager

Wherein canon is violated left right and center.

Wherein Sulu is used as a tool of the idiotic masses.

Wherein the end of good Star Trek is nigh.

And what do they call those blocks Tuvok's playing with? A Katheera? Why do they persist in making this crap up all the time?

Structure. Logic. Function. Control. A structure cannot stand without function. Logic is the essence of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control.

-Tuvok

Adrift

Lost

I really thought that was it for Michael and Jin and Sawyer, but nooooo. Turns out the Others also kidnapped Jin. I know they wanted Walt, but why on Earth would they want Jin? Walt's psychic. What's weird about Jin?

Yeah, something's odd here. You know what else is odd? Spending an entire episode rehashing the plot of the last episode.

Basics II

Star Trek: Voyager

We finally get to see the baby again. She's cooing. BTW what's her name? (I mean, I know what it is, but at this point she is nameless). Wouldn't it be good to give the kid a name? You know, like "Naomi"?

For the record, I thought this episode was lame in my twelves and thirteens. Now I KNOW it is.

The scene where they start the fire with the hair is pretty funny though. And Tom's pretty good. Wrapping up the Suder stuff - good idea.

And the revelation - Vulcan Institute of Defensive Arts? Vulcan Institute of Defensive Arts? Where they teach "archery science"?

It's amazing the entire crew didn't get redshirted. There's a fucking dragon in that cave. And why doesn't Janeway's hair fall out of it's ponytail? Samantha Wildman doesn't hold that baby like anyone who's ever held a baby would for long periods of time (your arms get tired).

Why did Suder have to bust into Engineering if the Doctor (trapped in Sickbay) was suppossed to be able to deactivate the phasers? That doesn't make sense. And what exactly killed Seska?

Urgh.

I'm a doctor, not a counterinsurgent!

-Doc

Man of Science, Man of Faith

Lost

Jack and Locke are gonna need to have it out one of these days.

What confuses me most is how can anyone possibly keep up with the plot twists? Answer: JJ Abrams. That concerns me, because eventually you run low on things to twist. Then what do you do? Answer: Your show flops.

So Jack's pep-talky "friend" that he met once is down the hatch. Good to know. And what's the brilliant light that occasionally shines out of it? And why write Quarantine on the INSIDE of the hatch? Huh? Huh?

A Matter of Time

A Matter of this. A Matter of that. A Matter of Time. A Matter of Honor. A Matter of Perspective. Are we sensing a pattern here?

This is one of those eps I remember very well from my childhood, mostly because of Picard's big moral dilemma. It scared me to see Picard lose confidence in himself. Even so, my focus was on Rasmussen, but unlike every other member of the audience, I really thought he must have a good reason to take that stuff - turns out he's just evil. Here's one kid who really took the lessons of Star Trek to heart I guess.

Other than that moral dilemma for one act, there's not a lot to this ep. The crew almost gets hoodwinked but manages to catch the guy at the last possible minute because he was too efficient a thief. Why do we even bother to let these people have jobs? Sometimes they are dumb.

We are being hailed, but... Captain, they are requesting you to move over.

Mr. Worf, inform them that the Enterprise will not be going anywhere.

Not the ship, sir - you.


-Worf and Picard (who is really dumb sometimes)

Generations

Alike, but DIFFERENT.

Darker doesn't mean you turn the lights down, you idiots! And where did they get all those people in Ten-Forward. And why can Data identify anger (in Descent) but not hatred? And why bother to kill Robert and Rene? And don't you wish it had been Spock and McCoy, not Scotty and Chekov? Too bad they wrote a sucky script that Nimoy wouldn't touch. And Data remembering a joke we certainly don't remember. Why not something we do remember? Huh? Huh?

Rick Berman, despite denial, knows why this movie sucks. They finished TNG while in pre-production for this movie with a huge, expensive finale. They were prepping Voyager. They were making DS9. Can you say "biting off more than you can chew" can you say "lesson learned in Star Trek: TMP?" I can. I know that lesson. That lesson is:

If you wait ten years to make a Star Trek movie after the show ends, no one cares how crappy it is. Also, you have time to make it, you know, better and stuff.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

-Data

And my concerns begin anew

Trek geek co-writers Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci have laced the script with multiple Trek references.

Yeah, I guess it was funny in First Contact. But we can't just expect them to not do a rehash of that nightmare from Voyager. You know what I mean. The constant "I'm a Doctor, not a ____"

Great. One, right around the time of De Kelley's death, is cool. Forty billion is not.

Anyway, trekmovie.com said it, and they're usually pretty accurate, and that scares me anew. Good job!

Piccys

There's some new shots of Quinto as Spock. On a website.

Written in French.

Hey, nobody's perfect.

The pics are here.

Caretaker

Unhappy with a new treaty,
Federation Colonistss along
the Cardassian border have
banded together.

Calling themselves "The Maquis,"
they continue to fight the
Cardassians.

Some consider them heroes,
but to the governments of
the Federation and Cardassia,
they are outlaws.


We didn't really see much of this, now did we. Did anyone expect this to have any bearing at all on the show? Or did they all know it was just. The. Teaser.

You know what would have been cooler? If Evek's ship would have come along for the ride. But nooooo. Too edgy. Don't want to follow the path of DS9. That would be wrong.

And thus began a series that went to so many wrong places...

Children have to grow up.

-Kathryn Janeway

Ben Cross

He doesn't look like Sarek. I don't think he can sell it.

George Samuel

We all thought it was Kirk's dad.

Could it be.... Sam? His brother?

Stay tuned.

There are a lot of things I could say

I've been sick. I'm still recovering. I don't feel well. My boyfriend is inconsiderate and texts me at midnight. The dogs are running around upstairs, I have dishes to do. I'm behind on my Star Trek news.

And Quinto looks damn good in those ears.

I've been sick

My friend Mario called me the other night while I was pretty much on my deathbed to tell me that the writers are striking. To which I said "duh". I mean, I do read Wil Wheaton, right? So anyway, Mario goes on and on about next summer, which got me to thinking.

Next summer's gonna suck, movie-wise. Stock up on your DVDS, kiddies.

George Frigging Samuel Kirk!!!!!!

OMFG, they're having Kirk's dad in the movie!

That's blowing all this continuity debate to kingdom come, seriously. I mean, there's not a fan alive who doesn't know Kirk's father's name - and not a fan alive who wouldn't like to see something about him.

Well, now we will.

'Cause he's in the movie, baby!

New Developments

So, for Christopher Pike we have Bruce Greenwood. I didn't know his name, but I liked him in Thirteen Days. And even in The Core, despite the abominableness of that movie. So I can't say I dislike that bit of casting - even though he looks NOTHING like Jeffrey Hunter.

And to replace Jane Wyatt?

Winona Ryder.

Well, she doesn't suck. She did really well in Little Women...a dozen years ago. And since then? She shoplifts.

Maybe this is her great comeback.

Civil Defense

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

It's been a DS9-heavy day, hasn't it?

In another week I'll be into netflixing Voyager, and then Enterprise (grumble)

But I digress. Civil Defense is possibly one of the most frightening eps of DS9 because it shows you just how out of control their station is.

Quark and Odo getting locked in the security office, btw, is priceless.

Dukat... if you are seeing this recording, it means you tried to abandon your post while the station's self-destruct sequence was engaged. That will not be permitted. You have lost control of Terok Nor, disgracing yourself and Cardassia. Your attempt to escape is no doubt a final act of cowardice. All fail-safes have been eliminated. Your personal access codes have been rescinded. The destruct sequence can no longer be halted. All you can do now is contemplate the depth of your disgrace... and try to die like a Cardassian.

-recording of Legate Kell

Villains

Buffy: The Vampire Slayer

Buffy and Xander spend an entire day chasing Willow around while she tries to kill Warren. Big damn failiure.

I came to Buffy late in life and I didn't know who this Tara was when I first saw it. Wacky.

Oh my God.
Willow - no... What did you do?
One down.

-Xander, Buffy, and Willow

The Enemy

When I was a child, so much of what this ep contains confused me. Geordi being stuck on the planet, Worf refusing to donate ribosomes to the Romulan, and Tomalak lying his face off.

As an aside, Tomalak was also the one-armed man in the movie of "The Fugitive".

We have a second survivor from your one man craft.

-Picard

...Nor the Battle to the Strong

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

This is Cirroc Lofton's chance to shine - and for once, he gets to take advantage of it. Good on him.

The removal of caffeine from beverages has plagued restauranteurs for centuries! You can't expect me to cure it over night."
"I'm not paying for that! I want to get her off caffeine, not poison her."
"So much for Quarktajino."

- Quark, O'Brien, and Odo

Looking for Par'Mach in all the wrong places

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Julian has way too much fun spying on Miles and Nerys in this ep. I have way too much fun rediscovering all these little things.

It's also a wonderful example of DS9's tradition of having fun after Serious Business. You know, some Serious Stuff (like the last three or so eps) happens and all of a sudden they just bust out and have some fun. Or some Klingon sex. Whatever.

I am a fool.

You're in love - which I suppose is the same thing.

-Worf and Jadzia

The Ship

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

When the 100th episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine came out, I was very excited.

In fact, I taped it.

I watched it every day for weeks, and then my mom accidentally erased my tape. I was devastated. And this is the first time I've seen it since.

And since that time, there has never been a true hundredth episode of Star Trek.

We will both keep the predators away.

-Worf, to Miles

Apocalypse Rising

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

This was the first time since the end of the Federation/Klingon peace treaty that things don't seem royally screwed up in galactic politics. For just that brief moment, they had it back.

The scene between Nana and Sid where she blames him for the baby is hilarious, because of course the baby really is his fault. Poor Kirayoshi - a plot device to cover for the fact that Nana and Sid were screwing behind the scenes.

This is when Dukat gets back to being an ass. I always wanted to like Dukat - and then he was just evil. Too bad.

That's one de-pressed ex-changeling.

-Quark, talking about Odo

Lonely Among Us

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Does every sector have a neutral conference planet? Because that's what Picard's log implies at the beginning.

Do No Harm

Boone's still not doing well. And where did Sun get all her medical training? Claire goes into labor at the worst possible time. Claire has a boy, Boone dies, and Jack decides it's all Locke's fault.

This does not bode well for Locke.

Deus Ex Machina

Locke temporarily loses his legs again, resulting in Boone maybe getting dead. And the big metal thing lights up and no one knows why.

To be fair, no one seems to be able to die on this island so maybe Boone will be fine. I hope so. He's kinda hot.

Dark Page

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Few people know that Kirsten Dunst had her TV debut on Star Trek. This performance made me a Dunst fan forever - for some reason I just like her. Always have. Ever since Hedril.

I also see this as the beginning of the end of TNG - the season seven tradition of wrapping up errant plot points and characters as well as having a "one last". This is "one last" Lwaxana episode, and a chance to wrap up Lwaxana - and for those who dislike her character to feel for her.

Star Trek has always symbolized parts of my life, and TNG was my childhood - this was the beginning of the end of that. This is when I began to grow up.

Inside your mother, there is a ... dark place.

-Maques

Teaser Trailer

The word is that someone told the Latino review that a teaser trailer is in the works for XI that shows the Enterprise being constructed.

So there goes assumptions made in two books I can think of.

Oh, and BTW, it would be nice if maybe instead of ignoring the books, you were to kind of back up some fan favorites. Huh? Huh?

Numbers

Lost.

Hey, check it out. Hurley won the Lottery. And BTW, the French chick had his lottery numbers written down.

And when is Claire gonna get around to having that baby?

In Translation

Well, Jin and Sun finally split up and Hurley ran out of batteries.

Good times.

Booby Trap

The scene where Picard realizes he is the only one among the senior staff with taste? Classic. "Didn't anyone here build ships in bottles when they were boys?"

"I did not play with toys."

"I was never a boy."

This is also the beginning of all the Leah Brahms stuff, not to mention poor Christie. And you know, to this day, I can barely watch the stuff on the holodeck without cringing. Talk about horrible dialog!

The rest of it's really good too. That sucks.

I just realized how much Geordi slips up on the holodeck. "Give me an opponent capable of defeating Data." "Show me which ones."

Yeah, great.

Computer, do you have any, you know, personality on file for Dr. Brahms?

-Geordi LaForge

Something Sad

You want pathetic? I am seriously considering going to the Beowulf movie so I can see the Cloverfield trailer. That's pathetic.

Smokin' Aces

Have you ever seen such a piece of crap?

I guess the plot twists were cool, but the Tremors Brothers (which is who I was watching it for in the first place because one of them is Chris Pine) really disturbed me and I didn't enjoy that bit at all. The FBI agent doing that thing I shouldn't tell you about (spoilers and all that) in the end really threw me, and the big surprise was something I figured out about fifteen minutes in.

It just sucked sucked sucked.

I did like the trashy hit women though. They had a certain energy that is often missing from the standard cinematic hit man.

The Secret

If you want to audition well, calm the fuck down. Wil Wheaton discovered that the other day when he got cast in the role of Miles Something-or-other in Numb3rs.

Go Wil! You rock! You're awesome!

A Tribute to Gene Roddenberry

The anniversary of Gene's death is today.

The Doomsday Machine

They're right. It is cooler in Remastered.

Not that it's not cool. I'd like to take this moment to harp on the lack of respect we're paying the people who friggin invented the special effects needed to do this ep - whose work is now being basically deleted by computer.

BTW, I'll get remastered as soon as I buy the complete TNG set, okay?

"Sir – may I offer my condolences on the death of your friend; it is most... regrettable."
"It's regrettable that he died for nothing."

- Spock and Kirk

Hippocratic Oath

Leaving out the Dominion plot for the moment, does anyone else wonder how it is that Worf got so out of line? I realize there's no love lost between him and Odo at this point, but seriously, he's just annoying in this one.

Now stumbling back into the Dominon plot - what are we doing sending runabouts alone through the wormhole? Seems like the dictionary definition of crappy idea to me. And Garan'Agar proves that despite the lack of addiction to White, the Jem'Hadar will never be the great thinkers of the galaxy, which makes me wonder just what exactly Julian thinks he's doing.

So, what you're saying is you whish Keiko... was a man.

-Julian Bashir

For those of you who know who I am

Despite the bomb threat across from my work - I AM OKAY.

Equilibrium

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

This has one of my favorite scenes in it, where the whole crew gets together for dinner in Sisko's quarters. Odo learns to cook, Bashir hates beets, Kira calls Odo cute, everyone gets a lecture about cajun cooking and probably at some point baseball.

I just love it.

But then the rest of the ep happens and one burning question pervades my conciousness:

Where the crap is Verad?

There's all this stuff in here about Dax's eighth host. Verad? Gone. Still, I know he only had Dax for a few hours or so, but...

Ninth. Ninth host.

You just look so...cute.

-Major Kira,
watching Odo cooking

Forever Young

Mel Gibson when he was still cool and a really short Elijah Wood? What's not to love?

Also, JJ Abrams strikes again.

I'm shocked by how many things I enjoyed as a little kid have JJ Abrams involvement. This time he wrote the thing. It makes it all a little easier to know that he's repsonsible for many of my fond cinematic memories - too bad he's not writing XI.

Someone just asked why I don't cover Voyager.

Simple question. Want a simple answer?

I only own season 4.

And that sucks.

Give me some time, I'm working on it. I just graduated, for cripes sake!

Seriously, though, I'd love to cover Voyager and even *sob* Enterprise but I just can't stop paying rent and buy it all right now.

Lazy day

I've watched no Trek today and none yesterday and I miss it. But I only have 11 and a half hours before I go to bed, so I better go watch it I guess...

Being a nerd is a demanding passion, one that can eat away at you. Beware: you may not be able to leave.

And the AICNs Have It

There's a McCoy and I can't look.

Because he's the last one. After this that's it. No more waiting - the thing's totally cast.

Okay, here we go...

Karl Urban.

Karl Urban... We've heard the name. No one's surprised.

Karl Urban.

La De Friggin Da

Still waiting for it all to sink in... waiting... waiting...

Nope, still can't wrap my mind around it.

Well, that's all folks. And by folks I mean Shatner.

William Shatner is out and Chris Pine of crappy movie fame is in. At least he's a reasonable look-alike and he's reasonably hot to boot. We'll wait to see if he has a brain - giving up a shot at any other movie for The Posiedon Adventure doesn't look promising - and if he can act. Questionable, I doubt he got much from Lindsay Lohan.

I remember idolizing Shatner as a child. My parents would joke about him all the time and I just couldn't stand it. They never understood how much it bothered me. As I got older, I was able to understand that Shatner is an egomaniacal freak of nature and that he's self-important and that he's not that smart and probably not easy to get along with. I also began to understand that Captain Kirk, himself, isn't exactly going to be winning a Nobel Prize for Brilliance anytime soon. But still, Kirk is a hero for nothing more than stupid bravery and sheer dumb luck and Shatner is to be honored for bringing Kirk to us.

And so I'd like to request a moment of virtual silence for Shatner's Kirk, who we will probably never get to see again. Forty years was not enough - and keep writing your damn books. Just because they're all the same doesn't mean we'll stop reading. After all, you're William Shatner!

Yayayayayayayayay

I recently found a site that sells quality asian versions of the star trek sets. For CHEAP. That means I'll have it all in about three months for a reasonable price without copyright violation. Which means that then I can start buying other things. Wonderful things. I think X-Files is next, or maybe The Pretender.

Perfection

I was struck today by the fact that I cannot find anything wrong with The Homecoming/Circle/Siege trilogy. Nothing. Nada, zip, zilch. It's a perfect moment in Star Trek. Someone come tell me something I missed, 'cause I'm feeling queasy.

Day of rest. Or something.

I finally got a day off and what did I do? I watched "The Apple", "Silicon Avatar", "The Homecoming", "The Circle", "The Siege", four Buffies, and I'm just about to watch "Cardassians". I'm finally caught up though.

Yay on me.

Oh, and I cleaned my room, went to the gym, and did laundry. And I need to clean the bathroom in the worst way.

Sometimes it bites to be a nerd.

The more I learn...

The More I learn:

the less I fear.
the better I feel.
the happier I am.
the more I know.
the more I have to fear.

I dunno, it just seems to run in cycles with me. Sometimes I'm thrilled about the movie, and sometimes I just want it to go away. I admit it - like Kirk and Spock, I am afraid of change. I have grown inflexible, and I may have outlived my usefulness.

Brothers

I just love the ep where Lore kills Noonien Soong. But what I've never understood is why. I know he's insane, but he had no reason to kill his own father. And he was genuinely upset that Soong was dying.

So why kill him?

I don't understand the mentality of the insane. Or the sane, for that matter.

"I am not less perfect than Lore. I am not less perfect than Lore."

-Data

As if that's not enough

We also have Sulu cast - John Cho. So we're doing pretty well here, really, and also, FYI - this is totally gonna work people!

We have Scotty.

I think I'm right in saying that Simon Pegg is a good damn choice. And after all this - I'm willing to finally let it go and trust J.J. again. He's gotten too much right for me to worry about him anymore - until November, when shooting starts, with it's whole new bag of worries.

Boy did he call it.

"I told him we shouldn't have colonized so close to the Cardassian border."

-Mr. Mott
"Ensign Ro"
Star Trek: The Next Generation

Fear

Watching Mirror, Mirror and The Enemy within so close together is that they really show you the dark side of humanity.

The very dark side.

There's the side of Kirk you don't want to see. And Spock, and Sulu, and Chekov. We don't really see Uhura or Scotty or McCoy being evil.

Scary, isn't it?

But what's scarier is the people on Heroes. Sometimes they're good and sometimes they're shooting Simone and breaking into people's houses. And sometimes George Takei is handing over other peoples children to that guy who plays Claire's dad and OMFG, what is going on here? Because now everyone's all interconnected.

I hate weekends

The problem with having a weekend away is that now I have to watch "Man of the People", "The Enemy Within", "Mirror, Mirror", "Barge of the Dead", "Ensign Ro", "Brothers", "The Raven", "The Survivors", and "Partruition". I've gotten behind. Not to mention my other shows.

Confusion

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Search 2

I remember confusion. Unending confusion. Rene Auberjoinois was awesome as always. Confusion, confusion, confusion. Wondering - how? Because nothing seemed quite right.

But I never did like Nechayev.

I remember knowing, too, that something was rotten in the state of Camazotz - or Founderworld. Whatever, I'm not picky. The point is, they were creepy. They were NOT RIGHT and I could tell. And I was right.

It was a profound experience, knowing and being correct and predicting. I was twelve years old, and I hadn't ever made a correct prediction. But this - this I knew.

The only time the TNG crew is allowed to have issues

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Family

Worf's parents visit, Wesley has an up-close encounter with his dad's holographic image (Wil Wheaton has apologized for this one, by the way).

The big thing is Picard recovering from his Borg experience. And let me tell you, boy am I glad that they didn't decide that Picard destroying half the fleet was cause for everyone just going back out to space with no emotional consequences.

Aupres de ma blonde
Qu'il fait bon, fait bon, fait bon
Aupres de ma blonde
Qu'il fait bon, fait bon

Au...dum da-da blonde
Qu'il bo-bo fait bon..

-Jean-Luc and Robert Picard
Singing drunkenly

Why Humans need Telepathy

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Darmok

Some aliens that make no sense kidnap Picard. Will can't get to Picard, but Deanna thinks it's not exactly a fight to the death.

Deanna and Data learn to communicate with the aliens - sort of. Meanwhile, Picard really does, but the alien captain has to die to get it done.

His arms wide...why? Because he's holding them apart?

-Captain Jean-Luc Picard

They reuse this word way too much

Star Trek: The Changeling

Changelings are always misguided, is the only thing I have to say.

That, and the alien probe that Nomad joined with must have been really, really, advanced.

Somehow, a teeny tiny probe managed to destroy four billion people in a teeny tiny amount of time. Of course, Kirk gets stuck dealing with the probe. Luckily, the probe thinks Kirk is it's father (kind of the reverse of Star Wars). The probe is on a mission to sterilize all life that is imperfect. Kirk proves to the probe that it, itself, is imperfect - but not until after Scotty's had to be resuscitated and Uhura has to relearn everything she ever knew.

That's problematical, sir.

-Scottty

See, it is a word!

Nudity

Star Trek: The Naked Now

Everyone gets drunk. Every time I watch this episode, I think of The Naked Time, the episode based on this one they made for TNG. Let's just say it was less than stellar.

That's a pun, FYI.

That said, this is actually a good episode, highly amusing in many ways, and yet with very serious components as well. Also, I think Kevin Riley is pretty hilarious.

I'll protect you, fair maiden!

Sorry, neither.

-Sulu and Uhura

Huh

And, on the flip side, Mike Vogel of The Posiedon Adventure fame, may be the new Captain Kirk. More news to come.

Personally, the man makes the worst decisions about which movie to do ever. I think that maybe he could be the barometer here. If he decides to not, we'll know it's good.

TNG's Twentieth Anniversary

I'm going to keep adding to this as stuff happens today, but here's a good start.



Twenty years ago, I was barely four. I didn't understand the concept of a spinoff, or that there were two seperate Star Trek shows. I remember watching "The Way to Eden" before TNG one night and thinking Picard was dead because Dr. Sevrin had about the same amount of hair, so that must be the same guy.

I couldn't know, then, that TNG would be with me for the rest of my life. I was, after all, just a nerd in training, not the real thing yet.

Quinto finds out what's coming to him

Zachary Quinto has never done a convention. The closest he got was the comic-con announcement. But now he's signed for 2008's grand slam.

I really really hope this doesn't turn him off to Star Trek. People are scary.

So, who else wants to do Burbank in place of Vegas now?

Oh, can't you just see those poodle people naming a poodle Spock just for him?

BTW, here is that link.

Oh no Odo

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: A Man Alone

Odo gets framed for murder in a very clever way, igniting the first of a lot of anti-changeling sentiment.

He's innocent. Move on.

I suggest that you allow yourself to feel comfortable with your discomfort.

-Jadzia Dax

Who mourns for Charles Dickens?

Doctor Who: The Unquiet Dead

Some guy's grandmother dies in the 1800s, and then she comes back to life and rises out of her coffin and tries to kill him. Wonderful. Apparently it's not the first time, judging by the funeral director's reaction.

The woman walks out into the snow with glowy lights around her head. Points from at least stealing from something quality like Buffy and not something lame like Enterprise.

The TARDIS isn't working that well, so they end up in 1860.

The funeral director guy gets chewed out by his servant for not doing what he should have in the first place and getting help for the, you know, walking dead people.

Rose and the Doctor get dressed and go out to see Christmas in 1860.

Just to make things more disturbing, Gwyneth, the servant girl, is psychic. She is able to find the old lady going to see "the great man" from London. Turns out Charles Dickens is in town.

Charles Dickens is depressed about his lack of attachment.

The Doctor calls Rose beautiful, which is sweet. They go out and poke around Christmas 1860, which I assume is good times.

The undertaker and Gwyneth track the dead lady to a convention hall or whatever.

The Doctor got the year wrong. It's 1859.

Charles Dickens, reciting A Christmas Carol, is disturbed to see the dead lady glowing again. She rises from her seat, screaming, and of course the Doctor and Rose run to the rescue. Gwyneth and the undertaker run in too, and these glowy phantom things fly all over the room. The Doctor runs in to help, and Rose goes after the undertaker. Sadly, the undertaker chloroforms Rose and the Doctor comes out just in time to see her taken away. He gets Charles Dickens to give them a ride on his carriage.

The undertaker and Gwyneth take Rose and lock her up. Rose wakes up with the corpse.

Charles Dickens and the Doctor arrive and see the phantoms flying around. The grandson of the dead woman wakes up, and the two corpses start trying to kill Rose, because of course she's locked up with them. The Doctor manages to keep Rose from being killed by zombies. It turns out they're not so much zombies as they are disembodied aliens.

The undertaker explains that the house is haunted, which the Doctor calls a rift. Charles Dickens starts wandering around, which I personally wouldn't do, but I guess he's closed minded, much like Samuel Clemmens in Time's Arrow. The Doctor catches him looking for wires with which to animate the corpse. Eventually he comes around and we can all get back to our fun lives.

Rose bonds with Gwyneth, who has a crush on the butcher's apprentice guy. Then Gwyneth refers to Rose's dead dad. Oh, yeah - because she's psychic. She can read Rose's mind. The Doctor hears that part of the conversation, and realizes that she's the key to the rift. So they're gonna have a seance.

Charles Dickens refuses to participate until they talk him into it. The gas creatures swarm in and Gwyneth manages to talk to them. They are called the Gelth, and they need to get home. Or they need to come through so they can posess all the dead bodies.

Charles Dickens believes now, at least.

They end up in the morgue, where the Gelth turn out to be evil. They kill the undertaker and take his body. They decide to kill the rest of them. In fact, they're gonna kill all the humans.

Yeah, great plan, Doctor.

Charles Dickens figures out that the Gelth are allergic to gas lights, so he runs back and turns up the gas in the house. Gwyneth can hold them there forever - but only by sacrificing herself. She lights a match and the whole place goes up.

Turns out Gwyneth was already dead.

Charles Dickens goes back to London, very excited. But he'll die before he has time to write about it.

Perhaps I've thought of everything I'll ever think

-Charles Dickens

Spy Games

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Past Prologue

Garak approaches Julian to be his spy contact person and we have to deal with what Bajor was like before the Federation stepped in. Good times.

It's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak.

-Elim Garak, Obsidian Order Papa-spy

Who are you?

Dr Who: The End of the World

The Doctor gives Rose a choice - backwards or forwards in time. 100 years later - no, 10,000 years, no, wait - 5 billion years. This is the day the sun expands and the world ends.

Well, at least humans haven't all killed themselves in that time.

Aliens are coming to watch the spectacle. They almost get thrown out, but the Doctor has a psychic paper and the blue host decides it's an invitation. The Doctor flirts with a tree. And then they bring out the last human - who is like, the thinnest human possible. Skin stretched in a frame. She is eyeballs and a mouth. Creepy. You can see through her.

These black robe types give everyone a sphere. The tree chick tries to find out the Doctor's species and then says "it's impossible". I'm guessing that's not good.

Rose, meanwhile, watches the end of the world. Is it any wonder she's a little upset. She realizes she has no idea who the Doctor is while talking to a blue skinned alien. The blue skinned alien crawls into a jeffries tube and has an encounter with a spider thing. Or two. Billion. Scream.

The black robed aliens' silver balls may be responsible. They hatch little spider things. Hmmm...

Rose is sitting around playing with hers. She speaks to the plant the tree lady gave her when her little silver ball hatches. Yikes.

The Doctor gets his phone booth valet parked. Then he finds Rose sitting alone. She's trying to deal with the aliens. And then the Doctor won't even tell her who he is. They have a small fight about it. She gets over it. The Doctor rigs her phone so she can phone home.

The station shakes. The blue host guy finds the spider guys but one kills him before he can do anything about it.

They return to the party, and the Doctor and his tree girlfriend go check out why the station shook.

Rose goes to talk to the last human - Cassandra, who used to be a little boy. Cassandra is the last "pure" human - the others interbred with aliens. Rose gets mad and stomps out and the black robed aliens watch.

The tree tells the Doctor she knows where he's from. She says it's remarkable he exists and how sorry she is. He sheds a single tear.

They emerge in the room from Star Trek: Nemesis where Riker and the Viceroy had that big fight.

Rose gets mugged and dragged away by the black robed aliens.

Doctor and the tree discover that there's sabotage. Good on them, everyone else has known for ten minutes.

Cassandra turns on a "traditional ballad" for the end of the world - Britney Spears.

Rose wakes up in a room where the sun filter is descending. Not good.

The Doctor saves her just in time, and the tree tells eveyone what's up. The figure out that the robey types set them. Oh, no, those are just more robots. Turns out it was Cassandra. Just when you think she's won - well, she kind of wins. In the sense of turning off the forcefields and teleporting away.

Of course, the switch is on the other side of a huge fan. Doctor's about to run through it as a hopeless cause when the tree saves him by slowing down the fans at the cost of her own life - she calls him Time Lord, by the way. Anyway, it's about to be very bad for everyone and then the tree dies, which doesn't help. But the Doctor somehow gets through the fan and raises the shield just in time for Earth to blow up spectacularly.

The Doctor brings Cassandra back... and she dries out and dies. Which is gross.

The guests all leave. Rose stays to watch the debris of the Earth. The Doctor takes her away, back to her own century. And then he tells her his own planet is gone - before it's time. He says there was a war, and they lost. His people are the Time Lords and he is the only survivor.

She takes him out for chips, which I think are fries.

It's inside my brain?

Well, in a good way.

-Rose and The Doctor

The Bad just keeps on coming

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Search pt. 1

Sisko and the crew go to the Gamma Quadrant to contact the Founders, a task that defies solving.

Maybe not their best plan. In fact, they get blowed up in Starfleet's finest warship.

On the flip side, Odo finally finds his people -

End of episdoe.

Welcome home.

-A female changeling

Amnesia

Star Trek: Voyager: Non Sequitr

Harry wakes up on Earth. He's never been on Voyager. And he really really wants to get back. It's possible that Harry is not that bright and doesn't know about Species 8472.

Why does everyone say "relax" when they're about to do something terrible?

-Harry Kim

Who's on first?

I'm watching Dr. Who for the first time ever right now.

startrek.com moving up in the world

Chris Doohan's pictures from his recent trip to Scotland are up at Startrek.com.

I remember a time in which startrek.com wouldn't have even touched the stuff. Things are looking up today.

New Beginnings

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Emissary

The groundwork for my personal favorite Star Trek series. Very very complex plot - but who cares? Possibly the best Star Trek pilot ever, this is.

Also, the first time Gene Roddenberry didn't invent Star Trek.

They've left the Bajorans without a means of being self-sustaining. The relief efforts we've been coordinating are barely adequate. I...I've come to know the Bajorans. I'm a strong proponent of their entry into the Federation.

Is it going to happen?

Not easily.

-Jean-Luc Picard and Benjamin Sisko

The Gods Return

Star Trek: Who Mourns for Adonais?

Turns out Apollo was an alien. Good to know.

"Where's Apollo?"
"He disappeared again! Like the cat in that Russian story..."
"Don't you mean the English story – the Cheshire cat?"
"Cheshire? No, sir; Minsk, perhaps..."
"All right, all right, all right..."

- Kirk and Chekov

I think we've been here a few times since then

Star Trek: Where No Man has Gone Before

Kirk kills his best friend. Despite what we think we know about this episode, a lot of it is conjecture. Like the idea that they just started their mission. they didn't.

Captain's Log, stardate 1313.8: add to official losses Doctor Elizabeth Dehner - be it noted she gave her life in performance of her duty; Lieutenant Commander Gary Mitchell, same notation.

I want his service record to end that way; he didn't ask for what happened to him.
I felt for him, too.
I believe there's some hope for you after all, Mr. Spock.

-James Kirk and Spock

A Death in the Family

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Time's Arrow, part 2

Data's head gets blown off but it's okay. Picard almost gets blown up. Samuel Clemens writes a few more books. And this is one of the episodes that I remember as marking a moment of change in my life, so yay on me.

Young lady, I come from a time when men achieve power and wealth by standing on the backs of the poor! Where prejudice and intolerance are commonplace! And power is an end unto itself! And you're telling me, that isn't how it is anymore?
That's right.
Hmmm... Maybe it's worth giving up cigars for, after all.
-Samuel Clemens and Deanna Troi

Pretending

Who remembers this one?
I love this show.

Killer Tribbles

There are a lot of things I would never like to hear. Among them:

deep-fried twinkie
banning of Star Trek
Jar Jar has a talk show
Musical episode of Angel
What's Star Trek?
Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?
Tribbles from the mirror universe

The last one was just announced by the guy making the new Star Trek MMORPG. You can read the whole artilce if you want, but really... tribbles from the mirror universe, I ask you.

What is Brain?

Star Trek: Spock's Brain
There is a truly ridiculous moment in Buffy: The Vampire Slayer wherein Riley Finn performs surgery on his own central nervous system. He recovers very well. This episode contains the impossible: a more ridiculous moment.

Spock talks Dr. McCoy through the re-connecting of his own brain.

Yep.

"I knew it, I should never have done it!"
"What?"
"I never should have reconnected his mouth."
"Well, we took the risk."'

- McCoy and Kirk

Trusting the Enemy

Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Enemy
When the Romulans send a team into Federation Space that then crashes their spy plane, Picard comes to rescue them. Sadly, Geordi gets trapped on a planet with one of them while Worf refuses to donate ribosomes to save the other's life. In the end, Picard is forced to trust a Romulan commander not to fire as he saves Geordi and Subcenturion Bachra.

I never lie when I've got sand in my shoes.

-Geordi LaForge

Star Trek: Voyager: Elogium
Kes begins eating everything in sight. Turns out she's ready to have kids - biologically, at least, but not emotionally. Luckily, she'll have another chance. Also, Chakotay and Janeway have more sexual innuendo, because we needed that.

"Good work Commander. In the future, if I have any questions about mating behavior, I'll know where to go."

- Captain Janeway

Free Enterprise

Well, I don't think William Shatner should rap. Ever. Again.

And Eric McCormack will always seem gay to me, thanks to eight seasons of Will and Grace.

But Rob and Mark are me.

Just to clarify

This video by the AP was reviewed on trekmovie.com, but they really misrepresented it, I think. They made it sound like Quinto wasn't gonna even watch Classic Trek. "Oh no!" I thought. "This is horrible!" But then I watched the video. He doesn't say that - he says Nimoy is a better resource. Hey, if you have access, yeah, he really is.

Running Amok

Star Trek: Amok Time
Kirk gets wedged into a duel to the death with Spock. Never mind the circumstances of that - no one but the Vulcans are supposed to know. Anyway, Kirk forgets to check exactly what the duel is to, so of course he gets his ass kicked and dies.

No, wait. McCoy gave him something to simulate death and now he's all better!

This episode is the starting point for a fair amount of Trek fanfic, all of the Kirk/Spock variety.

"It has to do with... biology... Vulcan biology."
"You mean, the biology of Vulcans...?
-Spock and Kirk

Books

I just got the last of my books that I left behind when I moved out of my parents' house today, and it's so weird to see how many I actually own. I'm not doing bad at all.

Descending into the chaos that was season 7

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Descent, Part 2
Data and Lore try to take over the world. Oh, wait... that was Pinky and the Brain. I meant the Federation. Luckily, instead of taking any of the redshirts hunting for them prisoner, they take Picard, Geordi, and Deanna prisoner, so of course their captives immediately find a way to reboot Data's ethical program and have him fight Lore's control. Data kills Lore and gets his emotion chip back, which he puts in Geordi's care for the forseeable future.

I...love you...Brother.
Goodbye, Lore.
-Data and Lore, as Data kills his brother

She's dead, Jim

Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Bonding
Some kid's mom dies, giving Wes the opportunity to confront his issues with Picard. Also, the aliens whose fault it is decide they want to replace the kid's mom, and they spend the whole ep dealing with grief in the 24th century. Actually, an interesting discussion, because Gene Roddenberry said you don't grieve. Personally, speaking as someone who has done my share of grieving, I hope humans never stop.

Reused Plot (title reused)

Star Trek: Voyager: Projections

The Doctor goes onto the holodeck and a kenoplasmic radiation surge disrupts his memory core. He experiences an elaborate delusion and is eventually saved by the crew. Only we see the whole thing from his point of view, where his delusion of Reg Barclay of all people convinces himself that he's a human being. Wasn't this a Barclay ep called "Ship in a Bottle"?

On an interesting side note, Reg Barclay was responsible for testing Doc's interpersonal skills. So you assign someone who has no interpersonal skills to test the interpersonal skills on a hologram that shouldn't need any - but really really does need them? Interesting choice.

"Computer, delete Paris."

- The Doctor

Use the Schwartz!

Spaceballs
I've always loved this movie. Last night I was watching it and I realized that whoever programmed a certain code at a certain job of mine must be a Spaceballs fan. It's a security thing. But it's just like an idiot's luggage code...

Denny Martin Flinn

This article is the first hint I had that anything was even wrong.

This one provides more detail.

What some would see as a minor contribution to the franchise is what I think Star Trek is all about. They had people - not established in Hollywood, sometimes - who wrote stuff and we had no idea who they were. Many never returned to write for Star Trek again.

Denny Flinn participated in the first use of email to write a screenplay. In fact, he and Nicholas Meyer may have been the first non-software types to use email at all. This is the kind of forward thinking that makes Star Trek. Because of that act, however small, email became more commonplace. I signed up for my gmail account. I got this blog.

Partly due to Denny Flinn. Not to mention his contributions to Star Trek. Unlike Konor and Rosenthal, this was the co-writer of one of the greatest movies of all time. The fact that he could take these heroes and depict them as flawed without losing any of their hero-ness continues to amaze me. And just for now, let's pretend that none of that is due to Nick Meyer. Denny deserves no less.

Quote

"I've got an Ocampan who wants to be something more, and a Borg who's afraid of becoming something less. Here's to Vulcan stability."

-Janeway to Tuvok
"The Gift"

Damn you, Brannon Braga!

Star Trek: Voyager: The Gift

I don't call Seven by her name in these notes. No Seven of Nine, not even Annika Hansen. Nope, she is known as the Plot Contrivance or the Walking Tit depending on how I'm feeling at that moment. Later episodes, she gets a name.

It's not that I have anything against the actress, but I have a biggie against the character. Brannon and his great ideas, man. Hey, let's have this "borg character" we're planning on be played by this hot actress I'm boffing!

'Cause no one's gonna see through that!

Also, I'm mad at the episode itself, which is when Jeri officially takes Jennifer Lien's job. Poor Jennifer, who never even got to be called "Special Guest Star". For which I have more of a blanket blame. Damn you, UPN, Paramount, Rick Berman, Brannon Braga, Kenneth Biller, Jeri Ryan, and the fans who hated Kes!

Lost people

So we lost Charlie and Claire for a while. We've still lost Claire. There's some lost people on the island who are really really mean and tried to hang Charlie. Talk about senseless. Lucky something on the island heals people and they were able to bring Charlie back, huh? There's also a lost French woman who has written the lyrics to "Beyond the Sea" all over her math notes. Poor crazy French woman. The tide's coming in so I imagine some stuff got lost when the luggage was swept out to sea, and Jack and Kate's relationship is pretty much lost.

Goodbye to Shatner

I respect William Shatner a great deal. He's Captain Kirk! That said, he's a fucking asshole.

But even leaving that aside, Shatner will always be Kirk to me - the First Captain. That will never change. And had it been Jeffrey Hunter or Jack Lord, Star Trek wouldn't have been Star Trek. I mean, come on! Hunter didn't even survive to the first movie!

Shatner's still kicking.

I say this now because Shatner's out. We all knew this, of course. There was no way he could be in the new movie - they killed Kirk more than ten years ago. He's dead and gone and we have mourned him but he is kaput, okay? They wanted Shatner in XI, fine, but it was NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. He's gone. He's just... gone.... okay?

And now they're finally calling it. Ten years later and they're telling us the truth. Kirk's Shatner is gone. He will not be coming back. Even Shatner admitted it yesterday. So that's that.

The Amok Man

Star Trek: The Man Trap
I secretly love this episode. Kirk's moronity is in full swing and McCoy answers to "Plum". Spock and Uhura have a great conversation that establishes Vulcan's lack of a moon but fails to mention what really must be a sister planet or something. And just for the record...

I know why it was fir-rst!

Star Trek: Amok Time... Remastered
Spock almost got married. Kirk died. It was my first experience with Remastered, and nothing was that different. They've redone the theme music and the exteriors were all CGI, but it was nothing special.

The 100 Best

Well, it's good to know that after Enterprise, the lowered ratings from TOS-R, and everything else that's happened, Star Trek can still make the Top 100 TV Shows List.

Hapy Birthday to Yoooou!

On this day in history... Star Trek was born. Not born. Star Trek aired for the first time.

It aired on NBC, I believe, at about 8 at night. If anyone can tell me the exact time, I would appreciate it. It was a network show, something two of the five later incarnations were lucky enough to avoid, and of the several episodes completed, the network, for some gawdaful reason, chose to air "The Man Trap". What exactly "The Man Trap" has to redeem itself, I'm not sure, but they chose to air it and we had to sit through it.

I guess we should be amazed people watched the next week, never mind forty years later.

Actually, I do know what it was. It was De Kelley. I just figured that out. It's a Dr. McCoy show, and De Kelley was already on the famous side because of all those Westerns. They wanted to show a familiar face the audiences would already know and use the shock value of "the bad guy" being on the side of good. Like a less dramatic version of Vader throwing the Emperor into the Death Star's core.

Anyway, many good things came from this one act on this day, such as:

Star Wars
the space shuttle Enterprise
TNG
DS9
Voyager
*sigh* Enterprise
The Animated Adventures
my cat's name
conventions
hundreds of books
fan fiction
parts of Spaceballs

Just for example. Also, personally - I can't imagine what else I would have done with the last 24 years of my life. (I'm 24, FYI.)

Live long and Prosper, Star Trek, and may we see another 41 years.

On Moriarty

Not the Professor, but the guy over at ACIN who's writing what people have been calling "Star Trek Spoilers" for a while now. I've had some time to think about his article and re-read it.

First of all, it sounds like a terrible movie, or at least like it could be a terrible movie. Sometimes I really hate that they're doing the movie at all. I recently told someone that if Gene Roddenberry came back from the dead to do this movie, I'd still have some doubts. I'm scared and I'm not gonna hide it. Moriarty basically describes an accidental time warp (thankfully not to the late 21st Century) and Romulans doing... something... like killing Kirk or blowing up Vulcan.

Moriarty describes a terrifying world in which the "Universe 2" versions of the characters can be played with to JJ's heart's content. So they're gonna make it more complicated, because we need that. Wow. Never mind that whoever came up with this has a shaky definition of temporal mechanics, but how exactly do they plan on reintegrating the timelines because they have to reintegrate, otherwise the future never happened and Kirk never took command of the Enterprise... so how would we ever get back to what's supposed to be...

Moriarty uses the example of the original captain of the Enterprise - who do we know it to be? Who does JJ Abrams say it's gonna be in his universe? But then I realized something.

It. Is. Conjecture.

He presents it as fact, or at least rumor, but it is nothing more than a guess. What that guess is based on I don't know, but it is a guess. Moriarty doesn't know what's gonna happen - all he knows is that the movie is coming, and he knows one way it might turn out. He makes several guesses that are either in conflict or else planned for several different movies - otherwise, you couldn't fit it into two hours.

Which says two things. First, that JJ had better get cracking on his script writing. Second, that all guessing is pointless. While Moriarty may have gotten his digits on some real notes, an early draft of the script, or even an interview, the truth is that we can't know what's coming. So now there are two choices. We can hide our heads in the sand or we can do what Moriarty has begun for us: analyze what we can get our hands on, test our reactions to whatever comes our way, and pray.

A New Quote to chew on

"Different in appearance, yes. But we are both living beings - we are born, we grow, we live, and we die. In all the ways that matter, we are alike!"
-Picard to Nuria
"Who Watches the Watchers"

Picard's intelligence shines again

Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Survivors

One destroyed planet with two people who happen to have survived, a warship that sometimes protects them and sometimes destroys them, and Deanna Troi gets a really annoying song stuck in her head. Somehow Picard pieces all this together. I think his intelligence doesn't really get it's due. Of course, how could it with Boy Genuis Wesley Crusher around?

I got stung by a big damn blackberry bush...

When Will Riker gets pulled into the tar pit in "Skin of Evil", Geordi drops his phaser into the tar pit as well. I noticed this when I was watching "Shades of Gray" today - one of those crap filler episodes you can't do anything with but lie on the couch and pray that it ends quickly.

What a way to end the second season of one of the amazing moments in telelvision history.

Geordi LaForge, you friggin' moron!

Elementary, Dear Data?
Did you ever look back and wish you could not do that dumb thing you just did? Well, I have. And now, you can read all about it!

Geordi has built a model sailing ship, despite not knowing what a "stunsel" is in Generations. Using his Reading Rainbow voice, he decides that he and Data should go do a Sherlock Holmes program because of that episode in Season One where Data tried to give them all lung cancer with his Holmesian pipe. They do so, and Data, somewhat predictably, solves the puzzle in three seconds, ruining the "fun". Geordi, however, does not understand that this is inevitable and gets upset.

They end up moping in Ten Forward without anyone noticing that Data is wearing a bathrobe, and Pulaski overhears. This is when she's still in full bitch mode, prompting Geordi to bet her that Data really could solve a mystery. We know he can. She knows he can't? Who will win? Let me remind you that this is Star Trek, not Veronica Mars. The audience always wins and Pulaski inevitably comes out looking like an idiot when she's a bitch. Anyway, they all trapise back to the holodeck, because no one learned their lesson in 11001001 and they don't know that the holodeck is a very bad place to go yet. Will could have told them, but he's not invited because Pulaski doesn't want to confuse him with his dad.

Anyway, that attempt fails, but Geordi's not done pushing Data into stuff so he decides to have the computer create an opponent capable of defeating Data, which apparently the computer can do, even though it takes so much power that they notice on the Bridge. Sadly, no one knows yet that a power surge in the holodeck means that you grab a security team and run down there and shut the thing off. Too bad, that. Professor Moriarty notices Geordi doing this and learns to summon the arch. Oops. I guess a minor power surge is all you need to program a possibly sentient life-form. Cool. Should make things a little easier for Lal, not to mention Bruce Maddox. Moriarty kidnaps Pulaski, and Data and Geordi give chase. By the time they find her, Moriarty is capable of sketching the Enterprise.

Turns out it's all Geordi's fault, because he got so competitive that he forgot that Data's really smart, and we don't want a computer smarter than Data. It also hilights Geordi's lack of faith in Data's reasoning ability - why else would he question Data so much as they chase Moriarty's thugs around? Anyway, Picard goes in to reason with Moriarty, who, depsite being a criminal mastermind, is fairly reasonable. Huh. He lets them shut him off and they go on their merry way.

Riftiness all around

I've started a new job and it's definitely interfering with my Star Trek. Give me a week and I'll be back on top of it. I still get to read on my breaks, though, and I finished The Rift again today. Peter David is still the funniest man alive. Good to know.